Hi Carol:
About 3:00 a.m. Sunday morning I read your post that you live in the Atlanta area! You said west - are you Marietta, Dunwoody, out that way? You said your husband works out by the airport, that must be a long drive for him. I'm in Gwinnett County, Lawrenceville actually. Its nice to find someone in the area! I've got to run to work but I wanted to post this before I left. I have tons of questions for you when you have a chance. It's difficult for me to get on the computer and my email is accessable by one of the real estate brokers I work for, so thats no good. Post a reply, I'd love to talk with ya!
Gotta run,
Hey Lola, glad you saw my post and replied. It's always nice to find a neighbor here!
I love much farther west than Dunwoody, but my daughter lives there. I am out past Six Flags, almost to the Alabama line. LOL It is only about 45-50 miles from downtown and Dunwoody.
My husband and I both grew up "in town" but about 16 years ago we fled to his family's farm, which is out in the country in a very rural area. We love it here, and wouldn't move back to town for anything. The land we now own has been in his family since the early 1800's and we have the original land grants from the US govt. It is no longer a farm, just lots of hard woods, streams, and even a wetland where we have heron, duck, geese, and plenty of other wildlife.
We have the best of both worlds, as when we are home, we are very isolated and have the peace and quiet of the woods, yet a nice dinner downtown or a trip to any of the malls is only about 45 minutes away. I am also only about 20 minutes from Douglasville and Newnan. His drive to the office is also about 45 minutes each way, but in his mind well worth it to be able to come back here and enjoy this good life.
I am somewhat familiar with Lawenceville, but having grown up on the southside, Forest Park, haven't spent much time up that way.
I would love to chat with you more, and if we have to do it here on the board due to your email situation, that is OK with me.
I have met several people from the board face to face, and am open to doing that someday down the line if you would like.
I have read some of your posts and sympathize with your chronic pain VS pill dependence problem. I was blessed to not need the PP I became addicted to, and only used them to get high. I have never had chronic pain issues, and my heart goes out to those of you who do and are looking for a way to control it without depending on the demon pills.
Looking forward to getting to know you better, neighbor!
Take care, and try to make the best of having to work on this gorgeous Sunday.
Happy Mother's Day!
Love, Carol
Hi Carol!
This is way cool having a neighbor on this board! I worked out in Newnan for a short while, exit Lawrenceville Hwy (or 29) somthing like that - off of I85. I really can't remember all the details, but it took me about 1 hour to get there. I'm really not supposed to be working at all due to my leg - but the work I do is kind of unusual. You know new subdivisions that have an on site real estate agent? I work at the property helping the agents - ususally I go in on their day off - answer the phones, open the homes, give out the information re: the homes. I'm paid by the Realty Co. in most cases. Sometimes the agent is so busy that I work with them rather than when they're off. Also, the agent ususally pays a bonus for homes sold when I'm involved. I'm not licensed, so I can't actually sell, but I can get involved in helping the people, doing paperwork and whatnot. I'm working for 4 different companies right now so It's proving to be more lucrative than I thought, which is great. I have medical bills from hell for this whole leg situation.
Enough about me! Your home sounds beautiful. There is nothing like having your own land, y'know what I mean. It'd be great to meet you f2f. Can I ask some questions? What's your story with regards to pain pills? How'd you quit? How long have you been coming to this board? Do you have any tips or advice for me? I look forward to talking to you again!
This is way cool having a neighbor on this board! I worked out in Newnan for a short while, exit Lawrenceville Hwy (or 29) somthing like that - off of I85. I really can't remember all the details, but it took me about 1 hour to get there. I'm really not supposed to be working at all due to my leg - but the work I do is kind of unusual. You know new subdivisions that have an on site real estate agent? I work at the property helping the agents - ususally I go in on their day off - answer the phones, open the homes, give out the information re: the homes. I'm paid by the Realty Co. in most cases. Sometimes the agent is so busy that I work with them rather than when they're off. Also, the agent ususally pays a bonus for homes sold when I'm involved. I'm not licensed, so I can't actually sell, but I can get involved in helping the people, doing paperwork and whatnot. I'm working for 4 different companies right now so It's proving to be more lucrative than I thought, which is great. I have medical bills from hell for this whole leg situation.
Enough about me! Your home sounds beautiful. There is nothing like having your own land, y'know what I mean. It'd be great to meet you f2f. Can I ask some questions? What's your story with regards to pain pills? How'd you quit? How long have you been coming to this board? Do you have any tips or advice for me? I look forward to talking to you again!
Morning! I am on the run this morning. I have an appt. with a new gyn. since mine of 15 years up and moved in April.
I will write to you this afternoon, and answer your questions and chat more.
My email is laurenk834@aol.com.
Hey Carol:
The agent takes her laptop with her at the property I work at today or I'd email you. Tonight I going to dinner (TGI Fridays, love that place!) with a friend, but I'll check on here or email you either tonight or in the morn.
PS It really does suck having pain issues and such a strong addiction. It's like being a severe alcoholic but having to have several drinks a day THEN STOP. The expression one is too many and a million is never enough is so appropriate for me. I do all sorts of tricks, none of which really work, to try to make them last. I'll give some to my mom or a friend to hold. I'll only take a couple with me and leave the rest at home when I go to work. I'll only get partial scripts from the pharmacy. None of this really works for any length of time. I took so many on saturday I threw up at work and had to leave early. How fun is that?
The agent takes her laptop with her at the property I work at today or I'd email you. Tonight I going to dinner (TGI Fridays, love that place!) with a friend, but I'll check on here or email you either tonight or in the morn.
PS It really does suck having pain issues and such a strong addiction. It's like being a severe alcoholic but having to have several drinks a day THEN STOP. The expression one is too many and a million is never enough is so appropriate for me. I do all sorts of tricks, none of which really work, to try to make them last. I'll give some to my mom or a friend to hold. I'll only take a couple with me and leave the rest at home when I go to work. I'll only get partial scripts from the pharmacy. None of this really works for any length of time. I took so many on saturday I threw up at work and had to leave early. How fun is that?
Lola, I know it's horrible to be battling pain and wanting to stop using the pills which might make it bearable. I have not read all of your posts, but will go back and find them. I am interesting in learning what all you have already tried for pain and if there is any hope of living comfortably without the PP. PT, non-narcotic PP, etc. I am sure you have explored your options, as many have, and are left with the same answer............
Again today I am on the run. Volunteer luncheon at school, another dr. appt., some jewelry business to attend to, son's haircut, baseball game, etc. It never ends, and I suppose that is a good thing.
Do you have kids? My youngest child is 11 and in the 5th grade. With this being his last year in elementary school, they are making a big production out of these last 2 weeks at school. We have activities going on almost daily leading up to the big "graduation" on the 24th. Not sure how moms with more than one do it, because I stuggle to make it all happen with just this one to do for. LOL
I will say, I get around to a lot more, and enjoy it all more, now that I am not eating hand fulls of pills everyday. Up until 11-2004, and during a 3 month relapse after that, I was so caught up in the rat race of getting them, and staying high on them, it left little quality time for me to be a good mom. Now that I have, thank God, gotten off of that merry-go-round, life is much more manageable and I can keep a few things straighter than I did before.
I look forward to the time we can talk more and learn more about each other's story, and hopefully help each other in this battle we both fight.
Have a good day today, Lola, it's such a nice day here, be hard not to.
Love, Carol
Hey you two! I'm only an hour south of Atlanta...
heehee...
Carol we've been talking about getting together for a long time.
Have you gotten any smoke your way as of yet?
love
stac
heehee...
Carol we've been talking about getting together for a long time.
Have you gotten any smoke your way as of yet?
love
stac
Hey Stac! Yes, we have been talking about doing it for a long time, and we ought to quit talking about it and just do it! I am game whenever you are!
We haven't had any of the smoke this far west. My husband and son were on a 3 day field trip to Cumberland Island last week. They had to cancel the Okeefenokee leg of the trip due to the fire. While they were in Waycross, and coming all the way back up I75, they never saw any smoke or any other signs of the fire. Strange, huh?
It is so sad. 300,000 acres gone, and it is still burning.
Congratulations on going back to school!! You know I have always told you that you have unlimited potential! You can be and do whatever you want, and now is the time to get your degree and start making your dreams come true!!!
Good luck with all of that, and before this summer is over, we will have met and at least had lunch, promise!
Love, Carol
Hi Carol!
I didn't get to post yesterday like I said I would (sorry) I even had to cancel my dinner plans because my leg was acting up and I was just exhausted, I'm not used to working this much since my accident. If you go back and read some of my posts you'll get some of the story. There's one entitled "They want to amputate my leg" or something like that. I believe I rambled on & on about what happened. I get sick of myself sometimes! I mean, it's an interesting story, kind of like a murphy's law sort of thing. What could go wrong did. I've pretty much tried it all with pain meds. It is so, so hard to control the amount I take. It'd be easier if I didn't have to take anything at all, like a clean break (pun, unfortunately intended). I'm seriously considering suboxone or methedone even. Do you know anything about sub? Did you take it? I want to be off the merry go round so bad! Hate it, hate it, hate it!
So, do you have more than the one child? I hope you had a nice mother's day! Mother's day is very difficult for me. I had twin daughters in October, 1995. I developed a serious condition called pre-eclampsia and was very sick most of the pregnancy. They had me on bed rest in the hospital for most of it. Pre-eclampsia (also called toxemia) is the leading cause of maternal death in our country. I didn't realize people still died from childbirth! It shoots up your blood pressure, your kidneys start to fail, and it affects your liver. You can stroke out or bleed out from this disease. I had specialists called paranatoligist - which means high risk pregnancy doctors. They push the mother's health as far as they can, but it doesn't usually go to term. My babies were born 10 weeks early, Shelby weighed 2 lbs 12 oz's & Courtney weighed 2 lbs 3 oz's. Shelby came home after 8 weeks and weighed 4 lbs She was hooked up to a heart monitor because she had sleep apnea. She was so little, her diapers and bottles were so small. Courtney developed a condition called necrotizing endrocolitis - the intestinal tract dies - she lived 5 months and 6 days. Her whole life was in Texas Childrens Hospital. My ex pretty much left it to me to handle, while he worked instead of dealing with it. We had just moved to Houston, so I had no family there, no real close friends. He traveled with his work so much I had to hire a nanny to stay with Shelby while I went back and forth every day. He hardly went at all. To try to cut to the chase - we seperated and went thru a brutal divorce and custody battle. He had all the money. It went on & on. The day after Shelby's 4th birthday he split. They can't find him & I haven't seen her since. It's only been a couple or 3 years I've been back in Georgia. Although I hated Texas, I didn't want to leave the last place I saw her. Although I had been clean for about 8 years I started popping the pills again during my divorce. I had no other coping skills, I guess. Well, I'll bet you're sorry you asked! I didn't realize I was going to tell you all this until I was suddenly telling you. I seldom talk about it anymore, but sometimes it bursts out. It probably does me good to get it out sometimes. I'll try to post more either tonight (Wednesday) or Thursday morning.
Take care,
I didn't get to post yesterday like I said I would (sorry) I even had to cancel my dinner plans because my leg was acting up and I was just exhausted, I'm not used to working this much since my accident. If you go back and read some of my posts you'll get some of the story. There's one entitled "They want to amputate my leg" or something like that. I believe I rambled on & on about what happened. I get sick of myself sometimes! I mean, it's an interesting story, kind of like a murphy's law sort of thing. What could go wrong did. I've pretty much tried it all with pain meds. It is so, so hard to control the amount I take. It'd be easier if I didn't have to take anything at all, like a clean break (pun, unfortunately intended). I'm seriously considering suboxone or methedone even. Do you know anything about sub? Did you take it? I want to be off the merry go round so bad! Hate it, hate it, hate it!
So, do you have more than the one child? I hope you had a nice mother's day! Mother's day is very difficult for me. I had twin daughters in October, 1995. I developed a serious condition called pre-eclampsia and was very sick most of the pregnancy. They had me on bed rest in the hospital for most of it. Pre-eclampsia (also called toxemia) is the leading cause of maternal death in our country. I didn't realize people still died from childbirth! It shoots up your blood pressure, your kidneys start to fail, and it affects your liver. You can stroke out or bleed out from this disease. I had specialists called paranatoligist - which means high risk pregnancy doctors. They push the mother's health as far as they can, but it doesn't usually go to term. My babies were born 10 weeks early, Shelby weighed 2 lbs 12 oz's & Courtney weighed 2 lbs 3 oz's. Shelby came home after 8 weeks and weighed 4 lbs She was hooked up to a heart monitor because she had sleep apnea. She was so little, her diapers and bottles were so small. Courtney developed a condition called necrotizing endrocolitis - the intestinal tract dies - she lived 5 months and 6 days. Her whole life was in Texas Childrens Hospital. My ex pretty much left it to me to handle, while he worked instead of dealing with it. We had just moved to Houston, so I had no family there, no real close friends. He traveled with his work so much I had to hire a nanny to stay with Shelby while I went back and forth every day. He hardly went at all. To try to cut to the chase - we seperated and went thru a brutal divorce and custody battle. He had all the money. It went on & on. The day after Shelby's 4th birthday he split. They can't find him & I haven't seen her since. It's only been a couple or 3 years I've been back in Georgia. Although I hated Texas, I didn't want to leave the last place I saw her. Although I had been clean for about 8 years I started popping the pills again during my divorce. I had no other coping skills, I guess. Well, I'll bet you're sorry you asked! I didn't realize I was going to tell you all this until I was suddenly telling you. I seldom talk about it anymore, but sometimes it bursts out. It probably does me good to get it out sometimes. I'll try to post more either tonight (Wednesday) or Thursday morning.
Take care,
Lola, Dear Lola.........Hey! I hope you had a good day today! It RAINED! Thank God!! Not nearly enough, but still it was nice. I wish is would thunder and pour all night.....I love to sleep with weather like that!
I went back and read your first couple of months of posts. Those, combined with your last post here, and I had to come and reply to you. I will go back and finish up all of your posts later.........
I am so sorry about your daughters. I am not at all sorry you shared that story, but it is heart breaking. No mother should have to endure what you have, and I am just very, very sorry for you. Are you still looking for your ex and your daughter? Do not ever feel bad about talking about it, you need to I am sure.
You have been through an awful lot in your life, Sweetie. More than one person deserves. You always sound so cheerful and upbeat, though, and I really admire your spunk.
Have you been to counseling? I see that you are uninsured, but there are ways to get around that. Gwinnet County no doubt has some services available at minimal costs for people without insurance.
I just think that you might want to start working on the reason you self medicate, and I am no pro but would assume your history has a lot to do with wanting to be numb. No shame in that, Lola, but you need to get past the hurt and the causes of your addiction in order to get clean.
I saw you asked repeatedly about Sub. and meetings......
I am on Sub., have been since 9-05, and I think you are a great candidate for it. It will not only get you off of the PP, but will help with the pain. Again, the cost may be an issue, but you can get around that.
I am not one who suggests Sub. to every addict. The first time I went through withdrawal, I did it CT, and many here have successfully. I would much prefer you do it that way, but with your history, I would think your chances are better with Sub. It has literally saved my life. I was a chronic relapser for about 9 years before I found it.
I have also been going to meetings for about 2 years. I went very regularly at first, but now only go about once a week. I have a nice women's group which I enjoy and it helps to keep my head right.
If you are serious about wanting to get off of the merry go round, I would urge you to find a meeting in your area and start attending regularly. You will be amazed at the support and insight which will come from the members there.
We aren't getting any younger, Lola, and it is time. I believe you really want to get clean, and I hope you want it enough to do the work it will take. Despite your chronic pain, it is doable. You have said your are not even sure how severe the pain is due to having masked it for so long. You might find that it is bearable if you could stop the pills for a little while.
I know I have thrown a lot at you, but there is a lot to be considered with you. Your past, your current situation, your medical problems, etc., are all a part of the big picture, IMHO, with your addiction. Again, I am no pro., but I have been around enough addicts in my time to see the pattern which I see with you.
I would love to help you, and am here for you if you would like. If we could find a way to email, I would love to give you my phone number so we could talk more. I would love to hear your voice, and go into greater detail with you about the Sub. and the meetings. Maybe you could drop by your local library and email me one day. Or,,,,,,,,your boss would not suspect anything if you used her's just to send me your cell phone number, would she?
Sorry, this has gotten lengthy. LOL And I am not going to proofread it, so if I made some errors, please excuse. Just hope it makes sense and I hope you also understand my concerns and don't take any of my suggestions the wrong way.
Take care, Lola. I believe God brought you to this board, and He put me in your path for a reason. I am glad He did.
Love, Carol
Hi Carol,
Thanks for responding so quickly to my post. Your empathy is really appreciated. I know for a fact I turned to pain pills to numb the emotional pain. I had been hooked berfore but had gotten clean. I remember thinking to myself that the whole thing just hurt too much and I thought what cures pain? It doesn't cure it of course - but it does make it go away for a while. Of course it kills joy too. I'm gonna run, I'm so tired.
I'll write more tomorrow
PS My name is Deborah, but please still use lola .
Thanks for responding so quickly to my post. Your empathy is really appreciated. I know for a fact I turned to pain pills to numb the emotional pain. I had been hooked berfore but had gotten clean. I remember thinking to myself that the whole thing just hurt too much and I thought what cures pain? It doesn't cure it of course - but it does make it go away for a while. Of course it kills joy too. I'm gonna run, I'm so tired.
I'll write more tomorrow
PS My name is Deborah, but please still use lola .
Hey Carol!
I'd love to talk to you on the phone. Give me your email again and I'll give you my numbers! When you said you are reading my posts, are you able to find all of them, or just the topics I started? I'm embarrassed to say I'm not as computer savy as I should be.
Hearing you relasped for 9 years, but now have it together is so encourageing to me. I keep forgetting about the cost of sub. Drfeelgood was mentioning how much it is once - and I remember being shocked. I am working more now than I have in years (my accident was 1-19-05) I hadn't been able until recently. I really don't know how much pain I'd have. When I run out of pills the leg starts hurting worse and worse BUT could it kinda be rebound pain? Sometimes I think the Dr.'s prescrib because at this point there isn't much else to do for me. The bone is still broken despite bone grafts, so they've screwed it together, then I slipped and fell (in Publix) and no the screws are broken. They're leaving it for now cuz the screws aren't completely broken in two. The pain meds, every day I promise myself I'll take them like I should, and every day I don't. I might not go over the daily allotement (60 mgs) but I might take all six at once. Or 3 pills in the morn and 3 at night. Whatever. I'm happy to have met you though - you always have such a positive attitude. What comes across in your posts is that you're happy. That is so inspireing (sp) to me. Not to sound like "oh poor me" but I don't really remember what it is like to be happy. To be clean and happy.
I did have a lawyer who had a private investagator looking for Michael and Shelby. I don't have the funds right now to do anything. I have to have an attorney in Texas. I totally intend to get another when I get the funds together. I lost everything when I was there. I mean literally. I even hocked by jewelry to pay my attorney, or to pay rent. Michael made good money, but his family in New York would give him everything if he needed. My parents - no. I mean they did help me some but they would never go to the degree his family would. I actually moved back in with my parents when I came back to Ga. to get on my feet and then I fall and break my leg. The irony would be funny except it's not. Remind me to tell you how the lawyer I hired in Houston was a drunk and later lost his license. How the judge who was so on my side had to leave the bench due to cancer then died. Or how it flooded in downtown Houston (where the courthouse is) and all the computer records were kept in the basement and lost during the flood.
ANYWAY, post your email address and I'll send you my phone number!
I'd love to talk to you on the phone. Give me your email again and I'll give you my numbers! When you said you are reading my posts, are you able to find all of them, or just the topics I started? I'm embarrassed to say I'm not as computer savy as I should be.
Hearing you relasped for 9 years, but now have it together is so encourageing to me. I keep forgetting about the cost of sub. Drfeelgood was mentioning how much it is once - and I remember being shocked. I am working more now than I have in years (my accident was 1-19-05) I hadn't been able until recently. I really don't know how much pain I'd have. When I run out of pills the leg starts hurting worse and worse BUT could it kinda be rebound pain? Sometimes I think the Dr.'s prescrib because at this point there isn't much else to do for me. The bone is still broken despite bone grafts, so they've screwed it together, then I slipped and fell (in Publix) and no the screws are broken. They're leaving it for now cuz the screws aren't completely broken in two. The pain meds, every day I promise myself I'll take them like I should, and every day I don't. I might not go over the daily allotement (60 mgs) but I might take all six at once. Or 3 pills in the morn and 3 at night. Whatever. I'm happy to have met you though - you always have such a positive attitude. What comes across in your posts is that you're happy. That is so inspireing (sp) to me. Not to sound like "oh poor me" but I don't really remember what it is like to be happy. To be clean and happy.
I did have a lawyer who had a private investagator looking for Michael and Shelby. I don't have the funds right now to do anything. I have to have an attorney in Texas. I totally intend to get another when I get the funds together. I lost everything when I was there. I mean literally. I even hocked by jewelry to pay my attorney, or to pay rent. Michael made good money, but his family in New York would give him everything if he needed. My parents - no. I mean they did help me some but they would never go to the degree his family would. I actually moved back in with my parents when I came back to Ga. to get on my feet and then I fall and break my leg. The irony would be funny except it's not. Remind me to tell you how the lawyer I hired in Houston was a drunk and later lost his license. How the judge who was so on my side had to leave the bench due to cancer then died. Or how it flooded in downtown Houston (where the courthouse is) and all the computer records were kept in the basement and lost during the flood.
ANYWAY, post your email address and I'll send you my phone number!
You're right, Murphy's Law in full!! OMG! You have been tested and tested, and yet you are here seeking help and that is promising!
Where there is a will, there is a way. You are very strong and resouceful, and I no doubt in my mind whatsoever you can beat this demon and live a happy life, too. Believe it, Lola, and it will happen!!
Today, I want you to start thinking that you are nearing your last run with the pills. Reprogram your mind. Start saying good bye to the pills, and the feeling you get when you take them.
It was my experience near the end of my run that I hated that feeling. It wasn't good anymore. It was like walking through a doorway to hell........a foggy feeling of no clarity, no control, no order..........yet I would dutifully get up each day and swallow my usual high dose, and walk right through that door.
Once you start believing your are going to actually start this new chapter of your life, it will begin to happen. We will always be addicts, Lola, but we can find happiness and serenity if we chose to, and fight for it. There was a time when this was very hard for me to even see, much less believe,but I KNOW now that it not only possible, it is much easier than I ever dreamed once I got my head straight.
My email is laurenk834@aol.com. I wish I could put my cell # up here, but I don't think that's a good idea. Let me know if you are on right now, and if you are, maybe I will do that. OK?
I hope you have a great day today! I have to volunteer at Field Day at my son's school. Should be a lot of fun as long as I can manage to not get talked into getting in the dunking booth!!
Love, Carol
Hey Lola, I received your "digits". I'll call you around lunch at the work number. I am trying very hard to ignore that my fridge and cabinets are empty and I need to go grocery shopping. I just want to stay home today and chill!!! I have become such a homebody lately, and since I have been out and about every day this week, am longing for some down time.
Talk to you in a few hours!
Hey Carol:
It was really nice talking to you yesterday! I have to work the weekend. The agent I work for on the weekends is so hyper. Sh bounces off walls! She's like the energizer bunny on speed. And she eats chocolate and beef jerky all day, she alternates. I'm exhausted when I leave. Well, I've got to leave in an hour (I don't want to work today!!!) Hopefully, we'll talk again soon!
It was really nice talking to you yesterday! I have to work the weekend. The agent I work for on the weekends is so hyper. Sh bounces off walls! She's like the energizer bunny on speed. And she eats chocolate and beef jerky all day, she alternates. I'm exhausted when I leave. Well, I've got to leave in an hour (I don't want to work today!!!) Hopefully, we'll talk again soon!
Morning Lola, I'm so glad we have had the chance to talk a couple of times recently. Despite the mess this board has become, there is still hope that addicts can come here and find help, and that makes me happy.
I found this one link to the Sub. dr. locator.........I used it myself today to search for drs. in my area, and found several which were not on it when I was looking for one in 2005. There is no doubt many in your area who can help you.
Should you not be able to locate one, there is another site which has been posted here many times, but I can not seem to find it. If anyone reading this knows the web address of that site, and wouldn't mind posting it for Lola, we would both greatly appreciate it!
http://www.suboxone.com/patients/re...CFSBMGgodVUl-5w
My family and I have recently started back attending church and Sunday School regularly, so I am out of here now to get ready.
I woke up with one eye swollen and crusty matter and fluid seeping from it. Gross, I know, but not sure what it means. Any ideas? It doesn't hurt, just looks terrible. I had not earlier symptoms, so am at a loss as to WTH is going on.
Have a great Sunday, and don't let the hyper agent get you down. :-)
Love, Carol
Hey Carol!
It's been nice talking to you too! I feel like I live a double life with the few friends I have here. I haven't even tried to contact my older friends from school and such, because I didn't want to go into the whole story about what happened in Texas. Then I have some friends who use, they know all my stories - which is good - but then, they may not be the most positive influence, cuz they use! Then I have several friends who have no idea, they're more positive influence and some of my closest friends, but I feel like I'm living a lie. It's hard. I'm afraid if I tell them the truth they won't be my friends anymore, there are 2 in paticular that I'm very close to, and who've impacted my life in such a positive way, but I've got this whole double life thing. I guess my point is that with you I'm tring to be honest about all things (it ain't that easy!) But you're not judging and you've been there, truly, and have come back. It gives me hope not only for me to maybe come back too, but also, that I can possibly have friends that know both sides. If that makes any sense. One of my oldest friends here (we've been friends over 20 years) knows everything - we stayed in touch the whole time I lived in Tx, and she was there for me thru everything - she uses pp too, she seems to be threatened by my changeing for the better in any way! If I were to quit using, I don't think she'd like that. I recently broke up with this guy and it was the most dysfucntional relationship EVER - she thought I should stay with him. Did I mention that she also is in a really bad relationship, maybe even worse than mine? I understand why she would be a little threatened, it would maybe make her look at her situations too, but I think she'd want whats best for me. Whatever!
I'm not going to last with this weekend job if she doesn't chill. She freaks out on me like every day over something. She'll start me on one project then jump to another, then another. She doesn't answer my questions. She doesn't complete her sentences, then wonders why I don't know what she's talking about. I've only worked for her a really short time and already dread it. Not a good sign.
Well, enjoy your Sunday and wish me luck today!
PS Thanks for the sub link, I'm going to check it out further on Monday.
It's been nice talking to you too! I feel like I live a double life with the few friends I have here. I haven't even tried to contact my older friends from school and such, because I didn't want to go into the whole story about what happened in Texas. Then I have some friends who use, they know all my stories - which is good - but then, they may not be the most positive influence, cuz they use! Then I have several friends who have no idea, they're more positive influence and some of my closest friends, but I feel like I'm living a lie. It's hard. I'm afraid if I tell them the truth they won't be my friends anymore, there are 2 in paticular that I'm very close to, and who've impacted my life in such a positive way, but I've got this whole double life thing. I guess my point is that with you I'm tring to be honest about all things (it ain't that easy!) But you're not judging and you've been there, truly, and have come back. It gives me hope not only for me to maybe come back too, but also, that I can possibly have friends that know both sides. If that makes any sense. One of my oldest friends here (we've been friends over 20 years) knows everything - we stayed in touch the whole time I lived in Tx, and she was there for me thru everything - she uses pp too, she seems to be threatened by my changeing for the better in any way! If I were to quit using, I don't think she'd like that. I recently broke up with this guy and it was the most dysfucntional relationship EVER - she thought I should stay with him. Did I mention that she also is in a really bad relationship, maybe even worse than mine? I understand why she would be a little threatened, it would maybe make her look at her situations too, but I think she'd want whats best for me. Whatever!
I'm not going to last with this weekend job if she doesn't chill. She freaks out on me like every day over something. She'll start me on one project then jump to another, then another. She doesn't answer my questions. She doesn't complete her sentences, then wonders why I don't know what she's talking about. I've only worked for her a really short time and already dread it. Not a good sign.
Well, enjoy your Sunday and wish me luck today!
PS Thanks for the sub link, I'm going to check it out further on Monday.
Lola, Good evening, Hope you had a good, profitable day.
I think we have all been there with the double life. None of us wanted every one of our friends to know about our addiction. Some of my friends knew, some were in on it with me, and others had not a clue.
Thankfully, I have backed off from the ones who were in on with me. From where I stand now looking at those still using,,,,,,,,I shudder to think I was so obvious and screwed up, but I guess I must have been. Thank God I quit when I did.
None of our using friends want to see us get clean, Lola. It does intimidate them, and they think we will suddenly think we are better than them. Although it doesn't make us "better", it does make us smarter. I loved having my friends right down in the gutter with me, so I was the same way once upon a time. And the more people who were using, the more connections I had for getting pills.
As you move farther along in your recovery, the distance between you and your using friends will take place naturally. You will find you no longer want to be around them if they are high all the time. If that doesn't occur, you will have to make a conscious effort to not be around them. One of the first and most important steps to staying clean is to burn bridges to the pills. It is very hard to be around them and not take them. Your true friends will understand this and accept it; the others, well, your life will only be better without the "fair weather friends" anyway.
So, while you are reprogramming your mind towards your new way of life, preparing yourself for a new group of clean friends is something your should start thinking about. It is just one more of the tasks required to live clean.
I will be out all day tomorrow, but hope to talk to you again soon.
Take care. Good night!
Carol
Hi Carol:
So sorry I haven't had a chance to respond - or to do much of anything, actually.
I'm going to email you too to make sure to say hi. Work, work, work. Go to work, come home, go to sleep. Repeat. Repeat. The hyper weekend girl called me in today as an emergency. I so didn't want to go in, but I kinda feel sorry for her too, she has so much going on, divorce, sick child, demanding job, I just couldn't say no but if she doesn't chill she's going to seriously have a nervous breakdown. And of course an emotional wreak just happens to be my soft spot! Can't imagine why. I'm going to try really hard to call you from work tomorrow (you have that # I think). I work 11:00 - 6:00 and it's a new community, so it' not too busy. I'm going to email you real quick, too.
Look forward to talking to you again, soon!
So sorry I haven't had a chance to respond - or to do much of anything, actually.
I'm going to email you too to make sure to say hi. Work, work, work. Go to work, come home, go to sleep. Repeat. Repeat. The hyper weekend girl called me in today as an emergency. I so didn't want to go in, but I kinda feel sorry for her too, she has so much going on, divorce, sick child, demanding job, I just couldn't say no but if she doesn't chill she's going to seriously have a nervous breakdown. And of course an emotional wreak just happens to be my soft spot! Can't imagine why. I'm going to try really hard to call you from work tomorrow (you have that # I think). I work 11:00 - 6:00 and it's a new community, so it' not too busy. I'm going to email you real quick, too.
Look forward to talking to you again, soon!
Lola, Got it and wrote you back. No need to explain to me. LOL I have been on the run, as well. As I may have already told you, this is our last week of school, adn we have activites going on every day.
Also, I am leaving Saturday for 6 days. Going to visit my friend, Sharon, who I met on this board. We have met 3 times before, and this time my son and I are going to her home for the first time, in MN.
See? This is what I mean about how fabulous this board used to be! I have met several good friends here who I know I will remain close to forever, even if we were to never post here again. I am truly sorry for you, and the other new people, who missed out on seeing this place when it was something more than a social club.
BUT, I know you are going to find your own way to make sobriety happen, board or no board!
I hope we can hook up tomorrow, or at least sometime before I leave. Even when I do leave town, I will still be available at my cell phone number if you need me. :-)
Good night!
