I hope everybody is having as peaceful a night as possible....I haven't posted in awhile but I have been lurking and learning. For those who don't remember me, I started a cold turkey withdrawal from opiates/benzos/musclerelaxers on Sept. 21. I got extremely sick-dehydrated to boot-and ended up in the emergency room twice and my family doc's several times. I'm just now in the past week or so starting to feel like a human again! I can't believe I've actually got 40 days under my belt......
I almost cancelled my appt with the psychiatrist, the idiot in me thinking "oh I dont need that--I'm doing ok on my own". I'm glad that I didn't now. She is very easy to talk to, so I'm keeping an open mind.
My health has been sooo bad that I still havent' returned to work from having the reconstructive surgery and severing the nerve my right foot. But things are turning aorund now so I'll be going back in two weeks. I am dreading that, cause I took pills all through the night at work. It's gonna be hard walking back into that, for me it's one big trigger. Both times I've been to the medical dept to turn in doctor's paperwork I've had a huge panic attack, I'm really scared as to how I'm gonna react.
I would just like to say thanks you guys.....coming to the board everyday and reading has been a major help to me.....
Your welcome, keep posting, someone with lots more smarts shoudl be along shortly....Briar
Hey Boo,
Welcome Back! I'm so sorry that you haven't been feeling well. I can't believe that the surgeon has not been able to help your ankle/foot.
I've missed your posts and, I'm sure, many others have missed your wisdom. How is your son, the future Ph.D. doing?
I've been thinking of you, Boo. You have my e-mail address if you'd like to chat. As always, my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Ben
Welcome Back! I'm so sorry that you haven't been feeling well. I can't believe that the surgeon has not been able to help your ankle/foot.
I've missed your posts and, I'm sure, many others have missed your wisdom. How is your son, the future Ph.D. doing?
I've been thinking of you, Boo. You have my e-mail address if you'd like to chat. As always, my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Ben
Hi Boo,
Yes, I remember you. So glad you were able to stay clean! 40 days is so great. You seem to have the determination and willpower to do this. I can understand what you mean by some "triggers" - when you speak of going back to work. Just remember how hard you worked to get where you are. With all that you have endured, and have stayed so incredibly strong throughout this, I am sure you will be fine. You might want to (if you havent already) discuss these issues with your pyschiatrist. I wish you all the best. Please let us know how it goes. Good luck!!
Love,
Marie
Yes, I remember you. So glad you were able to stay clean! 40 days is so great. You seem to have the determination and willpower to do this. I can understand what you mean by some "triggers" - when you speak of going back to work. Just remember how hard you worked to get where you are. With all that you have endured, and have stayed so incredibly strong throughout this, I am sure you will be fine. You might want to (if you havent already) discuss these issues with your pyschiatrist. I wish you all the best. Please let us know how it goes. Good luck!!
Love,
Marie
Hi Bender and Mariee,
Thanks bunches for replying to me!. I'm slowly but surely taking it one day at at time. This has also been a real eye opener for me concerning my teenager as well. I've noticed a big change in the way I act towards him--such as not loosing my temper so quick and being able to rationally get along with him. If nothing else, this time out of work has brought us soo much closer and I wouldn't change that time for all the money in the world. He's really opening up and making us a part of his life and coming to us for simple problmes such as his major crush on a class mate of his, etc.
I just feel that we have reached a new level in our relationship and it 's wonderful. It's amazing how I'm not so quick to temper these days also. And I'm sure he picks up on that. Cause he now openly and freely comes to me and my husband for advice and how to handle his situations at school. It's true what they say--there is so much more to life than money, ya know?
I am just terrified of going back to work though. I am serious when I say it is one big trigger for me cause I was so used to popping pills all night to get me through. And the kicker is, I totally excelled during that time such as winning awards and being recognized as a star team member. I honestly don't know how to react now and the thought of it sends me into a major panic attack. To bae honest I feel like I'm going crasy when I just walk into the plant to turn in meidcal papers at the med dept. The closer it gets to the 15th the worse my anxiety gets. The psychiatrist wanted me to take paxil but everything I've read has just put me off of that crap. The many posts Iv'e read form too many poster to name (you know who you are) say that I need a support group. And I agree wholeheartedly but dont' know where to start. For the time being I'll stick with my psychiatrist and her therapist and see how that goes. It's funny casue the first thing she said is that she won't write narcotic pain medicine and I told her under no uncertain terms that I didnt need her to do that. And she was quite impressed with that.
To be honest to you guys and to myself, I need to learn to cope with my high stress job on my own and I have faith that she can help me. I probably need to find a good NA meeting and start to regularly go but one step at a time right now, if you know what I mean.
I've been out of work since end of August. and basically have only left my house to go to doc appts. and such. I've tried the last few days to start going out alone and facing my fears. While it is hard,I feel that's the only way I'm gonna be able to overcome my fears. As for the panic attacks when I walk into the plant, I am at al loss as to how to handle that. My supervisors have been sending messages to me thorugh my husband who also works there, stating they NEEd me back to straighten the dept. out and need me to return as soon as possible. I'm not the same person I was when I was strung out on quite a bit of medicine. So I am naturally worried as to how I'll handle the pressure whenI return. I guess I need to learn how to say NO once in awhile. What do you guys think?
For right now, I am just proud that I have today in recovery. I am also proud of you guys for all the strength and guidance you have shown to people like me. Even though I may not post as much, I read posts everyday and alsway come away feeling much better so for that I thank you from the bottom of my heart. By the way, dear cowgirl, my parents also showed tough love to me over the years and it worked great and I'd like to say that I enjoy following your posts and take to heart quite a bit of what you say, THANKS A BUNCH FROM ME TO YOU.
PS. To all those who ahve read my earlier posts, don't let me being sooo sick discourage you from trying to get clean yourself. Becasue everyone is different, and me myself I have a very sensitive body when it comes to medicines (for ex. I can't take anykind of antibiotic except penicliilin otherwise I get deathly sick, so it wasn't jsut withdrawals that did a number on me it was the combination of the two). This prolonged me getting better but now I feel soso great.
I apologize for turning this into a novel, I just wanted to get my point across witout scaring any newbies. This site is filled with wonderful and caring people and for all you new folks out there, jump in=---the waters great--and you may find yourself on the other wonderful side of this horrible experience. My most sinerest and best wishes to all----
Shorty
Thanks bunches for replying to me!. I'm slowly but surely taking it one day at at time. This has also been a real eye opener for me concerning my teenager as well. I've noticed a big change in the way I act towards him--such as not loosing my temper so quick and being able to rationally get along with him. If nothing else, this time out of work has brought us soo much closer and I wouldn't change that time for all the money in the world. He's really opening up and making us a part of his life and coming to us for simple problmes such as his major crush on a class mate of his, etc.
I just feel that we have reached a new level in our relationship and it 's wonderful. It's amazing how I'm not so quick to temper these days also. And I'm sure he picks up on that. Cause he now openly and freely comes to me and my husband for advice and how to handle his situations at school. It's true what they say--there is so much more to life than money, ya know?
I am just terrified of going back to work though. I am serious when I say it is one big trigger for me cause I was so used to popping pills all night to get me through. And the kicker is, I totally excelled during that time such as winning awards and being recognized as a star team member. I honestly don't know how to react now and the thought of it sends me into a major panic attack. To bae honest I feel like I'm going crasy when I just walk into the plant to turn in meidcal papers at the med dept. The closer it gets to the 15th the worse my anxiety gets. The psychiatrist wanted me to take paxil but everything I've read has just put me off of that crap. The many posts Iv'e read form too many poster to name (you know who you are) say that I need a support group. And I agree wholeheartedly but dont' know where to start. For the time being I'll stick with my psychiatrist and her therapist and see how that goes. It's funny casue the first thing she said is that she won't write narcotic pain medicine and I told her under no uncertain terms that I didnt need her to do that. And she was quite impressed with that.
To be honest to you guys and to myself, I need to learn to cope with my high stress job on my own and I have faith that she can help me. I probably need to find a good NA meeting and start to regularly go but one step at a time right now, if you know what I mean.
I've been out of work since end of August. and basically have only left my house to go to doc appts. and such. I've tried the last few days to start going out alone and facing my fears. While it is hard,I feel that's the only way I'm gonna be able to overcome my fears. As for the panic attacks when I walk into the plant, I am at al loss as to how to handle that. My supervisors have been sending messages to me thorugh my husband who also works there, stating they NEEd me back to straighten the dept. out and need me to return as soon as possible. I'm not the same person I was when I was strung out on quite a bit of medicine. So I am naturally worried as to how I'll handle the pressure whenI return. I guess I need to learn how to say NO once in awhile. What do you guys think?
For right now, I am just proud that I have today in recovery. I am also proud of you guys for all the strength and guidance you have shown to people like me. Even though I may not post as much, I read posts everyday and alsway come away feeling much better so for that I thank you from the bottom of my heart. By the way, dear cowgirl, my parents also showed tough love to me over the years and it worked great and I'd like to say that I enjoy following your posts and take to heart quite a bit of what you say, THANKS A BUNCH FROM ME TO YOU.
PS. To all those who ahve read my earlier posts, don't let me being sooo sick discourage you from trying to get clean yourself. Becasue everyone is different, and me myself I have a very sensitive body when it comes to medicines (for ex. I can't take anykind of antibiotic except penicliilin otherwise I get deathly sick, so it wasn't jsut withdrawals that did a number on me it was the combination of the two). This prolonged me getting better but now I feel soso great.
I apologize for turning this into a novel, I just wanted to get my point across witout scaring any newbies. This site is filled with wonderful and caring people and for all you new folks out there, jump in=---the waters great--and you may find yourself on the other wonderful side of this horrible experience. My most sinerest and best wishes to all----
Shorty
Hey Boo, just wanted to congratulate you on your 40, hard-earned days....that's really great. And I can identify with the changed relationship with your teenage child. I have two, and my interactions have improved so much -- especially the humor (!) -- since I got out of that hydro fog. Nice to see you back, M.
Hi Boo,
Just wanted to say good morning and hope you have a great day. Hang in there, sweetie - you are an amazing person.
Love,
Marie
Just wanted to say good morning and hope you have a great day. Hang in there, sweetie - you are an amazing person.
Love,
Marie
