How To Make Husband Understand......

Pain Pills
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Hey everyone.......got a problem. I have been clean for 6 weeks. YEA!!!
My husband has been extremely kind and supportive of all my abuse problems, etc. BUT........he expects that, since I haven't taken a pill in 6 weeks, I should be cured. He thinks I am clean now and that it is all behind us.(I was on the pills for 8 years!!!!) I have asked and asked him to educate himself about my "disease" and perhaps he could learn that this is a lifelong battle for me. Finally, today, he sat down and read some stuff online, but I know he still has these expectations of me that are unrealistic.

Two nights ago he approached me with more enthusiasum than I have seen in a long time. He had decided "we" are going to open a bicycle store (we are not cyclists) and put 250K in to it.. I would be the one to do 80% of the ground laying work, ordering stock, running the store, etc. I about lost it! How could he even think that I could manage a task like that in my present state? Needless to say, I explained to him that that would drive me straight to a bottle of pills......to have that sort of pressure put on me right now. In the end, he understood , but I am so disappointed that he is not willing to face the fact that I am not going to be ready for awhile to resume life as usual. It all just makes me feel so inadequate........again. And as if I am letting him down........again. When I know I'm really not. I am just trying to recover completely without undue pressure.

Does anyone have any suggestions for what I should have him read, online sites, ANYTHING????? My therapist suggested he go to an NA meeting with me, but I have only been to one myself. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks.......Carol
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Have you asked him to join the board ?
Now that they have the family and friend board,
That is what my hubby is going to do.

I feel that some people ( husbands) just can't all the
way understand, and he should get help and suport too.
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Hi Carol,
I saw a really good piece of info last night on the online Alanon meeting I hit......Do not make any major decisions for 1 year.....I thought that was an excellent piece of advice.....Don't know if he is wiling to try but I will put in the link for alanon online and then he can check it out....I wish you luck with this and I hope he can find a place where he can learn more about how to deal with you, and not expect you to be cured.....Also AA/NA have open meetings where anyone can attend, might be a good idea for him to go along with you, can't see how it would hurt......
You take care,
Tina

http://groups.msn.com/Alanon/_whatsnew.msnw
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Tina
I am trying to get my hubby there too.
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I hope he goes Marina.....it will give him some good ways and constructive ones to deal with you.....Although I still think a lot of the jealousy and insecurity is just that they are men, please guys don't shot over this......just my opinion....Mine is freaking me out and I seem to be fine dealing with him....would think it would be the other way around....lol
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Misty...you're always there to help, thank you for you advice. I went to the alnon site. I really need him to see the part about no new committments,etc for 1 year. Couldn't find it. But I know that is a basic rule for recovering addicts and we'll find it somewhere.
You have been so involved, committed to your husband's recovery. You are an awesome woman and wife. My husband is awesome, too, but he tends to stick his head in the sand too much. That is how I manged to go 8 years on the pills. He knew it was going on , but it was easier for him to pretend it wasn't. I'M NOT BLAMING HIM in any way, but, well, you know what I mean. It is easier now for him to think "It's over, let's move on with our lives", than to realize it is never going to "be over".
Marina, good luck with your hubby, too. I think we just need for them not to have too high of expectations of us right now. I am doing good at my own pace and do not need any more put on me than my demanding life already does. Is that how you feel?

Thanks again, girlfriends!
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It is a pain in the butt to get into......you need to get him a hotmail e-mail address and then look in the group for it and join......then they will send an e-mail telling you you can join and then you can get in.....Wish they could make things easier......Look my e-mail is rtrka5@yahoo.com.....if you want e-mail me and I will send you step by step instructions to get in.....if you can't get it yourself.....everything can be started by going to www.msn.com even the hotmail account
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OK, I bookmarked it and we will explore it tonight. Thank you so much for the tip! Why do you need hotmail? Doesn't matter, we can do that, too.
Men are from Mars. This man has done so much for me, though. I shouldn't complain about him. But we really need to be on the same page with this if I am going to succeed, huh? Thanks again.
I have to take my son and his friend to the hell hole Chucky Cheese today. Guess if I can survive that, I can do anything. Talk later!
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Mom, I hear you on not feeling up to it....sigh....I think that you are in the right place...I went out because I came back to the same heavy load; work, kids, no help..Before the pill damage, I felt as if I could do anything...now I feel the same way as you do.
It will take time, and you are doing the right thing about being aware.
Kerry
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Little Beach.........I can not emphasize enough to folks trying to stay quit how important it has been to me to lessen my load. When I was using, I was Superwoman. That was why I used. Do be able to do more and more and more tasks. Well, I may have accomplished alot, but at what cost?

I KNOW now there is NOTHING more important than not going back to that "stinking thinking". Some people on here say "stay busy", it'll keep your mind off of using. Well, I say, chill! Relax. Staying busy is what got me here in the first place!! LOL

Best of luck to you! Have a nice evening!
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dear tmom
i am sorry for what is happening with your husband i am not one to give advise in this area, however i was looking at your info after i remembered seeing your other post that said you were from Ga. well i am from Ga also. i was just wondering what part you were from i live about miles n. of atlanta. i understand if you don't want to tell.
thank you for all you do and the people you help
johnny
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Good Morning atoz please check your e mail...mj