Sorry guys, just this basketcase again.......kinda need to lean on you guys for some support and encouraging words - since I realy have no one else, or don't want to bother them with anything more than I already have. I know things are getting better - and tomorrow will be a better day, but I am so up and down. I try to be patient with myself, and most days I am and just let myself feel whatever it is I am feeling, but I am so down today. So down. Just feel like crying, which I am not macho or anything, but the guy in me finds it's rather embarassing (just b/c I am a guy). Wish I could toughen up. Wish I didn't hurt so much. But today I do. Just let it out? To me this shows two things, how much love I have to give (how big a heart I have, because how much it hurts), and what my ex-partner meant to me. Just sucks, feels like I am in freaking high school and feel like a child.
Chris
I don't have any answers for you other than just let it out. Have a good cry, it will help. Also, here's a big hug for you.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hug))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Hang in there, better and brighter days are coming your way.
michelle
I don't have any answers for you other than just let it out. Have a good cry, it will help. Also, here's a big hug for you.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hug))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Hang in there, better and brighter days are coming your way.
michelle
Time, Time heals all wounds.
Chris, I am a FIRM believer in things happen for a reason...let it out.
(((((((((((((hugs too)))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((hugs too)))))))))))))))))
Chris
So go ahead and cry, honey. If it makes you feel better, do it. There's nothing wrong with that. No shame. Tears can be cleansing. Hang in there. Don't pick up no matter what.
So go ahead and cry, honey. If it makes you feel better, do it. There's nothing wrong with that. No shame. Tears can be cleansing. Hang in there. Don't pick up no matter what.
Thanks Michelle, appreciate it. It's what I am going to do (when I get home), am at office right now. Just embarassing for whatever reason. Should be stronger I feel. But thanks for your words.
Thanks all of you who've responded, as embarassed as I feel for reaching out, I am glad I did. Thanks for being there.
THANK YOU!!!
THANK YOU!!!
chris,
i agree with the rest let it out and cry cry cry, i always cry in the shower, thats my private crying place. no one ever sees me in there. and for that matter can hear me with the radio and water running. plus the water is relaxing as well. you will feel doubly refreshed when you get out.
terrianne
i agree with the rest let it out and cry cry cry, i always cry in the shower, thats my private crying place. no one ever sees me in there. and for that matter can hear me with the radio and water running. plus the water is relaxing as well. you will feel doubly refreshed when you get out.
terrianne
As some of my earlier messages indicate I to have a problem letting my emotions show, I have long been under the misconception that showing emotions, especially sadness was equal to weakness.
However I am learning that a good cry is a cleansing experience, personally I have pain and I need to release that or else it will consume me like a cancer. At the end of the day it seems I have a choice of either crying and releasing the pain or allowing it to eat me up inside.
I totally relate to the ups and down experienced in recovery and even go so far as to not trust me feelings, questioning if they were genuine or deserved however I choose to now allow myself to experience both the good and bad.
After all without the "bad" how would we know what the "good" is, I find that as I expose myself to more pain not only do I feel more "real" for having done so but I also develop an appreciation for those moments when I can genuinely smile.
Speaking only for myself I would rather go through the growing experience of investigating my emotions than the alternative of being locked up in a basement using what ever means or chemicals required to suppress those feelings.
Today I trust that God will help me learn how to deal with these emotions and that it will help me in my recovery. To me emotions are part of being human and perhaps it isn't so bad to be human after all.
However I am learning that a good cry is a cleansing experience, personally I have pain and I need to release that or else it will consume me like a cancer. At the end of the day it seems I have a choice of either crying and releasing the pain or allowing it to eat me up inside.
I totally relate to the ups and down experienced in recovery and even go so far as to not trust me feelings, questioning if they were genuine or deserved however I choose to now allow myself to experience both the good and bad.
After all without the "bad" how would we know what the "good" is, I find that as I expose myself to more pain not only do I feel more "real" for having done so but I also develop an appreciation for those moments when I can genuinely smile.
Speaking only for myself I would rather go through the growing experience of investigating my emotions than the alternative of being locked up in a basement using what ever means or chemicals required to suppress those feelings.
Today I trust that God will help me learn how to deal with these emotions and that it will help me in my recovery. To me emotions are part of being human and perhaps it isn't so bad to be human after all.
Wow Wolf, you're so mature. :)
I agree with wiversen by the way and have always felt that EVERYTHING happens for a reason and you can find good in every bad thing. I've been there, I never believed it would get better (really believed) but eventually it did,
There's nothing wrong with crying. It usually makes me feel better.
Stacey
I agree with wiversen by the way and have always felt that EVERYTHING happens for a reason and you can find good in every bad thing. I've been there, I never believed it would get better (really believed) but eventually it did,
There's nothing wrong with crying. It usually makes me feel better.
Stacey
Thanks guys, that's awesome. Can't wait to go home, couped up in my office (door closed thank god!) on the verge of tears SUCKS.
Tomorrow will be a brighter day.....
Tomorrow will be a brighter day.....
how long did you guys break up?
Chris-Do this....it helps me a lot.I will start crying,I live alone thank god, just a chocolate lab.I really let it out.Il walk around the house and just sob like a baby.I then will go in the bathroom and look in the mirror.It looks so funny I will start laughing hystericaly.My face all scruntched up like a baby.This big,butch guy just bawling.Then I feel better.
Dude,I cant tell you how many times Ive cried since I got clean.Ive cried in meetings and I get so embarrased I feel like running out.Of course everyone comes up after and tries to hug me which makes it feel worse.
Its o.k.Your emotions are raw.You spent a lot of years anesthisizing them one way or another.I still dont feel comfortable doing it but I do it.
It just shows your alive again.
Its also called happiness and when you can cry because you truly feel happy will be one of the most rewarding moments of your life,
I always feel bad though because my dog starts to lick my face and then I think he feels hes responsible.God,Im so co-dependent.LOL
Dude,I cant tell you how many times Ive cried since I got clean.Ive cried in meetings and I get so embarrased I feel like running out.Of course everyone comes up after and tries to hug me which makes it feel worse.
Its o.k.Your emotions are raw.You spent a lot of years anesthisizing them one way or another.I still dont feel comfortable doing it but I do it.
It just shows your alive again.
Its also called happiness and when you can cry because you truly feel happy will be one of the most rewarding moments of your life,
I always feel bad though because my dog starts to lick my face and then I think he feels hes responsible.God,Im so co-dependent.LOL
How long ago? Or how long were we together? Together 3 years, pretty much on the nose. We had a rocky relationship though, as we are pretty much made from the same mold. (3 years of crap if you asked her - but I hope that was just her anger etc., but yeah - we had our tough times, but we also had tons of passion and love as well)(my addiction sure didn't help matters)
We technically split up 3 months ago, but have only cut our communication for over a week (long story, but we - whatever you want to call it - spent time together after the decision.....a little bit under same roof, and some under different roof......until she moved 12 hours away) So for me, I've been greiving since Sept., but pretty hard to when still spending time together - but tougher when it hits home that we won't talk anymore, share our day/stories, etc.. For me, what makes it tougher (and will not speak for her, I cannot)......is I wanted to try and make this work, she kept coming and going (imagine me a fish on a hook, being pulled, let go - back and forth) and until she decided that enough was enough. Bet that didn't help my good ol' heart strings. (just a wee bit of sarcasm)
I am getting better though. Am doing the work. God is with me on this journey. Am just having a downer of a day. This too shall pass, and I look forward to tomorrow.
We technically split up 3 months ago, but have only cut our communication for over a week (long story, but we - whatever you want to call it - spent time together after the decision.....a little bit under same roof, and some under different roof......until she moved 12 hours away) So for me, I've been greiving since Sept., but pretty hard to when still spending time together - but tougher when it hits home that we won't talk anymore, share our day/stories, etc.. For me, what makes it tougher (and will not speak for her, I cannot)......is I wanted to try and make this work, she kept coming and going (imagine me a fish on a hook, being pulled, let go - back and forth) and until she decided that enough was enough. Bet that didn't help my good ol' heart strings. (just a wee bit of sarcasm)
I am getting better though. Am doing the work. God is with me on this journey. Am just having a downer of a day. This too shall pass, and I look forward to tomorrow.
Thanks Tim, you have NO idea how much I appreciate it. Am heading home for the day right now anyways. Looking forward to it, as I am sure you know what I mean. Been a LONG day......
Love you all, and talk to you tomorrow.
Love you all, and talk to you tomorrow.
How are you feeling today chris? I know that relationships can become addicting as well. And when you still had that little bit of communication, its like still feeding a bad habit. Im sorry, i know how you feel, really i do. Today is a new day and i hope youre feeling better. Time will heal you physically and mentally--- take care--fire
Hi Chris,
I've missed you, & I do think of you often.
Hopefully today is a brighter, better day for you!
Love from, your BCBud,
Rach
I've missed you, & I do think of you often.
Hopefully today is a brighter, better day for you!
Love from, your BCBud,
Rach
Thanks fire......am feeling a bit better today, thank you. Kinda feeling embarassed for how I felt yesterday, but I know I cannot do that. I was feeling that way for a reason. I completely agree, and discussed it with my ex-partner at the time, that what are we doing? Why are we doing this? (spending time together, and fyi - it was a 'bit more' than a little communication, wink wink) Are we just prolonging the pain? Are we going to try at this? I know I cannot blame her for anything, as I made my own decisions - but I know where my heart was when making them (wanting to give it another shot, wanting to make it work). I don't know, and now it doesn't matter, where her heart was.......I just know it was her that played my heart on a string (yo-yo) by coming and going, saying certain things giving me hope, etc. as she chose - with complete disregard for my feelings. I played my part by allowing it, wanting it, etc. - but now in hindsight, obviously did not help the grieving, or prolonged it.
But I am hanging in there. The days are slowly getting better. Having more good days than bad days, and I know that's good. I sure miss her and tons of stuff, but things happen for a reason, though right? Last night I cried for a bit, read A LOT, wrote a ton in my journal and just took it easy, and hung out. I'm getting there and I'll get there, with both my recovery and the healing of my heart. Am trying to be patient, and I am most days. Everyone has their good and bad days, and yesterday as you can tell, just wasn't such a hot day. Oh well. Thank you all so very much for all your support though, as it is greatly appreciated. So nice to know I have somewhere to go, some people lean on when I need. Thank you all. God Bless you. You're my angels.
Rach - my long lost BC buddy. How are you?? How's things? Sorry I haven't gottne back to you lately? Been meaning to but been caught up in my own little world, my drama of a life. Been thinking about you though. Hope things are going well, with you, your hubby, and kids. Please take care and we'll keep in touch. Chris
But I am hanging in there. The days are slowly getting better. Having more good days than bad days, and I know that's good. I sure miss her and tons of stuff, but things happen for a reason, though right? Last night I cried for a bit, read A LOT, wrote a ton in my journal and just took it easy, and hung out. I'm getting there and I'll get there, with both my recovery and the healing of my heart. Am trying to be patient, and I am most days. Everyone has their good and bad days, and yesterday as you can tell, just wasn't such a hot day. Oh well. Thank you all so very much for all your support though, as it is greatly appreciated. So nice to know I have somewhere to go, some people lean on when I need. Thank you all. God Bless you. You're my angels.
Rach - my long lost BC buddy. How are you?? How's things? Sorry I haven't gottne back to you lately? Been meaning to but been caught up in my own little world, my drama of a life. Been thinking about you though. Hope things are going well, with you, your hubby, and kids. Please take care and we'll keep in touch. Chris
Chris... i just want to say that i am here supporting you. All you can do is just keep talking it out... don't isolate yourself and don't let your mind take over. God Bless,Bri :)
Thanks Bri, appreciate it.
