Hi Everyone, I just wanted you to know that I love you all and I appreciate each and everyone of you that has been here for me while I was trying to get clean I had been clean almost two months.. I give up....I was so hopeful this time I started out doing everything right and ended up doing everything wrong... My husband brought me his scripts the other day and I almost burned the road up getting there to fill them It is not his fault it is mine he does not think like me he tries to understand but he cant.. I am not blaming anything but myself right now I feel pretty low and depressed.. I should have listened to my friends the other night and got my a** to a meeting, it might have helped but I dont think so at this point I had already relapsed in my head and now I cant hold my head up..For all those that might want to bash me or judge me dont bother I am doing a pretty good job myself.. For those that are thinking I knew this would happen you are right it did happen for those that hate me and think good I am glad you cant hate me anymore than I hate myself right now... and for those that have been kicking my a**.. Thank you I know you love me.. but right now I dont love myself.. I would not blame anyone that did not want to talk to me right now I know I f***ed up and now I have to start all over... maybe this time I will learn.. I feel pretty stupid right now because I am going to put my self thru this again but I know I have to because I am real close to just giving up on life right now and not even trying... I am tough though or I think I am so I will be ok... thanks for letting me get all this out it does not make me feel any better but being honest is the only way... Love to you all..
Oh Paula...first of all, get off the pity pot, wipe your nose and square your shoulders.
No one beats us up any better than we do ourselves. But right now, it's not going to help you. Getting real and taking action will.
I'm not letting you give up.
Today you start over. If you've taken any pills yet, ok, don't take anymore. AND don't take any tomorrow.
Get your a** to a meeting TODAY. No excuses, just go. You don't have to admit anything, just go.
Send me an email with your number. You knew that I lost it and I would really like to talk to you today. Sorry, but you're stuck with me and yes, I will kick your a**.
I love you
Lisa
No one beats us up any better than we do ourselves. But right now, it's not going to help you. Getting real and taking action will.
I'm not letting you give up.
Today you start over. If you've taken any pills yet, ok, don't take anymore. AND don't take any tomorrow.
Get your a** to a meeting TODAY. No excuses, just go. You don't have to admit anything, just go.
Send me an email with your number. You knew that I lost it and I would really like to talk to you today. Sorry, but you're stuck with me and yes, I will kick your a**.
I love you
Lisa
Paula,
shoulda. coulda. woulda.... doesnt matter... what matters is today... start today... learn and start over.... you know that these negative feelings do nothing to help.. they are normal.. cry you last tear.. feel your last 'why me it isnt fair'.. 'I should of....'.... 'i wish'..... ect..... they make a list of what doing drugs gets you... the reality the good, the bad, the ugly.... make an other list.. what your grateful for... start with ' that this relapse didnt take me soo far out that I didnt make it back..'...
and then decide the big decision honestly.... Do I really what to get clean?...
Stop beating yourself up and put some things into action.... yes maybe if you would have done this or that.... who knows... the only reason it is relevent at this point is maybe to learn for the next time you are having a hard time.....
take lisa's advice... go to a meeting.... one step at a time.... dont use...
I love you.... take care of you paula... your the one that can do this... I believe in you and you deserve it...
I will pray for you..
Teresa
shoulda. coulda. woulda.... doesnt matter... what matters is today... start today... learn and start over.... you know that these negative feelings do nothing to help.. they are normal.. cry you last tear.. feel your last 'why me it isnt fair'.. 'I should of....'.... 'i wish'..... ect..... they make a list of what doing drugs gets you... the reality the good, the bad, the ugly.... make an other list.. what your grateful for... start with ' that this relapse didnt take me soo far out that I didnt make it back..'...
and then decide the big decision honestly.... Do I really what to get clean?...
Stop beating yourself up and put some things into action.... yes maybe if you would have done this or that.... who knows... the only reason it is relevent at this point is maybe to learn for the next time you are having a hard time.....
take lisa's advice... go to a meeting.... one step at a time.... dont use...
I love you.... take care of you paula... your the one that can do this... I believe in you and you deserve it...
I will pray for you..
Teresa
You ladies R tuff. Tuff luv . I luv it. Listen to your friends not a pill. You will go and feel alot better at the end of the day.
Paula, I just read your thread and I wanted to tell you that I am very sorry for what you are going thru. You have been given some great advice and anytime that you would like to talk, you know where to meet me. I truly enjoyed our chat the other night and I will be here for you always. You can do this and you are in my prayers.
Dear Paula,
I cant tell you how many times ive beat myself up and felt pathetic, lost and without hope...thought you should read the thread on withdrawals..by donna2 in think..i bumped it up for you....she had several "slips" and speaks about it- wsaying it helped her resolve to quit for good.
Dont be hard on yourself, you can beat this, many people here have.
Hugs,
Ali
I cant tell you how many times ive beat myself up and felt pathetic, lost and without hope...thought you should read the thread on withdrawals..by donna2 in think..i bumped it up for you....she had several "slips" and speaks about it- wsaying it helped her resolve to quit for good.
Dont be hard on yourself, you can beat this, many people here have.
Hugs,
Ali
Paula,
You know there are people in your life that sometimes just touch your heart. You are one of those special people.Your post brought tears to my eyes. I wish I could give to you what I feel right now. I wish I could bring you out of that dark place your in. But I know I cant so I will just say...lol as I usually say to you...yea you know its coming...Get your head out of your a**!!! As far as loving yourself, we will love you until you can love yourself. Now get your butt to that meeting no matter what. Don't think just go. You know it works, but you have to work it to. Don't ever forget that you are so worth this. God loves you and so do I. I will give you a call tonite.
love ya my friend,
gi
You know there are people in your life that sometimes just touch your heart. You are one of those special people.Your post brought tears to my eyes. I wish I could give to you what I feel right now. I wish I could bring you out of that dark place your in. But I know I cant so I will just say...lol as I usually say to you...yea you know its coming...Get your head out of your a**!!! As far as loving yourself, we will love you until you can love yourself. Now get your butt to that meeting no matter what. Don't think just go. You know it works, but you have to work it to. Don't ever forget that you are so worth this. God loves you and so do I. I will give you a call tonite.
love ya my friend,
gi
bumping for Paula....where are you? Oh and btw, you are NOT stupid !!! Please don't think that.
love ya,
gi
love ya,
gi
I second what Gina said...come back out and talk to us.
Hi Gina, I had a good time with you the other night. Lord bless your soul, you have one gem of a spouse...lmao...
Hi Gina, I had a good time with you the other night. Lord bless your soul, you have one gem of a spouse...lmao...
Now you didn't really think we'd bash you, did you?
Put your head very close to the screen.
THUMP
Now that we got that out of the way, now what?
What can you do differently?
You're right about something, it isn't your husband's fault. It's up to you to set boundries that he will understand and enforce. You must in turn not manipulate him into enabling you. He's done it a long time and doesn't know how to stop.
Every day is a new day. Start over, it's all you can do. It's up to you if you allow this to be a slip or make it a run. I hope you let it be a slip.
Love, Kat
Put your head very close to the screen.
THUMP
Now that we got that out of the way, now what?
What can you do differently?
You're right about something, it isn't your husband's fault. It's up to you to set boundries that he will understand and enforce. You must in turn not manipulate him into enabling you. He's done it a long time and doesn't know how to stop.
Every day is a new day. Start over, it's all you can do. It's up to you if you allow this to be a slip or make it a run. I hope you let it be a slip.
Love, Kat
Paula
You are stupid !!!!!!
If you think we wouldn't support and love you unconditionally. Why didn't you call or email or some f***ing thing. Thats what we're here for. Ya know to help each other when we need it most. OK so you slipped. Just don't slide. Stop now and get yourself back on track.
By now you know what works and what doesn't so,,,,, do what works. You have said so many times that the meetings help you but you always find an excuse not to go. Well??????? OK thats as hard as I can be on you.
You know how I feel about you. I told you I would never give up on you but you can't give up on yourself. You have to much to live for,,,and clean living is so much better.
Now get your a** back here and talk to us.
Love you
Frank
You are stupid !!!!!!
If you think we wouldn't support and love you unconditionally. Why didn't you call or email or some f***ing thing. Thats what we're here for. Ya know to help each other when we need it most. OK so you slipped. Just don't slide. Stop now and get yourself back on track.
By now you know what works and what doesn't so,,,,, do what works. You have said so many times that the meetings help you but you always find an excuse not to go. Well??????? OK thats as hard as I can be on you.
You know how I feel about you. I told you I would never give up on you but you can't give up on yourself. You have to much to live for,,,and clean living is so much better.
Now get your a** back here and talk to us.
Love you
Frank
Hi Guys,... Thank you so much for caring.. I know I f***ed up and I know I have a choice here to keep using or stop now before it gets to out of hand.. Of course to me any using at all is out of hand.. I do plan to get back to meetings and trying not to isolate so much which I find that hard to do since I have always been that way to a certain extent... I tend to isolate when things go wrong and cut myself off it is like I just dont want to talk to people maybe I think if I ignore it then it will go away... Never does though, so finding out that does not work.. I have to go to work now I will try my best to stay in contact.. Alot has been going on though and it seems alot of bad days have been crashing in on me lately.. Yes Gina I will try to pull my head out of my a** so I can see better.. and thanks so much for the phone call Teresa and Lisa thank you, I will email you Lisa... I can always count on you, and Frank.. You know I love you sweetie.. Pam/Gidget.. Thank you and the rest of who wrote to me also..I love you all... Paula
No more double talk. Get your butt to a meeting, Paula. Today. Using or not.
Please.
Please.
