I need help. My intellegent, A-student, 15-year-old, son, just came home so high on something (he claims it was weed), that he could not stand up. He said he has been smoking it since 14 (but keep in mind that he is high when he tells me this). I don't need warning signs, I need to know what to do now. I am in my 50's (I had him late). Do I go to EAP, or use my insurance to put him in a home, or join a support group? I have no idea. Help me, please!
Hi there momma, Firstly I would suggest you take him to a doctor, run tests and determine exactly what he is using. Secondly, your doctor would be able to advise you what to do & where to go from there. I strongly suggest that do this as soon as possible, as even if it is weed, it's bad enough. Drugs lead to drugs and you end up wanting more & more & more.
Hope you find your answers, & please let me know how you are doing.
My thoughts are with you,
The QuietOne
Hope you find your answers, & please let me know how you are doing.
My thoughts are with you,
The QuietOne
You want my honest advice? You probably aren't goin got like it, but here goes anyway.
I do not know your relationship w/your son, but assuming it is normal (whatever that is, but it will surfice for now) I would tell him to get his a_s to bed and we'll talk about it in the morning.
You understand, the amount of REAL control you have at this point is very little- if he wants to get high, there is very little you can do to really stop it. Yes, you can send him to some kind of camp, but that only works for the time he is there, and if he still wants to smoke, he's just gonna do it. This is my honest opinion.
The next day, i would'nt even mention it at breakfast. I 'd just act normal, then I would have something you two do together, like mow the grass or go grocery shopping or tell him you two are going to the park or whatever, just something out of the house. Then, at an opportune time, find a quiet place where you two can talk. Start out by telling him he's becoming a man, that he is going to face temptations, like girls or cigarettes or stealing and marijuana and all that other stuff you know about. Tell him you care for him, that you are his mother, that you only want the best for him, but that you can't watch him all the time to make sure he does the right thing, but mention that life is choices, and for every choice is a consequence, and some consequences are bad, like jail or just being untrue to yourself. Tell him you are in your 50's; that you won't be alive forever- someday he will be on his own with no one but himself. You can even tell him a guy named Ernie you talked to on an addiction website said his father taught him many lessons, but maybe the greatest was that in life for a man everything boils down to one thing: You are responsible for yourself. If you are in trouble in the future from smoking pot, it will be his choices that took him to jail or made the problem start in the first place. He chose to smoke pot, now you are disappointed in him, but that you still live him.
Then look him right in the eye and ask if he is going to keep smoking marijuana.
I he says no, hug and and tell him he made the right choice and speak of it no more.
If he says he will keep smoking it, pull all the alarms and get the doctor and your other plans you listed above involved.
Those are my opinions.
Ernie
I do not know your relationship w/your son, but assuming it is normal (whatever that is, but it will surfice for now) I would tell him to get his a_s to bed and we'll talk about it in the morning.
You understand, the amount of REAL control you have at this point is very little- if he wants to get high, there is very little you can do to really stop it. Yes, you can send him to some kind of camp, but that only works for the time he is there, and if he still wants to smoke, he's just gonna do it. This is my honest opinion.
The next day, i would'nt even mention it at breakfast. I 'd just act normal, then I would have something you two do together, like mow the grass or go grocery shopping or tell him you two are going to the park or whatever, just something out of the house. Then, at an opportune time, find a quiet place where you two can talk. Start out by telling him he's becoming a man, that he is going to face temptations, like girls or cigarettes or stealing and marijuana and all that other stuff you know about. Tell him you care for him, that you are his mother, that you only want the best for him, but that you can't watch him all the time to make sure he does the right thing, but mention that life is choices, and for every choice is a consequence, and some consequences are bad, like jail or just being untrue to yourself. Tell him you are in your 50's; that you won't be alive forever- someday he will be on his own with no one but himself. You can even tell him a guy named Ernie you talked to on an addiction website said his father taught him many lessons, but maybe the greatest was that in life for a man everything boils down to one thing: You are responsible for yourself. If you are in trouble in the future from smoking pot, it will be his choices that took him to jail or made the problem start in the first place. He chose to smoke pot, now you are disappointed in him, but that you still live him.
Then look him right in the eye and ask if he is going to keep smoking marijuana.
I he says no, hug and and tell him he made the right choice and speak of it no more.
If he says he will keep smoking it, pull all the alarms and get the doctor and your other plans you listed above involved.
Those are my opinions.
Ernie
Quiet & Ernie, thanks for taking your time to advise me with your wisdom. May God bless the two of you in a marvelous way. The 2 of you are beautiful angels.
Show him this site and read the pages with him...its not just a drug.
Well Everyone,
I talked to him...told him how I loved him and would do anything for him...and asked him would he stop the drugs. With tears in his eye, he said that he was unable to do it alone and needed help. So, I told him that I would get him help. I searched all day long for the best facility. Even with my insurance, it would cost me a couple of thosands $ for 30 days, but they had a special program for teens. I picked him up from school, and of course he is grounded for the weekend. I told him that I got help for him, and he would be evaluated Monday. He said, "That's great, because I feel like I am a prisoner in my own body. I just want my life back.:"
I went into the kitchen to cook dinner, and when I returned, I found that he had crawled out his window and ran away. I submitted a run-away report to the police. This is like one of those bad made-for-TV movies where the plot and the actions of the actors do not make sense. I am so confused.
I talked to him...told him how I loved him and would do anything for him...and asked him would he stop the drugs. With tears in his eye, he said that he was unable to do it alone and needed help. So, I told him that I would get him help. I searched all day long for the best facility. Even with my insurance, it would cost me a couple of thosands $ for 30 days, but they had a special program for teens. I picked him up from school, and of course he is grounded for the weekend. I told him that I got help for him, and he would be evaluated Monday. He said, "That's great, because I feel like I am a prisoner in my own body. I just want my life back.:"
I went into the kitchen to cook dinner, and when I returned, I found that he had crawled out his window and ran away. I submitted a run-away report to the police. This is like one of those bad made-for-TV movies where the plot and the actions of the actors do not make sense. I am so confused.
Praying Mama,
You are doing the right thing. Do not over-think this crisis. You are in a situation where, basically, you have little actual first-person control, your son is making choices which are not good, and you are naturally concerned.
After rethinking my first response, I am absolutely convinced you did the right thing. His fleeing when you have supplied a solution which is based on love shows his mind-set at this time.
I do not know if you are a Christian, but let me share something with you that has helped me with my own deteriorating relationship with my wife. My belief is that the Bible contains that exact truth, and it says this about the qualities of love, and gives us a measure and definition of EXACTLY what love is.
1 Corinthians 13
4 Love is long-suffering and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, does not get puffed-up. 5 Does not behave indecently, does not look to its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury. 6 It does not rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 7 Love never fails.
After reading of your situation and responses with your son, you have acted with love towards him. This is all you can humanly, and as a mother, do for him. You are a good woman, and a caring, loving mother.
My advice is this: Pray for your son, and also pray for Peace for yourself. Do this many, many times, several times an hour and over many days and weeks.
You will be granted your prayers in time.
Ernie
You are doing the right thing. Do not over-think this crisis. You are in a situation where, basically, you have little actual first-person control, your son is making choices which are not good, and you are naturally concerned.
After rethinking my first response, I am absolutely convinced you did the right thing. His fleeing when you have supplied a solution which is based on love shows his mind-set at this time.
I do not know if you are a Christian, but let me share something with you that has helped me with my own deteriorating relationship with my wife. My belief is that the Bible contains that exact truth, and it says this about the qualities of love, and gives us a measure and definition of EXACTLY what love is.
1 Corinthians 13
4 Love is long-suffering and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, does not get puffed-up. 5 Does not behave indecently, does not look to its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury. 6 It does not rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 7 Love never fails.
After reading of your situation and responses with your son, you have acted with love towards him. This is all you can humanly, and as a mother, do for him. You are a good woman, and a caring, loving mother.
My advice is this: Pray for your son, and also pray for Peace for yourself. Do this many, many times, several times an hour and over many days and weeks.
You will be granted your prayers in time.
Ernie
Praying momma, I will keep you and your son in my prayers and thoughts!! I am sure he will be returning to your love soon, and my advise would be get him that help you found as soon as he returns!! Keep us informed.
All my love,
The QuietOne
All my love,
The QuietOne
The police found my son, sleeping by a pool at some apts. At 2:00 am, someone at the apt saw him sleeping on a lawn chair and called the paramedicx because they thought he had passed out or was injured. Anyway, they bought him home, and he said his "friends" had told him terrible things about rehab clinics and he got scared and ran away. He claimed that he went from apt to apt, trying to find a chaise to sleep on because no one was willing to take him in, and everyone kept telling him to go home. I told him that he still will have to go to rehab, and he said he was willing, and he thanked me for taking him back. So he ate some left-overs from our Sunday dinner, showered, thanked me again and went to bed.
I wand to thank you, especially Ernie & Quiet, for your prayers and concerns. I have never used one of these discussion boards before so please forgive me if I am not using proper protocol. I just don't know how I would have made it this far without the prayers of the righteous (that's y'all).
Continue to pray for me and my family. I guess it sounds as if I am a single parent, but I am not. I have a wonderful husband, it is just that this incident really made him so angry, that I felt like I had to hold him together. That is why I really appreciated hearing a male perspective from Ernie. I have been wonderfully blessed.
So now the journey to healing and restoration begins. Josh (my son) is back home, but I still am not sure that he is telling the truth about just using Weed. I am not even sure if he told me the truth about where he was these last few days, but I have an appointment for him to be evaluated today, so we will just grow from there.
Again, I can not thank everyone enough for your prayers and support. Continue to keep Josh in prayer.
May God bless you real-good.
I wand to thank you, especially Ernie & Quiet, for your prayers and concerns. I have never used one of these discussion boards before so please forgive me if I am not using proper protocol. I just don't know how I would have made it this far without the prayers of the righteous (that's y'all).
Continue to pray for me and my family. I guess it sounds as if I am a single parent, but I am not. I have a wonderful husband, it is just that this incident really made him so angry, that I felt like I had to hold him together. That is why I really appreciated hearing a male perspective from Ernie. I have been wonderfully blessed.
So now the journey to healing and restoration begins. Josh (my son) is back home, but I still am not sure that he is telling the truth about just using Weed. I am not even sure if he told me the truth about where he was these last few days, but I have an appointment for him to be evaluated today, so we will just grow from there.
Again, I can not thank everyone enough for your prayers and support. Continue to keep Josh in prayer.
May God bless you real-good.
