To anyone who can answer,
I just want to know how to stop having the bad feelings about my boyfriend. I am having trouble sleeping because I get myself so worked up with the anger that I'm starting to feel inside more and more. I've been sweating and waking up in the middle of the night and I find myself having terrible thoughts. I want more than anything to believe him and what he's saying to me but it's so hard. We had a serious talk last night about us being together and he said that he is willing to try the suboxen after he reduces his dosage of methadone to 30 mg but that is all that he is promising right now. He said that he doesn't want to keep hurting me. The biggest thing that he is afraid of is withdrawals. He said that he really is sick of doing this s*** and he wants to stop. I find myself looking at his eyes more and more and wondering if he's high by looking at them. He is getting more and more upset with me for asking him everyday if he has gotten high. He gets defensive with me and says that he's sick of all the questions. I just want to help him see that there is no future for us if he keeps using. I don't think he is but, sometimes I have trouble telling if he is or not because most of the time his normal mood is wacky and crazy. He throws me off sometimes and it gets me aggravated because then I sit there wondering well IS HE HIGH OR NOT??? Am I doing the wrong thing by asking everyday? Should I just leave him be and if I notice something strange then say something? I'm completely beside myself at this point. His way of getting through he said is to make lite of the situation like laugh about it, make jokes etc... I get really upset when he does this because then I start wondering about it. Am I wrong for doing the things I've done? Please help me with these questions. I'm helpless.....
Confused
hey confused
i jsut saw your post...
i am so sorry you are going through this stuff... it totally sucks not being sure of anything especially when you arent sure about a very important thing in your life. your title sums it up...how do you start over
thats it you start over you forget the past you move on you take it one day at a time and everytime you get mad about the past you stop yourself and make yourself forgive him for his past. otherwise it comes out no matter what. he knows when you are pissed. and he cant help the past but the problem is the present. you have to tell him that you can get over the past (if you really can and that is something you have to figure out first) then tell him that if you guys are going to have a future you have to work on your trust issues. you dont trust him. and he is going to have to know that you will be scrutinizing his every move untill that goes away.
i dont envy you its a hard thing letting things go
but it is very hard for a recovering addict to forgive himself when the person he loves wont forgive him.
i hope that makes sense
~adam a
i jsut saw your post...
i am so sorry you are going through this stuff... it totally sucks not being sure of anything especially when you arent sure about a very important thing in your life. your title sums it up...how do you start over
thats it you start over you forget the past you move on you take it one day at a time and everytime you get mad about the past you stop yourself and make yourself forgive him for his past. otherwise it comes out no matter what. he knows when you are pissed. and he cant help the past but the problem is the present. you have to tell him that you can get over the past (if you really can and that is something you have to figure out first) then tell him that if you guys are going to have a future you have to work on your trust issues. you dont trust him. and he is going to have to know that you will be scrutinizing his every move untill that goes away.
i dont envy you its a hard thing letting things go
but it is very hard for a recovering addict to forgive himself when the person he loves wont forgive him.
i hope that makes sense
~adam a
I can't answer your questions as such. All I can suggest is learning as much as you can about methadone and heroin so that don't start paranoid about the symptoms that you are seeing. If he is on a detox program get involved in it so you know how it is progressing. It is pointless nagging him, but on the other hand you need to be reasured that things are going in the direction that you both seem to want. He has lied to you in the past, ask him what he can do to make you start believing in him again.
Sorry that I cannot do any better than that.
Sorry that I cannot do any better than that.
Adam and Broadway,
Thank you. That makes a lot of sense. I guess it would be hard for him to forgive himself if I can't. He's having a lot of trouble right now forgiving himself and he's always blaming the past. He feels very guilty that I just left a very controlling relationship and he promised me the world. He told me that he would make me very happy and safe. I don't feel either one right now. I know that it hurts him and I think he's going into a depression about it again. It's like every time something happens, when my sister and his brother got married, when they were moving, when they had their first baby and every other excuse he can think of to excuse his behavior he goes out and gets high. He feels pity and then he gets spiteful if things don't go his way. I know he wants to quit because he has been doing much better the last couple days I just don't know how long that's gonna last. I told him that he is the man i want to spend the rest of my life with and now he"s not so sure that this is what he is gonna want for the rest of his life> From the beginning he has told me that he wants me for his wife and he was all for it when we started out> i am so glad that you all have some great advice and i wish you all the best>
adam_hope everything is going well for you
confused
Thank you. That makes a lot of sense. I guess it would be hard for him to forgive himself if I can't. He's having a lot of trouble right now forgiving himself and he's always blaming the past. He feels very guilty that I just left a very controlling relationship and he promised me the world. He told me that he would make me very happy and safe. I don't feel either one right now. I know that it hurts him and I think he's going into a depression about it again. It's like every time something happens, when my sister and his brother got married, when they were moving, when they had their first baby and every other excuse he can think of to excuse his behavior he goes out and gets high. He feels pity and then he gets spiteful if things don't go his way. I know he wants to quit because he has been doing much better the last couple days I just don't know how long that's gonna last. I told him that he is the man i want to spend the rest of my life with and now he"s not so sure that this is what he is gonna want for the rest of his life> From the beginning he has told me that he wants me for his wife and he was all for it when we started out> i am so glad that you all have some great advice and i wish you all the best>
adam_hope everything is going well for you
confused
hey confused how are you?
thank you for sharing i know you must be torturing yourself about what to do
i am sort of the same way i get down and get into a pity party
i just want to fall asleep and never wake up but i dont want my family to hurt like i hurt when my best friend died. but one way or another i have to pick myself up and accept the truth that people do love me and i am here for a reason and i need to stop wasting my life. your bf needs to do that too
he is just making excuses so he can not try "its too hard" life is hard you have to go through the bad stuff sometimes to get to the good stuff. and most of all i am sure he is mad b/c he really has no one to blame but himself. but that is when you have to say well i cant blame anyone so i cant make anyone fix me i have to take the initiative and do it myself. i have to motivate myself.
i hope you are doing well....
talk to you soon
~Adam A
thank you for sharing i know you must be torturing yourself about what to do
i am sort of the same way i get down and get into a pity party
i just want to fall asleep and never wake up but i dont want my family to hurt like i hurt when my best friend died. but one way or another i have to pick myself up and accept the truth that people do love me and i am here for a reason and i need to stop wasting my life. your bf needs to do that too
he is just making excuses so he can not try "its too hard" life is hard you have to go through the bad stuff sometimes to get to the good stuff. and most of all i am sure he is mad b/c he really has no one to blame but himself. but that is when you have to say well i cant blame anyone so i cant make anyone fix me i have to take the initiative and do it myself. i have to motivate myself.
i hope you are doing well....
talk to you soon
~Adam A
Adam,
I'm thinking of changing my name because I'm not so confused anymore. My real name is Tanya and it's really nice to have someone like you who is so caring and willing to help others with their situations. There needs to be more people in the world like you who have suffered the pain and dispair that heroin has brought into your life. I know it's easier for me to accept and understand that addiction is not a game because I've never been addicted. At some point there has to be a breaking point. There has to for everyone be a line drawn because if there were no line then all you'd be saying is "when I try to quit" or "what if i can't do it" which are cop outs because there is a way to stop and it's you that has to want to do it. Thanks again for all your time and advice.
Tanya
I'm thinking of changing my name because I'm not so confused anymore. My real name is Tanya and it's really nice to have someone like you who is so caring and willing to help others with their situations. There needs to be more people in the world like you who have suffered the pain and dispair that heroin has brought into your life. I know it's easier for me to accept and understand that addiction is not a game because I've never been addicted. At some point there has to be a breaking point. There has to for everyone be a line drawn because if there were no line then all you'd be saying is "when I try to quit" or "what if i can't do it" which are cop outs because there is a way to stop and it's you that has to want to do it. Thanks again for all your time and advice.
Tanya
hey tanya...
i just read your post from 2 weeks ago on here
thanks for the kind words
i hope things are going well
~Adam A
i just read your post from 2 weeks ago on here
thanks for the kind words
i hope things are going well
~Adam A
Hello. I'm new to this website but find it very interesting. My husband is fighting the battle w/Herion & I'm trying my hardest to give him the benefit of the doubt but it keeps getting harder & harder to do so. He is away again due to this addiction. Within the last year he has been gone 11 mos out of the year & that really sucks because I'm here to pick up the pieces AGAIN & I'm sick of it. Any advice would be great or just listening to experieces. Thanks!!
Hi!!!!
Just read your post, make a list of the pro's and the con's of staying with a heroin addict. I did and put my running shoes and ran like hell. Not for me, I deserve better.
Take care, your have a choice.
Just read your post, make a list of the pro's and the con's of staying with a heroin addict. I did and put my running shoes and ran like hell. Not for me, I deserve better.
Take care, your have a choice.
hi confussed or tanya , i saw your post and wanted to respond, afew years ago me and my boyfriend became addicted to heroin it was the worst time in my life we both lost eveything it was beyond anightmare and i can not begin to tell you how hopeless i felt. my family found out and got us both into detox and rehab and than we went into outpatient rehab things were great for awhile 2 years to be exact things were getting better careers were comming back togeather familes were patching up and than my boyfriend relasped it was devestating. i felt betayed and shocked. he went into detox and than into a shock treatment program he has been there for 7 months so far no metadone no other drugs just treatment and support. im proud of him he seems to really want it . i have to say he seemed to really want it last time aswell though. i guess its about choices. ive been going to school and just recently was offered heroin with works and all and at 1st i actually was going to do it i sat there with it and tried to figure out when i could get high than i thought about my boyfriend and my family how much i have accomplished how much i want to accomplish and basically threw the crap right back at the guy. you know it all comes down to the choice. what do we really want. i hope i made some kind of sence. my life is starting to finnaly make sence to me anyway. i pray everyday that i can have a life with the man i love and i do hope he can make the same choice next time for me. good luck. be happy. love ann
