What's going on all?
Thank you so much for the kind sentiments and support........I truly appreciate it and am so thankful to you guys.......ya bunch of caring people youse.
Been in this well it's not even a funk.........I have no word to describe it.......maybe it's like hopelessness............and nobody can help...........if they could I'd have fixed it by now............good thing is I haven't used........can't lie and say I haven't thought of it.................can't lie and say I was a few times about ready to go cop, but alas sanity is there and what good would that do?
Basically, it's coming to terms with I will never hear or see my own child again........wrestle with all kinds of crap...........runs the gamut........like my guilt to that kid had it very well and she got some nerve............last we spoke is when she called me Nancy Drew and had promised to call my mom on Easter and that never came...............and I know I should be tough and not think this way, but it encompasses alot.............people asking how she is, people who know what's going on saying sad stuff, friends kids going to proms or having babies or getting married or whatever..............smile, smile, smile, but bottom line it all leads me to think................F*CK ME........you have none of this and never will and it's all on you ya stupid junkie b*tch.
It blows me away I got neighbors kids come to me for advice or just to talk.......hanging my wash here come the kids............can I ask you about this or that..............got other parents asking my advice........are you kidding me my own kid don't even talk to me.
Worry...........concern and worry.............then totally so p*ssed I can care less.......it a wide range of emotions and we all know what we want to do when real life emotions pop up.............so it all just leaves me null and void and my boo whooing can't be any help to anybody here.
My mom has a relapse of that disease bullous pemphigoid..........she's covered in big blisters all over her body..............it's a rare autoimmune thing........and I wanna find my kid and tell her she's a living wench not calling her grandmom.......it's not like she didn't live with her for 17 years or anything.........basically that's mt biggest thing..............my mother did nothing but good for that kid............sacrificed and gave up so many things for that child and to just not even call and say a hello makes me...............makes me:
Embarassed, ashamed, hurt, angry, sick, and sad.
Afterall I raised her and that's a reflection..............to just what a complete f*ck up I am............and how I didn't do any good parenting............so that's what's been my 411 and again I appreciate all you guys and saw the funny post by Lynd's about that battle with the PP lady.............funny it is now........well at least I ain't in a compound like them people with the 400 kids..........and polygamy well I ain't down with that.........LOL.............400 kids now that'd be a nightmare.........................hecka yeah...........my best to everyone and again I am really appreciative as you guys are like a rock to eachother.........thank you from the bottom of my heart......I'm just sad............sad, sad, sad.
thank god for that,bryn as ive said your the mamma of this site and it aint the same without u,its saturday afternoon and i have to dash but dont dissapear again ,we need u,,luv eckie..xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Bryn...I am SO very happy to hear your voice....and so very sorry for your pain....good parents Bryn sometimes have s***ty kids.....ya, ya, I know you#ve heard that one...but...truth is...just cuz xou got a past doesnt make you the monster she wants you to be...or give her an excuse to be the way she is...THAT is not your doing...you cant MAKE her think properly, or care, or do anything ....and that sucks...and tha hurts and that makes everybody miserable...she your kid Bryn...BUT...shes NOT you...Bryn...you are loved...and im so glad to hear you....its gotta be hell...but....until shes worthy of being worthy to herself...she cant be worthy to anyone...including you...hope im not making this all wrose by trying help...others here better than me at this...Love and Hugs Bryn....my shoulder here anytime for you
Bryn baby so,so sorry for all the heartache that lil b**** of a daughter is giving you right now......i know with time she will see the error of her ways .....you just gotta let her go and let her do some living and learning in the big bad world that you dont burn the bridges that love you .....but shes naive,selfish and arrogant to boot ....how can you or anyone rationalise with that kinda get up?????????beats me but dont let her bring you down one notch ....coz you are a caring,compassionate,beautiful woman......i for one have lots of love for ya......since you been away i told Eckie we got hitched in Vegas that being the reason you stand up for me....he said he wouldve sent a telegram ....but i said a cutlery set would do......that ok with you Ms....or should i say Mrs.;).
Love and peace coming yer way over the Atlantic.....yer missed Bryn take care of YOU babes yer freind and allie in this battle called life......and thank goodness you stayed clean...........Davey
Love and peace coming yer way over the Atlantic.....yer missed Bryn take care of YOU babes yer freind and allie in this battle called life......and thank goodness you stayed clean...........Davey
A Scot a Mick and and an American living in Germany all posting wise words at the same time......thats what is the thing about this board our sense of freindship and watching each others backs.As Kev would say PEACE AND P VIBES going out.....Bryn see how much yer loved and missed ..........Davey
Welcome back, girlfriend. Got a few things to say to you, but gotta fly this AM and will be back this afternoon or tonight. For now...you gotta live for you and stop trashing yourself. Con's right about good parents / shi++y kids thing and Davey's right about the big bad world. TTYL sweet lady.
Peace~M&M
Peace~M&M
LOL You guys crack me up..........that's what I need to do laugh.........not sure if being the "Mum" of the site is a good thing...........well I am paying the pentance I imposed on myself by playing all country music.......and yes, Davey wasn't The Elvis chapel lovely?
I want that cutlery set.
Thanks again you guys.............I treasure ya all Mick's Pat's Yankees in Germany Scot's and the like.............oh yeah and M&M...........dang Red Sox......love you all!
I want that cutlery set.
Thanks again you guys.............I treasure ya all Mick's Pat's Yankees in Germany Scot's and the like.............oh yeah and M&M...........dang Red Sox......love you all!
The flower display was top notch as well......oh remember in the ghetto child was beautiful as well:)Chat soon Ms...................Davey
Bryn, good to see you back...............
However!!! I have a bone to pick with you lady.
So your daughter 's behavior is all because of you, huh?
Because you were a lousy mother?? that's your story, is it?
Well, Missy. let me tell you something. My daughter became an addict, neglects her family, uses me any way she can, and it's because I was a lousy mother??? is that what I should believe?
well, I don't believe it, she is the way she is because of her own choices, she decided to forget about all the people in her life, and do what she wanted.
She didn't want to do things the way she had been raised . she chose another way.
She chose. she is still choosing to not keep in touch with me.
Your daughter is her own person. she is not a reflection of you or anyone else, she is her own being. She is making choices that you don't like, that are selfish, that are bringing unhappiness to your family.
You didn't cause her to be that way.
It is not your fault.
So stop beating yourself up. She is young . there is a lot of room for change, a lot of time for her to come to her senses, if she wants to, again, ....her choice.
I pray that my daughter will decide to change her habits. I hope it will be sooner than later, I don't have the luxury of many years to wait for that. (unless I'm one of the people who will live to be 150.....(God forbid)
Mostly I pary that she will get her life back, for herself, and for her children.
Keep strong Bryn, and stop blaming yourself. It doesn't do anything but make you unhappy.
Now, there........you have had your lecture for today. Tough love.
Soft love, rita
However!!! I have a bone to pick with you lady.
So your daughter 's behavior is all because of you, huh?
Because you were a lousy mother?? that's your story, is it?
Well, Missy. let me tell you something. My daughter became an addict, neglects her family, uses me any way she can, and it's because I was a lousy mother??? is that what I should believe?
well, I don't believe it, she is the way she is because of her own choices, she decided to forget about all the people in her life, and do what she wanted.
She didn't want to do things the way she had been raised . she chose another way.
She chose. she is still choosing to not keep in touch with me.
Your daughter is her own person. she is not a reflection of you or anyone else, she is her own being. She is making choices that you don't like, that are selfish, that are bringing unhappiness to your family.
You didn't cause her to be that way.
It is not your fault.
So stop beating yourself up. She is young . there is a lot of room for change, a lot of time for her to come to her senses, if she wants to, again, ....her choice.
I pray that my daughter will decide to change her habits. I hope it will be sooner than later, I don't have the luxury of many years to wait for that. (unless I'm one of the people who will live to be 150.....(God forbid)
Mostly I pary that she will get her life back, for herself, and for her children.
Keep strong Bryn, and stop blaming yourself. It doesn't do anything but make you unhappy.
Now, there........you have had your lecture for today. Tough love.
Soft love, rita
just a quickie,on my bebo page u have to do a profile of yourself,to be honest im one of the older ones on the site,ive not told any lies about my family life,about being father ot 3 wi a partner and all that,the last words i wrote were"i lost my mum about 5yrs ago and i really miss her,so to all u young un,s out there,u only have one mum so cherish her"eck,and thats on bebo if anyone doubts me,,goodnight all,,saturday night,sleepin alone,changed days.eck
Go, Rita! Good stuff there, lady, real good stuff. I feel so much better now that I no longer accept responsibility for my daughter's choices. He//, I don't take credit for her successes, why should I take the blame for her mistakes? Sure I did some things wrong, lots of things truth be told, but I also loved her and provided a safe and loving home. Now it's on her to make a life for herself and do the right things.
Bryn, take note...you are a good mom, but she is the center of her own universe right now and the self-punishment must stop. You wouldn't allow it if we did it to ourselves...
Being depressed is one thing, we can't control our feelings, but hating on ourselves and replaying it until it sounds real and right...don't do it, please don't do it, Bryn.
So sorry to hear about your mom's condition, it sounds horribly painful and I hope she's on the mend soon.
Be good to yourself, you are wonderful ~
Peace ~ Sandra
Bryn, take note...you are a good mom, but she is the center of her own universe right now and the self-punishment must stop. You wouldn't allow it if we did it to ourselves...
Being depressed is one thing, we can't control our feelings, but hating on ourselves and replaying it until it sounds real and right...don't do it, please don't do it, Bryn.
So sorry to hear about your mom's condition, it sounds horribly painful and I hope she's on the mend soon.
Be good to yourself, you are wonderful ~
Peace ~ Sandra
Uh-Oh, boy Rita sure told me..........LOL.........and I sure needed that........I am so glad I checked in..............and yes, Rita you are right...........then I got M&M in on it and I can't win..............well I can't lose with these two great women in my corner..............thank you so much and the last thing I want to do is be on the wrong side of Rita and M&M..........my dear ladies.
Eckie you're beboing are ya..............how can one find thee.........I don't bebo, but it seems to be the choice of all across the pond so heck I'll join in........I think Tin Man had me set up for Bebo, and Eckie I am sorry you are missing your mom............so sorry...........and LIE?.........us?.........heck no.
It's now 22 days since I heard my daughters voice and I know I should cave and call her, but alas I just can't be walked on and disrespected anymore........Tres checks that Myspace just to see if she's alive.............and I don't ask her to so when she does it's a relief.............and I don't know that person anymore.........it's been soooooooooooooooooooo long and it makes me sad.
Just now I was in the CVS and all the mother's day stuff is out with all the sentiments..............it don't pertain to me...............or to her...........I know it's just a day, but it's another sad reminder..............it's just sad........and if I didn't have my own mom and grammy to care for well I wouldn't see a reason even to continue living................and my mom all blistered up and all she's a hell fire.........no complaints...............she just trucks along and looks to the good..........funny too so no sense in me moping.
Rita I am so sorry you have that pain of your daughter being well being how she is..............but you are right.............O.K. I said it you are right and M&M is right...............so I have a good lookout tonight and thank you again.
Btter days y'all...................it's got to get better.
Eckie you're beboing are ya..............how can one find thee.........I don't bebo, but it seems to be the choice of all across the pond so heck I'll join in........I think Tin Man had me set up for Bebo, and Eckie I am sorry you are missing your mom............so sorry...........and LIE?.........us?.........heck no.
It's now 22 days since I heard my daughters voice and I know I should cave and call her, but alas I just can't be walked on and disrespected anymore........Tres checks that Myspace just to see if she's alive.............and I don't ask her to so when she does it's a relief.............and I don't know that person anymore.........it's been soooooooooooooooooooo long and it makes me sad.
Just now I was in the CVS and all the mother's day stuff is out with all the sentiments..............it don't pertain to me...............or to her...........I know it's just a day, but it's another sad reminder..............it's just sad........and if I didn't have my own mom and grammy to care for well I wouldn't see a reason even to continue living................and my mom all blistered up and all she's a hell fire.........no complaints...............she just trucks along and looks to the good..........funny too so no sense in me moping.
Rita I am so sorry you have that pain of your daughter being well being how she is..............but you are right.............O.K. I said it you are right and M&M is right...............so I have a good lookout tonight and thank you again.
Btter days y'all...................it's got to get better.
Bryn, sweetie, we love you...............it's just Mom & me being the staunch New Englanders that we are. lol
I have been going with the old adage......no news is good news.
believe me, when I do hear from my daughter, I am relieved, but my first reaction is "Oh God, now what!!!
Stay with us Bryn, we can all fight the good fight together.
rita
I have been going with the old adage......no news is good news.
believe me, when I do hear from my daughter, I am relieved, but my first reaction is "Oh God, now what!!!
Stay with us Bryn, we can all fight the good fight together.
rita
Oh bryn_ knew you were floating out there--it was just a matter of time before youd be back--cant live without us can ya--and obviously we cannot and WILL NOT live without you...
as far as your daughter goes--as john lennon would say (although he was by far not a top notch father) LET IT BE....
yes i know easier said than done, and what i mean by that is still call her if you can and as you wish, I can see you are having to build a thick skin against your will but use it and let the nastyness bounce off--just keep showin love in your own ways--she will have a hard time arguing with that forever...I went through this type of thing with my mom--ive told you before, we didnt speak for 1 year but she was there and i knew that deep down and thrived on it...she didnt let me walk all oveer her but she didnt stoop to my level and say nasty things and wish me ill, i could say all the little things like this too shall pass and tomorrows a new day and all that, but you know all those things--to bad its so difficult to give yourself advice like you give other--you would do such a wonderfull job making sense of this and making bryn smile at the same time--all in your eloquent bryn-speak we all have come to cherish....
I have alittle girl outhere i may NEVER see and i have no idea if shes alive or dead, i have no access to phone 3's or my space pages and all that, so part of me really knows how your feeling--especially the guilt part...but you ARE NOT a junky anymore...and thats all you can do is make it better today...all my love and so so sosos glad to see you back, sorry to hear about mums---but at least shes got you there.....big ol hug for you my friend---and how dare you and davey not invite me to the blessed event!!!
as far as your daughter goes--as john lennon would say (although he was by far not a top notch father) LET IT BE....
yes i know easier said than done, and what i mean by that is still call her if you can and as you wish, I can see you are having to build a thick skin against your will but use it and let the nastyness bounce off--just keep showin love in your own ways--she will have a hard time arguing with that forever...I went through this type of thing with my mom--ive told you before, we didnt speak for 1 year but she was there and i knew that deep down and thrived on it...she didnt let me walk all oveer her but she didnt stoop to my level and say nasty things and wish me ill, i could say all the little things like this too shall pass and tomorrows a new day and all that, but you know all those things--to bad its so difficult to give yourself advice like you give other--you would do such a wonderfull job making sense of this and making bryn smile at the same time--all in your eloquent bryn-speak we all have come to cherish....
I have alittle girl outhere i may NEVER see and i have no idea if shes alive or dead, i have no access to phone 3's or my space pages and all that, so part of me really knows how your feeling--especially the guilt part...but you ARE NOT a junky anymore...and thats all you can do is make it better today...all my love and so so sosos glad to see you back, sorry to hear about mums---but at least shes got you there.....big ol hug for you my friend---and how dare you and davey not invite me to the blessed event!!!
Hey Bryn,
Great to hear your voice. I'm so sorry you're hurting so much.
We're all doing the best we can all the time. Your best is pretty amazing girl. Your daughter will understand one day, just as we all understand in our own time.
You keep safe, well and happy. Look at the joy you bring here. One day your daughter will understand and she will feel that joy in her bones and all will be well. One day at a time.
Take care,
Martin.
Great to hear your voice. I'm so sorry you're hurting so much.
We're all doing the best we can all the time. Your best is pretty amazing girl. Your daughter will understand one day, just as we all understand in our own time.
You keep safe, well and happy. Look at the joy you bring here. One day your daughter will understand and she will feel that joy in her bones and all will be well. One day at a time.
Take care,
Martin.
Hey Bryn. looks like I'm last here! Soooooo glad you're back. I was starting to get withdrawal symptoms!
You know, your daughter doesn't know how lucky she is. I'd give anything in the world to have just one day with my mum but will never ever be able to do that again. It makes me so angry when other people disrespect their mum's. a Mum is the most precious thing in the world. You my dear are smart, funny, caring, honest........... you know how we all feel about you. We can't all be wrong Bryn!
So happy to see you post again, keep coming. You can be my surrogate mum anytime!
Love ya,
Linz xx
You know, your daughter doesn't know how lucky she is. I'd give anything in the world to have just one day with my mum but will never ever be able to do that again. It makes me so angry when other people disrespect their mum's. a Mum is the most precious thing in the world. You my dear are smart, funny, caring, honest........... you know how we all feel about you. We can't all be wrong Bryn!
So happy to see you post again, keep coming. You can be my surrogate mum anytime!
Love ya,
Linz xx
Bryn,
I have never posted before on this forum but I've been reading your posts for about 2 yrs. First I wish I had a friend like you, your so funny,caring,and your posts always seem heartfelt. I wanted to make a few comments on the situation with your daughter. Its sounds to me like she is severly depressed with alot of self hatred going on. She probably doesn't love herself right now so how can she show love for anybody else,Its probably killing her inside thats shes so cruel to you and your mom right now but she cant help it. I dont think it has anything to do with your mothering right now,you sound like a very loving mother, some days I feel so guilty about what my 2 daughters went through but I try to focus on the right now.I hope I have not overstepped my bounds ,I only hope the best for you.
Sally
I have never posted before on this forum but I've been reading your posts for about 2 yrs. First I wish I had a friend like you, your so funny,caring,and your posts always seem heartfelt. I wanted to make a few comments on the situation with your daughter. Its sounds to me like she is severly depressed with alot of self hatred going on. She probably doesn't love herself right now so how can she show love for anybody else,Its probably killing her inside thats shes so cruel to you and your mom right now but she cant help it. I dont think it has anything to do with your mothering right now,you sound like a very loving mother, some days I feel so guilty about what my 2 daughters went through but I try to focus on the right now.I hope I have not overstepped my bounds ,I only hope the best for you.
Sally
| QUOTE |
| Afterall I raised her and that's a reflection..............to just what a complete f*ck up I am............and how I didn't do any good parenting |
You know it isn't a reflection at all Bryn. You can do everything right and they will still follow their own path. It may not be the path we hope for.
You can play the what if game all you want. It will not change things. I know I tried. You can only go on with life and hope they change eventually. You have to learn to take care of you. Hopefully your daughter will grow up and come to terms with her own problems. But until/if she does you need to take care of yourself.
Right on HurtDad............take care..........Davey
Hi Bryn... I've never replied to your posts before but have read many of them and have taken alot from most of them.. I just wanted to reiterate what most people here have said to you.. also what Linz said strikes a cord - both my parents are dead, both died quite young and boy would I give anything to speak, listen or just hold both of them again... you're daughter doesn't know what she's missing out on... a time will come when she will turn to you, believe it.. she could learn alot from you.. you've got an attitude that I respect and a deeply caring side... I hope things come good for you - of all people you deserve it..
Arrie...
Arrie...
