I hate the feeling of withdraw. Throwing up till my bloodvessels in my eyes bust. Laying in the bath tub for days. Having to be dressed by a parent as a full grown adult. Unintentionally screaming out due to the fear of what is going on in my head and body.The horrible intense shots of pain that strike like lightening through my legs. The miserable sickening sweat that soaks my cloths like iv jumped in a dirty river. Thoughts of how low can i be and could i ever be worse,
BUT, then i think of that candyland feeling, the comfort that comes, the rush of that uforic place, mind and body numbing feeling that i can turn on anytime. It will be differnt this time i think to fool myself. I wana float on that cloud with all the confidence in the world. Is it worth it??????????????
HELL NO its not. It is so devestating. Loosing all the self respect you have to live like a pig and lie cheat and steal from anyone who has what u need to stay well. Its gotta end this time. Its such a low and disguting disease and you will die if you cant break through. Little sisters should never have to see their big brother shake violently and sweat and vomit with shreaks of terror. A mother that is a nurse should never have to sit by and cry and weap nowing there is nothing she can do but pray and help her son to be as comfortable as possible. A dad who did nothing but work his a** off and coach all sports and never miss a school event EVER and always say he loved me should never have to bathe a dope sick son coming off so much methadone and xanax that rehab couldnt take him this time around. A family that gave all and was turned inside out for years. They are still a family that is closer than ever. I beg myself and pray that i never want to temp myself with these feelings. I will always miss ufforia but i will never miss the pain in my moms cry, the terror in my sisters face and the hurt i put in my dad who never left my side. how dare i think this feeling is worth it. Im ashamed of myself but i know i have a strength and was able to make it. The hard part is ahead of me. I want it so bad. Im on the road. I just have to work my recovery progra.
To anybody that thinks about exploring this sick disease again please think about other people that love you. It hurts everyone. Thanks
Brien
Hi Brien,
Hang in there. Everything you say is true and then some. It's great you can come here and try to help others with your experience. I've read several of your posts but can't recall what you do outside of the sub if anything to make it stick this time. I wish you all the best in your quest to stay sober. You're doing great!
Beck
Hang in there. Everything you say is true and then some. It's great you can come here and try to help others with your experience. I've read several of your posts but can't recall what you do outside of the sub if anything to make it stick this time. I wish you all the best in your quest to stay sober. You're doing great!
Beck
Brien....great post. I think I will print it out and keep it and read it ..if i ever even consider starting again. When you get well you should think about a career in writing, you definitly have a gift for description. Hang in there buddy, it will get a whole bunch better. I don't know your story but I do know that a couple of months ago I thought I was gonna die and at times I wished I would and today I can honestly say I am starting to feel better then I have in years. Just be patient it takes time. You sound young and believe me that is going for you. Your body will heal. If you are truly ready you can do it. Mentally you won't believe how good it can be without the fog and desperation of it all. It is better then any high I ever had. I REALLY hope you make it. llh
Brien,
I am new to this site. Ive only talked a few times, but please hang on. You said some powerful things and it sounds like u have alot of support. Please hold on.
Bryan
I am new to this site. Ive only talked a few times, but please hang on. You said some powerful things and it sounds like u have alot of support. Please hold on.
Bryan
Hi llh,
It's reall great to see you doing so much better. I know you had a long road, but you're finally seeing the light. That's wonderful. And passing along the good news that it can be done. I'm so glad you stuck with it.
Bottom,You too can have this. I know you're new and would like to welcome you. Listen to the good advice here and keep posting.
All the best to you all!
\Beck
It's reall great to see you doing so much better. I know you had a long road, but you're finally seeing the light. That's wonderful. And passing along the good news that it can be done. I'm so glad you stuck with it.
Bottom,You too can have this. I know you're new and would like to welcome you. Listen to the good advice here and keep posting.
All the best to you all!
\Beck
InToDeep.
I go to AA twice day (some NA), have a sponsor, work steps,see addiction speciallist. Started going when 18. Workin hard. Getting ready to graduate college. Im 25. Have my own business still (luckily). Today im done with my parole time. got in trouble trafficking H. Not a bad guy just did bad things.Thanks 4 asking. C ya
Brien
I go to AA twice day (some NA), have a sponsor, work steps,see addiction speciallist. Started going when 18. Workin hard. Getting ready to graduate college. Im 25. Have my own business still (luckily). Today im done with my parole time. got in trouble trafficking H. Not a bad guy just did bad things.Thanks 4 asking. C ya
Brien
thanks beck!
Just make sure you follow thru so you NEVER have to go thru it again....you are young and have your whole life ahead of you......I know all about disgusting withdrawals...get well...feel better...God bless you...Love, Sharonn
Wow Brien...thanks for sharing...
I could relate so much to what you shared, it brought back some memories and I remember the feeling of existing, just going through the motions but not living, not feeling, not caring whether I lived or died....I need to remember where I came from so thanks again....
You're doing the drill...keep going to meetings, share with your sponsor and get into the steps...I remember Miss Katbird telling me, recovery is in the steps, work the steps and for me, by working the steps it is working miracles in my life....
Take care,
Stacey
Llh...You sound amazing!!! I'm so grateful life has shifted for you and you're feeling better...now it's all about maintaining your recovery and giving back...
(((hugs to you)))
I could relate so much to what you shared, it brought back some memories and I remember the feeling of existing, just going through the motions but not living, not feeling, not caring whether I lived or died....I need to remember where I came from so thanks again....
You're doing the drill...keep going to meetings, share with your sponsor and get into the steps...I remember Miss Katbird telling me, recovery is in the steps, work the steps and for me, by working the steps it is working miracles in my life....
Take care,
Stacey
Llh...You sound amazing!!! I'm so grateful life has shifted for you and you're feeling better...now it's all about maintaining your recovery and giving back...
(((hugs to you)))
Brien...
I remember the dreadful feelings of withdrawl. I had had a nervous breakdown as a result of quitting opiates but it is well worth it. I have been clean for over four weeks (I don't remember a time when I was this sober), and I feel very grateful. The withdrawls will pass and then one has to deal with the mental plaque that has built up over the years of using. Good luck, you are doing the right thing.
Deirdre
I remember the dreadful feelings of withdrawl. I had had a nervous breakdown as a result of quitting opiates but it is well worth it. I have been clean for over four weeks (I don't remember a time when I was this sober), and I feel very grateful. The withdrawls will pass and then one has to deal with the mental plaque that has built up over the years of using. Good luck, you are doing the right thing.
Deirdre
