Hi everyone,
Want to thank you all for the prayers....I appreciate them as though they were written in the stars & will last for all eternity. Sounds silly, but they are just that important to me.You know how I'm feeling & I know what you guys are going through.
Anyway....I need to share......had my addicted daughter K, here for my older daughter's birthday dinner, cake & gifts. Picked her up & she wanted to come. I took her with us to pick out a cake & bought her make-up. Yep, I did! lol I'm a girl and I know I don't feel good unless my make-up looks good. Call me vain. lol Condemn me if you want to for enabling (lol) , but if she dies tomorrow, I'll have that memory. Melodramatic of me to describe it this way, I know. I knew before I even picked her up that she hasn't been taking care of herself. She needed to feel pretty. She looks bad. She is still pretty, but her face is looking sad and older than her 20 yrs. It's written all over her face.
Sigh....she & I talked openly. Told her there's no reason to hold back now. I'll skip to the nitty gritty....She told me she'd shot up at least 15 times (H) before she OD'd. I'd guess more than that. She even hates needles. Says she hasn't used (H) since then, but has used meth once. Good God!! Not only that, my older daughter found our cooler where there were two cans of spray paint & two coolers (alcohol) hidden in her closet, so she probably huffed those. When will it ever end?
She told me she doesn't want to stay with her bf, but she doesn't want to come here either. I'm certain he's enabling or providing her with something, in addition to weed (I can live with that one. )
Told her we could get her into a rehab if she didn't want to live here (I knew she didn't want that.) & she could focus on nothing else, but getting better. She declined right off the bat. Told her to think about it. Who knows, plant a seed in her brain maybe? I'm skeptical. I have next to no hope. I'm trying to prepare myself for what comes next.
Not only the above stuff going on, but she's cutting herself again. And I think she hid something in her books on her bookcase (Got any ideas what that's about?) I keep thinking something's hidden in them but it is FULL of books, so I don't know. May spend tomorrow looking through them.
When I dropped her off we hugged and she was crying. I told her we'd support her whichever, and that we will always been there for her & love her.
I feel like I'm just waiting now for things to get worse. She said at times she thinks about committing suicidal. Fearing her death is my new normal. I can see it coming like a runaway train. I just want to have good memories even if only for now, that I can console myself with. We all know she's very bad off.....I can't do a damned thing for her. Nothing.
So here I sit...on the verge of tears yet again. It's taking it's toll on me.
She also told me she's glad she doesn't have money. Saying she'd probably use whether it's H or whatever else she can get her hands on. Told me the bf hides his wallet. (not that he has a lot anyway.)
She wanted to tell me all these things, saying too that she had a positive pregnancy test then what she thinks was a miscarriage. She's tested neg now, THANK GOD!! It could be for attention, but it was just me & her. I drove over last week cause I had her birth control pills. I'll kill her & the bf both! I cannot raise another kid. My luck it would be a girl too! lol.
Anyway, please pray for us. Rich, we didn't have any arguing so thanks to your prayers. And thank you all for being here when I need you. You all mean the world to me.
Love you all...God bless you ....
Dee
Hi Dee, Glad you got to spend some quality time with your daughter. It's always nice to see them and then sad when they leave. I know your sadness and I can feel it in your post. It's awful! The worry never goes away I think we just learn different ways to live with it. My daughter says too that she wants to commit suicide. I think it's something they say and it does go through their minds but I don't think they would ever do it. I hope you have a better day tomorrow Dee. We are all entitled to our sad days with the worry we have. Mine was last week and I'm coming out of it again. Having an addict as a child is bound to affect us one way or another. Our lives aren't normal and we have to fight past our sadness to get on with our days. Take care! Your in my thoughts. Mary.
It actually sounds to me as if she's getting tired of the life...it's when we use but don't want to anymore...dope making the dark even darker...that's the suicide talk...it's a part of the dope after awhile...knowing Im using because I have to...not because I want to...sometimes signals time to end the run....no false hope here...but....well....sick and tired of being sick and tired is a good beginning... and what I'm reading ...she's getting there.. ..she also sounds as if she is trying to replace the dope with something else so she doesn't have to do the dope...I've done that many times...tried to stay off by using whatever else I could find...So...it all kind of sounds positive to me...in that warped junkie kind of way that only we understand I suppose.. so stay hopeful...let her get there...could take awhile longer...but...might be hope in there somewhere...stay your course
Con
Con
Mary,
Thank you for your post & encouragement. Yes, we sure do have our fair share & then some, of bad, sad days. It's funny, seeing her makes me happy & seeing her makes me sad. I guess I would rather see her. At least I know when she's in front of me, I can keep her safe & make her take care of herself, eating etc....Things I used to take for granted, keeping my kids fed.
I said she could come back this weekend if she wanted. But, have no fear, everything valuable (although I'm not rich! lol) will be in a safe locked in my trunk. I know she can't be trusted with anything along those lines.
Anyway, thanks so much for your gracious thoughts. I appreciate them so very much.
How are things with your daughter now? I hope you're feeling lighter today, less burdened with worry & fear.
Con,
I hope you are well. I value your input very much! Not sure I feel hopeful, but you definitely gave me food for thought. I kinda thought the same about not doing the dope, using the meth and a Xanax in place of it. I worry about relapse. She just about said she would if given the opportunity, money, etc.... I know relapse can be viewed as away to grow stronger in the quest to get well, of trying to stay off the 'dope'. It doesn't really help as much as I'd like, that thought.
She seems very weak, so unwell, even to just look at her. She's saying she's so sore & tired she can barely move without pain. Sleeps all day, nearly never seeing the light of day. You know it hurts me to even think of her like that, barely existing. She never goes out at all. She told me she doesn't want to live with her bf, but she doesn't want to give him up either. We told her she comes home, he goes. That's why I think he might still be enabling or supplying her with drugs. She's a very pretty girl & he seriously looks like a skeleton. He could never get a girl like her had it not been she's messed up on drugs. I know he loves her, but I found an empty heroin bag in his car & he stole pain pills off his GRANDMA! Who to trust (?). Him? No. Her? No. RRRgh
Anyway, thanks you guys for taking the time to post to me. Getting on here some days is all I can do to take care of ME. You all make all the difference.
love & God bless you,
Dee
Thank you for your post & encouragement. Yes, we sure do have our fair share & then some, of bad, sad days. It's funny, seeing her makes me happy & seeing her makes me sad. I guess I would rather see her. At least I know when she's in front of me, I can keep her safe & make her take care of herself, eating etc....Things I used to take for granted, keeping my kids fed.
I said she could come back this weekend if she wanted. But, have no fear, everything valuable (although I'm not rich! lol) will be in a safe locked in my trunk. I know she can't be trusted with anything along those lines.
Anyway, thanks so much for your gracious thoughts. I appreciate them so very much.
How are things with your daughter now? I hope you're feeling lighter today, less burdened with worry & fear.
Con,
I hope you are well. I value your input very much! Not sure I feel hopeful, but you definitely gave me food for thought. I kinda thought the same about not doing the dope, using the meth and a Xanax in place of it. I worry about relapse. She just about said she would if given the opportunity, money, etc.... I know relapse can be viewed as away to grow stronger in the quest to get well, of trying to stay off the 'dope'. It doesn't really help as much as I'd like, that thought.
She seems very weak, so unwell, even to just look at her. She's saying she's so sore & tired she can barely move without pain. Sleeps all day, nearly never seeing the light of day. You know it hurts me to even think of her like that, barely existing. She never goes out at all. She told me she doesn't want to live with her bf, but she doesn't want to give him up either. We told her she comes home, he goes. That's why I think he might still be enabling or supplying her with drugs. She's a very pretty girl & he seriously looks like a skeleton. He could never get a girl like her had it not been she's messed up on drugs. I know he loves her, but I found an empty heroin bag in his car & he stole pain pills off his GRANDMA! Who to trust (?). Him? No. Her? No. RRRgh
Anyway, thanks you guys for taking the time to post to me. Getting on here some days is all I can do to take care of ME. You all make all the difference.
love & God bless you,
Dee
Dee...as gently as I can say this...it sounds as if shes in that half space rattle when your still using dope but trying not to use as much...replacing it with something to get by on but still feeling the junk sick...this is the part when being sick and tired is really making you feel sick and tired...cuz you don't want to use..but you do anyways...so your trying not to use ..so this doesn't sound like a relapse...this sounds more like a taper...I have to doubt she ever stopped using dope completely. ..im sorry. .sometimes I think I should just bite my tongue...because maybe there's just some stuff you would be better off not knowing...so if I'm making you more upset I'm so sorry and please just tell me to go soak my head...but still using or not....I think she's figuring it might be time to end the run ...
Con,
No! Don't bite your tongue. I like that you don't bulls***. Don't sugar coat it. I want your input. You can think more like she does than I can. Please
I thought the same about her still wanting to do it, but not doing it...all the way, at least. I have my suspicions that she's still using this 'n that. She told me so yesterday in a round about way, here & there.
She feels horrible, like when she went through withdrawal here, a couple months ago. I think, more than likely, that the bf's enabling or giving her heroin.
He's an (H) addict, he says clean 5 years. My hubby knows his cousin (work) & said it wasn't that long ago & he recently was caught stealing pain pills from his grandma. He told hubby to get our daughter away from him, "bad news", prison...etc....Wouldn't elaborate more than that.
Needless to say bf is sure not the cream of the crop! He had been giving her Kratum then, so it may be that she's still doing that. They make their own capsules. Does that sound off to you? I saw her once high off it, but is it less evil than H? Also they roll their own cigarettes. Sometimes I just wanna scream.
Thanks for your input & stay outspoken!
love & God bless you,
Dee
P.S. How are you doing?
No! Don't bite your tongue. I like that you don't bulls***. Don't sugar coat it. I want your input. You can think more like she does than I can. Please
I thought the same about her still wanting to do it, but not doing it...all the way, at least. I have my suspicions that she's still using this 'n that. She told me so yesterday in a round about way, here & there.
She feels horrible, like when she went through withdrawal here, a couple months ago. I think, more than likely, that the bf's enabling or giving her heroin.
He's an (H) addict, he says clean 5 years. My hubby knows his cousin (work) & said it wasn't that long ago & he recently was caught stealing pain pills from his grandma. He told hubby to get our daughter away from him, "bad news", prison...etc....Wouldn't elaborate more than that.
Needless to say bf is sure not the cream of the crop! He had been giving her Kratum then, so it may be that she's still doing that. They make their own capsules. Does that sound off to you? I saw her once high off it, but is it less evil than H? Also they roll their own cigarettes. Sometimes I just wanna scream.
Thanks for your input & stay outspoken!
love & God bless you,
Dee
P.S. How are you doing?
Dee,
I agree with Con, I've seen it so many times with my son. He says he was cleaned and been cleaned for six months, but he is sick and tired and hungry. He stayed awake for days then crashed for days. When he broke his back it's because he was on flacka, super heroin, makes them crazy. He uses xanax to combat the heroin. I don't think he likes it but can't stop. He always cries when he his coming down and wants help, but not the right help. He wants the quick fix and then dabble just cause he likes the high. He did try committing suicide two years ago. Was on life support. He took 100 aspirin, excerdin and wash it down with bendryl and vodka. He had cocaine, heroin, xanax and god knows what else in his system at the time. We got him help, drs, and my youngest son took him in with the condition he stay sober, If he relapsed which we expected all he asked was that he was told so we could put in place intervention.
It didn't work and of course you know about almost loosing his arm to shooting up with a needle that he cleaned with his own mouth.
I am sorry to say, until your daughter puts herself in and really commits to cleaning up she will be dabbling until she is on it constantly again.
It's a vicious cycle an addict is on, and I've been doing the statics hoping for the best but only 2 out of 10 make it out. And I am sorry to say my son is not one of the 2. He isn't strong enough mentally, he has no coping skills anymore, or how to be responsible . His brain has been so rewired he doesn't know what morals are or respect.
I hope your daughter can make that choice, keep doing the memories. My last one with my son when I went to the hospital took him out, bought him gift cards to McDonalds and kiss his fore head goodbye. That was a year ago.
Now he is missing when the gravy was cut off and I got strong enough to listen to really listen to him and his manipulation.
I think of him often when he was happy but it was so long ago, probably when he was 12. Most of his life he has been miserable and it was his own choosing.
I will keep thinking of you and pray your daughter is one of the 2's that make it..
As always my prayers and thoughts are with you...
Sue x
I agree with Con, I've seen it so many times with my son. He says he was cleaned and been cleaned for six months, but he is sick and tired and hungry. He stayed awake for days then crashed for days. When he broke his back it's because he was on flacka, super heroin, makes them crazy. He uses xanax to combat the heroin. I don't think he likes it but can't stop. He always cries when he his coming down and wants help, but not the right help. He wants the quick fix and then dabble just cause he likes the high. He did try committing suicide two years ago. Was on life support. He took 100 aspirin, excerdin and wash it down with bendryl and vodka. He had cocaine, heroin, xanax and god knows what else in his system at the time. We got him help, drs, and my youngest son took him in with the condition he stay sober, If he relapsed which we expected all he asked was that he was told so we could put in place intervention.
It didn't work and of course you know about almost loosing his arm to shooting up with a needle that he cleaned with his own mouth.
I am sorry to say, until your daughter puts herself in and really commits to cleaning up she will be dabbling until she is on it constantly again.
It's a vicious cycle an addict is on, and I've been doing the statics hoping for the best but only 2 out of 10 make it out. And I am sorry to say my son is not one of the 2. He isn't strong enough mentally, he has no coping skills anymore, or how to be responsible . His brain has been so rewired he doesn't know what morals are or respect.
I hope your daughter can make that choice, keep doing the memories. My last one with my son when I went to the hospital took him out, bought him gift cards to McDonalds and kiss his fore head goodbye. That was a year ago.
Now he is missing when the gravy was cut off and I got strong enough to listen to really listen to him and his manipulation.
I think of him often when he was happy but it was so long ago, probably when he was 12. Most of his life he has been miserable and it was his own choosing.
I will keep thinking of you and pray your daughter is one of the 2's that make it..
As always my prayers and thoughts are with you...
Sue x
Love you Sue. You are so kind.
Thank you. I appreciate your reply & prayers
I'm sorry your son is missing. There is no greater hell on earth than not knowing....
Stay strong. You are in my thoughts & prayers too. You are a good friend.
love & God bless you,
Dee
Thank you. I appreciate your reply & prayers
I'm sorry your son is missing. There is no greater hell on earth than not knowing....
Stay strong. You are in my thoughts & prayers too. You are a good friend.
love & God bless you,
Dee
Hi Dee, I'm doing good.I kind of roll with the punches when I can and when I get into that sad mode I try to get out of it as quickly as possible. But it's so hard sometimes. That's how I know the way you feel because I feel the same and I understand. But on a lighter side ....since I've been crowned the "funniest of all Nanas" I have a reputation to live up to. lol. So I have to snap out of it for her sake. Your a good mom Dee and like all of us on here we do the best we can... Sue I'm sorry about your son. I can't begin to imagine the torment you go through everyday. I hope things get better for you. ..Con, you never disappoint with your great advice. Never think you upset us. We've been in the trenches just not the same ones as you. I'm sure your going through your own hell just now. But if I'm counting right your on day 25? Stick with it! I noticed WQ is MIA, I hope she's okay! Hope today's a better day for all you guys. Your all never far from my thoughts. Mary
Mary,
I'm so glad you're such a funny nana! lol
It's wonderful, enjoy it.
I'm grateful NOT to be a grandma at this point in time! lol
Thank you for thinking of me...
love & God bless you.,
Dee
I'm so glad you're such a funny nana! lol
It's wonderful, enjoy it.
I'm grateful NOT to be a grandma at this point in time! lol
Thank you for thinking of me...
love & God bless you.,
Dee
Hello,
I appreciate everyone talking so openly. I also sit on the sidelines wonder what my son is doing. I feel like it is 50/50. Because of lies in the past, even when he tells the truth we dont know if its a lie. Then we feel bad if it was the truth. Its usually a question of how much of it is lie vs truth....
I had some hope dashed this week. I have been asking my son to go to a acupuncturist within walking distance and I would pay the office directly after he has an appointment. I really want him to try this because it will help with pain. If he is not in pain and feels physically better, he may feel mentally better, and be able to make positive decisions. I feel that trying this is better than never trying it and keeping the situation status quo.
(I am an optimist who believes in miricles, :) )
Last weekend, after not talking to him for 3-4 weeks, and glad because we started to get the feeling he might be starting to use again, he called to say hello. He said he called to make an appointment, but needed to call back because of his work schedule. So, I had my hopes up and now a week later he still has not made an appointment. He used to have the same day off each week, but someone else is doing schedule and changed everything up.
Of course..... this is also my son's luck. just when he is ready to be positive, the door is closed.
I still cry a little now and then and silently shout out to the higher powers and to my son - hoping and that something changes for the better.
ABOUT YOUR POSTINGS:
I think the suicidal thoughts are because of the drugs. The plant or drug substance the drug is made from is poisonous. Poppy, Opium, etc. So it is not a surprise that continued use kills a person and makes them think of death.
Also as con described - the person addicted does not want to do this, but they try and life looks worse, etc... my daughter tried to cut her wrists. It was a small attempt, I dont remember how I knew, she was hiding it. She said she just wanted it to stop. (meaning the addiction and craziness) I think she could not stop even though she had been to rehab twice for 30 days each time. And that is why she thought of a place to go where it was impossible to use. (military - of course that was not the only reason, but once she thought of it, she decided she could do it)
When my son was using and calling often for $ for food, would say statements like " I cant take this, I'm going to walk into the ocean", "I'm gonna put a gun to my head" etc.
He was also "starving" which added to the crazed statements, and anger or anxiety.
I appreciate everyone talking so openly. I also sit on the sidelines wonder what my son is doing. I feel like it is 50/50. Because of lies in the past, even when he tells the truth we dont know if its a lie. Then we feel bad if it was the truth. Its usually a question of how much of it is lie vs truth....
I had some hope dashed this week. I have been asking my son to go to a acupuncturist within walking distance and I would pay the office directly after he has an appointment. I really want him to try this because it will help with pain. If he is not in pain and feels physically better, he may feel mentally better, and be able to make positive decisions. I feel that trying this is better than never trying it and keeping the situation status quo.
(I am an optimist who believes in miricles, :) )
Last weekend, after not talking to him for 3-4 weeks, and glad because we started to get the feeling he might be starting to use again, he called to say hello. He said he called to make an appointment, but needed to call back because of his work schedule. So, I had my hopes up and now a week later he still has not made an appointment. He used to have the same day off each week, but someone else is doing schedule and changed everything up.
Of course..... this is also my son's luck. just when he is ready to be positive, the door is closed.
I still cry a little now and then and silently shout out to the higher powers and to my son - hoping and that something changes for the better.
ABOUT YOUR POSTINGS:
I think the suicidal thoughts are because of the drugs. The plant or drug substance the drug is made from is poisonous. Poppy, Opium, etc. So it is not a surprise that continued use kills a person and makes them think of death.
Also as con described - the person addicted does not want to do this, but they try and life looks worse, etc... my daughter tried to cut her wrists. It was a small attempt, I dont remember how I knew, she was hiding it. She said she just wanted it to stop. (meaning the addiction and craziness) I think she could not stop even though she had been to rehab twice for 30 days each time. And that is why she thought of a place to go where it was impossible to use. (military - of course that was not the only reason, but once she thought of it, she decided she could do it)
When my son was using and calling often for $ for food, would say statements like " I cant take this, I'm going to walk into the ocean", "I'm gonna put a gun to my head" etc.
He was also "starving" which added to the crazed statements, and anger or anxiety.
Ben&Bella,
About your daughter, between you and she, find a halfway house for women only that helps women get a job and get back on their feet. I believe if she can pee clean, she can get in without going to 30 days of rehab. look for one that she can stay at for long term. Not one that has a time limit.
If the place is really honest about helping addicts, they will know that a person walking in does not have a job and can not afford payment up front. A good place should have a payment plan that is affordable after the person gets a job. of course getting a job will be expected asap.
Maybe you could make a lot of calls before discussing w your daughter.
Wait until you find one. maybe go to see them too. its so hard to tell which ones are good and which ones are just trying to drain your insurance company.
I know of one story where the young person 22 yrs old, stayed at the halfway house for a year. working at a store in the community. walking distance - this is one reason why florida is a good area. then he was hired by the halfway house, first part time and then full time after another 6 months.
Another story - a young woman my son went to high school with, he met her in the area, the last time he was in rehab - earlier this year. she had quit 3 years ago, and was now working for a recovery center.
I think the best situation is for the child to be in an environment that is set up to be successful. Where they can be successful without our help and input.
Of course the choice of hwhouse is key. my son was also at a few crappy ones last year. he was 'on his own' too much and no guidence to help find a job or get to a job, or a super market, or anything helpful. (at least that's the way he paints the story)
The hwhouse he went to this year was hands-down better. I feel comfortable that he was in good hands, and was shown what he needs to do to be successful. the admin even told us our son can still go back if he needs help, after he left to rent a room in a private house.
We have the peace of mind that there are safe places he can go and we do not have to swoop in and save the day.
So sorry all of my posts are so long !! ugh !!
About your daughter, between you and she, find a halfway house for women only that helps women get a job and get back on their feet. I believe if she can pee clean, she can get in without going to 30 days of rehab. look for one that she can stay at for long term. Not one that has a time limit.
If the place is really honest about helping addicts, they will know that a person walking in does not have a job and can not afford payment up front. A good place should have a payment plan that is affordable after the person gets a job. of course getting a job will be expected asap.
Maybe you could make a lot of calls before discussing w your daughter.
Wait until you find one. maybe go to see them too. its so hard to tell which ones are good and which ones are just trying to drain your insurance company.
I know of one story where the young person 22 yrs old, stayed at the halfway house for a year. working at a store in the community. walking distance - this is one reason why florida is a good area. then he was hired by the halfway house, first part time and then full time after another 6 months.
Another story - a young woman my son went to high school with, he met her in the area, the last time he was in rehab - earlier this year. she had quit 3 years ago, and was now working for a recovery center.
I think the best situation is for the child to be in an environment that is set up to be successful. Where they can be successful without our help and input.
Of course the choice of hwhouse is key. my son was also at a few crappy ones last year. he was 'on his own' too much and no guidence to help find a job or get to a job, or a super market, or anything helpful. (at least that's the way he paints the story)
The hwhouse he went to this year was hands-down better. I feel comfortable that he was in good hands, and was shown what he needs to do to be successful. the admin even told us our son can still go back if he needs help, after he left to rent a room in a private house.
We have the peace of mind that there are safe places he can go and we do not have to swoop in and save the day.
So sorry all of my posts are so long !! ugh !!
Kratom...from what I know acts like an opiate ..some use it to get through the worse of the rattle...
http://www.foxnews.com/health/2013/...based-high.html
http://www.foxnews.com/health/2013/...based-high.html
Con,
Sounds like Kratom is not terrible & is at least legal. I'd rather she do it than H of course.
How is your withdrawal , detox & recovery going? Been wondering 'bout ya.
Thanks for replying to my posts. It's very helpful!
love & God bless you,
Dee
Sounds like Kratom is not terrible & is at least legal. I'd rather she do it than H of course.
How is your withdrawal , detox & recovery going? Been wondering 'bout ya.
Thanks for replying to my posts. It's very helpful!
love & God bless you,
Dee
NyToFlorida,
Thanks SO MUCH for your reply. Mine are always lengthy too. lol That just means we're thorough & really we care. :D
The day before yesterday, I had my daughter here & I suggested a rehab or hw house. I barely got done talking when she shot me down pronto. Wouldn't even consider it. I let it go because I know nothing will work unless she truly wants it & tries.
She's lingering in limbo. Trying to survive, but not making any real effort to get better. She did make an appointment to see her psychologist & counselor next week. She did that on her own so that's positive at least.
Just gonna keep praying. It's all I can do, sad to say. That & keep the door open to helping her if we can, yet not enabling. Easier said than done, I know.
I am trying to see her if I can but she has to call & ask (except I invited her for her sister's bday & dropped in on her one day out of the blue.)
I feed her, talk with her, etc...and we set a boundary about if we get mad, it's time to end the conversation. I have found there is nothing good that can be said or done after we reach that point. Don't want to do or say something hurtful in the heat of battle. lol We agreed to others too. At least I think, that's a step in the right direction. Every little positive thing is still worthy of hope.
I hope your son comes around. I wish you didn't have to go through this either.
Have a good day & thank you so much~.
love & God bless you,
Dee
Thanks SO MUCH for your reply. Mine are always lengthy too. lol That just means we're thorough & really we care. :D
The day before yesterday, I had my daughter here & I suggested a rehab or hw house. I barely got done talking when she shot me down pronto. Wouldn't even consider it. I let it go because I know nothing will work unless she truly wants it & tries.
She's lingering in limbo. Trying to survive, but not making any real effort to get better. She did make an appointment to see her psychologist & counselor next week. She did that on her own so that's positive at least.
Just gonna keep praying. It's all I can do, sad to say. That & keep the door open to helping her if we can, yet not enabling. Easier said than done, I know.
I am trying to see her if I can but she has to call & ask (except I invited her for her sister's bday & dropped in on her one day out of the blue.)
I feed her, talk with her, etc...and we set a boundary about if we get mad, it's time to end the conversation. I have found there is nothing good that can be said or done after we reach that point. Don't want to do or say something hurtful in the heat of battle. lol We agreed to others too. At least I think, that's a step in the right direction. Every little positive thing is still worthy of hope.
I hope your son comes around. I wish you didn't have to go through this either.
Have a good day & thank you so much~.
love & God bless you,
Dee
Hey Dee...thanks for the check in...doing what I can...good days bad days....addict s***...but still clean for the moment. ...don't know much about kratom. ..it's illegal out here...not that this would matter I suppose. ..it's just never crossed my path...whatever it takes to get there I guess. ..hoping for a magic space...there's only junkie time and the spaces in between...as far as heroin addicts go...spaces in between the runs determine which way it's going to be. ..at least for me....
WQ may have either no access to computer if still in rehab...or she popped it and ran...used....or she completed it...no telling....i wish her well either way
WQ may have either no access to computer if still in rehab...or she popped it and ran...used....or she completed it...no telling....i wish her well either way
Hey Dee-
Im so happy you had a noncombative visit although she loaded you with a lot of info. Cutting? Yes, my daughter did that before she found heroin. Living with bf, but not really wanting to be with him, but being with him bc he is convenient? I'm familiar with that too. Her being in limbo BUT you knowing the "right" path? Been there. Done that. Got the tee shirt. As my daughter tells me, "It is HER journey." All you can do is what you've been doing. Maybe one day she will be receptive to the idea of rehab or AA/NA or something. Her looking like ish when you pick her up? Yep...my daughter is now almost 225 pounds. She gained at least 30 pounds in FL. It took all my religion not to send my daughter to Macy's to get bigger clothes, the hair dresser and manicurist during the 48 hours she was home. I contemplated paying to put her back together not only to make her feel good but so she could remember the life she can have if she stopped using. You were better than me. You paid. I kindly handed old girl some of my fat girl clothes, a blow dryer, flat iron, nail file and polish and said "get busy!" Lol
I have no wonderful words of encouragement. Just a few miles of understanding. Sending many prayers and many hugs to you as well as to Sue, Mary, Ny & Con.
Love you guys!
Lynn
PS Con-Don't stop being you! I like your candor. Btw I'm counting too!!! Cheering you on.
Im so happy you had a noncombative visit although she loaded you with a lot of info. Cutting? Yes, my daughter did that before she found heroin. Living with bf, but not really wanting to be with him, but being with him bc he is convenient? I'm familiar with that too. Her being in limbo BUT you knowing the "right" path? Been there. Done that. Got the tee shirt. As my daughter tells me, "It is HER journey." All you can do is what you've been doing. Maybe one day she will be receptive to the idea of rehab or AA/NA or something. Her looking like ish when you pick her up? Yep...my daughter is now almost 225 pounds. She gained at least 30 pounds in FL. It took all my religion not to send my daughter to Macy's to get bigger clothes, the hair dresser and manicurist during the 48 hours she was home. I contemplated paying to put her back together not only to make her feel good but so she could remember the life she can have if she stopped using. You were better than me. You paid. I kindly handed old girl some of my fat girl clothes, a blow dryer, flat iron, nail file and polish and said "get busy!" Lol
I have no wonderful words of encouragement. Just a few miles of understanding. Sending many prayers and many hugs to you as well as to Sue, Mary, Ny & Con.
Love you guys!
Lynn
PS Con-Don't stop being you! I like your candor. Btw I'm counting too!!! Cheering you on.
Same here Con, I am keeping count and your silent cheerleader!
My son didn't bother his a** to get cleaned, but you I see someone that wants it, and guess what us mom's want it for you to! Think I'll adopt you :)
Keep us updated because you give us great insight on hard it is to do this journey and since I'll never be able to be on it with my son, I am happy to be on it with you, as long as you don't mind!
I did the same with my son, gave him hand me downs and went to charity shop, he looses them all the time anyway so I stop buying new. His brother even gave him underwear..Such a state he was in.
At least he didn't need makeup only a razor! haha..and not really a toothbrush his teeth are rotten. But I did throw in some deodorant, the dog wouldn't even go near him..ewww..
xx
Sue
My son didn't bother his a** to get cleaned, but you I see someone that wants it, and guess what us mom's want it for you to! Think I'll adopt you :)
Keep us updated because you give us great insight on hard it is to do this journey and since I'll never be able to be on it with my son, I am happy to be on it with you, as long as you don't mind!
I did the same with my son, gave him hand me downs and went to charity shop, he looses them all the time anyway so I stop buying new. His brother even gave him underwear..Such a state he was in.
At least he didn't need makeup only a razor! haha..and not really a toothbrush his teeth are rotten. But I did throw in some deodorant, the dog wouldn't even go near him..ewww..
xx
Sue
Sue,
I'm sorry about our son. Seems like hygiene is on the back burner when using. My kid too....Your replies have bee so helpful to me! Thank you so much!
Lynn,
I've been wondering about you. Glad you popped in. Missed you~.
What is with the cutting thing? Does your daughter still do it? Mine had 7 -8 on her wrist...mostly healed. I think I read somewhere that it's a way to release the pain, by physical means. Is that right?
It seems like if there's some hurtful act & drug destroying mess, she'll take a running leap into it. It hurts so much & I can do NOTHING.
I'll be going to court with my her in a couple weeks, so partly I got her make-up so she would look more presentable, maybe even somewhat classy. I'll be there & don't want her looking like s***.
She testifies against her old boyfriend who slept with an 11 year old girl. He's garbage, pure & simple. He's ugly & poor to boot! Yee-uck!
Hang in there hon. You're not alone!
Con,
Hang in there. Thinkin' of ya~....
My daughter thought the Kratom helped with the WD's which leads me to wonder why she's not using it now. Bf was the one that gave it to her months ago after she OD'd.
Where are you? I'm in WV in the US.
I can't make heads or tails of things. She tells stories & lies so much, I can't believe any of it without it without wondering if it's bulls***. Lies even about stupid crappy things that are not even remotely important.
Things are okay between us right now. We have short bursts of time together. I give her nothing, but I did give her Excedrin. Won't do that again, Sue set me straight! lol
Thanks SUE~!
Well, thanks guys!
love & God bless you all,
Dee
I'm sorry about our son. Seems like hygiene is on the back burner when using. My kid too....Your replies have bee so helpful to me! Thank you so much!
Lynn,
I've been wondering about you. Glad you popped in. Missed you~.
What is with the cutting thing? Does your daughter still do it? Mine had 7 -8 on her wrist...mostly healed. I think I read somewhere that it's a way to release the pain, by physical means. Is that right?
It seems like if there's some hurtful act & drug destroying mess, she'll take a running leap into it. It hurts so much & I can do NOTHING.
I'll be going to court with my her in a couple weeks, so partly I got her make-up so she would look more presentable, maybe even somewhat classy. I'll be there & don't want her looking like s***.
She testifies against her old boyfriend who slept with an 11 year old girl. He's garbage, pure & simple. He's ugly & poor to boot! Yee-uck!
Hang in there hon. You're not alone!
Con,
Hang in there. Thinkin' of ya~....
My daughter thought the Kratom helped with the WD's which leads me to wonder why she's not using it now. Bf was the one that gave it to her months ago after she OD'd.
Where are you? I'm in WV in the US.
I can't make heads or tails of things. She tells stories & lies so much, I can't believe any of it without it without wondering if it's bulls***. Lies even about stupid crappy things that are not even remotely important.
Things are okay between us right now. We have short bursts of time together. I give her nothing, but I did give her Excedrin. Won't do that again, Sue set me straight! lol
Thanks SUE~!
Well, thanks guys!
love & God bless you all,
Dee
Sue - I just want to say I am sorry your son is in such a bad state. I can almost imagine how sad and empty it must feel. Thank you for posting and sharing.
My son is OK. he is working, and states that he want to 'get out of this hole' and wants to send out resumes and get a better job. I just worry that his previous field drove or led him to the addiction and I dont want him going back to the profession if it is going to be a run down the wrong path. Plus, if he gets a better job there is more to loose if he goes back to the drugs. Oh, and more $ in his pocket to buy with. He also did the paycheck loans a few times.
BUT a month ago, he was sniffling and clearing his throat. His dad called him a lot for a few weeks trying to encourage him and call him out on using. We still dont really know if he is or was or whatever.
He has said he was going to send out his resume and reopen his bank account, and etc , 4 months ago and he didnt. 4 weeks ago and he didnt. 4 days ago.... he did send the resume to me this time, so maybe he will.
These are my hopes that come and go. I know that time will tell. unfortunately, a day feels like a week.
A few days ago I talked to him. he was not sniffling. I cant tell what it means, so I try not to make conclusions.
My son is OK. he is working, and states that he want to 'get out of this hole' and wants to send out resumes and get a better job. I just worry that his previous field drove or led him to the addiction and I dont want him going back to the profession if it is going to be a run down the wrong path. Plus, if he gets a better job there is more to loose if he goes back to the drugs. Oh, and more $ in his pocket to buy with. He also did the paycheck loans a few times.
BUT a month ago, he was sniffling and clearing his throat. His dad called him a lot for a few weeks trying to encourage him and call him out on using. We still dont really know if he is or was or whatever.
He has said he was going to send out his resume and reopen his bank account, and etc , 4 months ago and he didnt. 4 weeks ago and he didnt. 4 days ago.... he did send the resume to me this time, so maybe he will.
These are my hopes that come and go. I know that time will tell. unfortunately, a day feels like a week.
A few days ago I talked to him. he was not sniffling. I cant tell what it means, so I try not to make conclusions.
