On this is day 9 that my 23 year old daughter has been out of the hospital after heart surgery. She has been hospitalized for over 3 months with infective endocarditis, septic pulmonaries, staph in blood heart and lungs. Needless to say why I am on here. She didn't come home last night. She was using again. I was married to an alcoholic for 25 years. We divorced 2 years ago then my daughter started using heroin. It has been a battled. I have made her move out of my house in the past. She only moved back because a legal issues mandated she live at home. After she moved home and detoxed she became very ill. We had detoxed here before. This was different. I took her daily to doctor for antibiotics. She was being treated double pneumonia. she wasn't healing and she was admitted to hospital with septic staph infections, holes in her lungs, and endocarditis. She had open heart surgery 4 weeks ago and came home last week. It has been a long 4 months.
Now her using again. Do I put her out of the house while she is still healing from heart surgery? Do I continue to let her live with me? I don't want to enable, but I don't want to cause damage either. Hard decision for a mom, but I guess these are all hard decisions.
This post has been edited by SAM2014 on August 13, 2016, 1:14 PM
Does she qualify to stay at a nursing home situation for people recovering from surgery?
It must be extremely heartbreaking. If her health is so compromised and she still is using, there is nothing you can do or say to stop her.
Unless you can convince her to go to a rehab or sober living?? idk. prayers are with you.
It must be extremely heartbreaking. If her health is so compromised and she still is using, there is nothing you can do or say to stop her.
Unless you can convince her to go to a rehab or sober living?? idk. prayers are with you.
She stayed at a step down facility for 2 weeks after surgery then came home. Actually, came off 95 % of her pain meds herself while she was there. Doctors were so proud of her. She had a busy first week home with follow up appts and was working on getting into an intense outpatient program.
I just read an article about relapse does not make recovery a failure. She supposedly is on her way home now. I guess we will talk once again and see what she decides to do. I just can't let her continue to live with me if this continues. I love her and it kills me either way. I have focused on me for the past 2 years, but had to focus on her the past few months with her being sick.
Thanks for the prayers
I just read an article about relapse does not make recovery a failure. She supposedly is on her way home now. I guess we will talk once again and see what she decides to do. I just can't let her continue to live with me if this continues. I love her and it kills me either way. I have focused on me for the past 2 years, but had to focus on her the past few months with her being sick.
Thanks for the prayers
My daughter told me while she was in the hospital that what "we" non addicts don't get is that addicts know when we are trying to say the right thing or convince them to seek help is that they just don't care. Period. That we need to stop caring so they might realize it and want to gain back what they have lost. Her point made clear: Addicts just don't care! Hard to accept, but may be the truth. Sad but maybe true.....
Sam,
I am so sorry. I can't imagine my son coming out and immediately using again. Although now that I think about it... He did OD and came out and started again.
But... I do think it's true... They don't care. WE DO! I do think deep down they want to be sober but it's so difficult. They have to want it more than they want the high.
My son went back in rehab for the 10th time yesterday. I'm not getting my hopes up but I am praying it's time. And, I'm like a sponge now trying to get help so I don't enable him if he ups and walks out.
I hope all is ok with your daughter. Take care of yourself!
Paula
I am so sorry. I can't imagine my son coming out and immediately using again. Although now that I think about it... He did OD and came out and started again.
But... I do think it's true... They don't care. WE DO! I do think deep down they want to be sober but it's so difficult. They have to want it more than they want the high.
My son went back in rehab for the 10th time yesterday. I'm not getting my hopes up but I am praying it's time. And, I'm like a sponge now trying to get help so I don't enable him if he ups and walks out.
I hope all is ok with your daughter. Take care of yourself!
Paula
We care - it's like being in a bubble and can't break free.
I believe the bubble is self-will and ego ran rampant.
One of the best prayers is "relieve me of the bondage of self".
But we turn that powerlessness around and blame others just like your daughter blamed you for caring.
Chuck C in his book "A new pair of glasses" had the simplest basic pencil sketch of our true problem.
It showed a large circle with the whole universe in it in all it's glory - even God was in the circle.
Then there was a dark line down the paper and Chuck was standing on the other side.
I will try to post the picture. A lot of folks here will identify with it.
How many addict/alcoholics can identify with that !!
It makes you want to cry doesn't it ? ......
Print this picture out and show it to your daughter - tell her I'd like to have a talk with her about which way is up.
All the best.
Bob
I believe the bubble is self-will and ego ran rampant.
One of the best prayers is "relieve me of the bondage of self".
But we turn that powerlessness around and blame others just like your daughter blamed you for caring.
Chuck C in his book "A new pair of glasses" had the simplest basic pencil sketch of our true problem.
It showed a large circle with the whole universe in it in all it's glory - even God was in the circle.
Then there was a dark line down the paper and Chuck was standing on the other side.
I will try to post the picture. A lot of folks here will identify with it.
How many addict/alcoholics can identify with that !!
It makes you want to cry doesn't it ? ......
Print this picture out and show it to your daughter - tell her I'd like to have a talk with her about which way is up.
All the best.
Bob
Plopez,
She made it home and is sober today. I've laid out my boundaries and explained that it's her choice to live the life she wants, but I won't live unhappily in my home. She chose to stay with and follow my rules and respect my boundaries. She says she understands the consequences. Time will tell. I mandated for her to live here she has to start outpatient first thing Monday. She is willing. I was going to wait until she was released from all doctors, but obviously we don't have time for that and if she is well enough to be out using them she is well enough to start a program.
Praying for your son.
She made it home and is sober today. I've laid out my boundaries and explained that it's her choice to live the life she wants, but I won't live unhappily in my home. She chose to stay with and follow my rules and respect my boundaries. She says she understands the consequences. Time will tell. I mandated for her to live here she has to start outpatient first thing Monday. She is willing. I was going to wait until she was released from all doctors, but obviously we don't have time for that and if she is well enough to be out using them she is well enough to start a program.
Praying for your son.
Papa Bear,
I'll send her the pic and see if she responds. She has talked to me in the past about something similar. She said addicts are different and want to be like everyone else, but can't. They try desperately.
Thank you so much for replying. Hope she offers to talk with you.
I'll send her the pic and see if she responds. She has talked to me in the past about something similar. She said addicts are different and want to be like everyone else, but can't. They try desperately.
Thank you so much for replying. Hope she offers to talk with you.
How old is your daughter Sam?
Sam
I pray your daughter follows through. How long has this been going on ? It's been 8 years for me and it's been rough. All I want to do is bring him home and fix it but I can't. I now know this. I also have a fianc and its not fair to pull my sons addiction into our home. Our relationship has had issues because of my sons addiction. I have literally thought about ending it so I could save my son but.... I can't.
This is his journey.
Please keep in touch.
Paula
I pray your daughter follows through. How long has this been going on ? It's been 8 years for me and it's been rough. All I want to do is bring him home and fix it but I can't. I now know this. I also have a fianc and its not fair to pull my sons addiction into our home. Our relationship has had issues because of my sons addiction. I have literally thought about ending it so I could save my son but.... I can't.
This is his journey.
Please keep in touch.
Paula
Papa Bear,
She will turn 24 this month.
She will turn 24 this month.
Plopez,
My daughter has been on a mixture of drugs since her teens. She played fast pitch softball all thru high school until her senior year when she broke her arm in a wreck while on drugs. She graduated at 17, but things went down hill. She went to rehab at 18 and came out with great attitude. Worked the program, went to church, lived in sobriety. Had a job, went to college for a while. Her boyfriend broke up with her about 1 1/2 yrs later and she relapsed. Mostly pot, but a mixture. Then after her alcoholic dad and I divorced she got into heroin in January of 2015. She has been to 2 rehabs and a detox center for heroin. She didn't complete either of them. She moved to another state with a guy and he od and died. She tried to get clean. She has had apprx 8 friends die from heroin. Some in her car that she revived, but continued to use and later died. She says they were just dumb and didn't know how much to use. She Tried methadone and suboxine, but neither worked. She has in the past been missing for days and we have put missing persons bulletins out. She was busted with cocaine at the hospital er when she checked herself in to be admitted to a rehab. They sent her to jail and now facing that charge.
One of my issues now is that I feel very numb to my emotions. I just have dealt with her dad for so long then it ended because he wouldn't stay sober and then after the divorce I have been dealing with her and her addiction. It is just draining.
I will pray for your son. Stay strong and keep yourself healthy.
I will pray for your son.
My daughter has been on a mixture of drugs since her teens. She played fast pitch softball all thru high school until her senior year when she broke her arm in a wreck while on drugs. She graduated at 17, but things went down hill. She went to rehab at 18 and came out with great attitude. Worked the program, went to church, lived in sobriety. Had a job, went to college for a while. Her boyfriend broke up with her about 1 1/2 yrs later and she relapsed. Mostly pot, but a mixture. Then after her alcoholic dad and I divorced she got into heroin in January of 2015. She has been to 2 rehabs and a detox center for heroin. She didn't complete either of them. She moved to another state with a guy and he od and died. She tried to get clean. She has had apprx 8 friends die from heroin. Some in her car that she revived, but continued to use and later died. She says they were just dumb and didn't know how much to use. She Tried methadone and suboxine, but neither worked. She has in the past been missing for days and we have put missing persons bulletins out. She was busted with cocaine at the hospital er when she checked herself in to be admitted to a rehab. They sent her to jail and now facing that charge.
One of my issues now is that I feel very numb to my emotions. I just have dealt with her dad for so long then it ended because he wouldn't stay sober and then after the divorce I have been dealing with her and her addiction. It is just draining.
I will pray for your son. Stay strong and keep yourself healthy.
I will pray for your son.
Sam
I just wanted to check and see how you are doing? And your daughter?
Praying
Paula
I just wanted to check and see how you are doing? And your daughter?
Praying
Paula
