After four very long years I finally convinced my husband to quit getting high. On January first if this year we threw away his bowls and collection of spice. It's been a wonderful month (well, after the first few days anyway)!!
Now, this past Saturday he tells me he wants to go buy more spice-- he won't abuse it again, if it becomes an issue he'll quit for good, and he'll tell me every time he buys it. I told him under no circumstances is that okay and if he does I'm leaving. He swears up and down that it'll be different this time, but I don't think I believe him.
We agreed to sit down and talk on Wednesday about this. He says that he can control it, while I say once addicted Always addicted. I don't think I can handle him smoking again. We finally have a savings account and we aren't fighting anymore. I am not ready to give that up!
I ask of you-- is it possible to be addicted, get clean and use recreationally? Is this a withdrawal 2.0 that we didn't anticipate.... Please help!
Nobody can convince an addict to get clean....they must want to do it for themselves. Stopping use for a month does not mean he is sober. Sobriety comes from doing the hard work over time to change your thinking patterns. An addict must be reality-based and accept that they have a problem. They must be willing to put sobriety as their chief priority. No amount of pressure or nagging can make them do this unless they truly want to.
Your husband obviously is not accepting that he has a problem with substances. An addict cannot use on a recreational basis. He is in denial if he thinks that he can control his use.
One of the hallmarks of addiction is the continued use of a substance in spite of the negative consequences....like draining bank accounts, fighting with family members, etc. Unless your husband gets real with himself and realizes what is at stake if he continues to use, then little will change.
It is exhausting to be arguing with and monitoring an addict. All this does is make your life miserable. It sounds like you have been doing this for four years. You can do some things for yourself....get counseling for you, go to Alanon meetings for support from others who are struggling with a loved one's addiction. By focusing on your emotional health, instead of getting tangled up in his problem, you can hopefully get a clearer picture of where you need to go in your own life, regardless of whether he changes or not.
Your husband obviously is not accepting that he has a problem with substances. An addict cannot use on a recreational basis. He is in denial if he thinks that he can control his use.
One of the hallmarks of addiction is the continued use of a substance in spite of the negative consequences....like draining bank accounts, fighting with family members, etc. Unless your husband gets real with himself and realizes what is at stake if he continues to use, then little will change.
It is exhausting to be arguing with and monitoring an addict. All this does is make your life miserable. It sounds like you have been doing this for four years. You can do some things for yourself....get counseling for you, go to Alanon meetings for support from others who are struggling with a loved one's addiction. By focusing on your emotional health, instead of getting tangled up in his problem, you can hopefully get a clearer picture of where you need to go in your own life, regardless of whether he changes or not.
