How Long Am I Going To Feel Like This?

I need some help; I have been out of rehab for almost 2 months, and I still feel so crappy so much of the time, I just don't know what to do.....

I have had 20 orthopedic surgeries - I have some sort of cartilage/tendon [tearing] problem that no dr's have been able to diagnose (so they just kept surgically repairing it, only to have it tear again and again - oh, and then tried shortening my ulna bone - cutting it in half, taking a piece out, then putting a metal plate to hold it together while it healed...except that after 6 months, when they went in and removed the plate, it aparently hadn't fully healed, b/c my arm broke in half a week later, the ER told me it wasn't broken - thus, I walked around like that for 3 days, until they took another x-ray and casted it from my knuckles to my armpit - and then it took almost a year to heal! Then I had to have the same surgery on the other arm, but needless to say, the plate is still in there...!!)

Anyway, over approx a 4-5 year period [within which the majority of the surgeries took place], my doctor put me on [first] Percocet, then onto OxyContin, and by this past September I was up to [a prescribed dose] of 6 [40 mg] OxyContin and 8 [5/325] Percocet A DAY; as you can probably guess, I couldn't even function - I was miserable, still in a ton of pain, and basically felt like I had had the life sucked out of me....So, I checked myself into a detox, where they gave me Suboxone - which they weaned me off of in 4 days - and it worked fabulously [w/drawal symptom-wise]....

Now, it's been 7 weeks, and not only is my pain (due to the fact that I still have torn cartilage - injuries - in both of my: wrsits, elbows, shoulders, and knees)sucking up my energy, but I have out-of-control anxiety (which I have always had, but was under control w/an anti-depressant - foolishly, I let the Dr. at the rehab talk me into switching to a new a/d that allegedly had "pain-relieving properties" AND would be just as good for my anxiety; well, he was wrong, so I sswitched back to my original a/d, but now I am waiting for it to build up to it's full effect - which could be a few more weeks away - UUGGHHH!!). Also - and this is my main reason for this post - I just feel like overall crap about 50% of the time (tired, sick, but not really, just YUCKY - I can't describe it very well, but hopefully someone knows what I am talking about...??!!)....

Is this normal..?? If so, when is it going to go AWAY...?? And what can I do to speed that process up...??

Any guidance/advice would be GREATLY appreciated...!!!!

:( QB

hi queenbee. welcome to the board. i cant answer your question. im not in recovery. im on here b/c my sister is. i just wanted to say there is alot of great people on here, willing to share their info and your question will get some replies
from what i have been reading.(my sister was also taking percs,oxy)
QB,

Welcome to the board. They say it takes about a year for the brain to normalize, and I was tired and anxious for months after quitting. But it gets a little better every day, so don't give up hope because you're not 100% today.

Hang in there.

Gina

And of course, everyone is different.
Hey QB:

Sorry you are feeling like crap. I had a really difficult time getting myself back together after the abuse I put myself through with opiates.

I am not sure my energy level will ever "feel" the way it did when using, but I have found sometimes now, it is even better....because I can "hear" my body...if that makes any sense?!?

I know you have a lot of physical stuff going on...so not really sure how "exercise" could fit into your world...but, I would suggest yoga.

Maybe you can find a yoga class in your area...tell the teacher about your physical status, and you can simply sit, lie, whatever....and learn to breath. You would simply be amazed at what harnessing the breath is really all about. It can move mountains, and I speak from experience. Check it out, see what is available.

Other than that.....I suggest getting really involved in your diet (not A diet, just what you are eating...is it optimum for your conditions)....and suggest moving as much as possible. Watch funny movies and laugh if you can! We all know endorphin release is what opiates mimic in the brain...so try and make your own!

I wish you the best of luck...post often...someone is always here...we leave the porch light on!

Best,

Sarah
Queenbee.............I know exactly what you are talking about. I've never been able to describe how I felt either. My head, my body, even my right down to my feet felt funky........different.........not normal. One day I hope to come up with the perfect description for it. I had no energy either. Also, I had this ringing in my ears...head...or both. It was constant. Ever have that?

How long will it last? I can't answer that b/c the longest I've been clean is 5 1/2 months & I still felt pretty Yucky then. I would say from all the research that one year is probably a good suggestion. (Thanks...Gina)

Welcome to the board & congratulations on getting clean!
Hey everyone - thanks for all of the helpful suggestions/advice [and support]; I am actually feeling a lot better than I was before - every day a little bit (except, of course, for the physical/joint pain - still don't know what to do about that..??!)...

I have another concern, though: I have taken opiates/painkillers my whole life [since age of 10], after each surgery, etc. - and never had an issue until [over a period of years] the I got jacked up [with legit Rx's] on the oxycontin/percocet cocktail - an amount to which there was no way I could get off of w/out doing what I did w/the suboxone....I rarely drink, and don't - have never - taken any recreational drugs...I am actually so disgusted with what they (the drugs) did to me, I can't even stand taking the meds I still have to take [just to be able to function] (i.e. ibuprofen, tylenol, etc.).

My issue/question is: Because I became physically dependent on those drugs (o/c + percocet), does that necessarily mean I can never [safely] take them again...?? I have to have 2 more surgeries [that I know of], and they can't be done w/out pain medication post-op - I am not worried about it, but I am sure my family/friends are going to be, after seeing what I just went through.....How do I handle this...??
: ) QB
QB, did you ever take more than your prescribed dosage? Did you ever take them to just get high? Did you crave them for the purpose of feeling high (meaning without physically needing em for legit pain)? You said that you became physically dependent b/c of taking them for legit pain in your first post. I didn't fully understand if you ONLY took them for legit pain & physically became dependent or if while taking them for legit pain you became mentally dependent as well.....wanting them for a high instead of needing em for pain?.......................

I've heard a few say that if you were never mentally dependent on them than you will be able to use them "safely" as you called it. In my opinion (others may disagree) No, you will not ever be able to take them safely. They are powerful stuff & if you became dependent on em once then its likely you will become dependent on em again. We get into trouble when we think we can control the stiuation. I'm not saying that there aren't people out there who were only physically dependent & are able to take them without dependent consequences. I'm saying that (again, in just my opinion) that it's a good chance of it happening again. Personally, I wouldn't risk it. There are alternatives to narcotics for treating pain. Many people on here do it everyday. I'm certainly not an addiction specialist so please take my advice or leave it..lol
I'm sure others will be along & can give you their opinion & advice as well.
As far as needing narcotics for surgeries & post-op, I don't know the answer to that one (nor do I have an opinion..lol).

Oh,...... please for my own curiosity post back the answers to the questions I asked above. I would like to know for informational purposes so that I may understand many addiction situations. If you don't mind.

I'm glad you are feeling better & good luck on your recovery journey. Stay strong!
I wanted to add that there is a friend of mine on this board that has to take pills for legit pain issues & has/had an addiction to em. Maybe she will come along & have some helpful advice for you!
My pills never made me feel "high" - ever they only made my pain better/more manageable...until they didn't, and that was when I decided that I would rather deal with the pain than the pain AND the issues the meds were causing (lethargy, mental impairment, lack of motivation, etc...). So, as to the "mentally" dependent question, I guess I am not sure how to answer, b/c I was definitely mentally dependent on them as to dealing with my pain, but I think people who are in serious pain don't really get high off of them (as evidenced by the numerous studies on narcotics/chronic pain - i.e. out of over 10,000 chronic pain patients on long-term high doses of narcoticcs, only 4 [people] became "addicted" in the true sense of the word....although all obviiously all became physically dependent)....

So, no, I never took more than I was supposed to [nor did I ever take them in a manner not prescribed - i.e. chew/snort them - or whatever people do to get high off of them]....But it doesn't really matter, [physical] dependency-wise, because at the doses I was up to, there was no way to get off of them safely on my own......I would like to never see or hear about those meds ever again, but unfortunately this is the body I was given, and I have been told that more surgery is unavoidable; I guess I will just have to discuss it w/my dr's and see what they say - but I know that nothing - no amount of pain - could make me go down the helloish path I just went through EVER again.....!!

: ) QB
QB.....thanks for answering those questions. It was purely just for info purposes to try to help me understand more about physical & mental dependence............It sounds like you are not mentally dependent as I view mental dependence. That's good. Atleast you don't have to worry about it in that regard. I agree that you should talk to your doctor about this as I could be totally wrong (that's very possible..lol) about future use & taking them safely.
My situation was different. I did start taking them for legit pain to begin with & I liked the way it made me feel. I was able to get high off of them when I was taking them for severe pain. It took away my pain & gave me a little extra umph......So, I continued taking em after I didn't need em anymore for pain. So, with my situation I KNOW I could never take em safely.........
You are right. Whenever anyone has to take em for chronic pain for a continued amount of time their body will become physically dependent. So, if you have to take em for surgery & post-op, which will only be for a short period of time, then it would seem that your body wouldn't have time to become dependent on em again. The only problem with that is I've heard from many that after detoxing & further down the road you start taking them again your body picks up where you left off. Like you never stopped. This is with people that have a mental dependence as well, but it seems to me that it would still work the same way with someone with just a physical dependence. ........Gosh, this addiction stuff is confusing.
You sound like you are a very strong person & are taking the bull by the horns so to speak. Good for you!
Thanks for the feedback - much appreciated...I know a lot about the addiction stuff [having been a drug counselor], but it's much different when it becomes personal - not easy to be very objective....When I was in detox, I ended up pretty much running the groups and people were like "You are so knowledgeable about this stuff, how did you end up here?" and I was like "It just shows you it can happen to anyone."

I trusted my doctors with my health and it got me into a really f'd up place; now, I am taking my health into my own hands alternative therapies, yoga/pilates, diet, swimming/walking, etc....I can't end up any worse off than I was before. Six months ago, I was sleeping on my father's couch, unable to function - not working, divorced [a lot to do with above-mentioned issues], basically a shell of myself.

I have been out of the hospital less than 2 months, and I already lost 25 lbs., have a full-time [HS} teaching job (starting tuesday), and am going on a date with my ex-husband next weekend....I am living at my mother's house [with an actual bed and bedroom!]; not that it's been an easy past couple of months, but how I feel now versus a few months ago, I have to say that NOTHING could make me go back to the way I was living - no amount of pain or whatever.....I guess the difference with me is they weren't making me feel good/high - just pain-free [again, until they weren't] - then it was just a total hell of being held captive to the drugs, which were not helping the pain anymore, and making my life a total nightmare....So, with those as my options, I choose pain but functional as opposed to pain and being a zombie any day of the week.

However, as you said, it's a different situation for everyone, and for people who get a high off of them, it can be a whole other story, I think (at least that's what I gleaned from my stint in detox, from others in there under differing circumstances).....

Either way, the whole thing SUX big-time, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I am well-educated (graduated from law school), well-informed (about drug.addiction), and have a lot of life experience [at 35 years old] and I STILL got sucked into the black whole of dependency/addiction.....Like I said, it can happen to anyone - which is scary...!!

Yes, it can happen to anyone. I am 37 & a school teacher...I'm supossed to know better, right? No such thing......They are powerful stuff!

Anyway, congrats on taking back your life!
Thanks! Good luck to you as well...!!
QB:

I wonder what the numbers are on those that started using for legit pain???

I know I did, and for a very long time, I didn't get high from them, because I was in so much pain to begin with. I remember the first time I took pills for recreational purposes...within a year, I was NEVER WITHOUT THEM. God, it was scary.

It sounds like you have made great strides in two short months! Congratulations!

I now take prescription Ibuprofen when I have extreme pain, and it works fantastically.

Lisa (Cowgirl) is one who had a major surgery this past year, and as she said: "..she put out her safety nets prior to the event". With your experience, I am sure you know what that means, and as an addict....we have to set our situations up so that we are accountable to someone other than ourselves.

I think it is something we all have some "fear" of. Use your tools, and of course, you aren't there yet...so don't borrow the worry now. You will know what to do when the time comes...just reach out, don't go inward, and you will have a lot of support!

Congratulations on taking your life back! Good luck!

Sarah
queen bee
i too, got addicted to pain meds just like the others have posted and i want to add my experience with precription motrin.
i NEVER would consider giving ibuprophen or motrin a chance to help with pain issues when i was using, i would immediately justify my reason to go to urgent care and exagerate the pain and request narcotics, when they said to try motrin or whatever i was so mad, but i managed to convince them i needed a narcotic.
my point is that a few months back, i had a very painful tooth abcess and i have been clean 16 mos now and not wanting to jeopordize my recovery, i took what was suggested to me for pain.
my endodontist knows i am an addict and prescribed prescription motrin 800 mg. and i wasnt optomistic about this working,
wow! i couldnt believe it! it worked so good at relieving the post root canal pain i had for the abcess! it was the anti inflammotory properties of the motrin that worked so well, never in my using days would i even consider taking motrin. but i learned a real good lesson there. so if anyone here in recovery has pain, try the motrin and dont seek narcotics.jewels