Just a little hello to you there. I have been trawling back through the messages and see that your more than 30 days clean. Good on you. I am planning my own home detox in a couple of weeks, and am starting to reduce my dosage. I was hittng up to 300mg a day of mistys, (usually on the weekends did I do that much) but got it down to twice a day at 100mg a time...now Im only doing it twice a day on weekends and am down to around 60 to 80 a hit....I tried going way down too quick and couldnt handle it....anyway...the plan is to be doing only 50mg (or less if possible) a day...and only banging up once a day, before I do the cold turkey thing.....Ive taken a week off work so it doesnt look obvious to my boss's or workmates. I was wondering from you name if you really are a kiwi? Im from Hamilton. I usually have a look in on this site most days, so if you want to drop a line to a fellow countryman with the same problems...please feel free.
Sorry if this sounds stupid, but exactly what are misty's? I know they have a cigarette brand named Misty in the U.S. Just curious. Since you are speaking of banging it - I though it might be heroin or oxys??? Dont know. Thanks.
Marie
Marie
I think it's MS Contin, is that right?
Mistys...MST....morphine sulphate tablets....and yes you do inject them after cleaning the colour coating off them, breaking them down to powder....adding water, spoon...filtering it etc etc etc...that is the slang for it here, even though mst brand is virtually impossible to get anymore. OxyContin can be got here, but LA morph is now the biggest seller on the streets. The LA stands for long acting, but if you ping it (inject it) it over rides that. So is kiwirain a kiwi or maybe just likes kiwis (as in the fruit?) LOL
Hello Katoman,
Are you from Hamilton, Ontario? Im currently in Calgary, Aberta. That's not too far away.
Yes I am a Kiwi, hence the name.
Sorry for taking so long to reply to your original post. How's the tapering going?? If you have any questions, please feel free to ask.
Are you from Hamilton, Ontario? Im currently in Calgary, Aberta. That's not too far away.
Yes I am a Kiwi, hence the name.
Sorry for taking so long to reply to your original post. How's the tapering going?? If you have any questions, please feel free to ask.
Kiwi, bud..how are you feeling? Emotionally? The 60 day mark was a real tough one for me and was usually where I relapsed. I would sabatoge myself. Are you in a support group or have support at home?
Hang in there... 30+ days is HUGE.
Cowgirl
Hang in there... 30+ days is HUGE.
Cowgirl
Heya Cowgirl,
Im doing well. Best as I can I suppose. Im now officially 40 Days clean. 40 Days without any OxyContin or any other pills of any kind. I hope I don't relapse again. I just take it 1 day at a time. I try to stay positive. I don't try and make excuses to use again. I'm done with that :) I don't ge depressed just to use and I don't try to dwell on an injury to try and justify using again.
Not gonna lie, I just had some X-Rays, Ultra Sound and 2 MRI's done on my neck and back cause I'm still having problems, pain, etc. It hurts even when I vaccuum our 4000 sq foot house.... It hurts even when I shower and shave. My lower back is always hurting alot but I won't go back to pills again. From all my test results I have a fractured back, I have moderate to severe Osteoarthritis, I have several vertibrates that are compressed in my neck, and pinched nerves in my neck that are causing my hands to go painfully numb for extended periods of time. In the end, now they want to perform surgery. On my back and on my wrists... I'm still contenplating what I should do. Live with the pain or go for surgery which isn't a guarntee either. I doi know one thing, I won't take pain pills. That's outta the question...
In addition to that my dad, who's my hero, the person I look up to, the man I love so dearly has cancer. He has Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. The good news is that's it's slow growing but the bad news is it's terminal.... Even that devastating news won't drive me to take pills to, as others have said "numb my pain."
So yea I have alot on my plate. To the person who was cutting me down in a previous post, not sure if it was Danny or someone else. I really dont' care but they asked me if I knew what cancer was. Well to answer that I sure the F**k do!! I go to every chemotherapy treatment with my dad to the Tom Baker Cancer Centre at the Foothills Hospital. Now thats an eye opener. To all the people here who wine, or want pity or cry about small issues and then take pills to numb the pain. If they think their life is bad, they should come with me to the Cancer Centre. I'm sure after 5 minutes they would throw their little pills in the toilet and really understand how lucky they have it!!! So whoever that was who commented about me and cancer, don't RUN YOUR MOUTH OFF UNLESS YOU KNOW!
So yea Cowgirl. In a nut shell thats how Im doing now.. How are you doing girl??? How did you make it to over 6 months clean? Whats your secret? I know you don't sit on the pity pot like others and wine about it. I like you cause your real and say things how you see them. I admire that alot. You are yourself here and don't blow sunshine up people's butt.....
Take care girl.
Im doing well. Best as I can I suppose. Im now officially 40 Days clean. 40 Days without any OxyContin or any other pills of any kind. I hope I don't relapse again. I just take it 1 day at a time. I try to stay positive. I don't try and make excuses to use again. I'm done with that :) I don't ge depressed just to use and I don't try to dwell on an injury to try and justify using again.
Not gonna lie, I just had some X-Rays, Ultra Sound and 2 MRI's done on my neck and back cause I'm still having problems, pain, etc. It hurts even when I vaccuum our 4000 sq foot house.... It hurts even when I shower and shave. My lower back is always hurting alot but I won't go back to pills again. From all my test results I have a fractured back, I have moderate to severe Osteoarthritis, I have several vertibrates that are compressed in my neck, and pinched nerves in my neck that are causing my hands to go painfully numb for extended periods of time. In the end, now they want to perform surgery. On my back and on my wrists... I'm still contenplating what I should do. Live with the pain or go for surgery which isn't a guarntee either. I doi know one thing, I won't take pain pills. That's outta the question...
In addition to that my dad, who's my hero, the person I look up to, the man I love so dearly has cancer. He has Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. The good news is that's it's slow growing but the bad news is it's terminal.... Even that devastating news won't drive me to take pills to, as others have said "numb my pain."
So yea I have alot on my plate. To the person who was cutting me down in a previous post, not sure if it was Danny or someone else. I really dont' care but they asked me if I knew what cancer was. Well to answer that I sure the F**k do!! I go to every chemotherapy treatment with my dad to the Tom Baker Cancer Centre at the Foothills Hospital. Now thats an eye opener. To all the people here who wine, or want pity or cry about small issues and then take pills to numb the pain. If they think their life is bad, they should come with me to the Cancer Centre. I'm sure after 5 minutes they would throw their little pills in the toilet and really understand how lucky they have it!!! So whoever that was who commented about me and cancer, don't RUN YOUR MOUTH OFF UNLESS YOU KNOW!
So yea Cowgirl. In a nut shell thats how Im doing now.. How are you doing girl??? How did you make it to over 6 months clean? Whats your secret? I know you don't sit on the pity pot like others and wine about it. I like you cause your real and say things how you see them. I admire that alot. You are yourself here and don't blow sunshine up people's butt.....
Take care girl.
Kiwi- it wan't me and let's stop fighting. I just don't like people being judgemental or otherwise on others. We are here to support each other. Maybe give some advice when people need it. I'm sorry about your Dad. I know what he is going through. When you get a tube ramed up your nose like I did, things change a lot. When you have been in the hospital for 8 weeks and Dr's. are trying to figure stuff out. This stuff is scary. But until you sit in your Dad's seat, you really have no idea. Like I said. I'm the hardest crtitic. I've been the biggest "b*******" in the world when it comes to this stuff. Then stuff happened to me. You know what it's like. My ONLY point was lay off. No one would be on this board if there wasn't some kind of problem.
G'day Kiwirain and others,
LOL....well I am in Hamilton...but no where near Ontario...Im in New Zealand. What part of NZ are you from originally. What has taken you over to Canada? My mother had non hodgkins disease. We thought that we had lost her for sure. She was given chemo, and that put it in check, but then it came back after about 3 or 4 months. My mum is a very petite woman, and there was not much to her to start with, but that chemo really kicked her big time. They decided to give it to her for a second round. Along with the physical side effects, she became very depressed, and it was heart breaking for us. We thought we had had our last christmas with her. But remarkably the second round of chemo did the trick. That is nearly 4 years ago now. She still gets regular checks, and always comes back clear. My dad looks after her as she is not very strong, and at 79 is starting to show the symptoms of alzhiemers, and is very forgetful, but they go out every day to cafes, and shopping etc, and live a very full life for people their age. So what Im saying Kiwi....stick in there mate....its not all over for you dad yet! Take every day as precious, because it is. When I think about other peoples problems, then my own little problem with sticking junk into my arms,. it all seems to be put into perspective! I am physcologically building myself up for my countdown to stopping my self medicating. A thing I think of is my parents, and the love they have for me, and the most precious gift that they have ever given me.....no not that toy fire engine when I was 7....but the gift of LIFE. I wonder why I smoke cigarettes, when I have been given these beautiful lungs to breath with, and I go and put filthy smoke and tar into them. I wonder why I put needles into my arm to feel better, when a good run or a session in bed with my girlfriend would be natures way of making me feel better. Take care everyone out there in cyber land....Please stop sniping at each other....take every one for what they are...human, and vunerable.....The other day at the video store I saw a young guy about 14 with a hunch back. He looked like any normal teenage boy. Shy, self concscious....except for his physical handicap. I thought, that there but for the grace of god go I. Im not a religious person either. But there he was...out and about...not hiding in his bedroom...but right out there in the public eye..... Then I thought good on ya fella...dont let the world get you down.....and I took back my earlier thought....So please be kind to each other.
Peace
Mike from Hamilton NZ... (a small country to the south east of Oz)
P.S. Im down to 2 hits a day of 50 mg...and seem to be handling it ok this time.
LOL....well I am in Hamilton...but no where near Ontario...Im in New Zealand. What part of NZ are you from originally. What has taken you over to Canada? My mother had non hodgkins disease. We thought that we had lost her for sure. She was given chemo, and that put it in check, but then it came back after about 3 or 4 months. My mum is a very petite woman, and there was not much to her to start with, but that chemo really kicked her big time. They decided to give it to her for a second round. Along with the physical side effects, she became very depressed, and it was heart breaking for us. We thought we had had our last christmas with her. But remarkably the second round of chemo did the trick. That is nearly 4 years ago now. She still gets regular checks, and always comes back clear. My dad looks after her as she is not very strong, and at 79 is starting to show the symptoms of alzhiemers, and is very forgetful, but they go out every day to cafes, and shopping etc, and live a very full life for people their age. So what Im saying Kiwi....stick in there mate....its not all over for you dad yet! Take every day as precious, because it is. When I think about other peoples problems, then my own little problem with sticking junk into my arms,. it all seems to be put into perspective! I am physcologically building myself up for my countdown to stopping my self medicating. A thing I think of is my parents, and the love they have for me, and the most precious gift that they have ever given me.....no not that toy fire engine when I was 7....but the gift of LIFE. I wonder why I smoke cigarettes, when I have been given these beautiful lungs to breath with, and I go and put filthy smoke and tar into them. I wonder why I put needles into my arm to feel better, when a good run or a session in bed with my girlfriend would be natures way of making me feel better. Take care everyone out there in cyber land....Please stop sniping at each other....take every one for what they are...human, and vunerable.....The other day at the video store I saw a young guy about 14 with a hunch back. He looked like any normal teenage boy. Shy, self concscious....except for his physical handicap. I thought, that there but for the grace of god go I. Im not a religious person either. But there he was...out and about...not hiding in his bedroom...but right out there in the public eye..... Then I thought good on ya fella...dont let the world get you down.....and I took back my earlier thought....So please be kind to each other.
Peace
Mike from Hamilton NZ... (a small country to the south east of Oz)
P.S. Im down to 2 hits a day of 50 mg...and seem to be handling it ok this time.
Kato- I'd almost give me right arm to move to NZ and start over..you are lucky in that respect..
Kiwi..I have 6 months because for the first time, I'm keeping it real. I work a strong program, my program. I have a sponser and I have this board. If it weren't for a few people here that told me to get over myself and get on with it, I don't know where I'd be. But I didn't get anywhere having people mollycoddle me. I needed my butt kicked.
Keep telling it like it is. There is a good balance here of those that offer softness and people like you and me who don't "blow smoke up your butt". lol Someone said that I may have created a monster here... lol
Just remember that most here are very vulnerable and thinned skin..so be kind. We can do this with love and hope that we help in some way and that we can be helped at the same time. I get so much more out of this board then anyone that I have ever helped.
Stay strong and really, look into a support group like NA or AA. I know your plate is full and I truely understand where you're coming from..just don't forget to take care of you.
Cowgirl
Keep telling it like it is. There is a good balance here of those that offer softness and people like you and me who don't "blow smoke up your butt". lol Someone said that I may have created a monster here... lol
Just remember that most here are very vulnerable and thinned skin..so be kind. We can do this with love and hope that we help in some way and that we can be helped at the same time. I get so much more out of this board then anyone that I have ever helped.
Stay strong and really, look into a support group like NA or AA. I know your plate is full and I truely understand where you're coming from..just don't forget to take care of you.
Cowgirl
Just have to be careful when "telling it like it is" Could be actually assuming the way something is. I know I've made that mistake before. People have thin skin doesn't have much to do with it. It's about respect and everybody deserves it. People don't listen to people who are rude. They listen to people who show compassion and understanding.
Hello everyone,
Wow, where to begin. Haven't really been following the boards like I used to, way too much drama. So when I peeked in again and saw all the new names and stories I thought ...this is either really good or really bad. Then I read several posts from a newcomer that seems to be "telling it like it is". A newcomer that seems to know it all, for just coming clean, pretty good, takes most others more than one day to get so wise. I guess I just don't get it. It has taken many on here months and months to earn the respect of many on this board, then I see that all of a sudden everyone (well not everyone because he seems to be rubbing alot of people the wrong way) are worshipping at the ALTER of KIWI. Isn't that a small fruit?? Hmmm.
Not many of you here know me. But the ones that do, know where I stand on "telling it like it is" and "the thin skinned can't take it", I just believe that when people come to this board burned out and hurting they need a hand up not a "kick in the butt". All of you think back when you need a helping hand...what if all you got was a kick in the butt? " Oh thanks that was so good for me at that moment." Now, yes, if a person keeps coming back and singing the same ol' song and dance, then yes, they need a kick....but come on, where is your compassion, decency? We are all human beings, on here hurting human beings with many issues. Is it just because we can hide in our computer room and not be seen that some can become such unfeeling ogres?
I don't know all there is to know about this new guy, but, anyone that is needing help and compassion himself and is preaching tough love is a bit of a contradiction to me. Seems many use this room as many men do that buy corvettes...all talk and lacking.
I can't believe that I am actually bothered by this...I am the one that usually talks peace and love and understanding, but this whole thing really is bothering me, so I'll just go back into my world and let Kiwi let you all drink the kool aid, whatever! I just want those that need love and support...to receive it when they sign on here and are pouring their pain out on the table for the first time to anyone, not a slap on the wrist by a bunch of self rightous fruits.
Wow, where to begin. Haven't really been following the boards like I used to, way too much drama. So when I peeked in again and saw all the new names and stories I thought ...this is either really good or really bad. Then I read several posts from a newcomer that seems to be "telling it like it is". A newcomer that seems to know it all, for just coming clean, pretty good, takes most others more than one day to get so wise. I guess I just don't get it. It has taken many on here months and months to earn the respect of many on this board, then I see that all of a sudden everyone (well not everyone because he seems to be rubbing alot of people the wrong way) are worshipping at the ALTER of KIWI. Isn't that a small fruit?? Hmmm.
Not many of you here know me. But the ones that do, know where I stand on "telling it like it is" and "the thin skinned can't take it", I just believe that when people come to this board burned out and hurting they need a hand up not a "kick in the butt". All of you think back when you need a helping hand...what if all you got was a kick in the butt? " Oh thanks that was so good for me at that moment." Now, yes, if a person keeps coming back and singing the same ol' song and dance, then yes, they need a kick....but come on, where is your compassion, decency? We are all human beings, on here hurting human beings with many issues. Is it just because we can hide in our computer room and not be seen that some can become such unfeeling ogres?
I don't know all there is to know about this new guy, but, anyone that is needing help and compassion himself and is preaching tough love is a bit of a contradiction to me. Seems many use this room as many men do that buy corvettes...all talk and lacking.
I can't believe that I am actually bothered by this...I am the one that usually talks peace and love and understanding, but this whole thing really is bothering me, so I'll just go back into my world and let Kiwi let you all drink the kool aid, whatever! I just want those that need love and support...to receive it when they sign on here and are pouring their pain out on the table for the first time to anyone, not a slap on the wrist by a bunch of self rightous fruits.
Hi Clancy-
No, I havent seen you here in awhile - I havent been here in awhile either - and came back to all this.
Sorry but I had to LMAO about the self righteous fruit thing....now that was pretty funny, although I dont think you intended it to be.
Hope all is well with you. Dont stay away. We need people like you here!!
Stick around.
Love,
Marie
No, I havent seen you here in awhile - I havent been here in awhile either - and came back to all this.
Sorry but I had to LMAO about the self righteous fruit thing....now that was pretty funny, although I dont think you intended it to be.
Hope all is well with you. Dont stay away. We need people like you here!!
Stick around.
Love,
Marie
Hey Marie,
Have missed seeing you on the board. I do know that you aren't feeling well and want you to know that your prayers are coming from all over the USA. You must be feeling them.
Don't understand what's going on...it never ceases to amaze me how some people flip flop, depending on who is doing the speaking.
I will never "get" this board, really, I mean it. All over the place. What happened to all the really nice people on here?! I quit reading cause they all vanished!
Hope you keep the faith....many on here love you and continue to pray for you daily!
Love
Clancy
Have missed seeing you on the board. I do know that you aren't feeling well and want you to know that your prayers are coming from all over the USA. You must be feeling them.
Don't understand what's going on...it never ceases to amaze me how some people flip flop, depending on who is doing the speaking.
I will never "get" this board, really, I mean it. All over the place. What happened to all the really nice people on here?! I quit reading cause they all vanished!
Hope you keep the faith....many on here love you and continue to pray for you daily!
Love
Clancy
Oh God..I just knew it was too good to be true.
You do your thing, I'll do mine. I haven't been banned from the board for my behavior, now have I.
You do your thing, I'll do mine. I haven't been banned from the board for my behavior, now have I.
Cowgirl, there are other people here that haven't been banned from the board but perhaps should had been. So, what's your point?
OK Guys- Be nice!!LOL
Clancy-
Thanks so much for your prayers. I did have a little scare with some lumps, but fortunately, got a clean bill of health from the Dr. I'm feeling alot better now, just still very tired - need to be patient - I dont know if I'll ever feel "normal" again or dont know if I remember what "normal" for me feels like!!!
Well, you know this board. It has its good days and bad days!! I guess you can see for yourself the past day or two havent been too good. But it IS good to see you back. You were a definate plus to the board, so please stick around to help with your experience. We all need you.
If I didnt ask before, how are YOU? I hope all is fine. I've been busy, getting ready (trying to put on a happy face) for the holidays. Dont let the little s**t get to you (or any a$$holes either)!!!
Love,
Marie
Clancy-
Thanks so much for your prayers. I did have a little scare with some lumps, but fortunately, got a clean bill of health from the Dr. I'm feeling alot better now, just still very tired - need to be patient - I dont know if I'll ever feel "normal" again or dont know if I remember what "normal" for me feels like!!!
Well, you know this board. It has its good days and bad days!! I guess you can see for yourself the past day or two havent been too good. But it IS good to see you back. You were a definate plus to the board, so please stick around to help with your experience. We all need you.
If I didnt ask before, how are YOU? I hope all is fine. I've been busy, getting ready (trying to put on a happy face) for the holidays. Dont let the little s**t get to you (or any a$$holes either)!!!
Love,
Marie
Hey Cowgirl,
I really don't understand the remark about being banned from the board. I have NEVER been banned nor have even been questioned.
I noticed that you seemed to have a "connection" with Kiwi that maybe clouded your normally clear thinking. Normally you would not agree with his hit below the belt tactics.
I just don't understand why the rules have changed when he comes along spewing so much venom and you're okay with it and in the past that has not been a part of your recovery plan.
I hope you didn't mean that "it was too good to be true" that you had not had to deal with me and my beliefs. Cause I have never kept my feelings a secret. I know where you stand and you know where I stand and we have been fine with that, right? I, like I said have not been following the board closely, so when I saw what looked like a total change in your beliefs, it surprised me....like you were under some spell. (You know what I mean, not a "spell" but maybe taken by this new guy) Which is fine...as long as it doesn't change your belief system. Actually none of my business!
Just curious what you meant by the banning thing and why you said that to me.
Alot of people look up to you and look to you for responsible advice and I just don't see the two of you teaming up together as a positve for the board.
Sorry!
Clancy
I really don't understand the remark about being banned from the board. I have NEVER been banned nor have even been questioned.
I noticed that you seemed to have a "connection" with Kiwi that maybe clouded your normally clear thinking. Normally you would not agree with his hit below the belt tactics.
I just don't understand why the rules have changed when he comes along spewing so much venom and you're okay with it and in the past that has not been a part of your recovery plan.
I hope you didn't mean that "it was too good to be true" that you had not had to deal with me and my beliefs. Cause I have never kept my feelings a secret. I know where you stand and you know where I stand and we have been fine with that, right? I, like I said have not been following the board closely, so when I saw what looked like a total change in your beliefs, it surprised me....like you were under some spell. (You know what I mean, not a "spell" but maybe taken by this new guy) Which is fine...as long as it doesn't change your belief system. Actually none of my business!
Just curious what you meant by the banning thing and why you said that to me.
Alot of people look up to you and look to you for responsible advice and I just don't see the two of you teaming up together as a positve for the board.
Sorry!
Clancy
Clancy, Clancy, back up---
I dont think that Cowgirl was posting to you - if you read the post above yours, which was posted by Liz at the same time yours was, she was answering to Liz's post, not yours. Sorry to butt in, just didnt want any other 'feuds" to start.
Love,
Marie
I dont think that Cowgirl was posting to you - if you read the post above yours, which was posted by Liz at the same time yours was, she was answering to Liz's post, not yours. Sorry to butt in, just didnt want any other 'feuds" to start.
Love,
Marie
