How Did You Deal With It?

I would like to again thank everyone who replied to my previous post. You have no idea how much I didn't want to hear some of those things but at the same time needed to hear it.
I'm sure a lot of you have already talked about what made you want to change (your 'rock bottom' ) and how you handled opening up to people in your life and dealing with everything.
I feel like I've finally found a "key" to open a door towards a positive change. The only trouble is now I feel like I'm facing a thousand doors and this key only works in one of them.
After reading some of your posts yesterday a lot of things stayed with me throughout the day. I hope this doesn't come out wrong, but reading what some of you have been through, dealt with and overcome gave me hope. As much as I don't want anyone to go through this crap, I'm happy there are people like you out there. I don't feel so alone.
If some of you wouldn't mind sharing with me your "rock bottoms", experiences, opening up to loved ones etc.... I would really appreciate it.
I tried looking through some of the posts on here, but holy crap are there a lot of posts! haha.
Thanks again

Beth
Beth my "rock bottom was 98 days ago....give or take.

I have been on Sub for 3 years for a real bad opiate addiction.I did very good for 2 years.Or I thought I was.I never really took recovery too serious.I always thought taking Sub would be enough without any groups or therapist or any support.I thought I could switch my DOC still feel that buzz & yet act sober...what a joke.
So it started REAL easy.I said I got headaches,got a script for a "different type"of drug.Well soon enough that addiction spun.I started to order off line...(BIG BIG MISTAKE)I spent 80.00 + a week + I was getting 120 from a Dr.Well it just so happens what I was ordering offline also (besides the drug I was buying)it had speed in it.The end result was I almost went over that :"edge"My 15 year old daughter was taking care of me.Something I STILL feel shame over.I isolated myself,at the end my eyes were sinking in & I looked...grey.
My VERY bottom was when my Dr told me if I DIDN"T get help & intense help..I would be dead before Christmas.
THAT did it....I checked into a hospital for about a week,not a detox but a phyc ward.They regulated my meds,set me up in "group"treatment 3 days a week....which now Im at 2 days & hit meetings 1x a week more if I need the extra support.

Beth if this helps you be less scared of getting help than its worth it.You are welcome to search my name(sabrina)under pain pills & you can see how far gone I was
Beth I pray you don't get that far...you may not come back...I almost didn't
Take Care Sabrina
Beth,im so happy to see you posting again today.And with a little bit of hope inyour "voice".

For me,my bottom wasnt really dramatic or anything,no "ONE EVENT" made me stop.For me it was just the viscious roller coaster of being sick all the time.Running out of meds,getting sick.Finding more,and starting over.

It was no way to live.In the end i had to pop 5 norcos in my mouth just to get out of bed,by the end of the day i was taking 25 of them.That amount would kill a "normal" person.

I looked around at my life and i thought about hopw much i needed the pills just to play with my grandchildren,because without them,i was deathly sick in bed.I was ashamed of myself and i wanted my life back.

I finally told my husband who was wonderful(just like yours)i went to detox,and then on sub.Its been a year and a half for me and life is pretty good these days,not ALL days,but most days.

I did come clean with my Dr,and he was so ver supportive.I think you might just be very surprised at what your Dr would say.He most certainly wouldnt take all of your meds away.I believe he would work with you to get to the amount that you actually need for your health problems.But Beth,IMO,the alcohol is a killer.That will get harder and harder to stop the longer you do it.It is so very dangerous.I pray you look for help through your dr and continue coming here for support.You really sound like you want the control back in your life and to me....thats a rock bottom in itself.~KIM
hi beth
i hope that you can take the good advice given to you here and stop the madness of addiction. i am a vicodin addict and you asked for anyone to share their stories so i hope that by me doing so it will help you as well.
there were a lot of environmental stressors and a genetic predisposition to addiction that set me up, i smoked marijuana for 30 yrs and never dreamt that i could become a pill addict,
it started so innocently too, got a tooth pulled, a script for 10 vicodins, never before had i ever had one, i remember exactly when that first feeling of euphoria and a sense of well being came over me, when those ten were gone, i called back the dentist for a refill so i could continue this feeling of well being. little did i know what was to come.....
at that point i wasnt addicted yet, time went on and that was it of the vicodins so i thought, i had decided to get bunions removed from my feet, and the ortho dr i had prescribed the vikes like candy, 7.5's-,30 pills, 3 refills, i thought i had died and gone to heaven and found the key to eternal happiness! why? because i could check out of life for the 6 week recovery period, no work, nothing to worry about, just check out and numb myself, i felt so safe in my bedroom that i had isolated in, my dogs were in bed with me, it was cold outside and i was all safe and warm in my bed with my bottle of vikes on the night stand,
did i stop there, no, i kept finding more ways to get surgeries so i could continue those little mini vacations, next after the foot surgeries, i had the right foot done again because i wasnt satisfied with the way it looked like i still had a bunion, dr said we will go in and remove more bone this time, so thats 3 foots surgeries now, then i had two shoulder operations to remove bone spurs, thats when i got introduced to morphine! then the morphine pump! the nurses became concerned as to how many times i pushed the button,
next came a life threatening kidney stone operation, now it was dilaudid for pain relief, i hit my rock bottom lying in a hospital room pushing a morphine pump thinking this is the life...
but of course it all has to come to an end, the game of chasing them, dr shopping, lying at urgent care for pain i didnt have, all became too much to handle, then there is tolerance that develops.
my sponsor said to me, julie, you allowed people to cut you open to get just one more, what had happened is that i also developed a surgery addiction.
did i get support? none, my parent/siblings and husband have all abandoned me because in my recovery i had to set boundaries with them in order for me to get over all the pain i was holding in concerning them, i had to address my co dependancy too. my sons are trying to understand.
my first rehab attempt failed and i relapsed, i tried rehab again and asked to be put on suboxone. i will celebrate 2 yrs clean on july 10th!
i abused the vicodins for 5 yrs!!!
i am so glad to have embraced recovery, i first have faith in a higher power which is God, i attend NA meetings, i have a sponsor and i am working the 12 steps, plus i have 2 counselors for my f2f support. it has been one of the hardest yet worth it journies ever. i have cried oceans of tears, felt rejection and abandonment, i feel resentful and full of anger and i am learning thru my 4th step about how to deal with that. but one thing comforts me and its other recovering addicts, they truly get it,
so dear beth i hope you can embrace recovery too, one thing i remember is my mom is a vike addict and her dr told her that her brain was imagining the pain so she could get more drugs! i am not saying that you are imagining pain because i am in pain every day from osteo arthritis and i understand, but its worth a shot to see if you could get all these drugs out of your system and then you will be able to identify the pain issues better. beth i used to turn my nose up at prescription motrin, because i wanted the codiene from the vikes and i had an absessed tooth last summer and i cant have narcotics, the motrin 800 mg, kicked butt! i couldnt believe it! motrin has the anti inflammatory properties in it, may the good Lord bless you and help you. love jewels
I went for 2+ years before I knew I was addicted. I suffer from cluster headaches and the doctor I went to prescribed 100 percs per month. I figured since they were prescribed, I should take them.

After 2 years, my doctor got arrested for illegally supplying narcotics for money. I had no clue. I was going in once a month and getting my prescription, not passing money under the table. After his arrest, I was cut off.

Then I found the internet pharmacies. I still didn't think I was an addict because, after all, a doctor prescribed them for me.

After 4 years of using vicodin, norco and any opiates I could get a hold of, my cluster headaches went into remission. I no longer had the headaches that was the reason for my opiate use. Unfortunately, the opiate use didn't stop. I spent my time trying to find my next prescription. That's when I realized I had a problem.

Fast forward 2 more years, my son told me his wife was pregnant. The last thing I wanted for my grandbaby was an addicted grandpa. I weened off slowly over the next 8 months. One month before the birth of my granddaughter, I took a week off work and quit. It was a miserable week.

On April 1st, I told myself that I would never use again. My granddaughter was born on April 9th, 2005. I've been clean ever since.

My life has been so blessed ever since. I have the sweetest (most of the time except for her newly found way of being a little spoiled beatch) granddaughter that has a papa that's clean. 3 years clean and I know that using is in a former life.

So. That's my story. Here's the little girl in question:
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It has been great to read how everyone has dealt with their addictions. I needed to know that their isn't one 'right' way to deal with all of this. I know that it doesn't matter if someone is addicted to street drugs, prescription drugs, alcohol or anything else for that matter... addiction is addiction. See, I'm not stupid, I know all that kind of mumbo jumbo, I'm just having a problem learning how to deal with it and reading what some of you have went through and done to help yourselves gives me a sense of hope and comfort that I can fight this.

Hawk, I have to say your motivation for quitting hit home. I am 37 years old and have 3 kids of my own, 1 girl & 2 boys. My boyfriend has 4 girls. My 18 year old daughter lives with her boyfriend and made me a young grandma, my little granddaughter just turned 2 in May. I am all my 2 boys have for the most part. There father has never really been a part of their lives (his loss! They are great boys!) My bf and I live together with my 2 boys, his 19 year old daughter and his 13 year old daughter lives with us about 50% of the time. Before I met him, never in a million years did I think I was capable of loving someone else's kids like I do my own.... but I DO! The kids are my life, all of them! I want them to look up to me and respect me. Their happiness means the world to me. So I can understand your motivation completely. And she is a quite the cute motivation!

Now more than ever, I need to get my life in order. I haven't stopped crying since last night when my boyfriend came home with news we have both been dreaded hearing.....He is in the Guards and is getting deployed to Iraq. OMG!! Through all this medical crap that has been going on with me, he has been my rock! He has been a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen to me vent when my anger needs to come out. He has given me the kick in the butt I have needed from time to time. He has let run away for the night when I needed to be weak and take a night for myself. He has held me close when I have felt the world was swallowing me whole. He has made me laugh and lighten up when I take things to seriously. He is an amazing man who loves me for me, bad or good, he just loves me. My first thought when he told me he would be getting deployed was......OMG what will I do without him!! After crying and throwing up for about an hour I realized how selfish I was being and how this is affecting him.
I have sat here worrying and wondering how I am going to deal with all my problems of alcohol and prescription drugs. Well, I realized last night that I don't have to worry about HOW I am going to deal with these things, I am just going to DO IT!! I have to be strong! I have to take care of all the kids, his and mine by myself when he leaves. Not to mention the house, the yard and everything else that comes along with things. I can do this!! I have to do this! I did something last night that I haven't done in a long long time. I prayed. I went for a walk in the woods, sat down in the grass and cried and prayed for strength for myself, the kids and my bf.
When it rains, it pours! Although I have only been a member of this Forum for a few days now, I couldn't wait to get on here this morning. The support, advice and open arms I have received here in this short time has been amazing. You are wonderful people and from the bottom of my heart I thank you for willingness to listen and understand.

Beth
It always amazes me that when someone has decided to quit their DOC that for some reason the heavens just open up and it seems like it starts to pour...every single time...and every single time in every single story I have read here and including mine...the end is good...that there is a reason and a damn good one that the heavens seem to open up and pour...it will be alright friend...your not alone...I just wanted to tell you that....

Constantine
Thank you Constantine. You have no idea how bad it does seem to be pouring right now in our lives. There is so much going on and so much that will now change because of this. I have always believed that everything happens for a reason but right now it is damn hard to see that reason.

This weekend was extremely rough. No, I haven't quit yet but am trying to pay attention to everything I am taking and I have forced myself to not take so many pills or drink so much even though my body and mind seem to be screaming "GIVE ME DRUGS/ALCOHOL"!!! I know now more than ever I have to get my life together but there is that part of me that just wants to numb everything...all the physical pain and emotional pain. I'm just plain scared.

Beth
Scared is normal...if your not scared then you would have to be an idiot...and I doubt your that :) Manage as best as you can...and just know that in the end it WILL be OK. really. promise :) Were with you !
Everybody's "bottom" is different. Some lose everything, others lose nothing except self respect. I've talked to a lot of addicts in the last 8 years and that seems to be a common bond..losing one's self. There wasn't any big toodo with me...other than knowing the gig was up. I couldn't get high anymore, everything was maintaince. The drs stopped prescribing and it got harder and harder to find enough to keep me from getting sick every day. I finally came clean with my dr and he called my husband with me in the room. I was in treatment the next day. I remember feeling so relieved. I always thought I was so different...so unique. I know better now.

Sadly, I relapased after 6 months and it took another 4 years before I got clean again. It was when I stopped going to meeitngs and thought I could handle it on my own. Finding this board was instrumental in getting me back to the program and finally working on what wasn't working in my life. It was 4 years on April 28th.