Hello all,
Where to start....took my daughter (20yr) to court today to testify against her ex-boyfriend who had sex with an 11 year old girl. (He's 23) He's out on bond. Nice huh? You'd think they'd wanna lock people like him up! Turns out his lawyer has had his trial postponed over for this 'n that. They should have his trial sometime between Oct and Feb. Lovely. If he harasses Kayla though, she can call the cops & he will be arrested & his bond will be revoked. Guess what I'm hoping for. Twisted I know. The thoughts I have these days....
It was a crazy day. Kayla & my other daughter got into it in the car, after we talked to the prosecuting attorney. Always been a jealousy thing there, both are of each other. Each thinks the other is my favorite. Huh?! My DOGS are my favorites! :) Seriously.
But have to share.....at the end of this meeting, the lawyer extends his arm & shakes my hand , says I am a very good parent. I'm like , (in my head) "What?" "Did I miss something?" "Am I on candid camera?", lol.
He said Kayla talked of nothing else the last time they met, but how much she loves her mom & how I'm the only one that hasn't given up on her...He said it's rare & he respected me for that, and for being a good & responsible parent. (Could have kissed him full on the lips! And he wasn't even cute, lol) ) It was like a star on my forehead like Sue said! lol
If it came from Kayla, I would have thought she was bulls***ting me.... I thanked him. He didn't have to tell me that & it made my crumpled little heart plump up a little again. Guess God knew I needed a little "umph". I had to share that with you all because I know it's what should be said to ALL of us! There are SO MANY of us walking wounded that never get a caring glance, a smile or a kind word....and we really ALL do deserve it.
My older daughter is moving back with us to go back to school. She can't work enough hours to pay rent, her bills & go to & do well in, school. She quit drinking & is working double shifts to finish up her lease. We were at her apt. ALL day. I've been working since 6 am. but I needed to talk to all of you.
Got a LOT done! Hope to get finished as much as we can, tomorrow then shop for a storage room for her furniture etc. She lost her scholarship like Kayla, but is going back to school after we get her all moved in & her s*** straightened out.
That looks bright, though I sense my empty nest never stood a chance! I know we'll survive, but I'll tell you all in advance, I'll be on a LOT more! lol Free listening to my venting is hard to come by.
I really don't know how things are gonna work out. My house is a wreck. I can hardly catch my breath. I need all your prayers. I have quite a few health issues. Truth is I don't know how I'm gonna spread myself out so thin & last. I just know I'll have you guys & it means more than I can ever express well enough in words.
Love & God bless you all,
((hugs)) Dee
Dee-
Your heart should have brightened after what the prosecutor said. Hell. . .that was YOUR time to Snoopy Dance, do the Whip AND the New Running Man!!!! How wonderful to hear from a complete stranger the affirmation that you are a great mom. And, how wonderful it must have been to hear Kayla's words about you. She knows that you are providing her unconditional love and are still her cheerleader and #1 fan. She said to this stranger that you are not the enemy. She also said, without saying it, that she loves and respects you, too. Of course, your bruised and battered heart plumped up a bit!!!!
Wait a minute. . .I've got to Snoopy Dance for you!
I'm back now. . .LOL
Yes, I'd give my left arm if my daughter said anything positive about me, no less something that was loving and glowing. In all her rehabs and IOPs, we have only had one family session. In there, she blamed us for hitting her. (yeah we disciplined her by hitting. . .on butt, arms, legs. . .but generally after we talked, reasoned, punished, sent her to therapy. Corporal Punishment was generally the last resort which is againt my culture. in my culture, I am faulted for not whipping her tail sooner and more often) She blamed me for having my sister's then bf babysit her and molest her when she was 3 or 4 yo. (She didn't say boo until she was 16. When she turned 18, I suggested pressing charges) She blamed us for not listening to her or understanding her, especially after my mom died in 2010 and her best friend OD'd from heroin in 2015. The last conversation I had with my girl bout our relationship and her feelings for me & hubby (who biologically is not her father but happily assumed the job of Daddy & has raised her since she was 4 and she calls him "Daddy") was around April. I can still hear her say we were horrible horrible people who didn't pay attention to her, mentally and physically abused her, I loved the dog more than I loved her and are basically unfit.
So...enjoy your moment. And when the doubts or blues come knocking at your door, as you know they will, whip this out of your memory banks and enjoy this moment again and again and again.
Sibling rivalry is hard. . .even when both kids are clean. But I can only imagine for Kayla it is doubly hard bc she is an addict. She must be thinking: how can I be the favorite? how can they be proud of me? Given her own self-preception and low self-esteem, she can't imagine she's loved the same or is "as good as" her sister. I get the feelings bc I think of my own sister: the over achiever, the social butterfly, the Rhodes Scholar, the one who speaks 4 languages, the "perfect one". I'm the black sheep, the rogue in the family. While neither of us are addicts, I can only imagine how my feelings would plummet off the charts I was the addict. Feeling Less than to begin with. . .and then addiction on top?????
As hard as it is, there is nothing you can do concering your daughters' relationship.
I'm thinking & praying for you as your plate is more than full. Take some time to relax this weekend. If you find your house disgusting, watch a couple of episodes of Hoarders. No matter how bad I think my house is, it never ever compares to those on that show. Watching it always makes me feel better about my house and housekeeping skills. LOL. Try it.
Love ya,
Lynn
Your heart should have brightened after what the prosecutor said. Hell. . .that was YOUR time to Snoopy Dance, do the Whip AND the New Running Man!!!! How wonderful to hear from a complete stranger the affirmation that you are a great mom. And, how wonderful it must have been to hear Kayla's words about you. She knows that you are providing her unconditional love and are still her cheerleader and #1 fan. She said to this stranger that you are not the enemy. She also said, without saying it, that she loves and respects you, too. Of course, your bruised and battered heart plumped up a bit!!!!
Wait a minute. . .I've got to Snoopy Dance for you!
I'm back now. . .LOL
Yes, I'd give my left arm if my daughter said anything positive about me, no less something that was loving and glowing. In all her rehabs and IOPs, we have only had one family session. In there, she blamed us for hitting her. (yeah we disciplined her by hitting. . .on butt, arms, legs. . .but generally after we talked, reasoned, punished, sent her to therapy. Corporal Punishment was generally the last resort which is againt my culture. in my culture, I am faulted for not whipping her tail sooner and more often) She blamed me for having my sister's then bf babysit her and molest her when she was 3 or 4 yo. (She didn't say boo until she was 16. When she turned 18, I suggested pressing charges) She blamed us for not listening to her or understanding her, especially after my mom died in 2010 and her best friend OD'd from heroin in 2015. The last conversation I had with my girl bout our relationship and her feelings for me & hubby (who biologically is not her father but happily assumed the job of Daddy & has raised her since she was 4 and she calls him "Daddy") was around April. I can still hear her say we were horrible horrible people who didn't pay attention to her, mentally and physically abused her, I loved the dog more than I loved her and are basically unfit.
So...enjoy your moment. And when the doubts or blues come knocking at your door, as you know they will, whip this out of your memory banks and enjoy this moment again and again and again.
Sibling rivalry is hard. . .even when both kids are clean. But I can only imagine for Kayla it is doubly hard bc she is an addict. She must be thinking: how can I be the favorite? how can they be proud of me? Given her own self-preception and low self-esteem, she can't imagine she's loved the same or is "as good as" her sister. I get the feelings bc I think of my own sister: the over achiever, the social butterfly, the Rhodes Scholar, the one who speaks 4 languages, the "perfect one". I'm the black sheep, the rogue in the family. While neither of us are addicts, I can only imagine how my feelings would plummet off the charts I was the addict. Feeling Less than to begin with. . .and then addiction on top?????
As hard as it is, there is nothing you can do concering your daughters' relationship.
I'm thinking & praying for you as your plate is more than full. Take some time to relax this weekend. If you find your house disgusting, watch a couple of episodes of Hoarders. No matter how bad I think my house is, it never ever compares to those on that show. Watching it always makes me feel better about my house and housekeeping skills. LOL. Try it.
Love ya,
Lynn
