Ive been using for ten years with 6months being my longest clean time. Now Im so ready to stop. Im32 now, Ive got a beautifull 18month old child (Im not with her mum) who is just the most amazing thing ever. The feeling I get when Im with her, watching her play, hearing her laugh-piss all over any buzz I may have had from taking drugs. Iv got enough subs to do a detox over about a month but I just cant seem to find it inside me to wake up one day and start my detox. Its such an absolute habit to make that phone call, to meet my dealer, to prepare my hit, to find a vein etc; I think Im more addicted to all of that than I am the gear if that makes sense. I do work full time but am able to get away as soon as my dealer turns on, and doing all the chasing seems to give my day a sense of excitment. When Ive tried to start my detox, taken my sub dose, the day seems so, so dull. Its also the emotional part of stopping that I cant handle-the extreme feeling of guilt etc and feeling like I could, and I do, cry at anything. Then of course theres the not being able to sleep. When Im at that point, it feels so lonely. Iv got the best parents in the world who are right behind me, Im not on my own. Any one got any advise on how I can do that first day? Im certain that once Ive got a day behind me I'll find it easier to do another, then another. Great website by the way.
Hi there
Have you been to a NA Meeting, if not you should try and get along it is great support, I have now been clean for just over 6 months and I was still using when I started going to meetings, they have helped so much.
Let me know how you get on.
Have you been to a NA Meeting, if not you should try and get along it is great support, I have now been clean for just over 6 months and I was still using when I started going to meetings, they have helped so much.
Let me know how you get on.
I went to a few meetings about 6years ago but didnt keep them up and didnt think they were for me. However, Im more ready to give up now than I was then or ever have been so maybe now they would be a good thing. Thing is there are no meetings near me so would only be able to go to one a week. Do you think AA meetings would be ok to attend?
Hi there, it's true the rituals associated with heroin are addictive, and the fear of boredom is potent. But speaking as someone who was an active addict for nearly a decade and I'm now clean from everything, the newsflash is that you're the boring one I'm afraid. Until you break from your heroin habit and let a true social life emerge from the ashes, you can't see how crushingly, monotonously, interminably dull the life of the heroin addict really is. I do understand though. One of my biggest hang-ups about getting clean was the fear that my life would be so boring compared to the knife edge I was used to living on. But actually, once you get clean, you realise that life on heroin isn't that great. Living in fear maybe thrilling, but it doesn't do a lot for long term happiness, and although heroin makes you feel temporarily blissful, it's not real, it's just a drug, and a drug that will bit by bit take everything good in your life away from you.
So, you have to have faith. Faith that life will be better off the drugs than on them, and you'll be happier and have more fun. One of the nicest discoveries was that lot's and lot's of people who don't have addictions are interesting, entertaining and make you happy just being around them. Not all "non-junkies" are straight, boring stuffed shirts. Some things that I started doing again once I'd got clean was going to gigs, and clubs, and having weekends away, going on holiday. Holidays are an eyeopener after all those years of being chained to a drug. I went to the TT festival in the Isle of Man this year and stayed for 3 weeks. I had an absolute ball. I'd forgotton it was possible to have that much fun. And one of my friends who sometimes posts here has just got back from Australia today, after sorting her act out.
It's not instant. It sometimes takes a few months, but it does get better, I promise you. So have faith, and once you make the decision to quit and go onto subs, then make sure you believe in that decision and really commit to it. It is hard to do it without support. I don't know where you are in the world, but if you're in the UK, having a drug worker will really help you. But you can also try NA. I prefered the one-to-one attention of a drug worker, but many people find good supportive NA groups. Just don't lose heart if you find the whole NA experience a bit confusing and intimidating. It doesn't mean that you can't achieve your goals.
One thing I'll add is that you might find that a months supply of subs is not enough. I got a script from my Dr, and was on them for about 18 months in total. Nine months stabilising and sorting my life out and nine months reducing. There is a lot more to quitting heroin than just taking subutex. You really have to draw a line under it, change your phone number, stop associating with drug addicts. Moving house was a good thing for me. Yes, I was lonely for a bit, but having a fantastic support worker really helped, and just being sociable to people. It's amazing. All you have to do is make a connection with one person who you stop to talk to on the street, and you'll find yourself slowly introduced to a whole new circle of friends. And none of my non-using friends are boring straight-heads. They're all completely nuts, and frequently make me laugh till I'm weak.
It's only you who can make that decision though. Every time you score, you're choosing heroin over authentic happiness, but that's your choice.
Hope you find the courage to get this thing done...
best wishes
Diff x
So, you have to have faith. Faith that life will be better off the drugs than on them, and you'll be happier and have more fun. One of the nicest discoveries was that lot's and lot's of people who don't have addictions are interesting, entertaining and make you happy just being around them. Not all "non-junkies" are straight, boring stuffed shirts. Some things that I started doing again once I'd got clean was going to gigs, and clubs, and having weekends away, going on holiday. Holidays are an eyeopener after all those years of being chained to a drug. I went to the TT festival in the Isle of Man this year and stayed for 3 weeks. I had an absolute ball. I'd forgotton it was possible to have that much fun. And one of my friends who sometimes posts here has just got back from Australia today, after sorting her act out.
It's not instant. It sometimes takes a few months, but it does get better, I promise you. So have faith, and once you make the decision to quit and go onto subs, then make sure you believe in that decision and really commit to it. It is hard to do it without support. I don't know where you are in the world, but if you're in the UK, having a drug worker will really help you. But you can also try NA. I prefered the one-to-one attention of a drug worker, but many people find good supportive NA groups. Just don't lose heart if you find the whole NA experience a bit confusing and intimidating. It doesn't mean that you can't achieve your goals.
One thing I'll add is that you might find that a months supply of subs is not enough. I got a script from my Dr, and was on them for about 18 months in total. Nine months stabilising and sorting my life out and nine months reducing. There is a lot more to quitting heroin than just taking subutex. You really have to draw a line under it, change your phone number, stop associating with drug addicts. Moving house was a good thing for me. Yes, I was lonely for a bit, but having a fantastic support worker really helped, and just being sociable to people. It's amazing. All you have to do is make a connection with one person who you stop to talk to on the street, and you'll find yourself slowly introduced to a whole new circle of friends. And none of my non-using friends are boring straight-heads. They're all completely nuts, and frequently make me laugh till I'm weak.
It's only you who can make that decision though. Every time you score, you're choosing heroin over authentic happiness, but that's your choice.
Hope you find the courage to get this thing done...
best wishes
Diff x
Hi
Yeah I agree with what Diff had to say aswell, try and get as much support as you can i.e drug worker, counsellor, even going to a NA meeting once a week is better than not going at all, you could also go to AA as it is basically the same but durgs instead of alchohol but I know when I first started going to NA meetings I couldnt identify with anyone who never used the same drug as me never mind alchohol, but since I have been about for a little while, I have learned that it isn't about the drugs, and I would go to an AA meeting now if I couldnt get to an NA one, but I dont know where you are with that so its up to you, maybe go along and see how you feel if you dont think its right for you at least you gave it a go.
I wish you all the best and also agree with Diff about being clean I remeber I was really quite scared to stop using thinking my life would just be boring and I would have no mates and its been the best thing Ive ever done, even though its not always easy and I do have bad days but I wouldnt want to go back to using for anything. Being clean is just amazing it gets better everyday!
Yeah I agree with what Diff had to say aswell, try and get as much support as you can i.e drug worker, counsellor, even going to a NA meeting once a week is better than not going at all, you could also go to AA as it is basically the same but durgs instead of alchohol but I know when I first started going to NA meetings I couldnt identify with anyone who never used the same drug as me never mind alchohol, but since I have been about for a little while, I have learned that it isn't about the drugs, and I would go to an AA meeting now if I couldnt get to an NA one, but I dont know where you are with that so its up to you, maybe go along and see how you feel if you dont think its right for you at least you gave it a go.
I wish you all the best and also agree with Diff about being clean I remeber I was really quite scared to stop using thinking my life would just be boring and I would have no mates and its been the best thing Ive ever done, even though its not always easy and I do have bad days but I wouldnt want to go back to using for anything. Being clean is just amazing it gets better everyday!
Hi guest, it's funny when I look back and remember how scared of being clean I was. Every day I feel grateful that the nightmare is over. Breaking free of my addiction was like being let out of prison, except when I was in the prison, I couldn't see the bars. I didn't even realise I wasn't free, that I was captive, that I had a big ball and chain dragging around behind me. It's only from this side that I appreciate my liberty. People would tell me that life without heroin was great, but I didn't believe them. I thought that was something they just told themselves to make them feel better, and deep down they were jealous, jealous coz I could have the drug, and they were denying themselves. Ha! How deluded can one girl be! The worst day clean is still better than the best day as a junkie, coz I'm free. I don't have a damned substance dictating my life to me.
love
Diff x
love
Diff x
