My 30 year old son is a drug addict and has been battling this for 5 plus years. He recently went into a program that combined the vivitrol shot (heroin was his first choice but he also uses meth) with counseling. Immediately after taking vivitrol, he started having severe mood swings and rages. He has terrible anxieties now. The last time he was sober for 6 months he did not have these problems, but this time around he was using more drugs and more than one type of drug. For two months he would see his doctor, but despite promises, he would not go in for his counseling. Following advice from a counselor myself, I am trying to "disengage". I realize I can't help him- which is hurting me terribly, honestly, the worst thing I have ever had to accept. For years we have tried to help. To no avail. So he continues to live here, receiving un-employment after being fired for drug use, we provide groceries and dog food for his dog, but are giving him no money or a ride to any where (except to doctor's appointments)... but after two months no longer gets the vivitrol shot, he has become verbally abusive with me. If I don't give him money, he goes into a rage that includes name calling, wishes for my death and insults. He tries to manipulate me into feeling guilty, then goes off into a rage if I don't respond the way he wants. He is no longer working toward sobriety. every time I try to follow my counselors advice for boundries or to disengage- the results are horrible. Any advice ?
Setting boundaries will help you and your Son. Let him know that if he is going to speak to you that way, then you won't speak to him until he talks to you with respect. And you have to stick to it. Let him know you won't give him cash, but you will feed him. I had to do that with my daughter. It is not easy for me to say know to anyone, and I felt so guilty,but it's the only chance our children have a wanting to get help.
I had my daughter removed by the police. She found someone to pick her up and a place to stay.
WillowBlu,
You've done all you can & for quite a LONG time. I respect your extraordinary efforts to help your son. It's not ever an easy thing to do, but you've done SO MUCH! You've given him every opportunity to set things right and on a positive path.
I have no real experience or knowledge of drugs used to ease addiction, except for a short routine of suboxone which my daughter quit early in treatment.
Your son's anger & rage scare me for your sake. You've got to let others know you feel like you're in danger. I'm so glad you're seeing a counselor, and it's good you're here also. No one wants you to be hurt or worse, because of his rages & if he goes off. The mental & emotional abuse are enough, but physically it could be even worse.
I hope you feel it's time for you to stand up for your independence & your life! If you don't, who will?
Manipulation is a trick of the trade. My daughter is a master manipulator & constant liar. You're not imagining things, etc....You'll hear it all, as I'm sure by now, you well know.
I hope you keep posting on here. Most of us are moms, but we have some very compassionate, honest souls who have suffered addiction to one thing or another. They'll tell you how it really is, too.
You are not alone & you will get stronger. You've made a big step in reaching out on this board. It's helped me so much, the conversation, support & compassion, are by far my saving grace often times, even more than others I'm related to!
If you don't feel strong, I suggest you write. You'll feel at least a little lighter, if nothing else.
I don't have answers pretty much a lot of the time. lol I'm still quite 'new' myself. But what's really nice is, I have new friends I feel comfortable with. You can too. Just keep coming back.
Take care of yourself~.
Love & God bless,
Dee
You've done all you can & for quite a LONG time. I respect your extraordinary efforts to help your son. It's not ever an easy thing to do, but you've done SO MUCH! You've given him every opportunity to set things right and on a positive path.
I have no real experience or knowledge of drugs used to ease addiction, except for a short routine of suboxone which my daughter quit early in treatment.
Your son's anger & rage scare me for your sake. You've got to let others know you feel like you're in danger. I'm so glad you're seeing a counselor, and it's good you're here also. No one wants you to be hurt or worse, because of his rages & if he goes off. The mental & emotional abuse are enough, but physically it could be even worse.
I hope you feel it's time for you to stand up for your independence & your life! If you don't, who will?
Manipulation is a trick of the trade. My daughter is a master manipulator & constant liar. You're not imagining things, etc....You'll hear it all, as I'm sure by now, you well know.
I hope you keep posting on here. Most of us are moms, but we have some very compassionate, honest souls who have suffered addiction to one thing or another. They'll tell you how it really is, too.
You are not alone & you will get stronger. You've made a big step in reaching out on this board. It's helped me so much, the conversation, support & compassion, are by far my saving grace often times, even more than others I'm related to!
If you don't feel strong, I suggest you write. You'll feel at least a little lighter, if nothing else.
I don't have answers pretty much a lot of the time. lol I'm still quite 'new' myself. But what's really nice is, I have new friends I feel comfortable with. You can too. Just keep coming back.
Take care of yourself~.
Love & God bless,
Dee
in NarAnon, a family told their addict who was in recovery, you have one month to find a job, the next month to get a car if able to, and the third month to find an apartment (or halfway house etc) of course you will not give $ for apartment or car. do not co-sign for anything.
I think it is impossible to disengage when living in the same house.
Given the rage he expresses, you must be walking on egg shells and may not be able to give him an ultimatum.
Try silently getting your stuff in order, try to physically separate the living spaces. Is there a way to separate the house? lock your doors? can you move? temporary?
The next problem if he does get a job, is for him to save $$ for moving, and not spend it. I have heard of a mom (at naranon) who had a friend of the family hold the son's paycheck money. and give him enough each week to get to work. That way the money situation was not tied to the mom and son relationship. Eventually when that gots comfortable, he tried to bs to get a little more money. The mom considered moving. she had had it, and wanted to be out of the equation.
I think it is impossible to disengage when living in the same house.
Given the rage he expresses, you must be walking on egg shells and may not be able to give him an ultimatum.
Try silently getting your stuff in order, try to physically separate the living spaces. Is there a way to separate the house? lock your doors? can you move? temporary?
The next problem if he does get a job, is for him to save $$ for moving, and not spend it. I have heard of a mom (at naranon) who had a friend of the family hold the son's paycheck money. and give him enough each week to get to work. That way the money situation was not tied to the mom and son relationship. Eventually when that gots comfortable, he tried to bs to get a little more money. The mom considered moving. she had had it, and wanted to be out of the equation.
