How To Help My Son Deal With Rehab

my son is in rehab.when he calls home i would like to be able to relate to his his frustrations of rehab,but i really can't.when i say i could imagine,he says mom there's no way you could imagine what it's like but i 'd like to be able to listen with the proper skills.
scared mom, May I ask you some questions?
.First, why is he there and is he there on his own or was he put there against his will? Second, this is a time that you can take care of yourself, regroup and learn all you can about loving someone that is an addict.Can you think of some things to do to take good care of yourself?
Read through some of the posts here and you will learn so much. Also, you will find a lot of other people that are also searching for the answers you are, and some that have found their answers and can share their experience with you.
Perhaps he just wants to be listened to. Listen, and don't respond, maybe.
Or say, it sounds like this is a difficult thing for you to to be up against.
I love you, remember that.
You did not cause his problem and you can't fix it. Don't feel guilty, you did the best you could ., as we all do .
He has to come to grips with what got him there in the first place.
I hope this helps. We can be there for people by just listening and letting them know we care. And.. then we can learn to detach from their addictive behavior with love, and let go.. easier said than done though.,but you can do it if you decide to. But, it takes support for you and you will find that here.
This comes from one mom that knows from experience.
My best to you,
Keep me posted,
Judy.

Use this as the perfect time to work on both your communication skills. More than likely all you have to do is ask him to explain it to you . It will help in a couple ways ...one he will learn to express his feelings ..hopefully. and second he will learn you are there for him . let him know he is right , you dont know what it is like , but you would like to know .

best wishes to you and your son...........AL
thank you,judynkyand justonemore for your advise.it helped me abit.My son just told me he has done everything from weed to coke.His drug of choice were pills and coke.He is rehab because he wanted to go.He knew he needed to go.When we were on the phone it was said about them being in your face hollaring at you,i said i could imagine how mad that made him(he has a short fuss).He said mom you don't know,you would never understand,But i put myself here now i gotta deal with it.at that moment i felt speachless because he's right i wouldn't know what that would be like.I don't blame myself at all for him being there nor do i feel guilty.I know in my heart i did the best i could for him,but to hear my son so upset and not being able to give him a word of comfort really hurt me.All i keep telling him is it will work out and i love him very much.
Be proud of him and yourself . You did something right for him to see his problem, admit it and deal with it . That is a MAJOR step . congrats to you and him both . AL
Thank you i feel as if noone around me understands.all i keep hearing is I don't think it is as big of a deal as he's making it out to be.This was my whole family.I got really upset and told them look you's aren't the ones in rehab,he is he lost all his freedom not you's.If you don't have nothing good to say please don't say anything.By the way thank you, really, for listening.you made me feel alot better.to know i'm not alone.I'm glad you got this because i really don't know what i'm doing.
Hi,
. You did great and it sounds like you are heading in the right direction. So many of us blame it on ourselves.It must be difficult to hear the things he is saying. And, sometimes, family members and close friends aren't always the most supportive people.
I thought to myself after I posted, NO,, she does not know what he is going through, but I do know some of what you are going through. I'm here for you.
I hear some rehabs are better than others. I don't know. I would hope that they look at this as a disease and treat him with respect.
. They don't mean to keep doing it, it just gets a hold on them. I believe that. Once addicted, it's difficult to admit, much less get help. He has done both.
Horray for that.
Keep us posted, please.
Judy
justonemore,
Great advice. I'm working on those communication skills with my son.
I fail so often. By the way. How did you get that little thing to jump around.lol
It's cute.

Judy
Judy, the same way silentpartner said to put up a pic. Only I have a bunch of animated GIF's Loaded onto my hard drive , which I transfer to a place which I assume is the same as what he recommended, if you want try

http://photobucket.com

you sign up for free, and it will give whatever files you submit onto it a URL address to use .