I went to a couple of meeting yesterday...one a women's group in the AM...and then a Beginners in the PM...just wanted to ask a this question.
I thought it was a little strange that people were discussing who they say at what meeting??????? I thought these meetings were anonymous?? This was a concern to me and I will discuss with someone...I thought anonymity was anonymity...I would not want anyone discussing what meeting I was at when.
Darn...I am just trying to find out where I fit in...this was concerning...any comments? I know that there are some here that attend these meetings...has this been an issue? if so how would you handle it??
thanks kee kee
KK quotes-I thought it was a little strange that people were discussing who they say at what meeting???????
Hi KeeKee,
I don't understand.Could you clarify that statement?
Hi KeeKee,
I don't understand.Could you clarify that statement?
Same here Tim must have been a typo error. Shantel
LOL...sure Tim...
What I mean is that I heard other members discussing and talking about who was at other meetings and what the topic was!!
Sorry I was not very clear!
To me that is NOT respecting one anonymity.
What I mean is that I heard other members discussing and talking about who was at other meetings and what the topic was!!
Sorry I was not very clear!
To me that is NOT respecting one anonymity.
Personally, I don't care who knows what meeting I've been to or what I've said. I don't think newcomers understand anonymity in AA or they take it too seriously. The people I know in AA all know about each other. There are very few secrets. If I want to know how someone is doing I can find someone that knows how that person is. It's like a huge family. There aren't that many things that need to be hidden. We all know and love each other despite our faults and defects. Isn't that how we watch out for each other? When concern becomes gossip then it's wrong. But just a normal discussion about a topic of a different meeting seems harmless.
To me that is NOT respecting one anonymity.
You're right.It's not.
I've been guilty of it,but I've done it within the circle.I have never disclosed someones name outside the program to non-members.i.e,telling someone that doesn't know a person is in the program.
It's not a perfect system.There is gossip,backstabbing,sleeping around and all sorts of drama...kinda like here.j/k
If you are uncomfortable with that,just say something like "I though this was an anonymous program"...that will shut them up.
I'm glad to see you are making an effort,Kee Kee.That says a lot about your character that you question these things.Good for you.
Does it sound like I'm brown-nosing you to get an invitation to the big Island?LOL
You're right.It's not.
I've been guilty of it,but I've done it within the circle.I have never disclosed someones name outside the program to non-members.i.e,telling someone that doesn't know a person is in the program.
It's not a perfect system.There is gossip,backstabbing,sleeping around and all sorts of drama...kinda like here.j/k
If you are uncomfortable with that,just say something like "I though this was an anonymous program"...that will shut them up.
I'm glad to see you are making an effort,Kee Kee.That says a lot about your character that you question these things.Good for you.
Does it sound like I'm brown-nosing you to get an invitation to the big Island?LOL
Kat is right too.It can be innocent inquiries to how someone is doing.The smaller groups are like families.
Thanks Tim! And as for the compliments...yeah...kindness and sweetness will get you everywhere with me!! I am a big sucker!! LOL
The problem is that if someone "outside" of AA where to find out someone was in the program the first thing that would come to there mind is the stigma....like oh she/he is a drunk! or a junkie! Normies think different and could hurt a person in the "outside world" ie. in business...
Anyway...I do want my anonymity respected and I don't want anyone outside of those that where there knowing that I was there! I don't care if we are all friends and family....anonymous is anonymous..if I choose to discuss it I would....I certainly would never talk about someone else that was there...period! I just wouldn't. I like the anonymity of it...I just do...and want it to really be anonymous..
lol...ok..I am having trouble communicating this morning...I am out for a bit!!
(I don't think I have said anonymous so many times in my entire life!!)
PS...Tim...you should see the surf this morning! OMG...something to behold...I don't think anyone is at work today! My grown kids will be here next week! we are gonna try some surfing....we are skiers so it will be fun!!
Bye the way...you are welcome anytime! Just keep those compliments a coming!!! <BEG>
The problem is that if someone "outside" of AA where to find out someone was in the program the first thing that would come to there mind is the stigma....like oh she/he is a drunk! or a junkie! Normies think different and could hurt a person in the "outside world" ie. in business...
Anyway...I do want my anonymity respected and I don't want anyone outside of those that where there knowing that I was there! I don't care if we are all friends and family....anonymous is anonymous..if I choose to discuss it I would....I certainly would never talk about someone else that was there...period! I just wouldn't. I like the anonymity of it...I just do...and want it to really be anonymous..
lol...ok..I am having trouble communicating this morning...I am out for a bit!!
(I don't think I have said anonymous so many times in my entire life!!)
PS...Tim...you should see the surf this morning! OMG...something to behold...I don't think anyone is at work today! My grown kids will be here next week! we are gonna try some surfing....we are skiers so it will be fun!!
Bye the way...you are welcome anytime! Just keep those compliments a coming!!! <BEG>
Just wanted to ad quickly...a newcomer will never be an old timer if there anonymity is not respected. They will not come back! Alot of newbies go because of the fact that no one has to know...they are terrified...I think it goes against the principles of AA to discuss such things...anyhoooooo
You're right Kee Kee.I agree with everything you said.Unfortunately you are dealing with human beings and on top of that,addicts and alcoholics.They can have relapses and blab to the whole world who they saw where.That is out of your control.
My crowning moment was about 10 years ago when a friend who had relapsed was having a bithday party at a restraunt.There were about 15 people there,many I didn't know.When they started pouring wine,I turned my glass over.
All of a sudden I hear this loud,bellowing voice across the table scream
"OH,HE CAN"T DRINK,HE IS AN ALCOHOLIC.WE WERE IN AA TOGETHER AND I GRADUATED" as he starts laughing hysterically.Everyone in the restaurant turned around and stared at me........That was so special.I was so pissed.
Everyone is talking about the waves there today on the Surf BB.Its cold as sh*t here so yeah,I'm very envious.
Later
My crowning moment was about 10 years ago when a friend who had relapsed was having a bithday party at a restraunt.There were about 15 people there,many I didn't know.When they started pouring wine,I turned my glass over.
All of a sudden I hear this loud,bellowing voice across the table scream
"OH,HE CAN"T DRINK,HE IS AN ALCOHOLIC.WE WERE IN AA TOGETHER AND I GRADUATED" as he starts laughing hysterically.Everyone in the restaurant turned around and stared at me........That was so special.I was so pissed.
Everyone is talking about the waves there today on the Surf BB.Its cold as sh*t here so yeah,I'm very envious.
Later
Kat & Kee Kee,
I understand what you're saying. However, gossip often wears a costume called concern. And that applies to everywhere in life. What better way to "get the dirt" than to act concerned? Or possibly even be concerned but gossip anyway.
I can understand both views, but wouldn't want to be the topic of anyone's discussion either.
I understand what you're saying. However, gossip often wears a costume called concern. And that applies to everywhere in life. What better way to "get the dirt" than to act concerned? Or possibly even be concerned but gossip anyway.
I can understand both views, but wouldn't want to be the topic of anyone's discussion either.
This is a big reason why I dont take part in meetings around here........
The nearest town just a couple of miles away, is a town of less than 50,000 people.
Everyone knows Everyone's business. I went to a couple of meetings. A month or so again I go to my daughter's awards banquet for kindergarten and there sits one of the guys from the NA meeting, and walks right up and says how are you doing??
I was scared, obviously, I was at my daughter's school..........I in fact wanted to just leave for fear of something being said ( I know in my mind I was blowing it out of proportion but that is how I felt)
He ended up just leaving it at the "how are you doing" but it really bothers me now, he is involved with the school, and when I attended the NA meeting and met him I was still using, so he knows no diffferent.
Really really worries me.........People do talk.
The nearest town just a couple of miles away, is a town of less than 50,000 people.
Everyone knows Everyone's business. I went to a couple of meetings. A month or so again I go to my daughter's awards banquet for kindergarten and there sits one of the guys from the NA meeting, and walks right up and says how are you doing??
I was scared, obviously, I was at my daughter's school..........I in fact wanted to just leave for fear of something being said ( I know in my mind I was blowing it out of proportion but that is how I felt)
He ended up just leaving it at the "how are you doing" but it really bothers me now, he is involved with the school, and when I attended the NA meeting and met him I was still using, so he knows no diffferent.
Really really worries me.........People do talk.
Atlas I love that........
"Gossip wears a costume called concern"
No doubt about that.
"Gossip wears a costume called concern"
No doubt about that.
Kee Kee
I understand what you are saying. Keeping things inside of AA is important. I have a problem seeing it because my recovery life is an open book. But that's on me not you. If it wasn't for anonymity in early AA there would probably be no AA. Inside the rooms though it is tough to keep things secret. Like Tim said, we are human. I think it is human nature to talk about one another. It would take a saint to never speak about another human being. But again, maybe that's just me. I have to talk about some people in the rooms due to my job. It is difficult to keep my job and AA separate. I see the same people in both places. Don't let what you hear people say keep you from meetings, though. What's said in AA is very rarely spoken of outside the rooms.
I understand what you are saying. Keeping things inside of AA is important. I have a problem seeing it because my recovery life is an open book. But that's on me not you. If it wasn't for anonymity in early AA there would probably be no AA. Inside the rooms though it is tough to keep things secret. Like Tim said, we are human. I think it is human nature to talk about one another. It would take a saint to never speak about another human being. But again, maybe that's just me. I have to talk about some people in the rooms due to my job. It is difficult to keep my job and AA separate. I see the same people in both places. Don't let what you hear people say keep you from meetings, though. What's said in AA is very rarely spoken of outside the rooms.
I don't care who knows what meeting I've been at either, but that's just me. I totally agree though that it is inappropriate for members to discuss other members behind thier backs. Nicely or not. That's not what meetings are about. I've shared about what topics I've heard in other meetings but not what so and so said..etc. Never name names.
Ask the chair person Tell them your concerns.
CG
Ask the chair person Tell them your concerns.
CG
Kee Kee, an old sponsor once told me never say anything in a meeting you don't want the whole world to know, because they will.
I had the same concerns; I saw people talking about other people's issues/secrets; and I brought it up. She told me stories of verbal betrayal...so just becareful what you say.
Meetings can be a great place, but just make sure you find a trustworthy person to unload on.
As far as others seeing you there; that is kinda hard to help. I figured the whole world knew something was up when I looked like a zombie; they probably knew I was an alchy anyway.
Isn't this weather great??? I LOVE WINTER....
I had the same concerns; I saw people talking about other people's issues/secrets; and I brought it up. She told me stories of verbal betrayal...so just becareful what you say.
Meetings can be a great place, but just make sure you find a trustworthy person to unload on.
As far as others seeing you there; that is kinda hard to help. I figured the whole world knew something was up when I looked like a zombie; they probably knew I was an alchy anyway.
Isn't this weather great??? I LOVE WINTER....
kee kee................tim gave you some good advice.........
remind them thats not nice..........
and disrespectful............
and littlebeach............kerry........EXCELLENT advice from your sponsor.
big hugs to you Kee Kee.........
give baby girl a gentle hug for me........i pray for her, she is precious and so pretty..........just like you.
God Bless you and your family this holiday season.........
love you kee kee.............
thumper
remind them thats not nice..........
and disrespectful............
and littlebeach............kerry........EXCELLENT advice from your sponsor.
big hugs to you Kee Kee.........
give baby girl a gentle hug for me........i pray for her, she is precious and so pretty..........just like you.
God Bless you and your family this holiday season.........
love you kee kee.............
thumper
Kerry..thats so funny and perhaps true!! LOL...I am not judging or looking for a justifiable out...I am just taking it all in. The meeting tonite was so powerful and I am glad that I went!!!
So how you doing??? Yes this weather is so perfect! I so love the cool breeze in the evening and the fact that I can cozy up under a blanket with the trades winds rocking me to sleep!
My kids are coming from the mainland on Wednesday!! I am so excited I can hardly stand it...jeesh you would think they were little...its gonna be bitter sweet...the plan is for my daughter to take Kearra back! Its the way it should be but omg...I will so empty then.
Anyway hope all is good! I am sure it is! Hows the love life...wink wink!
Hey Thumps..I posted to you on Dougs thread!
So how you doing??? Yes this weather is so perfect! I so love the cool breeze in the evening and the fact that I can cozy up under a blanket with the trades winds rocking me to sleep!
My kids are coming from the mainland on Wednesday!! I am so excited I can hardly stand it...jeesh you would think they were little...its gonna be bitter sweet...the plan is for my daughter to take Kearra back! Its the way it should be but omg...I will so empty then.
Anyway hope all is good! I am sure it is! Hows the love life...wink wink!
Hey Thumps..I posted to you on Dougs thread!
Aww, that is sad for you. I know how much you cherish that little girl...maybe they can wait a few more months??? Or, I can ship you one of mine...just kidding. I am way too loving them now... I understand how you feel.
Love life is very good; I spent three nights having dinner there last week. THIS MAN MAKES ME DINNER....HE IS A KEEPER..LOL. He is so kind, and caring, and we talk on the phone like kids in love.
He got invited to a Jim Carrey christmas party...and invited me..lol. I doubt that will happen because it is too soon, but it sounds fun. Wouldn't that be cool?? My daughters would flip with the ice skateing and drum band..lol.
Anyway, I owe you an email. I am glad you are checking out meetings. You know the drill; stick with the winners. Find people that seem stable and trustworthy; and just know that meetings are like this place (Tim was so right on) and there are catty backstabbers and jealous not well people everywhere...even meetings. Trust your insticts and find the real people. They are there, also.
Just listen for the message; that this disease can be put into remission by not using. You don't have to buy into it all; like disability is the way to go. Or that you are an alchy ...if you are, you know it. You can learn some things there; in fact it has been an awfully long time since I have been to one. I found my energy was much better spent in school. It taught me something, though because I am still sober.
I will email you as soon as I get these crazy finals done..
The other Kerry
Love life is very good; I spent three nights having dinner there last week. THIS MAN MAKES ME DINNER....HE IS A KEEPER..LOL. He is so kind, and caring, and we talk on the phone like kids in love.
He got invited to a Jim Carrey christmas party...and invited me..lol. I doubt that will happen because it is too soon, but it sounds fun. Wouldn't that be cool?? My daughters would flip with the ice skateing and drum band..lol.
Anyway, I owe you an email. I am glad you are checking out meetings. You know the drill; stick with the winners. Find people that seem stable and trustworthy; and just know that meetings are like this place (Tim was so right on) and there are catty backstabbers and jealous not well people everywhere...even meetings. Trust your insticts and find the real people. They are there, also.
Just listen for the message; that this disease can be put into remission by not using. You don't have to buy into it all; like disability is the way to go. Or that you are an alchy ...if you are, you know it. You can learn some things there; in fact it has been an awfully long time since I have been to one. I found my energy was much better spent in school. It taught me something, though because I am still sober.
I will email you as soon as I get these crazy finals done..
The other Kerry
KeeKee-Do you have a sponsor?I don't remember you saying if you did.
I know some people are really comfortable sharing all these intimate details of their lives in meetings,I'm not .I use to be really self concious of that and always thought that because I couldn't I was either not being honest or not willing to go to any length.
I'm not putting anybody down that does that,I just never could.
I talked about it with my sponsor because he doesn't have a problem sharing anything in meetings.Sid assured me that it was not necessary and in some instances was not even beneficial,even detrimental?
I understood later what he meant.A girl in an NA meeting started talking about how her father sexually abused her and her whole life has ended up in prostitution and working in strip clubs.She was sobbing and so worked up and obviously needed private counseling.It was not the place to unload that because the help she needed was not available there.Nothing could have been done in an hour anyway.I never saw her again but I was pretty torn up by the whole thing.
Our sponsors are not therapist but we do build relationships with them.We talk to them daily and develop a trust.My sponsors advise is not always right but I do better with a one on one contact.I am not too cool with standing in front of 20-30 people telling them how I defrauded the IRS.
I always like to fall on this tidbit about how we share in meetings:
"We share in a general way about how it was,what happened and what it is today" If we get too far into a drugalogue,we never get to the solution.
The NA meeting I go to the chairman will actually interrupt you,in a very loving way,if you get too far into drug talk.Some people get really pissed but it's not done out of hatefulness.
You and Littlebeach are so lucky to be living where you do.Hawaii has been on the top of the list in Mens Fitness magazine as the healthiest place in the U.S.
for several years.It's all that surfing and outdoor life!
I know some people are really comfortable sharing all these intimate details of their lives in meetings,I'm not .I use to be really self concious of that and always thought that because I couldn't I was either not being honest or not willing to go to any length.
I'm not putting anybody down that does that,I just never could.
I talked about it with my sponsor because he doesn't have a problem sharing anything in meetings.Sid assured me that it was not necessary and in some instances was not even beneficial,even detrimental?
I understood later what he meant.A girl in an NA meeting started talking about how her father sexually abused her and her whole life has ended up in prostitution and working in strip clubs.She was sobbing and so worked up and obviously needed private counseling.It was not the place to unload that because the help she needed was not available there.Nothing could have been done in an hour anyway.I never saw her again but I was pretty torn up by the whole thing.
Our sponsors are not therapist but we do build relationships with them.We talk to them daily and develop a trust.My sponsors advise is not always right but I do better with a one on one contact.I am not too cool with standing in front of 20-30 people telling them how I defrauded the IRS.
I always like to fall on this tidbit about how we share in meetings:
"We share in a general way about how it was,what happened and what it is today" If we get too far into a drugalogue,we never get to the solution.
The NA meeting I go to the chairman will actually interrupt you,in a very loving way,if you get too far into drug talk.Some people get really pissed but it's not done out of hatefulness.
You and Littlebeach are so lucky to be living where you do.Hawaii has been on the top of the list in Mens Fitness magazine as the healthiest place in the U.S.
for several years.It's all that surfing and outdoor life!
