How Do I Help Him?

Hi my name is Leah and i have a problem with my ex who im pretty sure is addicted to speed. I knew he was on speed before i met him but he had come clean and stayed clean for a while before i met him. He was so sweet and we had a fantastic relationship untill he started to go a bit weird and i put it down to drugs. after we broke up he said he didnt want me to see him being an a** hole. Anyway he disappeared and i didnt hear from him in ages but now he relpies to a txt messgae every now and then but disappears every time for another few months. it wasnt untill very recently that he sent me a msg saying he was on drugs again and very unwell. All i want to do is help him but i hate hearing everyone say 'you can only help people who want to help them selves'. I need some other advice, PLEASEE HELP, its driving me insane not being able to help him! smiling_angel_21@hotmail.com
Hi :) Hon I hate to say this, but.... that damned, useless and loathsome saying IS true. You cannot help someone who is not willing to help themselves/be helped. It's human nature and yes, it SUCKS! But that really is the way it is.

Short of locking him away from the outside world and his vices, there really IS no other way. And even then, when you released him, he could still go straight back to it. Honestly, he has to WANT to stop. Otherwise your efforts will be about as effective as banging your head against a brick wall!

I'm speaking from experience as I've been in your position and I also know his side of things as I am having a huge problem getting off meth currently.

Just do as you are now and let him know you are there for him. By doing this, you are being far more helpful than you realize. Best of luck ((((((((hugs)))))))))
Msmanson, Id just like to thank you for your reply to my problem i have with my friend, i really appreciate it especially hearing it from someone who knows a bit about it all!
I think i am starting to accept that i cant help him unless he wants to stop...it just upsets me that he has done drugs before and something happened which made him come off them...and during the time he was soooo happy, it just hurts to know he is doing it to him self again.
The other thing that bugs me even more is him disappearing, i get so worried he will do something really stupid...i have tried calling him but he doesnt answer and i dont want to push him or anything i just wish he'd realise!!!
but then it doesnt stop there! I have been told that he tends to just talk a bit, more than what is true...and it worries me once again to think that he might be playing me for a fool...tho he isnt the sort of guy to play mind games....anyway now im getting side tracked, ill figure that part out one day, sorry!
So just thanks once again, i really appreciate it! Best of luck with your situation - U can do it!! i think you're a legend for realising you wanted to get off it! if u dont mind me askin...what made you realise you wanted to quit?
Anyway good luck!!! (xoxoxox)
Hi again Leah,

Thanks lots for your kind feedback (like me being a legend) but I'm afraid I am far from it. I weakened today and yeah... I guess I am what would be described as in the first stage of quitting and so far I haven't. I am disgusted at myself (now because the s*** is wearing off). No-one I know has tried to help me simply because I am a hard-headed idiot with a volatile temper.

It's funny but the first time I seriously decided I want to quit was about 3 weeks ago when I was looking up recipes for meth and accidentally stumbled upon a message board made as support for addicts of all types of drugs. It was the very first time I ever saw such a caring and supportive bunch of people. So I decided to quit. Yeah.....it lasted for like 3 days untill I got paid. I'm really sorry to shatter your illusion of me, but I seriously SUCCCCCCK
When I met my ex when I was 17 he had just moved here form cali and had many problems with speed-We fell in love andall that-Once he found soem speed in MI it was over-I was doing things I could have never imagined-Running drugs overthe border and crazy things-He treated me like crap and abused me mentally-He finally chose that lifestyle over our love and now he is in prison for 4 years and all he tell me in letters is how sorry he is-That stuff is wicked and it will suck the life out of you-
MsManson,
You haven't shattered my illusion of u at all! Although im not able to know what quitting is like i imagine it is not the slightest bit easy, please dont say u suck, at least u have the guts and the brains and the will to want to quit!
I have been doing a fair bit of research to find out about drugs...what they do and the side effects so that i can understand it a bit more, and in particular to understand my ex a bit more.
I even feel so strongly about it i am considering it very seriously as a career option - to help people with drug problems...im thinking of social work and specialising in mentall illness due to drug abuse...or something like that, anyway thats another story.
I am only young, only 16, and almost everyone i know thinks i am absolutley insane for caring and being so interested but i can not help it, im afriad its just the sort of person i am!
So please dont give up, i know you can do it! And i think its horrible the people around you wouldnt support you just bcause your head strong etc...in a way i think its a good thing, like my ex is the most stubborn person i know, so if he could use his stubborness in the opposite direction to want to quit it'd be awesome, but he has to want it first...anyway its a viscious circle...
well, im enjoying hearing from u etc. Untill next time - good luck !(xox)