Just last week, My husband went into a hospital/recovery center. I was allowed to visit him for the first time yesterday (Sunday Jan.02) The visit was going well and then he started asking me for sleeping pills. Sleeping pills have not been his problem.....pain pills have. I refused to give him anything and now he is very upset with me. I ONLY want the best for him. Is there anything anyone can tell me that will possibly help me to understand this sickness ????
Thanks in advance, TnT
Well hopefully Mistyeyes will see your post and offer you advice. I think you did the right thing not giving him any pills. He is trying to get clean and taking sleeping pills isn't the way. You know there is a board for Families of addicts. Check that out it may help you as well. How many years has your husband used? What pills and how much was he taking? Was it his choice to get clean and go into the hospital? Rae( Rachel)
Hi TNT,
I'm Bob a recovering alcoholic and addict and I can tell you that if you get caught giving him pills while he's there he'll get kicked out. And if it's a detox/rehab, usually they do give the patients something to help them sleep if they need it. I know during the detox part they do anyway. I should say the Rehab I went to did. I'm assuming they all do.
I would suggest to you to try and go to Alanon or Naranon, or some kind of program for the spouses of addicts. Also I can tell you that it is a disease, like Cancer M.S. etc.. Alcoholism and drug addiction is a disease not a moral deficiency. Good luck to you both.
Take care......................................God bless.......................................Bob
I'm Bob a recovering alcoholic and addict and I can tell you that if you get caught giving him pills while he's there he'll get kicked out. And if it's a detox/rehab, usually they do give the patients something to help them sleep if they need it. I know during the detox part they do anyway. I should say the Rehab I went to did. I'm assuming they all do.
I would suggest to you to try and go to Alanon or Naranon, or some kind of program for the spouses of addicts. Also I can tell you that it is a disease, like Cancer M.S. etc.. Alcoholism and drug addiction is a disease not a moral deficiency. Good luck to you both.
Take care......................................God bless.......................................Bob
Hello and WELCOME!! yeah i think that it was good that u did not give him the pills, yeah he is angry with you but this is his life that your dealing with, is he serious about recovery?? i hope so......i am a addict & know how both of you feel, hes angry because he feels like you against him and your not & you love him but are scared of what he thinks of you & you feel guity because you did not give him the pills, right?, please dont be down, you did a good thing hun! someday he will thank you , really you think not but it will, just give him some recovery time..... this is a time where tough love is needed, i know that I needed it, thats for sure at the time i hated my mom, but know i understand her MO..
I am glad that your here & keep posting theres always someone on the board, always! take care & i wish you the best on this journey hun........
I am glad that your here & keep posting theres always someone on the board, always! take care & i wish you the best on this journey hun........
Hi Tntinak,
Well I will try to help you....It is very complicated.First off you did the right thing not giving him any sleeping pills. They would give him something to sleep there if they felt he needed it. Trust in knowing that he is being taken care of....Understanding what is going on will be hard at times. You will have lots of issues to work out now while he is rehab and when he comes home.....the lies, deception, anger, dispair are all normal feelings to have. I had them all.....many times over, it consumes you at times. One of the best things you can do for you now is look into alanon. Check your local phonebook and you can get the number and find meetings in your area, they also have a group that meets online........
http://groups.msn.com/Alanon You need a hotmail address but it is easy to get.
Not sure what else you need to understand.....If it is something about your feelings, let me know I will write back.....Now about your husband, know that what he did was the drugs....I can't believe how nothing else mattered to my husband...... me, the kids, what was going on anywhere at anytime...just the drugs. It is hard just to think about it.....
I will be around off and on.
You take care,
Tina
Well I will try to help you....It is very complicated.First off you did the right thing not giving him any sleeping pills. They would give him something to sleep there if they felt he needed it. Trust in knowing that he is being taken care of....Understanding what is going on will be hard at times. You will have lots of issues to work out now while he is rehab and when he comes home.....the lies, deception, anger, dispair are all normal feelings to have. I had them all.....many times over, it consumes you at times. One of the best things you can do for you now is look into alanon. Check your local phonebook and you can get the number and find meetings in your area, they also have a group that meets online........
http://groups.msn.com/Alanon You need a hotmail address but it is easy to get.
Not sure what else you need to understand.....If it is something about your feelings, let me know I will write back.....Now about your husband, know that what he did was the drugs....I can't believe how nothing else mattered to my husband...... me, the kids, what was going on anywhere at anytime...just the drugs. It is hard just to think about it.....
I will be around off and on.
You take care,
Tina
Mistyeyes,
You and your family do and did matter to your husband while he was in active addiction.
But we don't have a choice while caught in the grip. I didn't love my wife and kids any less then than I do now. It's a disease not a moral deficiency. Though it may seem to you that the pills came first, and they did, but it's not because we as addicts don't care, it's because we didn't have a choice, our addiction is what is in controll of us, we at no time during active addiction are in control of anything. I hope this helps you a little. You said it's hard to think about how he cared more for the pills than he did for you, thats not true. I'm not quite sure how to put it into words, but I can asure you, he loved you just as much then as he does now.
Take care......................................God bless.......................................Bob
You and your family do and did matter to your husband while he was in active addiction.
But we don't have a choice while caught in the grip. I didn't love my wife and kids any less then than I do now. It's a disease not a moral deficiency. Though it may seem to you that the pills came first, and they did, but it's not because we as addicts don't care, it's because we didn't have a choice, our addiction is what is in controll of us, we at no time during active addiction are in control of anything. I hope this helps you a little. You said it's hard to think about how he cared more for the pills than he did for you, thats not true. I'm not quite sure how to put it into words, but I can asure you, he loved you just as much then as he does now.
Take care......................................God bless.......................................Bob
TnT
just in addition to what the good people here have shared, face-to-face meetings of Nar ANon can be found here:
http://www.naranonmi.org/meetings_worldwide.htm
I can recommend them as a way of learning about addiction, your husbands behaviour, how you take on addict thinking and behaviour and they can give you the tools to move forward. Nar Anon and Al Anon saved my life.
Good luck to you
Sean
just in addition to what the good people here have shared, face-to-face meetings of Nar ANon can be found here:
http://www.naranonmi.org/meetings_worldwide.htm
I can recommend them as a way of learning about addiction, your husbands behaviour, how you take on addict thinking and behaviour and they can give you the tools to move forward. Nar Anon and Al Anon saved my life.
Good luck to you
Sean
Sean,
Nice to see you. I must admit, I do miss talking to you now and then. Hope your holidays were nice.
Take care.......................................God bless......................................Bob
Nice to see you. I must admit, I do miss talking to you now and then. Hope your holidays were nice.
Take care.......................................God bless......................................Bob
Now don't get me wrong I know that he loved me/the kids and still does with all his heart and soul....but he just read what I wrote and agrees with what I wrote then and what I write now, the drugs were first, the high more important, the numbness the cure for all his physical and emotional pain....
His Quote on the subject so I don't have to log off...........First let me feel good then I will let you feel good.....
His Quote on the subject so I don't have to log off...........First let me feel good then I will let you feel good.....
Hi,
I agree with that quote, I'm just saying, it's because he had to put the drugs first, not because he wanted to put the drugs first. Thats exactly what this disease makes us do.
Take care.........................................God bless......................................Bob
I agree with that quote, I'm just saying, it's because he had to put the drugs first, not because he wanted to put the drugs first. Thats exactly what this disease makes us do.
Take care.........................................God bless......................................Bob
Mistyeyes,
I hope I didn't upset ya'. I wasn't trying to start anything. I felt bad when I saw what you wrote is all, I didn't want you to think he loved the drugs more than you thats all. Anyway,
Take care.........................................God bless......................................Bob
I hope I didn't upset ya'. I wasn't trying to start anything. I felt bad when I saw what you wrote is all, I didn't want you to think he loved the drugs more than you thats all. Anyway,
Take care.........................................God bless......................................Bob
tnt my wife mistyeyes wrote wanted to tell that all situations are different i love her and my kids more than anything but when i was high that was my first priority i wasnt that i did not love them i just loved the high more now clean i see what an idiot i was high and what i missed hope your husband sees that to
Hi,
Although when I was trapped in active addiction, I put family and priorities second to my addiction it was because I had no choice in the matter, and this disease caused me to put my adictive needs first, But I NEVER loved anyone or anything more than my family! If you mean you actually loved the high more than your wife and kids I just don't know what to say about that!
Take care.....................................God bless.........................................Bob
Although when I was trapped in active addiction, I put family and priorities second to my addiction it was because I had no choice in the matter, and this disease caused me to put my adictive needs first, But I NEVER loved anyone or anything more than my family! If you mean you actually loved the high more than your wife and kids I just don't know what to say about that!
Take care.....................................God bless.........................................Bob
I take mild doses of ativan for sleep and anxiety. My opiate addicted boyfriend also always wants them when he is detoxing. It relaxes them, lets them sleep through the crawlys and the withdrawal. The point is he is taking it out on you just like I get. and if you want to talk we can. Just email me back. Just hope he does not come out and use. Home detox is bad - bad mood swings inflicted on you. Be happy he is there and don't visit if he is this way. It is not worth it. Let him call you. YOu will get better conversations.
How long is he there? If he wants you to sneak pills in there for him it could be a bad sign. He may be undermedicated in that place - but he will get through it and if he wants to stop he will stick with the program. Just be happy he is not at home doing this. It is way to hard on you. Trust me and misty eyes is very sweet and encouraging. I am frequently frustrated by pleas such as your man's. Go to alanon. I went twice last week and felt more in control at the end of each meeting.
How long is he there? If he wants you to sneak pills in there for him it could be a bad sign. He may be undermedicated in that place - but he will get through it and if he wants to stop he will stick with the program. Just be happy he is not at home doing this. It is way to hard on you. Trust me and misty eyes is very sweet and encouraging. I am frequently frustrated by pleas such as your man's. Go to alanon. I went twice last week and felt more in control at the end of each meeting.
PS - my anxiety medicine is perscribed by a doctor and under strict observation. If he needs anti depressants or treatment for an underlying or a drug related problem take him to an appropriate doctor when he gets out if he will go.
BA,
I know exactly what you're talking about. Part of getting honest, for me, was acknowledging that I chose to put the pleasure of pills ahead of my family, my kids, my job....I risked everything.... it was terrible judgment, it was self-centered to the extreme, but if you'd asked me at the time, I would have said that there was nothing in my life more important than my wife and kids. If only we could be judged by our intentions, right? Yes, the disease concept of addiction helps remove some of the self-judgment around my past actions, and maybe leads to necessary self-forgiveness, but it's small consolation to those who love and depend on us. To them, my words mean little, but my actions mean everything. M.
I know exactly what you're talking about. Part of getting honest, for me, was acknowledging that I chose to put the pleasure of pills ahead of my family, my kids, my job....I risked everything.... it was terrible judgment, it was self-centered to the extreme, but if you'd asked me at the time, I would have said that there was nothing in my life more important than my wife and kids. If only we could be judged by our intentions, right? Yes, the disease concept of addiction helps remove some of the self-judgment around my past actions, and maybe leads to necessary self-forgiveness, but it's small consolation to those who love and depend on us. To them, my words mean little, but my actions mean everything. M.
Tnt, one of the unfortunate side effects of opiate addiction is insomnia. He probably got mad at you because serious mood swings are part of withdrawl.
Most places don't give you any meds after a few days. For me, the insomnia was horrible..
I also think that you should check out Naranon, just for your own sanity. Don't expect your significant other to be back to normal for a while. Your love and patience will get him through..and you will need major support. Good luck, and thank God it isn't permanent.
Kerry
Most places don't give you any meds after a few days. For me, the insomnia was horrible..
I also think that you should check out Naranon, just for your own sanity. Don't expect your significant other to be back to normal for a while. Your love and patience will get him through..and you will need major support. Good luck, and thank God it isn't permanent.
Kerry
You know M you sound just like someone I love.....Now all joking aside and from my side of things......He could tell me he loved me every minute of everyday, but a hug would have gotten his point across much better.......A lot of the physical aspects of love got lost while he was using....and no people not the sex part.....The little things, holding hands, snuggling up on the couch and just chilling, a hug out of nowhere for no specific reason....This is something I am so glad is back.....Actions do speak louder than words most times.
Bob, Im still around. I lobbied for a Familes forum and base myself in there.
Had a great Christmas as I am surre you did, have a fantastic New Year
Best wishes
Sean
Had a great Christmas as I am surre you did, have a fantastic New Year
Best wishes
Sean
TnT,
Hi I am Sheila I just found this sight today and I posted to get some advice and feed back about my boyfriend and Myself. Right now he is on a program at home and today is his first day being with out any pain pills.And it's tough it's tough for us both. But Just like My boyfriend your husband has taken the step just stand beside him and let him know there are people that care! I seen that today just by posting the little bit I did.
Hi I am Sheila I just found this sight today and I posted to get some advice and feed back about my boyfriend and Myself. Right now he is on a program at home and today is his first day being with out any pain pills.And it's tough it's tough for us both. But Just like My boyfriend your husband has taken the step just stand beside him and let him know there are people that care! I seen that today just by posting the little bit I did.
