Although this message is somewhat like Debbie's I need advice myself. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two years. When I first met him, in high school, he was so against drugs and alcohol. But a year into our relationship he was peer pressured into trying pot. The issue is these people who pressured him into it are his only friends. Everytime they hang out they smoke up. When he first started he told me he didn't like it and wasn't going to do it again... then two weeks later he admited he smoke once more. I watched it go from an experiment to an every hang out thing. I've tried talking to him many times about stopping and how much it hurts to watch him progressively get worse with this new habit. Today I found pot in his car and it made me so upset. I don't want to fight with him because it causes problems with our relationship- so I simply said he had to get rid of it later and I never want to see it in his car ever again. He will be going to college in the fall and the boys that peer pressured him will be going to different schools around the nation. Part of me wants to give him an ultimative and say its me or it but I know people do it and hes not the only one, and the other part wants to just tell his parents. I feel like I'm not taking care of him by helping him hide this secret and I feel like I am disceiving his family who I am so close to. He's only been using for the past 6 months and I think he could quit cold turkey..but I'm scared without the help of his parents while hes still living at home this summer he'll never be able to quit and we'll have no control over it when he gets to school. What do I do? Please help me.
why dont you try it yourself and see what he is going through
this is a terrible addiction and he should stop it now before it is to late
good luck girl and i hope you can help him beat this terrible addiction
this is a terrible addiction and he should stop it now before it is to late
good luck girl and i hope you can help him beat this terrible addiction
I really don't think that I need to try it myself to see what he's going through. I think that is a rediculous idea. I'm against it, it's as simple as that. I sat and watched my uncle go through drug rehab for cocaine last year. We had no idea he was still using for this long. We knew he used in high school but we thought he kicked it along time ago. He was my biggest role model, he has a wonderful family and owns his own architect bussiness that is very successful. Another thing that bothers me is my boyfriend knows all this, and knows how hard it is for me to watch people ruin their life with drugs- and can continue to do it.
HI Leigh,
I agree that you don't need to try the drug to understand his point of view :)
Your boyfriend will either one day come to decide he wants to stop smoking, or he won't. If he does, he may need help. You can decide whether or not you will help him when the time comes.
As for now, you have to decide whether you will hang around knowing he is smoking and for how long. It is YOUR decision, not his. If you do leave, and this is a trigger for him to stop, great. If he wants to stop, let him make the choice. As for what part you play, that is YOUR choice. Stay or go, but don't let him have the power over you.
good luck and best wishes.
Sean
I agree that you don't need to try the drug to understand his point of view :)
Your boyfriend will either one day come to decide he wants to stop smoking, or he won't. If he does, he may need help. You can decide whether or not you will help him when the time comes.
As for now, you have to decide whether you will hang around knowing he is smoking and for how long. It is YOUR decision, not his. If you do leave, and this is a trigger for him to stop, great. If he wants to stop, let him make the choice. As for what part you play, that is YOUR choice. Stay or go, but don't let him have the power over you.
good luck and best wishes.
Sean
Thank you so much that was great advice! I'm still in the process of comptinplating my decision but, I think I have made up my mind. I'm just going to lay on the line that I don't approve of it being in his car because it puts my life in danger. And that I think it's time we take a break for him to sort things out in his life- I am not lowering my standards for anyone. I don't deserve to be ditched for him to go get high, and I don't deserve to be treated the way he is treating me.
Leigh
Leigh
Leigh - you can't make someone stop. You can scream, shout, cry whatever, but he won't stop till he wants. And trust me, you don't want to find that out the hard way. Take care of you FIRST kay.
And Gary, are u mad, telling Leigh to try it out for herself! I don't think we are here to create addicts! Help, don't enable.
Good luck to u leigh...
x
And Gary, are u mad, telling Leigh to try it out for herself! I don't think we are here to create addicts! Help, don't enable.
Good luck to u leigh...
x
Try it herself? Holy crap, what bad advice to give on an addiction recovery message board.
Hi Leigh-
I know exactly what your going thru. I've been in a 10 month relationship with my boyfriend and new he was an occasional smoker. The past few months he has been doing it a few times a week and that is too much for me to handle. I told him a month ago that I couldn't handle it and broke up with him. He was devastated and told me that losing me wasn't worth smoking pot anymore. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and we got back together. Things were good for a few weeks until I started doubting him and looking for the pot around the house. I never found any in the house but I found some in his car a few days ago and told him our relationship was over. Not only did he betray me but he wasn't honest with me. He knew I had been doubting him the past few weeks and swears he hasn't done it until a few days ago. I don't believe him and he said it's because of all the stress in his life. He has had some pretty major things happen in his life the past few months but I don't think it is an excuse to smoke pot. You need to deal with your problems on your own with help from friends and family. I don't know if he is addicted to it but I have my suspisions he is. I don't think I will ever be able to trust him again. I am very hurt and devastated by this because I'm in love with him but I have to look out for myself and don't want drugs in my life. This is one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. He calls me crying and is trying to find ways to see me but I won't. If he loves me so much like he says he does than why did he do this? He is devastated by our break up and I know he loves me but he did this and I'm not at fault at all. Anyway, look out for yourself first!!!! Good luck.
I know exactly what your going thru. I've been in a 10 month relationship with my boyfriend and new he was an occasional smoker. The past few months he has been doing it a few times a week and that is too much for me to handle. I told him a month ago that I couldn't handle it and broke up with him. He was devastated and told me that losing me wasn't worth smoking pot anymore. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and we got back together. Things were good for a few weeks until I started doubting him and looking for the pot around the house. I never found any in the house but I found some in his car a few days ago and told him our relationship was over. Not only did he betray me but he wasn't honest with me. He knew I had been doubting him the past few weeks and swears he hasn't done it until a few days ago. I don't believe him and he said it's because of all the stress in his life. He has had some pretty major things happen in his life the past few months but I don't think it is an excuse to smoke pot. You need to deal with your problems on your own with help from friends and family. I don't know if he is addicted to it but I have my suspisions he is. I don't think I will ever be able to trust him again. I am very hurt and devastated by this because I'm in love with him but I have to look out for myself and don't want drugs in my life. This is one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. He calls me crying and is trying to find ways to see me but I won't. If he loves me so much like he says he does than why did he do this? He is devastated by our break up and I know he loves me but he did this and I'm not at fault at all. Anyway, look out for yourself first!!!! Good luck.
hey i just wanted to drop in a line
someone told me once that if someone leaves you let them go. if they are ok with leaving then it was not meant to be. if you give him the ultimatum and he bolts then that is the big fat sign that your real prince charming is waiting out there somewhere for you.
i agree with what was said before. you cant make him stop. giving him an ultimatum telling his parents might help a bit but in the end if he wants to keep doing it he will no matter what.
stay strong dont waste your time on someone who would blow you off for a drug. dont ever settle for second best.
take care
keep praying
~adam a
someone told me once that if someone leaves you let them go. if they are ok with leaving then it was not meant to be. if you give him the ultimatum and he bolts then that is the big fat sign that your real prince charming is waiting out there somewhere for you.
i agree with what was said before. you cant make him stop. giving him an ultimatum telling his parents might help a bit but in the end if he wants to keep doing it he will no matter what.
stay strong dont waste your time on someone who would blow you off for a drug. dont ever settle for second best.
take care
keep praying
~adam a
why let him make the choice? Either tell him to move out or leave yourself. If that kicks him into action fine, but by giving him an ultimatum you are giving him power he doesn't deserve.