Hello Darin,
just wanted to say hi!, I hope you are doing fine?, as for me there's alot going on, right now, I wonder when all this hardship is going to end, like they say , when it rains, it pours! I don't want to over welm you with my problems, but when I'm writing you on the board I feel like, you are my gardian angel, all of you! even though I can't see you guys, I feel like my prayers are being answered one at a time, with good advice.
well, here it goes! On March 8, 2006 my parents went Tijuana, Mexico, since we live close in San Diego we are about 10 min. from the boarder, anyways, they were supposed to go eat at a sea food restaurant it was around 5:30pm and they never made it home, that same night at about 8pm, I get a call from Mercy hospital and they asked for me, and told me that my husband was and in-patient there since 2pm and that I needed to come down there, they didn't want to tell me anything over the phone, I get to the hospital, Doc, says that my husband had a heart attack! and that his suger levels were extremely high, blood pressure high, the doctor obviously saw the old and new tracks on his arms, hands legs, neck. basically the doc wanted to know his history of abuse because Marco wasn't cooperating. the Doc, told me that it looks like Marco is on a death mission. It had been 3 weeks since I last saw him, I really didn't want to see him like that, I went in to see him, he was sleeping so I didn't wake him, I just stared at him fort a while, I felt like telling him so many things but I didn't. my feelings changed completely all of a sudden, I kind of felt discusted!!, and that made me very sad and scared too.I realized that it was his journey to fulfill to where ever it way end, and I said good bye! quietly. I don't know if I'm doing right but I felt thats what I needed to do. I told the Doc, to please not tell him I was there, I told him that we were seperated and that he needed to find himself, I told the doc, when he wakes just tell him, (not saying from who) to give himself a chance!! So I went home feeling strong in a weired way?
Here comes the big one, I"ll tell it fast because I have to go pick up kids from school. My parents never made home that night because they were being kept hostiage for ransume by some real sick people, anyways they were rescued early sunday morning at 3:27am thank god! the San Diego and the Mexican police did a real great job!! my parents weren't harmed and they were scared to like all of us, I tell you more later O.K.
First and formost, I am so very happy that your parents are ok! One can only imagine the hell you must have gone through. How much can one person stand....dealing with this an a addicted husband. You are only as great as your struggle.
Ask yourself...Have I REALLY had enough?.....Am I REALLY done?....Have I FINALLY realized that this is out of my hands and this is not my burden to bare....Am I being totally honest with myself(afterall that's who you are left with at the end of the day)? If the answer is yes to any of these questions then you HAVE done the right thing. Be warned...don't play with the choice you have made because if you go back and forth then YOU are the one who will suffer most. If this is not the case then you need to confront him and lay it all out to him...tell him how you feel and don't hold back. Loved ones make the mistake of holding back what is one there hearts when YOU matter most. So.....where do you go from here? Now it's time for you to give yourself a chance! All the best and thank you for your kind words.
Darin
Ask yourself...Have I REALLY had enough?.....Am I REALLY done?....Have I FINALLY realized that this is out of my hands and this is not my burden to bare....Am I being totally honest with myself(afterall that's who you are left with at the end of the day)? If the answer is yes to any of these questions then you HAVE done the right thing. Be warned...don't play with the choice you have made because if you go back and forth then YOU are the one who will suffer most. If this is not the case then you need to confront him and lay it all out to him...tell him how you feel and don't hold back. Loved ones make the mistake of holding back what is one there hearts when YOU matter most. So.....where do you go from here? Now it's time for you to give yourself a chance! All the best and thank you for your kind words.
Darin
Hello my dear friend! You know? thats what I was thinking exactly! I was asking my self " where do I go from here?"I've made my dicision, I'm going to let time go by and only time will tell what course our lifes will take and with time I will heal, besides what happened to my parents, that was real scarey!! that made us realize that, you never know what to expect and how to react, my father was telling me that there is no difference, when it comes to tragadies, He said just as they took us, the out come could have been extreemly horiffic and full of death, just like it can be for my husband, he said, "that drug can become death and abduct his life and never returing it to his loved ones" it's that simple, He said that he never saw them coming, all of a sudden they were inside their truck, being held up at gun point and they led them somewhere very near by, the garage closed and that was that. My brothers and sisters and my dear parents and I became closer, we have alot of planning to do, my baby will be here before we know it and I need to get things ready, last night I was taking a bath and I felt my baby move for the first time, there is no words to express, but I was so over joyed and amaized, how incredable!, there is an actual! living! little person inside of me!! Again!! I feel so blessed!!! GOD! is INCREDABLE!!
My friend thank you so very!, very! much! for listening to me and guiding me with your wonderful advise! I say to you, thank you!! fot giving yourself a chance!, you are someone very special! from the very fist time you wrote back to me on the board, I could tell you are living through your hardship and the memory of your addiction, you have a passion for living sober and being the real you, the real you is all you desire to be. I'm so proud of you!! GOD! bless you! my prayers are always with you!
I'll be taking a week off because I feel extreemly tired!!!!!! I think I'll sleep the whole week!! As for my husband, he is in gods hands now, and only Marco will know when he hits bottom, or will he?
P.S. Take care, I'll write soon!
P.S.S. SMILE! ALWAYS!
ALWAYS, LALI
P.S.S.S. LALI is short for:
"XITLALI" it's an AZTEC name which means
QUEEN OF THE STARS.
My friend thank you so very!, very! much! for listening to me and guiding me with your wonderful advise! I say to you, thank you!! fot giving yourself a chance!, you are someone very special! from the very fist time you wrote back to me on the board, I could tell you are living through your hardship and the memory of your addiction, you have a passion for living sober and being the real you, the real you is all you desire to be. I'm so proud of you!! GOD! bless you! my prayers are always with you!
I'll be taking a week off because I feel extreemly tired!!!!!! I think I'll sleep the whole week!! As for my husband, he is in gods hands now, and only Marco will know when he hits bottom, or will he?
P.S. Take care, I'll write soon!
P.S.S. SMILE! ALWAYS!
ALWAYS, LALI
P.S.S.S. LALI is short for:
"XITLALI" it's an AZTEC name which means
QUEEN OF THE STARS.
Welll hello there Lali!
So good to hear from you! You are right to use your parents experience to help better you and your life because as you stated, it could have been So much worse. You can have many husbands but you only get one set of parents. As for Marco....he and only he can impliment change in his life. Keep him in prayer. I know the pain of what he is going through all to well but only he can change that pain to joy and freedom. I hope with my all that he finds his way.
All that matters right now is you and the beautiful life you are about to give birth to. I'm sure you are simply overjoyed. Maybe God sent this little angel as a way to set you free from a burden that isn't yours to bare! In all, by happy and look forward to better and brighter days ahead! Thank you for your evry kind and sweet words. I am both humbled and honored! All the best to you!
Darin
So good to hear from you! You are right to use your parents experience to help better you and your life because as you stated, it could have been So much worse. You can have many husbands but you only get one set of parents. As for Marco....he and only he can impliment change in his life. Keep him in prayer. I know the pain of what he is going through all to well but only he can change that pain to joy and freedom. I hope with my all that he finds his way.
All that matters right now is you and the beautiful life you are about to give birth to. I'm sure you are simply overjoyed. Maybe God sent this little angel as a way to set you free from a burden that isn't yours to bare! In all, by happy and look forward to better and brighter days ahead! Thank you for your evry kind and sweet words. I am both humbled and honored! All the best to you!
Darin
