Over the last year my boyfriend has started using meth everyday, and 'shooting up' on lunchbreaks etc. I understand that it was his choice and no-one 'made' him do it, but i feel that this friends played a major part in this. Now i come home and find needles hidden around the house, and he gets mad and sometimes violent if i confront him about it. His health is deteriorating, his personality has totally changed and he blames me saying I am the cause of his problems and I am the reason he does drugs. He goes through his phases where he swears off them completely, but then after 2 days he feels that he has done so well that he deserves a reward (some more 'gear'). I tried to make him choose between me and drugs, and even moved out hoping he would realise that doing them would mean the end of our relationship, but he claims he would rather 'live his life than be dragged down by a control-freak.' From his (and his friend's) point of view all I want is to tell him what to do. One day after i left he already had his junkie friend move in, and now he can do drugs freely without having to hide them from me. I still love him and want him back, but i dont know how to handle his addiction. I've got angry at him, reasoned with him, ignored it, confronted his friends, and now finally moved out, and he still wont come round. His friends are all telling him he doesn't have a problem ( they all have the same problem), and so i have no support for an 'intervention'. I love him and can't stand for him to waste himself. What can I do?
hi my husband has been using since 17 and has been in jail or prison for close to the last 7 years meth is a scary thing it gets a hold of you and does not let go. unfortunately, the user has to want to quit i love my husband too but he is an addict
i have heard that alanon helps the families of addicts although ihave not gone if you do not have kids i suggest you cut your losses and run like hell
Hi There,
I am a recovering meth addict and I have to say meth is a evil drug. To answer your question How can I make him stop? You can't and that is the sad part about drug addiction. From reading your story you mentioned he doesn't see his drug use as a problem and refers to you as the problem. I had the same experience with my x husband of 20 years five chidren together I got sober and he didn't and I had to move on with my life 3 and 1/2 years later he is still using and I am now married to a wonderful man. When I was using I didn't care who you were and how much someone wanted me to stop using. I was gonig to get high no matter what and no one could stop me.If someone didn't like what I did they told to get out of my life the drugs are staying and that included my children. I know that sounds really bad, however when someone is in their addiction it dosen't matter. Take care of yourself . Try not to personalize his addiction. Learn how you can stay healthy so your not caught in in the diease.
God Bless you, Denise
I am a recovering meth addict and I have to say meth is a evil drug. To answer your question How can I make him stop? You can't and that is the sad part about drug addiction. From reading your story you mentioned he doesn't see his drug use as a problem and refers to you as the problem. I had the same experience with my x husband of 20 years five chidren together I got sober and he didn't and I had to move on with my life 3 and 1/2 years later he is still using and I am now married to a wonderful man. When I was using I didn't care who you were and how much someone wanted me to stop using. I was gonig to get high no matter what and no one could stop me.If someone didn't like what I did they told to get out of my life the drugs are staying and that included my children. I know that sounds really bad, however when someone is in their addiction it dosen't matter. Take care of yourself . Try not to personalize his addiction. Learn how you can stay healthy so your not caught in in the diease.
God Bless you, Denise
I know it isnt answer you were looking for but , you cant really force an addict to quit . You need to get on with your life , and MAYBE, just MAYBE there is something within him that will see losing you is hitting bottom and he will attempt to quit . It sounds tho in his situation that will be unlikely. you can show love, support, but at what point does your life begin to lose out . read thru all the posts here, there are many stories , many good people . I hope you find your answer
I know that you are so tired of people telling you, "He has to help himself", "You have to move on"," Kick him to the curb" , etc.etc...because you still love him.And you wonder "Why do I even love him anymore?'' But you do. No one seems to hear that.
How are we supposed to just stop loving someone...when we know that the drug is what makes them ugly. Is there anyone out there that has a different answer for Leah or me??? A different answer than just "move on". Anyone that knows how difficult it is to "just" do that? When you love someone so much and have commited to them...for better or worse...in SICKNESS or health..etc.etc.
How are we supposed to just stop loving someone...when we know that the drug is what makes them ugly. Is there anyone out there that has a different answer for Leah or me??? A different answer than just "move on". Anyone that knows how difficult it is to "just" do that? When you love someone so much and have commited to them...for better or worse...in SICKNESS or health..etc.etc.
Hi,
Leaving the person you love especially when drug abuse is the cause is probally the hardest thing a person can do. However you have chooses, you could stay and keep yourself as healthy as you possibly can. Learn as much as you can about the disease and get a support system for yourself so you don't get sucked into the uglness that go along with the drug use. For myself I had to leave the relationship in order to keep my own recovery. If you decide to stay and ride it out in hopes the person finds recovery, which people do "RECOVERY HAPPENS" just be prepared for the consequences that happen from drug use. I am Addiction Treatment Specialist and I work with families all the time that are affected by a love ones drug addiction. Good Luck and God Bless you
Denise
Leaving the person you love especially when drug abuse is the cause is probally the hardest thing a person can do. However you have chooses, you could stay and keep yourself as healthy as you possibly can. Learn as much as you can about the disease and get a support system for yourself so you don't get sucked into the uglness that go along with the drug use. For myself I had to leave the relationship in order to keep my own recovery. If you decide to stay and ride it out in hopes the person finds recovery, which people do "RECOVERY HAPPENS" just be prepared for the consequences that happen from drug use. I am Addiction Treatment Specialist and I work with families all the time that are affected by a love ones drug addiction. Good Luck and God Bless you
Denise
We do hear that lisa. My saving grace IS someone that sees past all my problems.Why is she my saving grace? I do not want to lose her. I continue to use and that is what will happen .This is an extremely hard drug to beat for many......not because it is physically addicting, but it becomes our crutch mentally , and it does effect our brain function eventually.Take your deepest depression , tie it to zero energy.....that's what it is to stop.Most wont think clear enough to understand that it is the drug. the only thing that works is hitting bottom hard enough to wake up .This may be hard for some to understand but to continue to have the things that were good in ones life in a way enables them to continue using , but when all that good has left , all they have is the darkness of nothing but the drug , they might see they have to change .nothing hurts more than losing a loved one .and support is needed to quit , so yes stay in the fight to get them back , but it is a fight and YOU have to be tough , there is no magic pill or answer .....good luck
I have posted a couple of times. I am dealing with a meth user who wasn't using when I fell in love with him. Now I'm being called an enabler, caretaker, rescurer, and CODEPENDENT. If the shoe fits.....
Still love them. I am not giving up on my love. He does try. He comes to me high as a kite and cries like his mother just died and begs me to help him quit. They are TWO different people, sober guy who is caring and high guy who is zombie or soul-less. You can't talk to the dope friends. They will tell you "it's a lifestyle" "he has to do it himself" "he's using you or your demands as an excuse to use" They are also addicts. But you can't talk to your friends either cause they all say "leave him". It's tough. I've been posting on a codependent website thinking there are happy endings out there, there aren't. Then I have my mother telling me to give him to God and let God do his work and if I interfere I will be stepping in His way. I'm not patient and can't seem to stop obsessing about him. I feel like if I keep trying and keep being there for him he will see the "light" and quit for good. I don't know your entire situation but for me, he does stop from time to time and that keeps me holding on to the idea he may eventually stop forever. He is willing to try hypno-therapy which teaches your brain to explore different avenues other than the "same old cycle". I just haven't had the extra money to pay for it yet. My guy is a big one on how fit he looks, a fellow user told him he looked skinny and like a girl. HE QUIT for a minute anyways.
I don't know if this helps, but know you aren't alone, there are a lot of us out there who live their life on the idea our loved one's will get better. I look at it this way--addiction is a disease, would you walk out on someone you loved with cancer???? I wouldn't.
Still love them. I am not giving up on my love. He does try. He comes to me high as a kite and cries like his mother just died and begs me to help him quit. They are TWO different people, sober guy who is caring and high guy who is zombie or soul-less. You can't talk to the dope friends. They will tell you "it's a lifestyle" "he has to do it himself" "he's using you or your demands as an excuse to use" They are also addicts. But you can't talk to your friends either cause they all say "leave him". It's tough. I've been posting on a codependent website thinking there are happy endings out there, there aren't. Then I have my mother telling me to give him to God and let God do his work and if I interfere I will be stepping in His way. I'm not patient and can't seem to stop obsessing about him. I feel like if I keep trying and keep being there for him he will see the "light" and quit for good. I don't know your entire situation but for me, he does stop from time to time and that keeps me holding on to the idea he may eventually stop forever. He is willing to try hypno-therapy which teaches your brain to explore different avenues other than the "same old cycle". I just haven't had the extra money to pay for it yet. My guy is a big one on how fit he looks, a fellow user told him he looked skinny and like a girl. HE QUIT for a minute anyways.
I don't know if this helps, but know you aren't alone, there are a lot of us out there who live their life on the idea our loved one's will get better. I look at it this way--addiction is a disease, would you walk out on someone you loved with cancer???? I wouldn't.
get him help like a counciler
glad to hear you are out of a frightening situation. A situation where the drug use will advance and he will end up in jail in the future. When under the influience they lie to the people they love. The drug consumes their life and all the people they hang with do exactly what they do.
good luck to you, I wish you a happy life.
debi
good luck to you, I wish you a happy life.
debi
Yes, you love your man. However, you need to love him a little less and yourself a little more. He has lost himself in his addiction and you can't do anything for him. He has to do it for himself, and it doesn't sound like he'll be ready for that any time soon. All of your pain and worry is wasted on him; he doesn't care about you or anyone else right now, and you can't do anything for him. He has to want to quit using and help himself.
Your moving out was a big step and I know it is painful for you. But don't view the circumstances facing your through rose colored glasses. Get help for yourself to get through this; your well-being is what should be the most important thing for you right now.
Be strong. It's not the end of the world. You will face a whole lot more than what you are going through right now during your lifetime, and if you can see your way through to getting some counseling for yourself, you will be that much closer to getting on your road to recovery.
Peace be with you.
Your moving out was a big step and I know it is painful for you. But don't view the circumstances facing your through rose colored glasses. Get help for yourself to get through this; your well-being is what should be the most important thing for you right now.
Be strong. It's not the end of the world. You will face a whole lot more than what you are going through right now during your lifetime, and if you can see your way through to getting some counseling for yourself, you will be that much closer to getting on your road to recovery.
Peace be with you.
I know what you are going threw, Its hell and you are so confused and cant stop thinking. He is the one with the problem not you and if you help him you will only get screwed in the end. You have to remenber that this is not the same person you fell in love with, and he doesnt care about anything else but his next high.I just pressed charges on my ex , he was a cocaine addict he took all of my money my car, he lied he beat me he stocked me and I was trying to help him.Please take it from me there is nothing you can do, don't hurt yourself anymore be strong and move on its the best thing you can do for yourself.
Girls, let me tell you been there done that. My ex was the same way he is the father of my kids and talk about hard to leave cuse you love them. I put up with his addiction for six years. I know your tired of hearing others say you have to move on, but the fact is you do. Unless you need a reality check that will wake you up, as it did me. The one thing that made me leave this relationship first of all was my children, I was tired of seeing them scared we as adults ask for help need to talk to someone just imagine the minds of the little ones who cant seek help they satisfy themselves with your love. I woke up one in the middle of the night with a gun to my head, this man (the man i love) was going to kill me and himself after, he torcherd me for hours. I had never prayed so hard in life. That morning when i left I left for good. I thought there is no way in hell I will allow this man to destroy my life plus my children. It hurt so bad but i had to be strong because people on drugs are capable of things that you can't even imagine. Only they can help themselves. I know you feel guilty cuse you love them, I still love him, but leaving was the best thing that ever happen in my life. Just be strong its easier said then done but you can do it!
wow, sugie. now there's a wake up call for all of us.
while this pales in comparison with your last experience --
my son took our car in the middle of the nite. woke up at 4:30 in the morning and the car and he were gone. that's after hiding the keys in my bedroom. he just managed to come in the room and take them while we slept.
when I tracked him down by telephone, he was on the highway heading south, about 10 miles from here. hit another car while i was on the cell phone with him. the other driver and a state police tailed him until i talked him in to pulling over.
both cars damaged, fortunately no one physically hurt.
but he was totally out of control. alcohol and pills and who knows what else.
that's the day the locks were changed on the doors at home -- and he went to detox.
while this pales in comparison with your last experience --
my son took our car in the middle of the nite. woke up at 4:30 in the morning and the car and he were gone. that's after hiding the keys in my bedroom. he just managed to come in the room and take them while we slept.
when I tracked him down by telephone, he was on the highway heading south, about 10 miles from here. hit another car while i was on the cell phone with him. the other driver and a state police tailed him until i talked him in to pulling over.
both cars damaged, fortunately no one physically hurt.
but he was totally out of control. alcohol and pills and who knows what else.
that's the day the locks were changed on the doors at home -- and he went to detox.
HEY, CONFUZED YOU TOOK THE WORDS RIGHT OUT OF MY MOUTH. THE OTHER WOMAN HAD A POINT THOUGH. YOU HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF THE CHILDREN FIRST. IM SCARED TO LEAVE HIM I DONT HAVE THE HEART. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. HE HAS BEEN GONE FOR 3 DAYS NOW. IM SCARED! I DONT KNOW WHAT TO TELL MY LITTLE BOY ANYMORE.
I beleive you said he was using coke? What kind of support do you have for you, in terms of other family members or others who are they to help you.
HIS FAMILY IS THERE FOR ME. I JUST WANT THEM TO HELP ME HELP HIM.