I was thinking (oh no) about when I first got sober and had little to very little self esteem and no self confidence and how I was so worried about what others thought. I tried to BS my way in meetings because I didn't want anyone to know I didn't know what I was talking about. It was a relief to know I wasn't expected to know anything about staying sober, that I was there to learn. But I think I spent most of my life being a people pleaser and wanting people to like me. I was whoever you wanted me to be. Today I am just me. Take it or leave it. As long as I am doing what I feel is the next right thing I don't care who likes or doesn't like me. I have a few very close friends, more just plain friends, and a ton of people that are acquaintances. I care about my friends' opinions but not so much the rest like I used to be. I have learned to take criticism and that was always something that would make me explode into tears. But I also spent most of my life as a "rebel". Talk about a big ego with an inferiority complex.
Anyway, I was wondering how others feel.
Today I am okay with who I am, or I should say, who I am becoming...but I have come to the place in my recovery that if I am doing the next right thing, then I am okay with that....My feelings still get hurt, I still get angry every once in awhile, I still feel sad but these are all emotions that I need to work through when things occur to grow in my recovery....
I'm going through a lesson right now with someone I thought was a friend and I have to remember my part in things and how high my expectations are of others...when I don't have expectations, life is beautiful but when I do, and they aren't met, that's when I need to go back and look at me, not the other person....
A shift in perception, like Sammy says, does wonders for me....and at the end of the day, if I have done my very best to do God's will and not Stacey's, I can sleep well.....I try not to people please anymore but I also try to remember to be grateful and appreciate those in my life and active in my recovery.....I believe there is a reason the saying "To thine ownself be true" is on the back of our chips.
This would be a great thread for Teresa to pop in....she helped me tremendously in the very beginning recognizing & working on the codie issues I have....
xoxoxo
I'm going through a lesson right now with someone I thought was a friend and I have to remember my part in things and how high my expectations are of others...when I don't have expectations, life is beautiful but when I do, and they aren't met, that's when I need to go back and look at me, not the other person....
A shift in perception, like Sammy says, does wonders for me....and at the end of the day, if I have done my very best to do God's will and not Stacey's, I can sleep well.....I try not to people please anymore but I also try to remember to be grateful and appreciate those in my life and active in my recovery.....I believe there is a reason the saying "To thine ownself be true" is on the back of our chips.
This would be a great thread for Teresa to pop in....she helped me tremendously in the very beginning recognizing & working on the codie issues I have....
xoxoxo
Kat,im not sure if its getting clean,growing up,age,whatever.I certainly have grown into myself. Ive learned alot about myself these past few years through addiction and just groing older.
I too used to put too much into what others thought,worried if others liked me,etc...i no longer am like that.I am who i am,and i like me,and i found,the more i like me,the more others do too.Ive got a confidence like never before,alot of it has always been within me,it just needed to be shined off and brought out,i for one,never gave myself enough credit when i was younger,though i always knew i was somebody worth while,with alot of potential.~KIM
I voted as long as im doing whats right,i dont care.
I too used to put too much into what others thought,worried if others liked me,etc...i no longer am like that.I am who i am,and i like me,and i found,the more i like me,the more others do too.Ive got a confidence like never before,alot of it has always been within me,it just needed to be shined off and brought out,i for one,never gave myself enough credit when i was younger,though i always knew i was somebody worth while,with alot of potential.~KIM
I voted as long as im doing whats right,i dont care.
Apparently I care too much. And it really does depend on who it is. Some, I really don't give a s*** what they think. But I give others way too much power over me. If I know that in my heart what the truth is, I should be ok with that and move on, right? For some reason I feel this stupid need to justify. If I do something wrong, I admit it and then feel like I have to explain it so that others will understand why I did it. Is that any of my business what they think? No. I can't control other's thoughts and actions. Only my own.
Well Lisa,thats only natural(imo)if you do somethign"wrong",well,then yes,you would feel compelled to explain why you did what you did.
Now if doing something "wrong" is only perceived by the other person,and not the way you see it,well then,thats their deal,not yours.You feel comfortable about your actions,feel no remorse,then no need to explain.~KIM
Now if doing something "wrong" is only perceived by the other person,and not the way you see it,well then,thats their deal,not yours.You feel comfortable about your actions,feel no remorse,then no need to explain.~KIM
Kim
I think you hit the nail on the head. I like me today and I am comfortable with who I've become. I'm not sure if it's recovery or growing up either (but for me they went hand in hand) but I sure wouldn't want to be a kid again and have to go thru all those insecurities all over again. Yuck.
I think you hit the nail on the head. I like me today and I am comfortable with who I've become. I'm not sure if it's recovery or growing up either (but for me they went hand in hand) but I sure wouldn't want to be a kid again and have to go thru all those insecurities all over again. Yuck.
Me either,it sure did suck.But...it brought us to where and who we are today.It built our character,as awkward as it was most times,lol~KIM
It's called maturity.
The older I get,the less I care.Although even 15 years ago I don't remember trying to impress that many people.
I ran into the grocery store the other day without shoes.My friend was appalled.I didn't even think twice about it?
I'm not the type that has to do a wardrobe change to get groceries.
The older I get,the less I care.Although even 15 years ago I don't remember trying to impress that many people.
I ran into the grocery store the other day without shoes.My friend was appalled.I didn't even think twice about it?
I'm not the type that has to do a wardrobe change to get groceries.
I agree with you Tim...I too believe it's a maturity thing, not necessarily an age thing....
Sometimes my 15yr old daughter will remind me that it doesn't matter what people think about her nor say about her, it's how she feels about herself....
And my husband, he always says f*ck em....went to dinner the other night and he's wearing sweatpants w/shorts over the top...I was laughing at him and he informed me that the fashion police weren't on duty for the evening......
Sometimes my 15yr old daughter will remind me that it doesn't matter what people think about her nor say about her, it's how she feels about herself....
And my husband, he always says f*ck em....went to dinner the other night and he's wearing sweatpants w/shorts over the top...I was laughing at him and he informed me that the fashion police weren't on duty for the evening......
Maybe we can make the whole "white trash" look the newest trend?
I'm certainly giving it my best shot.LOL
I'm certainly giving it my best shot.LOL
LOL.Stacey&Tim.
Though i must admit,im sick of looking at,even in the dead of winter,snow all on the ground, all these teenage kids(and some adults)walking around "all hours" of the day in pj bottoms and slippers.
In the grocery stores,at the gas pump,the mall,restaurants,etc....its full of these people in their pajamas and slippers(or flipflops) Is it just my area or are the kids (and like i said,some adults) dressing like that all over?
I mean,come on,put on a pair of sweats at least! Some actually most,look like they did actually sleep in them the night before and are out and about in them still at 4 pm the next day!LOL~KIM
Though i must admit,im sick of looking at,even in the dead of winter,snow all on the ground, all these teenage kids(and some adults)walking around "all hours" of the day in pj bottoms and slippers.
In the grocery stores,at the gas pump,the mall,restaurants,etc....its full of these people in their pajamas and slippers(or flipflops) Is it just my area or are the kids (and like i said,some adults) dressing like that all over?
I mean,come on,put on a pair of sweats at least! Some actually most,look like they did actually sleep in them the night before and are out and about in them still at 4 pm the next day!LOL~KIM
People generally don't impress me, so why do I care what they think.
Kim..like I said in my post, even though I know in my heart I'm right or haven't done anything wrong, I still feel this need to explain to people the reasons why. When really, I shouldn't. I think it comes from years of addiction and having to justify to myself and my family every move I made.
I was told today that I get panicky when I'm in trouble. They couldn't have been more correct. There's that part of me that doesn't want to hurt anyone purposely. Being mean and vindictive just isn't something I would ever want anyone to think of me, so I start doing that explaining thing when I don't have to. I just need to say what's right and be done with it. So, yes, it does matter to me what people think and maybe one of these days I'll grow up and get over that. It would really help with my relationship with my father.
I was told today that I get panicky when I'm in trouble. They couldn't have been more correct. There's that part of me that doesn't want to hurt anyone purposely. Being mean and vindictive just isn't something I would ever want anyone to think of me, so I start doing that explaining thing when I don't have to. I just need to say what's right and be done with it. So, yes, it does matter to me what people think and maybe one of these days I'll grow up and get over that. It would really help with my relationship with my father.
Number 2 -
Never have never will.
Never have never will.
Brooke...one of these days, I will get it. I promise.
Outside of the few that I have given my heart and thus my trust to, I don't give 2 s***s what anyone thinks of me.
Beck
Beck
Mizz Bird ~
I remember meeting you face to face when you were what? 3 or 4 months into recovery. You were just as beautiful then to me as you are now.
Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are. As Popeye used to describe himself - "I yam what I yam." And to add to that, I am nothing more or nothing less.
Sweet Spirit,
Help us see ourselves and each other, clearly. For too long, we have been distracted by the flashing lights and shiny mirrors of an illusion.
Reveal the splendor that is the essence of who we are.
May our lives reflect Your ways and Your will.
Amen
Nitey nite everyone ~
Sammy
I remember meeting you face to face when you were what? 3 or 4 months into recovery. You were just as beautiful then to me as you are now.
Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are. As Popeye used to describe himself - "I yam what I yam." And to add to that, I am nothing more or nothing less.
Sweet Spirit,
Help us see ourselves and each other, clearly. For too long, we have been distracted by the flashing lights and shiny mirrors of an illusion.
Reveal the splendor that is the essence of who we are.
May our lives reflect Your ways and Your will.
Amen
Nitey nite everyone ~
Sammy

i am with sammy..........
Amen
Amen
Lisa
i just wanted to commend you on your honesty...its not the answer that i would have expected from you, as you come across as being very strong and sure of yourself...and although of course you are...you have shared with us that you have vulnerability, and personally i was really touched at your candor..
Really very impressed by that..
I care very much what people think as well..though im finding that as I age, I have learned more and more that it is really only the people that I respect that it matters to me what they think of me...
If i have no respect for someone, or have lost all respect for someone, then their opinion is of little relevance to my self esteem..of no consequence at all actually..
When you think about it, that makes sense in itself, cus if you trust yourself, if you trust that inner voice, then the only opinions that would matter to you are the opinions of which you love and respect...
Thats a lesson that really wasn't learned till i reached my forties...i think as Tim said, it comes with maturity...well hopefully..lol
( Sidebar: Tim, the only thing appalling about running into a grocery store barefoot is the hygiene or lack thereof...and most stores that I know wouldnt even allow you in with bare feet...but fashion wise..i totally understand what your saying..)
Again Lisa, just want to share with you how touched I was and im sure in time you will find a happy balance...and thats not to say that people that you dont know can't hurt your feelings, feelings can get hurt by those you dont even know, but not to the extend that their opinions of you are contingent on your self esteem,...to me they are two different things..
Sorry to ramble on...
Big hug
Ali
i just wanted to commend you on your honesty...its not the answer that i would have expected from you, as you come across as being very strong and sure of yourself...and although of course you are...you have shared with us that you have vulnerability, and personally i was really touched at your candor..
Really very impressed by that..
I care very much what people think as well..though im finding that as I age, I have learned more and more that it is really only the people that I respect that it matters to me what they think of me...
If i have no respect for someone, or have lost all respect for someone, then their opinion is of little relevance to my self esteem..of no consequence at all actually..
When you think about it, that makes sense in itself, cus if you trust yourself, if you trust that inner voice, then the only opinions that would matter to you are the opinions of which you love and respect...
Thats a lesson that really wasn't learned till i reached my forties...i think as Tim said, it comes with maturity...well hopefully..lol
( Sidebar: Tim, the only thing appalling about running into a grocery store barefoot is the hygiene or lack thereof...and most stores that I know wouldnt even allow you in with bare feet...but fashion wise..i totally understand what your saying..)
Again Lisa, just want to share with you how touched I was and im sure in time you will find a happy balance...and thats not to say that people that you dont know can't hurt your feelings, feelings can get hurt by those you dont even know, but not to the extend that their opinions of you are contingent on your self esteem,...to me they are two different things..
Sorry to ramble on...
Big hug
Ali
Today, I really could care less what people think of me. I have finally come to accept myself as who I am.