How Do You Define Anger?

Pain Pills
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Since we are in the Holiday season, I thought I would share how I found good will....

For me, I never thought I was an angry person until my sponsor defined to me what anger is and how to work on ridding it from my life...I found the following quote and would like to share as this was a real eye opener very early in my recovery and has stuck with me....In order for me to define anger and then be able to remove it from my life, I first had to be willing and open to what anger was...For me, I continually pray for the willingness to see and hear things even when I don't want to and if I do have resistance, it is then that I know I need to hear or see these things....

Thanks for letting me share....

A Reading On
"Getting Rid of Anger"


As long as anger dominates any of us, it is difficult to progress. Some of the masks that anger hides behind are gossip, slander, backstabbing, profanity, fault finding, resentment, quarrelsomeness, impatience, mockery and irritability. We are all guilty of these things, probably a little every day.

Anger is an old pattern that we need to break to make any progress. It has probably caused more grief than any of our other character defects. This program will yield little results when we are dominated by any form of anger. We shed anger by inventorying it, praying to be rid of it and practicing not to get angry. Have I removed all my masks of anger?

God help me today to practice the virtues of patience and love, for if I am loving I cannot be angry.

---from Day by Day, Hazelden, July 8
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Thank you for posting that Stacey. I need a reminder about my own anger and I think a few others could learn from this as well.
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Bump for me...
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Why, did you forget what you wrote? <beg>
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To me anger is simply guilt projected onto others.When I'm feeling guilty about something it's less painful to lash out sometimes than actually get to the root cause.The inherent problem is always me .I haven't done anything to get to the root cause,I've simply projected my own guilt on to someone else.

When I get really angry and irritated with someone today,I better stop and think.What is making me so angry?Why am I so focused on what this person has said to me? Do I need to look at that?
Sometimes I'm not ready to.It may take a couple of days or a week to resolve it.I will tell you one thing I don't do anymore.I don't stuff it.I call my sponsor or I book an appointment with my therapist.Writing on this BB about things can be helpful.Suck it up! Be a man!........that doesn't work for me.That just means storing more pain to come out later.

I'm far from cured.I almost went postal on a client who snapped their fingers at me like a dog to get my attention.I just stood there daring them to take it further.The best way to have dealt with that is to let them know it's not o.k.to snap their fingers at me like a recalcitrant waiter and have told them that in a pleasant tone.Oh well.....progress not perfection.LOL
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Good post Stacey, I have a older sister who never has anything nice to say to anyone. She has alot of anger built up inside of her toward me. I was the 2nd to the youngest out of 10 of us. 5 girls and 5 boys. I was the so called blacksheep of the family. The way she sees things is she was the perfect daughter and I was far from it. To this day she never has anything nice to say to me. She even told me when when our father dies she didn't want to see me at his funeral because I would be one of the reasons why he died. I use to get so angry with her when she said these things that I would just lash out at her and things would get pretty ugly. Our fighting would tear the family apart. Well, when I was in heavy addiction and my husband was going to Iraq she started to work part time at the job I had been at for 10 plus years and I couldn't take listening to her hurtful words all day so I quit my job. I isolated myself from my family because they thought she could do no wrong and it was just me. In Jan. of this year I went c/t off of oxys and ambien and in March I went back to work to my old job where my sister still works. My husband told me it would never work because of the anger my sister feels for me but I sat down and realized that her anger might be directed at me but not about me it is about how she feels about herself. So whenever she says hateful things to me which is on a daily basis I just smile and hope one day she will feel better about herself. Shantel
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One more thing to add for me it was finding out why I would get so angry at her when she said these hurtful things. I finally figured it out and it took years but what she was saying or still says to me was the truth about myself. It's hard to have your past thrown in your face all the time but the thing I realized is the past is in the past. I now live for today and don't dwell on the mistakes I have made in the past. I know the person I am today and what I have overcome and for that I am grateful. Shantel
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Shantel quotes-"So whenever she says hateful things to me which is on a daily basis I just smile and hope one day she will feel better about herself."

Now that is some spiritual growth.You are doing awesome.I still have some big problems in that area.With me,it's the silent treatment, which is just as destructive as overt anger.
Thanks for sharing that Shantel.
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Tim, Don't get me wrong I love my sister but she is no joke. She tells it like it is but some things are better left unsaid. She gets a kick out of hurting people and thats probably because she doesn't feel good about herself, but thats her. I only have to take care of myself and I will not let her anger toward me and my past interfere with my recovery. I have learned for my well being just to let it go. Shantel
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That makes you a pretty strong person Shantel. I have a hard time letting go but it is the best thing to do because everything else is detrimental to my recovery. If someone pisses you off that much, than take a look at yourself and ask why? Could it be that you're projecting your own inadequecies back on that person? I don't know, it's a lot of mumbo jumbo. Best thing for me is to consider the source and then move on.
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Hey Tim...
I too stop today and look at myself when those feelings of anger come up...it is not easy and in fact, sometimes very painful but when I go through those feelings, the rewards are tremendous...

Thank you for sharing that Shantel...I too am the black sheep of the family and recently I have learned how to finally let it go...it does not matter what they think of me, because today, I love myself and I try my very best to do God's will, nobody elses....another thing I was told to do when holding a resentment towards somebody, is pray for that person every day for two weeks and you will be surprised how you feel after those two weeks....

When dealing with difficult person, a friend told me to think of the most loving thing I can do for them....
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My sponsor tells me to pray for them. lol That is the hardest thing to do when you're mad but it really does work.

Mornin Stace...
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Quote from my psychiatrist the other day....

. "Right now, the main thing we need to work on with you is your anger."
lol

thanks for the post.

stac
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Lisa quotes"-My sponsor tells me to pray for them. lol That is the hardest thing to do when you're mad but it really does work."


............and did the prayer go something like this?
"God,please grant John a quick and painless death when he rams his new beamer into that hundred year oak tree".......AMEN
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ROTFLMBO

Yep...something like that. No wonder it's easy to pray for those we can't stand.


<eg>
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Tim, LMAO, you are to funny with that prayer. I have said many of those in my time but maybe not to that extreme.

Lisa, Like you I had to let go of the anger I felt toward other people especially my sister. Sad thing is I wasted so much time realizing that. Shantel
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I learned that anger is a secondary response to a primary emotion. What that means is anger usually pops up first, but if you look past the anger to what is bothering you, it is usually based on FEAR. Fear and ego are usually right behind that anger.

Anger can be used as a powerful tool if properly analyzed; it can also destroy and keep you paralyzed. The trick is when you get angry, ask yourself why.
It feels good to know that anger no longer rules; but that takes some work.
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Thanks Kerry.