hi everyone,
i havent been up writing in a long time. Well everything has been ok. I just got back from Vacation with the family and my boyfriend. WE had a great time except for our bus accident and i broke my collar bone. ANyhow on sat night we had to go to a dinner party and then to a night club with his friends. At the club he says i was looking at other men i said im not im just bored. ANyhow we were fine but then he wouldnt go home. I was like im tired. He got all angry towards the end. We walk outside he like its over A, YOu have been looking at those 2 guys all night. IM like what are u kidding me im in a sling im tired and i want to go home. SO i just was like whatever i got into the car and we went home and he screaming how its over cause for the last hour he watched me starr at 2 guys. annyhow we get to my house and he like im not sleeping over im going home. IM like get in the house he like no. IM like crying im like your crazy your on coc or something and freaking on nothing. he like A im not on coc. So i was like whatever im not going to your house so i get out n i go inside. i call him 10 mins later and he picks up n says he just got pulled over. SO i freaked casue he has no license he got it taken away in jan. for a DWI. i drive down the street i see all the cop cars. THere he is getting arrested. SO im like oh s*** he got arrested for not having a valid license. NOPE he got arrested casue they searched his car and found a Jar of Coc. not full just a little. He said he didnt even know it was in the car. He said to the cops SEARCH MY CAR cause he said he had nothing ot hide. Anyhow the coc was in the car. soo now he screwed. Of course i got him out. THere was no bail. I knew both cops. so embrassing. but today we had to go to court for his intake. ITs criminal offense. What scares me is that now its 2 times that he got caught. ONce before xmass he got arrested cause they found a bag of coc w. a straw in it. and now. I dunno what to say. he so mad casue he says the whole fight was all my fault that i was looking at other men. IM like your crazy it wasnt. But bottom line is he in alot of trouble. i dunno whats gonan happen. im scared and today we went to court on the way to the court house he was fine n then when we go there he was like so angry. So he said its over. So on the way home i took him to eat lunch. and we went back to my place he got all his stuff and he left. THATS IT!!! i dont think he leaving for good. I know him to well. but im not even calling right now. im gonna give him his space. Im praying and hoping he doesnt go to jail. BUT i know in New jersey. 1st time with drugs they can give u PTI 2nd time i dunno what happens?????
he doesnt deal and he isnt a bad person. so im praying and hoping he learns his lesson and they make him go to counceling, dr., out patient program or something that he doenst lose his job.
I just wish i knew what is gonna happen to him. GEEZ today in the court house and me typing all this i feel so low. I feel ashamed talking about it. I feel like crap. Im tired of defending him. hes a great person but he has a cocaine prombelm.
Thanks for listening to my issues in my life today. I had to get it out.
xoxo
does anyone have any advise as to what might happen to him???? or for me? i know leave n walk but im in love its hard. who knows where im going in life....... i sometimes wonder alot!!!
A, Hi,I keep reading your letter over and over. First of all don't ever feel ashamed about talking about your situation, I'm sure everyone has had similar things happen to them and you really do need to talk/write about it. Sometimes it helps to write things down just to get rid of them,then you can move on. As for your boyfriend, I don't see him leaving you for good because he obviously needs you too much and besides this whole thing started because he thought you were looking at someone else right? You sound like you've had enough and maybe could use a break from it all...take one-he'll still be there if you choose to go back and deal with it again but don't put your feelings aside...they matter, if not to anyone else....to you!! Good-luck
Good evening, A!
I've been looking here to see how you are. I finally gave my issue the boot. I found 2 of 3 bracelets missing. He's the victim, not me. I finally have my house back with all my belongings, except 1. Who knows where that is.
I hope you two can resolve things, I know I can't with mine. I just don't want to walk around on eggshells wondering if he's going to "misplace" stuff from me. I'm glad he's not allowed in my home again, and told him so. He said he wouldn't come back again knowing how I TREATED HIM.
A, you sounded so full of anguish the last time you posted. Are you OK and how you and your guy are getting along? Remember, do not settle.
I've been looking here to see how you are. I finally gave my issue the boot. I found 2 of 3 bracelets missing. He's the victim, not me. I finally have my house back with all my belongings, except 1. Who knows where that is.
I hope you two can resolve things, I know I can't with mine. I just don't want to walk around on eggshells wondering if he's going to "misplace" stuff from me. I'm glad he's not allowed in my home again, and told him so. He said he wouldn't come back again knowing how I TREATED HIM.
A, you sounded so full of anguish the last time you posted. Are you OK and how you and your guy are getting along? Remember, do not settle.
A, I was wondering how you've been!! Sorry that things are going badly for you. I don't know if you've read my posts but things are awful for me too. I think so far in March I've only had 2 good days. Funny how my days are either good or bad depending on him.
I don't know what will happen to your bf, it all depends on the judge.
He was obviously on coke if he was acting all paranoid that you were staring at guys, cocaine or crack always makes them paranoid. I know mine is always paranoid on it.
Well let us know how its going...take care of yourself.
I don't know what will happen to your bf, it all depends on the judge.
He was obviously on coke if he was acting all paranoid that you were staring at guys, cocaine or crack always makes them paranoid. I know mine is always paranoid on it.
Well let us know how its going...take care of yourself.
Hi A
I'm sorry to hear that your situation hasn't changed much.
Don't ever feel that any of this situation is your fault!!! He's just trying to put the blame on somebody else (conveniently, that is you) for all his problems which is what most active addicts do. They can't seem to take responsibility for their own life and their own choices.
It is his own fault for having cocaine on him and it is definitely his own fault for driving when he knows he doesn't have a license.
I remember how my ex used to say things about me looking at other guys. It was ridiculous and delusional. And there was no reasoning with him. But I found out that I couldnt' reason with someone who had no rationale. You can never convince them otherwise. It's a no-win battle.
Just know that you haven't done anything wrong and all the responsibility lies with him and don't let him make you think otherwise.
You don't deserve that.
Good luck and take care,
Mickey
I'm sorry to hear that your situation hasn't changed much.
Don't ever feel that any of this situation is your fault!!! He's just trying to put the blame on somebody else (conveniently, that is you) for all his problems which is what most active addicts do. They can't seem to take responsibility for their own life and their own choices.
It is his own fault for having cocaine on him and it is definitely his own fault for driving when he knows he doesn't have a license.
I remember how my ex used to say things about me looking at other guys. It was ridiculous and delusional. And there was no reasoning with him. But I found out that I couldnt' reason with someone who had no rationale. You can never convince them otherwise. It's a no-win battle.
Just know that you haven't done anything wrong and all the responsibility lies with him and don't let him make you think otherwise.
You don't deserve that.
Good luck and take care,
Mickey
Hey everyone,
im back.. Sorry its been hard. I dont sit at my desk in the mornings because i come in late i broke my collarbone on vacation. SO its been hard typing, driving etc. Anyhow things were great this weekend. He went out friday he didnt do any drugs. he just drank. I was out a little met up with him later on. Sat we stayed in. Saturday his mom tells me she moved his car in the morning n she found coc on the seat and she smelled it. Whatever i dont always believe that lady. Cause i saw him when he got home. He was nice n calm n normal he didnt look wierd to me. but sunday he was in the bathroom for a long time complaining about his stomach. I heard him sniffing so i opened the door. Meanwhile he had family over for dinner. HE like A my stomach bothering me again! imlike oh im sorry! i felt wierd. i felt he was lieing n doing stuff in there. I remeber back reading a post on here from a woman whos husband used to look himself in the bathroom n do crack. Anyhow later on in the night he kept saying about his stomach. we watched a movie n he wouldnt sit still. but he does have Add. so i waslike why are u sweatingso much he says its his stomach. SO monday i spoke to him that im tired of him lieing to me. HE swears he wasnt doing anything. ok so i swalled it. Lets go to last night. The wacko he is. Picked a fight with me. i drove to his house cause i had enough i was on the edge. Im gonna beat him up!! So i just speaking loudly. Your on Coc. look at yourself, your sweating, your mouth, your eyes look funny. HE says im crazy n he tired of me saying this. IM like nope! thats it! its either the coc or me! You talk about marrying me and how your getting me a ring how we have everything planned. He talks how were gonna get married this year or next. YEA YEA YEA!! this is messing my head up!! YES hes the best guy inthe world. yea treats me like gold we get along great when HES GOOD!! he needs help!! Im tired of it!! Im so in love with someone whos sick. HOw much longer can i take. I guess i feel hes just gonna stop. but the problem here is he doesnt choose to stop. Even getting arrested 2 times nothing. My pyshic told me on the 2nd time getting caught hell stop. I guess not until the court date i dunno anymore. Where is my life going. I know i will continue talking to him. Because i basicly live with him and we both love each other. BUT ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!! its like today he blocked me on IMs. and i called he hungup. BUT Why am i chasing after him so much. Maybe if i keep my foot down hell hit bottom n go for some help. He just wont admit that he high on coc when he is. he lies!!! its so bad. your talking like 1 or 2 times a week or every 2 weeks. you figure he was on coc the night he got arrest as much as he says he wasnt!! then again a week later. ITs just a HUGE PROBLEM!! i dunno what do. people say walk away. yup better said then done. im just angry n sad today. sorry. just how much does this go on. there nothing i can do.
im back.. Sorry its been hard. I dont sit at my desk in the mornings because i come in late i broke my collarbone on vacation. SO its been hard typing, driving etc. Anyhow things were great this weekend. He went out friday he didnt do any drugs. he just drank. I was out a little met up with him later on. Sat we stayed in. Saturday his mom tells me she moved his car in the morning n she found coc on the seat and she smelled it. Whatever i dont always believe that lady. Cause i saw him when he got home. He was nice n calm n normal he didnt look wierd to me. but sunday he was in the bathroom for a long time complaining about his stomach. I heard him sniffing so i opened the door. Meanwhile he had family over for dinner. HE like A my stomach bothering me again! imlike oh im sorry! i felt wierd. i felt he was lieing n doing stuff in there. I remeber back reading a post on here from a woman whos husband used to look himself in the bathroom n do crack. Anyhow later on in the night he kept saying about his stomach. we watched a movie n he wouldnt sit still. but he does have Add. so i waslike why are u sweatingso much he says its his stomach. SO monday i spoke to him that im tired of him lieing to me. HE swears he wasnt doing anything. ok so i swalled it. Lets go to last night. The wacko he is. Picked a fight with me. i drove to his house cause i had enough i was on the edge. Im gonna beat him up!! So i just speaking loudly. Your on Coc. look at yourself, your sweating, your mouth, your eyes look funny. HE says im crazy n he tired of me saying this. IM like nope! thats it! its either the coc or me! You talk about marrying me and how your getting me a ring how we have everything planned. He talks how were gonna get married this year or next. YEA YEA YEA!! this is messing my head up!! YES hes the best guy inthe world. yea treats me like gold we get along great when HES GOOD!! he needs help!! Im tired of it!! Im so in love with someone whos sick. HOw much longer can i take. I guess i feel hes just gonna stop. but the problem here is he doesnt choose to stop. Even getting arrested 2 times nothing. My pyshic told me on the 2nd time getting caught hell stop. I guess not until the court date i dunno anymore. Where is my life going. I know i will continue talking to him. Because i basicly live with him and we both love each other. BUT ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!! its like today he blocked me on IMs. and i called he hungup. BUT Why am i chasing after him so much. Maybe if i keep my foot down hell hit bottom n go for some help. He just wont admit that he high on coc when he is. he lies!!! its so bad. your talking like 1 or 2 times a week or every 2 weeks. you figure he was on coc the night he got arrest as much as he says he wasnt!! then again a week later. ITs just a HUGE PROBLEM!! i dunno what do. people say walk away. yup better said then done. im just angry n sad today. sorry. just how much does this go on. there nothing i can do.