Hello, I had shared my experience about finding out about my boyfriend's heroin addiction about a month and a half ago. It was the day before thanksgiving that the big secret was revealed and this last month has been just an emotional roller coaster. I don't live in the states so during that visit to his family we actually had to say goodbye under a snowstorm in front of the detox facility and i had to get a plane ticket to get back home by myself. He was in detox only for 4 days. After that he didn't have anywhere to go there or family to help him and stayed at a hotel for around 2-3 weeks. I knew that was a bad idea and knew he'd end up using again. Even thougn he insisted he didn't, two days ago he admitted he was in fact using while at the hotel. He is now doing and inpatient program, he's been there for about 9 days. He's planning on coming home once he's done with it. This is going to change my life completely. Before this, I've never in my life been.close to anyone with this problem. Not that I know of anyway. I've looked for meetings in town. I've started looking for a therapist even for myself since this has been so tough on me. I am really doing.my part but I keep reading here how heroin is one of the hardest addictions to kick and the chances of relapsing are so high, its really discouraging. I still dont think I should trust him 100%. I don't even know how I'm gonna be leaving for work every morning and leave him all by himself doing God knows what. It scares the sh*t out of me. This whole situation is making me a mess. I'm not one to be quitting so easily and I care about him and love him so much but I feel like I'm walking into a war I have no chance of winning. I want to hear positive stories of recovering addicts. I want tp hear something happy I want to have hope. Please. :'(
Dear KFG1,
I strongly suggest you find an Al Anon or NAR Anon meeting near you. Attend the meetings, get a sponsor, work the steps, etc. just like the addict. The first step in these programs is the realization that you are powerless over someone else's addiction. The remaining steps will put you on good footing to live a reasonably happy life despite of the addict in your life.
Detox and inpatient treatment are only a few bricks in a foundation of recovery for a recovering addict. The addict needs a complete change in their lives that should include outpatient treatment, many meetings (one a day for the first 90 after treatment, minimum), perhaps a sober-living home, etc..
I hope this helps.
-Fly.
I strongly suggest you find an Al Anon or NAR Anon meeting near you. Attend the meetings, get a sponsor, work the steps, etc. just like the addict. The first step in these programs is the realization that you are powerless over someone else's addiction. The remaining steps will put you on good footing to live a reasonably happy life despite of the addict in your life.
Detox and inpatient treatment are only a few bricks in a foundation of recovery for a recovering addict. The addict needs a complete change in their lives that should include outpatient treatment, many meetings (one a day for the first 90 after treatment, minimum), perhaps a sober-living home, etc..
I hope this helps.
-Fly.
Dear KFG1,
I know how it feels, because I'm going through the same thing you are. About a month ago I found out my boyfriend was using heroin. He's coming home tomorrow from rehab and I'm honestly scared to death about the same things you are. It's very hard to find positive stories and reactions to heroin because of how dangerous of a drug it is. It's a very devastating situation, I know. But what I learned from this experience is that you really need to do what's best for YOU. I know you love and care about your boyfriend. I feel the same for mine. I know it's hard. I've been keeping a journal through this, I've visited a therapist, and I plan on going to NA meetings sometime in the future. It's going to be hard at first, but day by day, you are going to get stronger, and finally realize you can get through this. Unfortunately, we do not know what will happen after rehab. Your love might say, "I will never use again." But we really don't know if they will or not. Just the thought of my boyfriend relapsing makes me cringe. I decided to just be friends with him for now. It was one of the hardest decisions that I ever had to make. Everyone is different when it comes to situations like these. The reason why I need a break is because my boyfriend lied to me about using. I didn't know he was using heroin until after he left for rehab. I had to find out from someone else. I just feel that he needs the time to recover. Most importantly, THEY NEED TO DO THIS FOR THEMSELVES. If they don't, then it's not going to work. They have to follow their intentions and BE HONEST WITH THEMSELVES AND OTHERS. Life at rehab and life at home are two different worlds. All we can do is support them and be by their sides through this. That's all we can do. It's up to them to do the rest. I still see a future with my boyfriend, and I'm sure you see one with yours. I just need proof that he can do this on his own and really wants sobriety. Their new lifestyle not only effects them, but us too. Don't let my actions influence yours. I'm just telling you how I'm handling the situation because I'm literally going through the same thing you are. Follow your mind and your instincts. Do what you think is best for you. Stay strong. You can get through this. Take it one day at a time, and I promise things will be okay.
I know how it feels, because I'm going through the same thing you are. About a month ago I found out my boyfriend was using heroin. He's coming home tomorrow from rehab and I'm honestly scared to death about the same things you are. It's very hard to find positive stories and reactions to heroin because of how dangerous of a drug it is. It's a very devastating situation, I know. But what I learned from this experience is that you really need to do what's best for YOU. I know you love and care about your boyfriend. I feel the same for mine. I know it's hard. I've been keeping a journal through this, I've visited a therapist, and I plan on going to NA meetings sometime in the future. It's going to be hard at first, but day by day, you are going to get stronger, and finally realize you can get through this. Unfortunately, we do not know what will happen after rehab. Your love might say, "I will never use again." But we really don't know if they will or not. Just the thought of my boyfriend relapsing makes me cringe. I decided to just be friends with him for now. It was one of the hardest decisions that I ever had to make. Everyone is different when it comes to situations like these. The reason why I need a break is because my boyfriend lied to me about using. I didn't know he was using heroin until after he left for rehab. I had to find out from someone else. I just feel that he needs the time to recover. Most importantly, THEY NEED TO DO THIS FOR THEMSELVES. If they don't, then it's not going to work. They have to follow their intentions and BE HONEST WITH THEMSELVES AND OTHERS. Life at rehab and life at home are two different worlds. All we can do is support them and be by their sides through this. That's all we can do. It's up to them to do the rest. I still see a future with my boyfriend, and I'm sure you see one with yours. I just need proof that he can do this on his own and really wants sobriety. Their new lifestyle not only effects them, but us too. Don't let my actions influence yours. I'm just telling you how I'm handling the situation because I'm literally going through the same thing you are. Follow your mind and your instincts. Do what you think is best for you. Stay strong. You can get through this. Take it one day at a time, and I promise things will be okay.
Thank you for both replies. I know having him bavk won't be the best for me. But he really doesn't have anywhere else to go. I'm scared that if I turn my back.on him that way he'll give up and die. He's lied to me constantly but I'm scared pf leaving him on his own for now. I told him this would be his last chance and he knows that no family member will ever help him or care about him as much as I do, since it's NOT their first time going through this with him and they probably think he's definitely relapsing. This is my first time and I'm giving him this one chance because i true care about him. I tell him every damn day that he HAS to do this for himself first. If he can't love and respect and care forhimself then i cant expect him to do that for me. I remind him of that in the most positive way every day.
He called me to tell me.he was feeling well and was thinking about leaving the program because he can't be away from me anymore. My answer was, you leave the program after a week and you're never seeing.me again. Period. He understood and thanked me for being straight about everything. I will be updating here since is my best place to vent. No one in my family or friends know what I'm going through and it's been really hard.to.keep a.smile on my face these.past Holidays. Having my whole family here to celebrate but still feeling empty and sad on the inside. It's been quite the struggle. Good luck to all of you. Thank you again
He called me to tell me.he was feeling well and was thinking about leaving the program because he can't be away from me anymore. My answer was, you leave the program after a week and you're never seeing.me again. Period. He understood and thanked me for being straight about everything. I will be updating here since is my best place to vent. No one in my family or friends know what I'm going through and it's been really hard.to.keep a.smile on my face these.past Holidays. Having my whole family here to celebrate but still feeling empty and sad on the inside. It's been quite the struggle. Good luck to all of you. Thank you again
KFG1,
It's going to be hard, but I know you can do this. If he realizes he has a problem and starts being straight up honest with you, then that's a good start. Do what's best for you. Take care of yourself hun. I'll be looking forward to hearing from you and your boyfriends progress. Good luck.
It's going to be hard, but I know you can do this. If he realizes he has a problem and starts being straight up honest with you, then that's a good start. Do what's best for you. Take care of yourself hun. I'll be looking forward to hearing from you and your boyfriends progress. Good luck.
Hi,
My boyfriend moved back here after 18 days in rehab. He's been here for 4 days and as I type this he's cleaning the mess in the bathroom that he made by falling off the toilet and breaking it while high. Do they really just keep saying they're not high even to your face while leaning 90 degrees and defying gravity? I guess this is gonna be my last post here. I needed to tell someone since I'm gonna be lying to the rest of my family. Good luck everyone.
My boyfriend moved back here after 18 days in rehab. He's been here for 4 days and as I type this he's cleaning the mess in the bathroom that he made by falling off the toilet and breaking it while high. Do they really just keep saying they're not high even to your face while leaning 90 degrees and defying gravity? I guess this is gonna be my last post here. I needed to tell someone since I'm gonna be lying to the rest of my family. Good luck everyone.
How do you know if an addict is lying? Their lips are moving. ......He lies to you, you lie to your family and yourself. Why? He doesn't want to change. He made his choice. Take care of you. Educate yourself about addiction, detachment, and tough love. Is this how you want to live ? You can change you. Never can change anybody else. Especially an addict. Words mean nothing . Actions do. Sorry. Use your head in this case. Not your heart. You have the facts. Make your choice.
Commitment to NA will treat the addict
Commitment to Nar-Anon will help you get your life back.
All the best.
Bob R
Commitment to Nar-Anon will help you get your life back.
All the best.
Bob R
KFG1,
I'm sorry to hear about what is happening. I know you must be devastated. Like I said in my last few posts, you need to do what's best for YOU. Lying is not going to solve the problem. If anything it's going to make everything worse. Your boyfriend was given many chances, and he obviously made a decision about what he wants. It's going to suck, but I advise you to do YOU right now because that's more important. You deserve to be happy and to not worry about your boyfriend who is lying, sneaking behind your back, and still continues to pick drugs. Unfortunately you can't do anything about this. Only he can change himself, and he's choosing not to. I'm sorry you have to go through this.
Staystrong19
I'm sorry to hear about what is happening. I know you must be devastated. Like I said in my last few posts, you need to do what's best for YOU. Lying is not going to solve the problem. If anything it's going to make everything worse. Your boyfriend was given many chances, and he obviously made a decision about what he wants. It's going to suck, but I advise you to do YOU right now because that's more important. You deserve to be happy and to not worry about your boyfriend who is lying, sneaking behind your back, and still continues to pick drugs. Unfortunately you can't do anything about this. Only he can change himself, and he's choosing not to. I'm sorry you have to go through this.
Staystrong19
I couldn't kick him out last night. I am freaking out that this is gonna repeat itself and I'll just fall into this vicious cycle.
Also, does doing heroin make you itchy? Like all over the body. It may be a very ignorant question, but I'd really like some insight on that.
Thank you all for your messages.
Also, does doing heroin make you itchy? Like all over the body. It may be a very ignorant question, but I'd really like some insight on that.
Thank you all for your messages.
I'm really sorry about what you are going through. It's such a helpless feeling having someone you love ruining their life when all you want is for them to get the help they need to be happy, healthy. Yes heroin does make you itch, I know from watching my husband itch like a moron when he is high...
The addict/alcoholic isn't just ruining/running his life .. he is ruining/running yours as well.
The 12 Steps of Al-Anon & Nar-Anon came help you get your life back.
That is your choice to make.
When you begin to stop the addict/co-dependant game then maybe he'll start to straighten up as well.
All the best.
Bob R
The 12 Steps of Al-Anon & Nar-Anon came help you get your life back.
That is your choice to make.
When you begin to stop the addict/co-dependant game then maybe he'll start to straighten up as well.
All the best.
Bob R
