Hi Rachael and Bryn
Just want to say thanks very much to you guys for your supportive posts a couple of days ago. It is very much appreciated as I know that you both understand the pain of addiction!
Rachael, I feel for you with your marriage troubles as well as trying to kick the weed. In some ways I wish that my partner also had some kind of addiction because then he would understand what I am going through. His answer is "if you want to stop smoking then just don't smoke" which isn't very helpful. He also feels that I should have stopped thinking about it now that I am into week 12 of being clean!!
Glad that I raised a smile with my slap my face comment! If my quest to kick the weed for good succeeds - which I hope it does - then maybe I should set up my own rehab centre. Every patient gets a slap around the face on arrival!!
On a serious note I had an extremely difficult weekend and mourned for my lost friend. Today is a good day and I hold onto the good days. This coming weekend we are going to stay with friends for the weekend and I know that they will be smoking pot and it will be a huge challenge for me. Aaaaaarrrrrrghhhhhh.
Keep hanging in there, best wishes
Ruby
Good on ya Ruby for making it through another weekend. I can really relate to that feeling of missing an old friend. An expensive friend that wrecked my memory, but still more reliable than most human ones. I had a bad day on Sunday and felt a lot of that horrible anger where I wanted to throw things and act out. It was pouring down rain here, so I wasn't able to go out walking which usually clears my head and calms me down again. I slept on it overnight and yesterday was worse. I gained 1/2 kg at weight watchers and a couple of the women in the group really got on my nerves. I am the Yank that the Kiwis like to make fun of. I was not in the mood. When my husband came home I just about took his head off. My poor cats get so upset when I raise my voice and yell. I can only imagine what it does to D. The only good part was that neither of us felt like we had to leave the house. We did sleep in separate rooms and I am feeling very ashamed and guilty this AM. I feel so out of control. I am very tempted to call my connection and put a damper on my feelings again. I have come to accept that my marriage is going to be difficult because of D's (bi-polar)mood swings, etc. But I also know that I want to stay with him. I have been with "nice guys" and have gotten bored so easily. Sick I know, but something about growing up in an alcoholic household where there was family violence. We fortunately don't have any problems with violence. I don't think he will change and it's hard to accept his secretiveness.
You ladies are my main support. My sister is great but also a bit of an enabler. She always just says I should do what I need to do to take care of myself and leave D to his own devices. She is so accepting.
Better get myself off to work. Just keep taking it a day at a time and I will definitely be thinking of you this coming weekend when your friends are visiting.
All the best.
You ladies are my main support. My sister is great but also a bit of an enabler. She always just says I should do what I need to do to take care of myself and leave D to his own devices. She is so accepting.
Better get myself off to work. Just keep taking it a day at a time and I will definitely be thinking of you this coming weekend when your friends are visiting.
All the best.
Ladies, such is life, right? Reality s*cks big time. Don't it?
Alas, give yourselves a pat on the back for recognizing when you really wanna use and why...........that's a huge part of recovery.
Relationships are alot of work...........and reading these posts actually ya both seem to have a grip on them...........you really do..........just recognizing what is going on............that's important.
Hang tough chickletts.............cause you are doing something immensely tough and doing it well.............that speaks volumes.
Alas, give yourselves a pat on the back for recognizing when you really wanna use and why...........that's a huge part of recovery.
Relationships are alot of work...........and reading these posts actually ya both seem to have a grip on them...........you really do..........just recognizing what is going on............that's important.
Hang tough chickletts.............cause you are doing something immensely tough and doing it well.............that speaks volumes.
