Hi ya
How ya doing tonight? I'm a night owl myself hehe. I hope today finds you doing as well as can be....I've been trying to go back and read old posts because frankly I don't remember alot of them. I did the at home detox before going inpatient and that was a total nightmare. And that was when I found this forum.
I just wanted to say thanks for reaching out to me then. I appreciate all who did. You guys are great. I pissed off a lot of folks in rehab for speaking my mind and calling people on their b*&^s*&$, but I needed to be called on the carpet myself.I wasn't there to just make friends, I needed to get real with myself, ya know? I almost walked out of there after the detox, but one lady jumped my butt and told me 'how it is' and I completely broke down. But afterward I finally unpacked my suitcase! I'm glad I stayed, I learned sooo much.
And life around my house went right along without me nice and smooth. They missed me terribly, but it was good for all of us. I guess I've rambled long enough.
Hope you sleep well........
jen
Boo, my husband and I have been considering rehab for me. It's not the detox that I'm worried about .... I did that at home and know I can do it again here.... It's the mental crap that I have to deal with.... the things that keep me going back to the pain pills over and over again.
I am scared to go, though, because I have a 3 year old and responsibilities.... Your post made me feel better when you said things ran smoothly without you. I have a sister that lives here and she helps out, too, so I guess they would be okay.....
I start school on Jan 10, so I wouldn't be able to do an entire month.... Maybe I'll try something outpatient...
I am scared to go, though, because I have a 3 year old and responsibilities.... Your post made me feel better when you said things ran smoothly without you. I have a sister that lives here and she helps out, too, so I guess they would be okay.....
I start school on Jan 10, so I wouldn't be able to do an entire month.... Maybe I'll try something outpatient...
Hey Danielle,
I know exactly how ya feel, hon. It was absolute hell for me that first week. Once past that hump I did pretty well. I won't sugarcoat it though, for me it was a rollercoaster each day. One minute I had the whole gang in stitches laughing like hell, the next minute the desperation would set in. I was really impressed with one person who had been through the program back first of the year and relapsed and came in a few days after me. Married, with a toddler, and when that person "graduated" their spouse picked them up and they drove to the halfway together. Gonna do four months to try and get on solid ground before going back home. Now that's not for everybody and I couldn't do it I don't think. But I was proud of him for knowing he needed it and actually going through with it.
The information you learn in rehab is just amazing. Like the different things that are over the counter that most people think is alright, but for an addict it'll set off our addiction in a heartbeat before we even know what's happening. I know for me, I can't make it just cutting the narcotics-sedatives out. I went almost two weeks with no sleep. I remember after eight days I got tired of people asking me and talking about it so I'd just say yeah I rested last night and let it go. Then my counselor popped up in group one day and wanted me to talk to a newcomer about it. He told him that I didn't sleep for two wks and I was floored he knew that! He said well we do keep an eye on you guys...but it was nice knowing that someone knew what I was struggling with on top of the obvious, ya know?
There are alot of options out there. I know alot of folks would stay around 14 days or a few more and go home from inpatient, and finish up the 28 days as outpatient during the day. Maybe that would be something you could look into. You are in my thoughts....
I know exactly how ya feel, hon. It was absolute hell for me that first week. Once past that hump I did pretty well. I won't sugarcoat it though, for me it was a rollercoaster each day. One minute I had the whole gang in stitches laughing like hell, the next minute the desperation would set in. I was really impressed with one person who had been through the program back first of the year and relapsed and came in a few days after me. Married, with a toddler, and when that person "graduated" their spouse picked them up and they drove to the halfway together. Gonna do four months to try and get on solid ground before going back home. Now that's not for everybody and I couldn't do it I don't think. But I was proud of him for knowing he needed it and actually going through with it.
The information you learn in rehab is just amazing. Like the different things that are over the counter that most people think is alright, but for an addict it'll set off our addiction in a heartbeat before we even know what's happening. I know for me, I can't make it just cutting the narcotics-sedatives out. I went almost two weeks with no sleep. I remember after eight days I got tired of people asking me and talking about it so I'd just say yeah I rested last night and let it go. Then my counselor popped up in group one day and wanted me to talk to a newcomer about it. He told him that I didn't sleep for two wks and I was floored he knew that! He said well we do keep an eye on you guys...but it was nice knowing that someone knew what I was struggling with on top of the obvious, ya know?
There are alot of options out there. I know alot of folks would stay around 14 days or a few more and go home from inpatient, and finish up the 28 days as outpatient during the day. Maybe that would be something you could look into. You are in my thoughts....
Thanks for all the input..... Would they be able to give me ambien for sleep? I can't sleep without it - have been taking it for years - and I have a harder time getting off the pain pills when I'm not getting any rest....
It's still something I'm just considering.... It's hard when you're a mom and you leave like that. I leave for work trips, so I could definitely do two weeks.... I don't know. Sometimes I get mad at myself for not being able to just put the damn bottle down - just don't take them!!! I used to be able to keep bottles of this stuff around the house and they would last me months, if not a year. I only took them when ABSOLUTELY necessary.
The depression and mental pain this addiction has caused is the worst... THAT is what I want to be free from
It's still something I'm just considering.... It's hard when you're a mom and you leave like that. I leave for work trips, so I could definitely do two weeks.... I don't know. Sometimes I get mad at myself for not being able to just put the damn bottle down - just don't take them!!! I used to be able to keep bottles of this stuff around the house and they would last me months, if not a year. I only took them when ABSOLUTELY necessary.
The depression and mental pain this addiction has caused is the worst... THAT is what I want to be free from
Hi Jen, I reach out because I was sooooo scared to go into treatment. In fact, it was a year ago today. I was unable to function, couldn't really even pack my suitcase. I had to fly to the mainland, my sister took my kids for the month. I left here with a bottle of 240 norcos, could have partied the holidays away with my family, but the next day went to a hospital and was SO DAMN SCARED...It was in the middle of Oakland, and I am a little white girl....
But I knew if I didn't I was going to lose my kids or die, or get fired...or something terrible was going to happen...
But you should be so proud of yourself...I went back out after May, but I did make it a few months. Every morning that I woke up sober, I was amazed....
When I was back out, I wanted that sober feeling back...Life on lifes terms sucked big time, but it was better than that hell....
How are you doing? One of the things that sucked for me was I was back in all my triggers...now I just know that there are no big deals...
I am not pill free, I am taking ultramm for the pain that is scaring me to death. I know that I am not strong enough to face withdrawls, and don't have any chances left.
But I am not getting loaded, only nervous...
I hope that sobriety is treating you well......smiles.....
Kerry
But I knew if I didn't I was going to lose my kids or die, or get fired...or something terrible was going to happen...
But you should be so proud of yourself...I went back out after May, but I did make it a few months. Every morning that I woke up sober, I was amazed....
When I was back out, I wanted that sober feeling back...Life on lifes terms sucked big time, but it was better than that hell....
How are you doing? One of the things that sucked for me was I was back in all my triggers...now I just know that there are no big deals...
I am not pill free, I am taking ultramm for the pain that is scaring me to death. I know that I am not strong enough to face withdrawls, and don't have any chances left.
But I am not getting loaded, only nervous...
I hope that sobriety is treating you well......smiles.....
Kerry
Danielle, the 14 days might be an option for you. But because you are a hottie, I would stay away from the men....
You take away their drug of choice, and all of a sudden you walk in...lol....you will have more men on you than ever...
You can make it..
Kerry
You take away their drug of choice, and all of a sudden you walk in...lol....you will have more men on you than ever...
You can make it..
Kerry
Dear Boo,
Two words: You Rock!
You, like so many others, deserve the best. Your fortitude, through these trying times, shows how much you wanted to succeed. And, alas, you have.
I'm so very happy for you, Jen. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Ben
Two words: You Rock!
You, like so many others, deserve the best. Your fortitude, through these trying times, shows how much you wanted to succeed. And, alas, you have.
I'm so very happy for you, Jen. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Ben
Kerry- You are an ANTI-MALEIST... hehe
no, not really. I had like 6 men following me around in treatment...you take away the addicts drug, and they latch on to something else.
I even had this old guy Herb try to kiss me in the wash room. I was nice to him, and he took it as something else..eeeeewwwww.....He almost got kicked out. One of the counselors called me a b**** in heat..lol...actually, opiate addicts lose their sex drive...
Part of it was because I was nice. Remember, I have been living in NICEVILLE for a long time. People take my niceness for something else..
But actually, I love men....just not someone else's husband...that is my only cutoff....I am not a slut, but would love to chase some men around my house naked right now, seeing as the opiate birthcontrol is over....lol.....hahahahahahahhahahahhahah
kerry
I even had this old guy Herb try to kiss me in the wash room. I was nice to him, and he took it as something else..eeeeewwwww.....He almost got kicked out. One of the counselors called me a b**** in heat..lol...actually, opiate addicts lose their sex drive...
Part of it was because I was nice. Remember, I have been living in NICEVILLE for a long time. People take my niceness for something else..
But actually, I love men....just not someone else's husband...that is my only cutoff....I am not a slut, but would love to chase some men around my house naked right now, seeing as the opiate birthcontrol is over....lol.....hahahahahahahhahahahhahah
kerry
LMAO.....
I saw that in treatment too..god help the women there..I never did it, but I certainly saw it..but I still say YOU ARE ANTI-MALEIST hehe (jk)
danny, I am not...I just called Gina an a**, too...see, I hate women too...lol.
Kerry
Kerry
Little Beach, it's funny how well we know each other and think alike.... I was thinking earlier about trying to get into Promises or one of those swanky rehabs so that I can flirt the day away with Ben Affleck... LOL
Seriously, I was thinking how it would probably be best to go into rehab with only women (if I choose to go... I'm still trying to do this at home).... Like we all were talking about in previous posts, using sex as a means of control and relying on that is part of the problem for me. When I'm depressed, I take comfort in that male/female bond... when I am off the drugs, I use the excitement and passion as a means to get high.... I wouldn't be getting better; I would be creating new problems...
Seriously, I was thinking how it would probably be best to go into rehab with only women (if I choose to go... I'm still trying to do this at home).... Like we all were talking about in previous posts, using sex as a means of control and relying on that is part of the problem for me. When I'm depressed, I take comfort in that male/female bond... when I am off the drugs, I use the excitement and passion as a means to get high.... I wouldn't be getting better; I would be creating new problems...
Danielle, you are right. An all women rehab would be best. That is why they say not to have other sex sponsors....when you are young or good looking, you can use that as manipulation. I don't think that I am all that hot, but I can see how in the rooms I use the attention to my advantage.
The sex for control thing is something that you will have to look at too....
Honest living demands that we look at all aspects.
I am not all the way there yet, believe me, but I know that some of those things can bring on low self esteem, and be a trigger....
Hang in there, Danielle, You can do it.
Btw....I am dying to see the Big Easy...
Kerry
The sex for control thing is something that you will have to look at too....
Honest living demands that we look at all aspects.
I am not all the way there yet, believe me, but I know that some of those things can bring on low self esteem, and be a trigger....
Hang in there, Danielle, You can do it.
Btw....I am dying to see the Big Easy...
Kerry
Little beach,
take your own inventory, i didnt do anything wrong...stop trying to start crap
take your own inventory, i didnt do anything wrong...stop trying to start crap
I am not trying to start crap. I have stayed out of every drama since I came here in Sept. That was, by far, the most childish thing I have seen..
You people (for use of a nicer word) followed him over there and insulted him. Both of you....I just couldn't help posting my feelings.
And I will back that one up, also.
Kerry
You people (for use of a nicer word) followed him over there and insulted him. Both of you....I just couldn't help posting my feelings.
And I will back that one up, also.
Kerry
LittleBeach... you should think about coming for Mardi Gras.... If you don't drink, it might not be worth it, because that's a prerequisite in this city!! LOL But if you ever want to come and want someone to show you around, I'd be glad to... I've lived here my entire life....
The opposite sex thing is a tricky one..... it's something I have ALWAYS relied on and the thought of doing this the hard way, no flirting, no manipulating... that's almost as hard as going through withdrawals. I even do it with my doctors and I'm sure if most of you women are honest with yourselves, you'll admit it too... I walk into his office and I smile sweetly and stick out my bottom lip or do that cute voice (my husband knows right away when I'm trying to get something from someone because I do that "little girl" voice)....
I always said that I don't get along with women, but maybe it's because I could never manipulate them in the same way and resented that.... I don't know. I'm learning so much about myself these days and I'm learning it's not healthy to rely on your physical appearance.... I complain about people using me or only seeing me as a sex object, but then I do things like flirt with doctors to get more pills and I realize that I'm only hurting myself....
The opposite sex thing is a tricky one..... it's something I have ALWAYS relied on and the thought of doing this the hard way, no flirting, no manipulating... that's almost as hard as going through withdrawals. I even do it with my doctors and I'm sure if most of you women are honest with yourselves, you'll admit it too... I walk into his office and I smile sweetly and stick out my bottom lip or do that cute voice (my husband knows right away when I'm trying to get something from someone because I do that "little girl" voice)....
I always said that I don't get along with women, but maybe it's because I could never manipulate them in the same way and resented that.... I don't know. I'm learning so much about myself these days and I'm learning it's not healthy to rely on your physical appearance.... I complain about people using me or only seeing me as a sex object, but then I do things like flirt with doctors to get more pills and I realize that I'm only hurting myself....
excuse me but i posted MY feelings.........as i am entitled to ...i didnt call anyone any names
Calling people names isn't childish Littlebeach? Calling Bob and Gina an A** was so mature.
Hey,
You wanna start stick with me. Gina wont like my getting involved but she did nothing wrong. Ya' wanna get on me thats fine I could care less what your opinion of me is. I responded to his post, I didn't post first, it was only said that he was missed, HE started with the insults not I. So, you wanna b**** at someone b**** at me, Gina didn't really say anything to him. And I don't recall anyone calling anyone names other than yourself. Whos acting childish?
Take care........................................God bless.......................................Bob
You wanna start stick with me. Gina wont like my getting involved but she did nothing wrong. Ya' wanna get on me thats fine I could care less what your opinion of me is. I responded to his post, I didn't post first, it was only said that he was missed, HE started with the insults not I. So, you wanna b**** at someone b**** at me, Gina didn't really say anything to him. And I don't recall anyone calling anyone names other than yourself. Whos acting childish?
Take care........................................God bless.......................................Bob
