I'm engaged to someone who had a big pill addiction. I have never really did drugs so I guess I was oblivious to what was going on around me for a long time. He got really bad with it after a while. It was to the point when I gave birth to my daughter he left me there to go get high at home. I was heartbroken. He became very self destructive and it was fast. Long story short he when in rehab twice roundabout what was going on and because of that he got little results. The last time he went in and they kept him for almost a week and he was finally truthful. They also found out he had a mental illness while he was there. I have two soon to be stepchildren that I love with all my heart, my two children love him as well. All the kids get along perfectly and the one time we did separate it devastated all of them. I don't know how to trust him again. I know he can be such a deceitful liar as with all addicts. Certain things he does now makes me question if he's relapsing. One sign I have learned to look for is rapid weight loss. He's drinking weight gainer now cause he started losing about 5 pounds and says he does it to not look like that again. He's working all the time and says the weight loss is coming from that. He also went to two hospitals today. For kidney stones and I got a call from one he went to yesterday but denies. He says I'm being paranoid and going through this is hard enough without me questioning him. I love this whole family with all my heart but I'm not sure how much more I can take. I don't want to live with an addict who doesn't want to help themselves but I don't want to walk away from something great if he has stopped. I'm so confused.
Hi Anonymously Sara. I am so sorry for your pain. I can relate. I found out a year ago that my boyfriend was addicted to Oxycodone and jumped to IV heroin. He relapsed three times and initially lied to me all three times. The third time, at my insistence, he did an outpatient 3-month program and started Suboxone treatment. The only other thing I asked of him was to not lie to me again if he relapsed. I said that I understand that relapse is part of recovery, but I cannot take the lying. He wanted it to work so badly that he swore to me he'd be honest.
Fast forward to today (literally), he asks for a break and after much discussion, we agree it should be more of a breakup. He says he needs to focus on himself and can't do that in a relationship -- I don't trust this explanation and mention it in my own post on this forum. Well, during this talk, I ask if he's ever relapsed since this recovery and he admits he used again during the first month of it and then also got drunk and did cocaine a few weeks ago.
The reason I am telling you all of this is that with every single relapse, I knew something was wrong and he denied it. Like you, I had no experience with drugs and so the first time I sensed he wasn't the man I met, I had no idea that drugs were the culprit, but I knew something wasn't right and when he told me he was addicted, it all made sense. The second time, I knew again. He denied it, but later confessed. The third time was a year of him gaslighting/crazy making me whenever I asked why he was acting strangely. I was right. And then today, after suspecting he wasn't acting right, he admits that he had relapsed a couple of times early in his recovery. I am sure I am only getting part of the story. This is after swearing to me he'd tell me everything he put into his body if I would be give him another chance.
My point is, as anyone will tell you, you have to listen to your gut. It is so hard to believe someone you love and who loves you will lie time and time again. I am still trying to wrap my head around it. I keep wondering why my ex-boyfriend lies to me when I have always shown (for better or worse) that I will not judge him and will support him. I will probably never understand it. Please, listen to your instinct. It's weird, once you experience life with an addict, you just know. The hard part is taking what you know to be true and making the best decision for YOU. I am still guilty of choosing him over my own well-being. It's a process that I am trying to navigate. I wish you well and please let me know if I can help in anyway.
Fast forward to today (literally), he asks for a break and after much discussion, we agree it should be more of a breakup. He says he needs to focus on himself and can't do that in a relationship -- I don't trust this explanation and mention it in my own post on this forum. Well, during this talk, I ask if he's ever relapsed since this recovery and he admits he used again during the first month of it and then also got drunk and did cocaine a few weeks ago.
The reason I am telling you all of this is that with every single relapse, I knew something was wrong and he denied it. Like you, I had no experience with drugs and so the first time I sensed he wasn't the man I met, I had no idea that drugs were the culprit, but I knew something wasn't right and when he told me he was addicted, it all made sense. The second time, I knew again. He denied it, but later confessed. The third time was a year of him gaslighting/crazy making me whenever I asked why he was acting strangely. I was right. And then today, after suspecting he wasn't acting right, he admits that he had relapsed a couple of times early in his recovery. I am sure I am only getting part of the story. This is after swearing to me he'd tell me everything he put into his body if I would be give him another chance.
My point is, as anyone will tell you, you have to listen to your gut. It is so hard to believe someone you love and who loves you will lie time and time again. I am still trying to wrap my head around it. I keep wondering why my ex-boyfriend lies to me when I have always shown (for better or worse) that I will not judge him and will support him. I will probably never understand it. Please, listen to your instinct. It's weird, once you experience life with an addict, you just know. The hard part is taking what you know to be true and making the best decision for YOU. I am still guilty of choosing him over my own well-being. It's a process that I am trying to navigate. I wish you well and please let me know if I can help in anyway.
I understand both of you because it is always the same story. Or at least something close. Things could be great if she could stop lying to me even though she is in recovery on suboxone. How do you stay with the person you love so much but know that they are doing something behind your back and lying to you and will not admit it even when there is evidence to prove it. I to do not know how to let go but being heartbroken and devastated everyday is not the life I want to live. Broken dreams and hoping for what it could be somehow has to end for me.I don't want it to end but I think I deserve some sort of confession and explanation so I no longer have to think about it and let it affect me the way it has. I know I should work on being a better person to be a better dad but all I wanted to do was try to be a family and we never even had that opportunity because she lost custody of our daughter at birth. Left me a broken person.But I let this happen to me and I have to figure out how to get over it and fix it. Having a broken heart and moving on has to be better than having a broken heart everyday. At least there may be a light at the end of the tunnel of no longer being hurt, lied to and decieved daily and hoping for something that is not going to happen.
Thanks for letting me know that I am not alone. I feel like no one quite understands what I am going through. Sometimes I feel living with the addict or recovering addict is just as hard as the person going through it themselves. Love is a strong thing and sometimes it can blind you to reality. We have alot of children involved and have lost everything we have over this once and almost a second time a few months ago. He works really hard now to try to catch bills up now. This always haunts me in the back of my mind. Because of this I have become very distant to him. He begs for my attention and love but emotionally I am just shut down. Emotionally I am tired. Its almost like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop at any moment. He seems to have more self control now that his mental disorder has been found and properly diagnosed but I am still having trouble with all of this. It is ruining everything we worked so hard for. We have a great family, a nice house, good jobs. When things got really bad the last time I let him fall all by himself. I only came back around when he had no way out and started digging himself out. I learned you can't fix this for him. I just prayed at night that I wouldn't get a phone call saying he was dead. It was so hard. The hospital incident yesterday really upset me. Now I am worried again. My only advice to you guys is you can only be there. They have to do it themselves and while u should be supportive do not let them entangle you in there downward spiral if they choose to be on one.
