I know I have not been on here in a few days and I really have missed all of you.
I wasnt sure if I was going to even come back after the a--s I made of myself last week. I just know I am sick and I learned alot from that whole experience. I love this message board and all the people on it. I love reading the post and especially watching people grow in there recovery.
I wanted to say thanks to ali and atlas for there sweet words and forgiven me for all of that bulls----t I wrote.
I have been on here everyday and just have not written anything. I guess I am still embarressed but I know I need to get over it and let go and give it to god.
Melody came in this morning yelling at me because I am not working at the time and she works 40 hours a week and never misses work. I have never really worked execpt for a podiatrist for about a year and also when I was on probation I worked at helieg myers in the office there,
I know I am very capable of working but just never had to because I have always been taken care of. Either by my girlfriends or my grandfather. Which my grandfather is supporting me now and melody can not stand this. She thinks I should be working a fourty hour a week job. I also want to go to work to help me get out of the house and to be a productive member of society.
My grandfather is buying me a car sometime next week.My last vehicle I left with my xgirlfriend in los angleles and told her to jsut keep it because I was in no shape to drive it from californai to louisana I could barely even walk through the terminals at the airport because I was so dope sick and ended up throwing a whole bag of my clothes in a trash can because I was to weak to carry it.
Well anyway, Melody on one hands wants me to get a job and then today she tells me she scared that if I get a job that I would end up using. To only come back and tell me that she thinks I would no longer need her anymore and would find someone else. She has never seen me so happy and so alive like these past few months and notices me talking to people everywhere I go. Were before I could not say a word because I felt so horrible and all I did was lay around in the bed allday. Well today I am ready to go to work even though my grandfather tells me that I dont have to. I know I need to do this for myself. Also, I have never had to take care of household things like doing the laundry and putting the dishes in the dishwasher. I honest to god do not know how to fold clothes.. I have always had someone there to do these things for me. As far as the household stuff goes melody has OCD so she can never be satisfied with someone else cleaning or the way I would do things because she has to have everything perfect. I know I need to do these things but when I try and do them she is always saying I did this wrong and how come I cannot help out more around the house.
She has no idea that I am like starting from scratch and everything I am doing I am having to learn all over again. I mentioned to her that when I was in california that I had a maid that I would have come twice a week and she just thought this was the most horrible thing ever. She could not believe my lifestyle when I lived there and it makes her sick and says how unatractive it is.
I like nice things and I like going to nice restaraunts and since we have been together she has let me take her out maybe 7 times at the most to somewhere nice to eat. I can not understand her thinking and why she is so hung up in the money thing. She never wants me spending more than she does on me. I love her and if I am capable of spending my money( which she says is my grandfathers money) but he gives it to me than why can she not just sit back and let me do nice things for her. This is a very big issue in our realtionship and I am going crazy. The job thing for one is does she want me to work or does she not? About the household cleaning I told her if she was to just sit down with me and show me how she wants things and maybe I could learn then I would do them. I am so bored anyway allday so this would take up some of my time I have on my hands. I am willling to learn but I need to be shown and I am not an idiot or anything but truly just dont know how to do alot of the things she wants me to do because I never had to and I was not a functioning addict at all. The really only thing I have ever done that makes good money was working for the podiatrist and that was assisting him in suregerys. I loved that job and never used when I was working for him. I know there are alot more jobs out there but things I dont have a background in doing them or have a college degree. I want to start living again and I feel like I am suck in this rut that I can not get out of. Trust me it is very embaressing to me to admit to yall that I dont even know how to wash clothes.
All I know to do is to keep going like I am going now and god will put me in a job where he wants me to be. He has always been there for me even when I turned my back on him. Today I have such a spiritual connection with god that I have never had and am talking to him all day long throughout the day. I dont really even know what I am trying to say but has anyone ever been in this situation or can understand what I am talking about. I know everyone one of us has not all been functioning drug addicts. So please tell me how I go about starting my new way of life and have melodys blessing at the same time. Sorry so long but I am a rambler. Thanks, April
Welcome back April !!!!
Im off to bed will talk to you tomorrow i hope..
Hugs
Ali
Im off to bed will talk to you tomorrow i hope..
Hugs
Ali
Sorry that I haven't writen you back yet. I have been very busy with work. I am glad you decided to come back here.
You know my boyfriend, of all people, had to teach me how to wash clothes so don't feel to bad. I know how it is.
Since it seems like you grandfather is well of and able to help you out, why don't you go back to school? This will help you stay busy and get a good education for you to get a job that you like doing.
I live in Florida and I know here we have a lot of tech schools. You can become and medical assistant, scrub tech in the OR, and many other different types of techs. These coarses take anywhere from 6 months to a year to complete unless you get you AA with it.
This way you could fill your day and when you are done you'll be able to do something you are interested in.
Your girlfriend sounds like she is very stressed and confused about what she expects from you. You are the only one that can make the decsion about what YOU want to do.
As far as the house work goes, I am just like you, except I do know how to do somethings, I just hate to. My boyfriend is kind enought to take care of most of the household chores while I pay the bills, plus I do mow the lawn.
These two problems you two are having are prob. the most common in any relationship, money and dividing household duties. I don't think theses problems will ever go away unless you guys win the lottery and have a full time maid staff on hand. LOL I know my boyfriend and I argue over this all the time. So I don't have much advice on that subject.
Anyway, I am going to write you back tonight, I have just been so darn busy. I hope you and your girl get every thing situated. I am sure you guys will because I can tell how much you two care for each other. And remember that everyone bickers with there significant other. It is all part of living with someone day in and day out.
Hope you have a better day to day,
Lost-love
You know my boyfriend, of all people, had to teach me how to wash clothes so don't feel to bad. I know how it is.
Since it seems like you grandfather is well of and able to help you out, why don't you go back to school? This will help you stay busy and get a good education for you to get a job that you like doing.
I live in Florida and I know here we have a lot of tech schools. You can become and medical assistant, scrub tech in the OR, and many other different types of techs. These coarses take anywhere from 6 months to a year to complete unless you get you AA with it.
This way you could fill your day and when you are done you'll be able to do something you are interested in.
Your girlfriend sounds like she is very stressed and confused about what she expects from you. You are the only one that can make the decsion about what YOU want to do.
As far as the house work goes, I am just like you, except I do know how to do somethings, I just hate to. My boyfriend is kind enought to take care of most of the household chores while I pay the bills, plus I do mow the lawn.
These two problems you two are having are prob. the most common in any relationship, money and dividing household duties. I don't think theses problems will ever go away unless you guys win the lottery and have a full time maid staff on hand. LOL I know my boyfriend and I argue over this all the time. So I don't have much advice on that subject.
Anyway, I am going to write you back tonight, I have just been so darn busy. I hope you and your girl get every thing situated. I am sure you guys will because I can tell how much you two care for each other. And remember that everyone bickers with there significant other. It is all part of living with someone day in and day out.
Hope you have a better day to day,
Lost-love
To lost-love, I appreciate your advice and I know that me and melody will work out something and trust me if she would let me hire a maid to come twice a week. I would most definetely. I also think it is time for me to grow up though and stop depending on my grandfather for everything. He actually was my biggest enabler in my using drugs. When I went to california I told him I was going there to have a special kind of surgery that was at a womans clinic and I would come up with every reason in the world for him to send me money.
He was actually sending me thirty five hundred to 4 thousand dollars a week and then I told him I was still on drugs which he knew he is not a stupid man and he sent me through the weismann institute where they put you to sleep and they close up all your opiate receptors and get all of the opiates out of your system. They told me that I would wake up feeling like I had no withdrawals at all.
Well needless to say I was still taking my xanax and woke up the next day in the most horrible withdrawals. I stayed off the opiates for two months but still was not feeling any better so I went back out. They kept telling me it was the xanax that was making me so sick but I have been through both xanax withdrawals and opiate withdrawels and this was methadone that I was coming off of and I think they just really never had experiencec anyone coming off of it and thats why I had so many problems.
Anyway, he paid twelve thousand dollars for this overnight stay and this procedure to be done for me. After I started feeling better.well, after I started using again I went and looked up alot of people on the internet who had gone through this rapid detox thing and the range of money was anywhere from six thousand to fourty thousand dollars a person. I was very pissed off when I found out about this because they first told me it was going to cost only eight thousand dollars but kept uping the price. I know they were scamming me and was getting as much as they could out of me. Anyway, I did read were there were alot of people who it did work for but were on very low doses of medication.
Who knows? It was just not my time to get clean I guess.
About the school thing I thought about going back to school for my psycology degree that I was going to school in new orleans for but ended up relapsing and dropped out.
As far as working for a doctor or something like that melody doesnt think that is a very good idea for me because I would be calling in scripts for pateints and she is scared I would try to call in my own scripts which I never did not one time working for the podatrist in monroe. I loved that job and he trained me very well in assisting him in surgerys. I know he would give me a good recomendation for any job I was trying to get because I learned alot from him and not going to school for it I think I made very good money. I can see where melody is scared of me and the script thing but I was arrested after working for him and getting doctors DEA numbers and calling in my own scripts. Most of the time they would never even ask me the DEA number so I can understand her there. I would be scared to death though to do anything like that again. Especially after sitting in jail for two and a half months and kicked the whole time I was in there.
So who knows? I am just wanting to get to doing something because I am going crazy sitting here at home all the time. Even though melody works at night she sleeps half the day and I get really really bored. So we will figure out something I am just leaving it in gods hands.
Also, as far as my grandfather goes I have totally came clean with him and told him what I was using the money for and he said he figured that is what I was doing but never wanted to tell me no. So today I have a very open and honest relationship with him and he knows every dime I spend the money he gives me and he actualy makes the checks out to melody. She also called him and told him after I made the comment that I could use and she would never know about it alll I would have to do is call my grandfather and tell him that I wrecked her car or something and to write me out a check and he would and not to tell her. Well after I told her this she of course called him and told him never to give me any money unless she knew about it. I dont care though because I am glad I have her there looking out for my best interest. She just doesnt understand if an addict wants to use they will find a way to get there drugs no matter what and I am no where near wanting to use. I have just told her all the horrible things I have done and lied about and scammed my grandfather and she just finds it hard to believe I could be that manipulationg and do all those horrible things. She just never wants to see me on drugs and is so glad we met after I had gotten clean and not before. Well girl, I will be waiting for your email and thank you ali for welcoming me back. I have felt so lost the last few days.
I am glad I have people on here who understand that this addiction can come out in many different ways without even using. Trust me I know and I am glad today I can reconize it than just let it go and think ok im right there wrong and yada yada yada.
Well, I am about to go to bed and will talk to yall tomorrow. Again thanks for welcoming me back. I need yall! More than you will ever know. Sincerely,
April
He was actually sending me thirty five hundred to 4 thousand dollars a week and then I told him I was still on drugs which he knew he is not a stupid man and he sent me through the weismann institute where they put you to sleep and they close up all your opiate receptors and get all of the opiates out of your system. They told me that I would wake up feeling like I had no withdrawals at all.
Well needless to say I was still taking my xanax and woke up the next day in the most horrible withdrawals. I stayed off the opiates for two months but still was not feeling any better so I went back out. They kept telling me it was the xanax that was making me so sick but I have been through both xanax withdrawals and opiate withdrawels and this was methadone that I was coming off of and I think they just really never had experiencec anyone coming off of it and thats why I had so many problems.
Anyway, he paid twelve thousand dollars for this overnight stay and this procedure to be done for me. After I started feeling better.well, after I started using again I went and looked up alot of people on the internet who had gone through this rapid detox thing and the range of money was anywhere from six thousand to fourty thousand dollars a person. I was very pissed off when I found out about this because they first told me it was going to cost only eight thousand dollars but kept uping the price. I know they were scamming me and was getting as much as they could out of me. Anyway, I did read were there were alot of people who it did work for but were on very low doses of medication.
Who knows? It was just not my time to get clean I guess.
About the school thing I thought about going back to school for my psycology degree that I was going to school in new orleans for but ended up relapsing and dropped out.
As far as working for a doctor or something like that melody doesnt think that is a very good idea for me because I would be calling in scripts for pateints and she is scared I would try to call in my own scripts which I never did not one time working for the podatrist in monroe. I loved that job and he trained me very well in assisting him in surgerys. I know he would give me a good recomendation for any job I was trying to get because I learned alot from him and not going to school for it I think I made very good money. I can see where melody is scared of me and the script thing but I was arrested after working for him and getting doctors DEA numbers and calling in my own scripts. Most of the time they would never even ask me the DEA number so I can understand her there. I would be scared to death though to do anything like that again. Especially after sitting in jail for two and a half months and kicked the whole time I was in there.
So who knows? I am just wanting to get to doing something because I am going crazy sitting here at home all the time. Even though melody works at night she sleeps half the day and I get really really bored. So we will figure out something I am just leaving it in gods hands.
Also, as far as my grandfather goes I have totally came clean with him and told him what I was using the money for and he said he figured that is what I was doing but never wanted to tell me no. So today I have a very open and honest relationship with him and he knows every dime I spend the money he gives me and he actualy makes the checks out to melody. She also called him and told him after I made the comment that I could use and she would never know about it alll I would have to do is call my grandfather and tell him that I wrecked her car or something and to write me out a check and he would and not to tell her. Well after I told her this she of course called him and told him never to give me any money unless she knew about it. I dont care though because I am glad I have her there looking out for my best interest. She just doesnt understand if an addict wants to use they will find a way to get there drugs no matter what and I am no where near wanting to use. I have just told her all the horrible things I have done and lied about and scammed my grandfather and she just finds it hard to believe I could be that manipulationg and do all those horrible things. She just never wants to see me on drugs and is so glad we met after I had gotten clean and not before. Well girl, I will be waiting for your email and thank you ali for welcoming me back. I have felt so lost the last few days.
I am glad I have people on here who understand that this addiction can come out in many different ways without even using. Trust me I know and I am glad today I can reconize it than just let it go and think ok im right there wrong and yada yada yada.
Well, I am about to go to bed and will talk to yall tomorrow. Again thanks for welcoming me back. I need yall! More than you will ever know. Sincerely,
April
Hi April,
Glad to see you back. I'll second the advice lost-love has given. I think you need to do something to feel like a productive human being and give back to society. Your grandfather may not always be there for you and the sooner you learn a skill, the better. It will also boost your self-love and give your day some meaning, particularly if you love the job.
I think you need to ask Melody to make some time to sit down for THE TALK. This is not always comfortable, but helps to straighten out a relationship. I would think she would love to teach you new skills (and doing it HER way). If you need to learn about clutter control, there are wonderful shows on either TLC or HGTV and they will inspire you to new heights. I know they have me.
I also think your grandfather would be very proud of you for taking life into your own hands. It must be very draining on him to give and give. Best of luck.
Glad to see you back. I'll second the advice lost-love has given. I think you need to do something to feel like a productive human being and give back to society. Your grandfather may not always be there for you and the sooner you learn a skill, the better. It will also boost your self-love and give your day some meaning, particularly if you love the job.
I think you need to ask Melody to make some time to sit down for THE TALK. This is not always comfortable, but helps to straighten out a relationship. I would think she would love to teach you new skills (and doing it HER way). If you need to learn about clutter control, there are wonderful shows on either TLC or HGTV and they will inspire you to new heights. I know they have me.
I also think your grandfather would be very proud of you for taking life into your own hands. It must be very draining on him to give and give. Best of luck.
Hi April,
Glad to see you back. I think you would feel so good if you got out there in the world and did something. Take baby steps and do not jump into a 40 hour per week job.
Going back to school is an excellent idea. Have you ever thought about becoming a drug and alcohol counselor? Or something in a related field?
In the meantime, why not learn how to do household chores one at a time. Just pick one and do it. Melody might do it over, but you can watch and learn what it is that she felt the need to do over. Soon you will be doing this the way she wants it, and you can move on to the next task.
Why not volunteer somewhere? Maybe 10 hours per week at a charity you support. That can be very rewarding. It will also start to prepare you for the working world.
I think you are wise to stay away from all fields that have drugs involved. That is just asking for trouble. Can you imagine if I, or you, got a job as a pharmacy tech? It would be a disaster in the making.
(On that note, how many of you have ever considered applying for a pharmacy tech job? LOLOL)
Just do a little at a time and keep adding to what you do. You will feel a great sense of acomplishment, and it will boost your self esteem.
Take care.
Love,
Atlas
Glad to see you back. I think you would feel so good if you got out there in the world and did something. Take baby steps and do not jump into a 40 hour per week job.
Going back to school is an excellent idea. Have you ever thought about becoming a drug and alcohol counselor? Or something in a related field?
In the meantime, why not learn how to do household chores one at a time. Just pick one and do it. Melody might do it over, but you can watch and learn what it is that she felt the need to do over. Soon you will be doing this the way she wants it, and you can move on to the next task.
Why not volunteer somewhere? Maybe 10 hours per week at a charity you support. That can be very rewarding. It will also start to prepare you for the working world.
I think you are wise to stay away from all fields that have drugs involved. That is just asking for trouble. Can you imagine if I, or you, got a job as a pharmacy tech? It would be a disaster in the making.
(On that note, how many of you have ever considered applying for a pharmacy tech job? LOLOL)
Just do a little at a time and keep adding to what you do. You will feel a great sense of acomplishment, and it will boost your self esteem.
Take care.
Love,
Atlas
Welcome back April...glad to see you posting here, you have alot to share with other addicts.
Dear April,
Was too tired and was off to bed when you first posted, but something was bothering me in your post and just wanted to ask you about it.
You stated that if "melody let you" you would hire a maid??? Did i read that right?
Honey if you are together, and she is your girlfriend, she is not your Mother.
Even though you do not work, you do get support financially through your grandfather, and by making your house a home, and being there all day, you are contributing, and have a right to hire a house keeper, with or without permission from Melody...
It just worries me a bit that you have handed all your power to someone else..
Hopefully you can clarify what you meant by that, and I am wrong about you handing over your power and decision making to another person...
Please know I do not mean any harm by this, just have your best interest in mind.....
hugs
Ali
Was too tired and was off to bed when you first posted, but something was bothering me in your post and just wanted to ask you about it.
You stated that if "melody let you" you would hire a maid??? Did i read that right?
Honey if you are together, and she is your girlfriend, she is not your Mother.
Even though you do not work, you do get support financially through your grandfather, and by making your house a home, and being there all day, you are contributing, and have a right to hire a house keeper, with or without permission from Melody...
It just worries me a bit that you have handed all your power to someone else..
Hopefully you can clarify what you meant by that, and I am wrong about you handing over your power and decision making to another person...
Please know I do not mean any harm by this, just have your best interest in mind.....
hugs
Ali
To Ali, Yes you did read right and yes melody totally does not agree with a maid coming here in her home where she wants things done her way. Even though it is both of our home and we both pay the morgage on it. It is in her name and I feel like it is her place more than mine. Even though she swears it is both of our home. I really do not see anything wrong with getting a maid but she sees this as being plain lazy and we can do it oursleves. She is very OCD and has a problem with me spending more money on her than she spends on me. Well I have no bills and no car note and no loans and I dont owe anyone any money. So you can see where this is a problem. I do get money from my granddfather once a month and I do spend more money on us than she is capable of because she has alot of bills and a car note and loans and credit cards so this is a daily thing for us.
She is always going on her little note pad and saying ok you have spent this much and I owe you this much and this drives me crazy. She also thinks my grandfather should not be supporting me but if he feels like he is helping me then I do not see a problem there. I do want to get a job though just for my self esteem. I have just always liked nice things and she thinks I am just to spoiled and will not allow me to take her to nice restarunts that often or go get a nice room at a hotel and stay there for a night or two just something different. That will get us out of the house.
My grandfather has no problem with giving me money and doesnt even want me to get a job yet. He still thinks he needs to take care of me and I will not need him. Melody on the other hand cannot stand this and it drives her crazy. She is always throwing it my face that she has worked since she was 15 and went to colllege full time and had two jobs and would sleep in her car until her class started. I am sorry that I have not had to work alll my life and it was not because I did not want to be a producitnve member of soceity but I was not a very functioning addict so I could not work and thats that. She wants me to feel good about myself I know and I do to. But sometimes I think she is a little to OCD and with the writing down all of what I spend and how much she owes me. Trust me I am paid up till god knows when on the morgage here and she makes about 50 thousand dollars a year so she has a decent job but I just think we should not worry about the money and let it go. She also has a problem with me giving my car to my xgrilfriend and puts her down all the time. When I left her in california after overdosing on this girl 4 times she finally said it is me or the drugs and I picked the drugs and I was not in my right mind when I gave her my car. She wants me after three years of letting her have this car to call her and tell her I want my car back.
I see how bad I hurt this woman and wish her only happiness. The last time I talked to her was after I had been clean about 4 months and she really did love me and she said oh you can get clean for melody but you couldnt for me. I met melody after I had gotten clean and it was for me. Nobody else. I just happen to meet melody after I was clean and this hurt kimberlyn very badly. I thought I loved her but I dont know now because I did not even love mysefl at the time. I do know she put up with alot more than most people would have and kept on givng me another chance but overdosing on someone so many times. I mean enough is enough and when she told me to chose I told her to get my money out of the bank and take me to my dealers house and get me a plane ticket back home. This devasted her and I can see why now where before all I was thinking about was myself.
As far as the melody thing goes she wants things her way and thats it and that is how it is gonna be. She says my lifesttyle while I was in california makes her sick because me and kimberlyn took alot of trips here and there and got hotel rooms and and lived life the best that I could loaded all the time and I can understand her wanting to put some money back and all that but I am in no financial bind. I do not have bad credit but I have no credit. I guess I am just venting because when you asked me if I this was our home and I could get a maid if I wanted to it just really pisses me off. She is still fighting me on valinintes day to go to this restaraunt that is so nice and this will not only be valintines day but will be our one year anniversary, She says we could go to captain ds and that would be just as good. Also my brother who lives in florida invited us down in a few months and he would get our plane tickets and pay for everything. He owns 5 five star restaraunts and a gay club. He is married though and not gay. but anyway he is worth several million dollars and has worked very hard for where he is today and melody refuses to let him pay for our visit there and will not go unless she has enough money by then. She just has this stereotype in her head and when he was in town a few months ago he rented a jaguier (spelling?) Anyway all she could say was he must be insecure in having to rent a car like that for only being in town for a few days. No he does it because he can and he has worked his wole life to get where he is today.
I am sorry she was not brought up with alot of money but I was and I am sorrry that I am so spolied but I am and trust me it has hurt me in the long run more than it has in any other way. I do know that. I am not that same person today and still like nice things but how can I make her understand that going to a nice restaraunt and me getting a brand new car and not one that is 5 or 6 years old is not her responsibilty. If I thought in anyway this was hurting my grandfather in anyway I would not let him do for me but he loves doing for me and especially now that I have come clean with him about all my lies. Where he knew anyway. He is not a stupid man but wants me to have the best out of life. I dont know what I am trying to say but this is really pissing me off the more I write so I am going to end it now. Thanks for reading my long a** post.
Sorry so long,
April
P:S Also she did not mind me bailing her out twice after she went and gambled her money away and wrote like 3 thousand dollars in hot checks. She was so happy that my grandfather helped her out then.
She is always going on her little note pad and saying ok you have spent this much and I owe you this much and this drives me crazy. She also thinks my grandfather should not be supporting me but if he feels like he is helping me then I do not see a problem there. I do want to get a job though just for my self esteem. I have just always liked nice things and she thinks I am just to spoiled and will not allow me to take her to nice restarunts that often or go get a nice room at a hotel and stay there for a night or two just something different. That will get us out of the house.
My grandfather has no problem with giving me money and doesnt even want me to get a job yet. He still thinks he needs to take care of me and I will not need him. Melody on the other hand cannot stand this and it drives her crazy. She is always throwing it my face that she has worked since she was 15 and went to colllege full time and had two jobs and would sleep in her car until her class started. I am sorry that I have not had to work alll my life and it was not because I did not want to be a producitnve member of soceity but I was not a very functioning addict so I could not work and thats that. She wants me to feel good about myself I know and I do to. But sometimes I think she is a little to OCD and with the writing down all of what I spend and how much she owes me. Trust me I am paid up till god knows when on the morgage here and she makes about 50 thousand dollars a year so she has a decent job but I just think we should not worry about the money and let it go. She also has a problem with me giving my car to my xgrilfriend and puts her down all the time. When I left her in california after overdosing on this girl 4 times she finally said it is me or the drugs and I picked the drugs and I was not in my right mind when I gave her my car. She wants me after three years of letting her have this car to call her and tell her I want my car back.
I see how bad I hurt this woman and wish her only happiness. The last time I talked to her was after I had been clean about 4 months and she really did love me and she said oh you can get clean for melody but you couldnt for me. I met melody after I had gotten clean and it was for me. Nobody else. I just happen to meet melody after I was clean and this hurt kimberlyn very badly. I thought I loved her but I dont know now because I did not even love mysefl at the time. I do know she put up with alot more than most people would have and kept on givng me another chance but overdosing on someone so many times. I mean enough is enough and when she told me to chose I told her to get my money out of the bank and take me to my dealers house and get me a plane ticket back home. This devasted her and I can see why now where before all I was thinking about was myself.
As far as the melody thing goes she wants things her way and thats it and that is how it is gonna be. She says my lifesttyle while I was in california makes her sick because me and kimberlyn took alot of trips here and there and got hotel rooms and and lived life the best that I could loaded all the time and I can understand her wanting to put some money back and all that but I am in no financial bind. I do not have bad credit but I have no credit. I guess I am just venting because when you asked me if I this was our home and I could get a maid if I wanted to it just really pisses me off. She is still fighting me on valinintes day to go to this restaraunt that is so nice and this will not only be valintines day but will be our one year anniversary, She says we could go to captain ds and that would be just as good. Also my brother who lives in florida invited us down in a few months and he would get our plane tickets and pay for everything. He owns 5 five star restaraunts and a gay club. He is married though and not gay. but anyway he is worth several million dollars and has worked very hard for where he is today and melody refuses to let him pay for our visit there and will not go unless she has enough money by then. She just has this stereotype in her head and when he was in town a few months ago he rented a jaguier (spelling?) Anyway all she could say was he must be insecure in having to rent a car like that for only being in town for a few days. No he does it because he can and he has worked his wole life to get where he is today.
I am sorry she was not brought up with alot of money but I was and I am sorrry that I am so spolied but I am and trust me it has hurt me in the long run more than it has in any other way. I do know that. I am not that same person today and still like nice things but how can I make her understand that going to a nice restaraunt and me getting a brand new car and not one that is 5 or 6 years old is not her responsibilty. If I thought in anyway this was hurting my grandfather in anyway I would not let him do for me but he loves doing for me and especially now that I have come clean with him about all my lies. Where he knew anyway. He is not a stupid man but wants me to have the best out of life. I dont know what I am trying to say but this is really pissing me off the more I write so I am going to end it now. Thanks for reading my long a** post.
Sorry so long,
April
P:S Also she did not mind me bailing her out twice after she went and gambled her money away and wrote like 3 thousand dollars in hot checks. She was so happy that my grandfather helped her out then.