Don't really know what I hope to accomplish here. I feel like the current situation is hopeless. I don't know what I should say to him when he comes home tonight. I feel like nothing has ever worked in the past.
My DH has had a thing for weed since I met him, 11 years ago. Back then a lot of our friends smoked weed, personally I didn't see the appeal but I had no objection to it. How naive I was. Few years later most of those people had moved on, except for the real die hard addicts like DH. Makes me ashamed to think back on all that time I wasted with him and his mates, hanging out with them they would talk all this rubbish, make up stupid stuff, and basically just sit around together. No idea why I stuck it out, at one stage we couldn't even go to the movies because he would get so jumpy around regular people and want to get back to the shed and his bong. But I loved him, I was even fond of his bong friends, and although I qould kick up a fuss every now and then for the most part I put up with it. I always felt like he would quit for good eventually and that he just needed that incentive. He actually quit several times over the years, and this would last for a few weeks to about a year, so its not like he's been stoned for our entire relationship. After the initial depression had worn off it was good when he quit, although he would sometimes say how he missed it, or how he thinks its 'f***ed him up permanently'.
Almost 2 years ago we had a daughter together. This Is IT i thought. I was absolutely devastated when I caught him smoking again 6 months later. Had huge fights for days on end. But nothing came of it, he kept smoking and we had an uneasy truce. Then he quit. Oh my god it was awful. Actually makes me want to cry to just think about it. Depressed, angry, SO ANGRY at me. So critical of everything I did or didnt do. Wouldn't talk to me for the most minor reasons. Yell, hit things, call me names like retard etc, but the worst was how I never knew what would set him off. I would walk around on eggshells all the time, I felt like I couldn't breath easy except when he wasn't around. This lasted about 6 weeks, maybe a bit less. It gradually got better and then things stabilized after a few months, and one day I looked around and realized that we had made it out again.
2 weeks ago he started smoking. He didn't come out and say it, and I didn't say anything either. He goes in to the garage and its totally obvious. I don't know what to do. I really hate him smoking but I am terrified of him quitting. I don't want to leave the relationship, but I want to physically leave him and live apart. Its so hard with our daughter though, we love her to bits and I so badly want her to grow up with mummy and daddy.
I would love to hear any advice anyone has. Also I have never been to counseling before but I am thinking of booking in to see someone as I really need someone to talk to.
Hi Ambryi
Welcome to the site.
I don't want to say that you have to leave him but maybe you both can sit down and work out a compromise. When he does quit again go away for a while, record him and show it back to him. It is not fair on you too have too live with his mood swings like this.
Even more your daughter are more important now than ever. Has he gone to see someone in regards to his depression?
I know a couple that smokes in front of their kids and I don't condole it what so ever. I myself smoke weed but I have limits with it. When I'm over there I chase the kids away. They smoke when they get up and smoke majority of the day. If ever I still smoke by the time I have kids it will be nowhere near them.
Just keep on posting and read some of the other posts. There is advice out there that would help you and your husband
Welcome to the site.
I don't want to say that you have to leave him but maybe you both can sit down and work out a compromise. When he does quit again go away for a while, record him and show it back to him. It is not fair on you too have too live with his mood swings like this.
Even more your daughter are more important now than ever. Has he gone to see someone in regards to his depression?
I know a couple that smokes in front of their kids and I don't condole it what so ever. I myself smoke weed but I have limits with it. When I'm over there I chase the kids away. They smoke when they get up and smoke majority of the day. If ever I still smoke by the time I have kids it will be nowhere near them.
Just keep on posting and read some of the other posts. There is advice out there that would help you and your husband
Thanks for your post. I read up on PAWS and it shed so much light on some of the stuff he says after he quits for awhile. (IE the ongoing cravings, life feeling dull, memory problems etc). I try to approach him gently to talk about it but he shuts me down, walks away or changes the subject. Or rolls his eyes and says 'here we go'. I think he feels like I am criticizing him or giving him a hard time. I have to force myself to just let it go because otherwise we end up in a fight, but its hard because to me the situation is obvious but he doesn't seem to see it that way.
Its pretty clear to me now that he needs professional help when he quits because at the moment we just go through the same cycle over and over.
In the meantime I guess I'll just have to ride this one out until he gets to that quitting point. :( :(
Its pretty clear to me now that he needs professional help when he quits because at the moment we just go through the same cycle over and over.
In the meantime I guess I'll just have to ride this one out until he gets to that quitting point. :( :(
Hi ambryi
You are welcome. If or when he gets worse make sure to go away until he is better. It is not good at all for your daughter to see her father like that.
He really shouldn't place you in such a position.
Just remember to take care of yourself and your daughter.
x
You are welcome. If or when he gets worse make sure to go away until he is better. It is not good at all for your daughter to see her father like that.
He really shouldn't place you in such a position.
Just remember to take care of yourself and your daughter.
x
