please help me, he is secretly smoking meth about 4 days a week while he is at work. leaving work going to dope house smoking and coming back to work, unfortunately they don't drug test.i have tried to talk to him but he gets violent and angry,screaming and throwing things pushing me and choking me sometimes. he said he is stopping but hasn't yet, any advice. sometimes hell smoke it parked in a parking lot somewhere I hate to admit it but I wish the cops would catch him so he has to deal with it then.please reply
Hi you need to get out of that relationship, quickly, you cannot make him stop - no one can make that decision only him - until he decides to seek help, you need to look after yourself, he sounds like he is volatile when using, this could be dangerous for you - get out of there till he proves that he is taking some action to deal with this problem - i'm sorry i cannot be more positive - but you must take care of yourself first - best of luck -
Im in the same exact boat....but married for 11 years and two children. He steals all my money and lies to me about it stealing and using....
Im at a loss too.....but we cant help them or get them to stop....it has to be them. We cant even help them reach that point.
ITs a viscous never ending cycle with an addict.....since you have no ties to him such as children I would drop him like a hot potato and never look back. I wish I could do that.
Im at a loss too.....but we cant help them or get them to stop....it has to be them. We cant even help them reach that point.
ITs a viscous never ending cycle with an addict.....since you have no ties to him such as children I would drop him like a hot potato and never look back. I wish I could do that.
I've been down your road. My husband is a recovering meth addict. He has been clean and sober for 9yrs. My advice: #1.Get educated on your spouses choice of drug, #2 Join Al Anon they have an amazing support group, and #3 Tough love. I literally packed all my husbands things and when he came home from work and told him to leave. It wasn't easy for me.
It's not an easy road for anyone. I would Pray for strength and guidance. God Bless
It's not an easy road for anyone. I would Pray for strength and guidance. God Bless
be happy----wondering when you kicked your husband out if he got worse at first or did this pull him out of his use?
Phizzler, My husband had been through two rehabs. The first (2001) was for 30 days and as soon as he came out he started using. The second (Oct 2004) rehab was 60 days and stayed cleaned for 10 days. At first he denied using, but it was obvious he was HIGH. After disappearing for days on us I finally had enough and packed his thing. He left and moved in with his drug connection and lover.
He got worse. He become diabetic, lost his teeth and all kinds of weight. Through the Grace of God me and my kids made it.
I had made up my mind (June 2005) to pack our belonging and move(475 miles away) back home . I was so done with his addiction, his lies and his lover. Then he get hospitalized, due to his diabetes (I think he overdosed) and was in the hospital and delayed my move. This continued off and on till Nov 2005 between our house and his lovers place of business. After I told him 'You have to leave now' he thought I was joking. Once again I told him 'Leave, or I will call the police' and he left. He left.
He got worse. He become diabetic, lost his teeth and all kinds of weight. Through the Grace of God me and my kids made it.
I had made up my mind (June 2005) to pack our belonging and move(475 miles away) back home . I was so done with his addiction, his lies and his lover. Then he get hospitalized, due to his diabetes (I think he overdosed) and was in the hospital and delayed my move. This continued off and on till Nov 2005 between our house and his lovers place of business. After I told him 'You have to leave now' he thought I was joking. Once again I told him 'Leave, or I will call the police' and he left. He left.
MY son just went into custody last night! It is breaking my heart but he is off the streets and he will have time to detox and think I hope. I spoke to the arresting officer and they related that my 22 year old son is extremely angry.....I took that to mean at me, but in my heart I am thinking that he should be angry with himself.....Anger is not what I am feeling at the moment, I am frightened but I also feel sad for him and so hope that this is his rock bottom.
I have decided not to attend court on Tuesday as I do not want to bail him out if that is an option. He needs to fall and I am finally strong enough to let him.
I think meth could be his problem but I am still not sure. I know that alcohol is and that he had always tried to hide this from me..I also know from a female who has reached out to me that he takes ecstasy as well as coke, it sounds like he is out of control. I will help him when he helps himself and only then. He knows I will be there for him because I have been for there for him in the past but more in an enabling way....I had to learn to change and this board has help me so much, thanks to all of you people for sharing your stories.
I have decided not to attend court on Tuesday as I do not want to bail him out if that is an option. He needs to fall and I am finally strong enough to let him.
I think meth could be his problem but I am still not sure. I know that alcohol is and that he had always tried to hide this from me..I also know from a female who has reached out to me that he takes ecstasy as well as coke, it sounds like he is out of control. I will help him when he helps himself and only then. He knows I will be there for him because I have been for there for him in the past but more in an enabling way....I had to learn to change and this board has help me so much, thanks to all of you people for sharing your stories.
kimmy, Continue to be strong, you are doing the right thing by not going to court. Someone once told me 'you can't bring the bottom to an addict', they have to hit it first. Also, I've mentioned this before, Al-Anon has an amazing support group. I remember the first time I contacted Al-Anon and one of the first things they told me was: "you can't control, you can't cure it and you didn't cause it" aka known as the 3 C's. This phrase has followed me through my husbands addiction and recovery. I was co-dependent of my husband, I was going through withdrawals and I wasn't an addict. Every night I would Pray for strength and guidance. God Bless you.
Thanks so much. Kind words of wisdom are helpful. My son is absolutely losing it at the prison. I am not sure how long detoxing takes for a person who has seriously abused drugs and alcohol ongoing for at least 5 weeks? He has been on the streets. OMG this is so painful.
MY doctor has set up some counselling for me on the 8th of May it commences. MY husband and I both took vacation days from work because we are so consumed with this problem.
Interestingly our story is the same story as most parents here. Misery does like company I suppose but it is important to understand that others have been able to live through the chaos and some have found peace.
The addicts on this board have been very helpful for me because their perspective and struggle has given me insight. I have been around addicts my entire career but it is so different when it hits you in your personal life, when it's your own child. I have been kind to strangers and tried never to judge them, I hope now these karma points I have been collecting my entire adult life help me with my son. Even though love can make us so sad, to love someone that much means everything. Sorry for the babble....stress does that.
MY doctor has set up some counselling for me on the 8th of May it commences. MY husband and I both took vacation days from work because we are so consumed with this problem.
Interestingly our story is the same story as most parents here. Misery does like company I suppose but it is important to understand that others have been able to live through the chaos and some have found peace.
The addicts on this board have been very helpful for me because their perspective and struggle has given me insight. I have been around addicts my entire career but it is so different when it hits you in your personal life, when it's your own child. I have been kind to strangers and tried never to judge them, I hope now these karma points I have been collecting my entire adult life help me with my son. Even though love can make us so sad, to love someone that much means everything. Sorry for the babble....stress does that.
HI Kimmy , depending on what your son was taking and how much, his detox could take 7-10 days - depending on his overall health as well, there are no real guidelines everybody reacts differently- some can be lucky and the worst of the physical withdrawls can be over in 2-3 days - alot of variables- depends what they give him to help with the WD's - they may just let him sweat it cold turkey, depends on the policy there. your decision not to go to court is very difficult, but the right one- this may be the shock he needs to reach out for help and get clean- he must make this choice himself- his anger is probably directed at the world- i wouldnt take it to heart- us addicts are great at blaming everyone but ourselves- so ignore any outbursts, especially if he is being de-toxed - it's rough - keep posting here for support - going to a counsellor is a great idea- i hope she gives you the help and support you need - best of luck - i hope and pray your son finds his road to recovery - we all must find our own road, there is no road map to recovery - all the best -
