Hi Rachael, Just wanted to say hi and wish you all the best for yet another pot free weekend.
I did read your last post but have not really been on here much this week. Once again I am trying to completely 'just forget it' which includes staying off this and any other addiction boards. I am still hanging in there though and now 18 weeks clean. My horrendus cravings of last weekend have subsided and I am pleased about that. I guess that it will return but I am doing good today!
I can really identify with your comment about feeling lonely in NZ. I felt the same when I lived there for a while. It is a fantastic, beautiful country but it's a long way from home eh?
All the best, stay strong.
Ruby x
Hi Ruby, Thanks for your post. You're doing great! I'm glad you didn't have to resort to hitting yourself over the head with a large fish. The cravings do seem to come and go. I hope that you do find some kind of program or therapy that will give you support. It's a big deal to quit a habit that one's had for years. I can certainly understand needing some help with it. I do......D and I had our therapy session about intimacy and it went ok, he didn't really say too much except that he's very uncomfortable talking about it. Later in the day I came home and he had moved a bunch of furniture around and mounted a wall lamp in a new place. I didn't like it and he pouted. Then I asked him to move some garden trimmings that he said he'd move a week ago. He gave me some attitude and said, "OK, I'll do it right now." These are both recurring issues of strife for us. It triggered something and I went off like I haven't in some time. I was so angry, I went outside and cleaned up piles of clippings and leaves that D created months ago. He will do the trimming but not the clean up. That is always left to me. I went walking and was muttering the whole way about what I thought of him. Heidi is coming in less than 2 weeks and he hasn't done anything in the yard that he said he would. We went to bed not speaking. The only good thing I can say about my behaviour is that I took it away with me and didn't unload it on him. We talked last night and it just got worse.........I tell you all this because I'm really struggling with calling my connection and spending some of my holiday fund on getting some pot. D and I just don't seem to be able to get along for any length of time when we're straight. I'm tired of fighting and would love to smoke a joint and just let it ease into the background. I know I will feel like I've really backslid if I do, but it's there foremost in my mind today. I'm going in to town with my sister today. So that will be a nice distraction. So it is another tough weekend here......I hope yours is easier than the last one. Thanks so much for your support.
