My husband and I have been seperated for awhile. He wants me to move up north where he's staying but I can't decide what's best for me. I know that financially, my life will be alot easier but in other ways I just don't know. There's no methadone clinic ther so I'll have to find a M.D. to prescribe it or detox. That's very scary to me right now. Ted takes 50 mg. per day and he has offered to share. I know that physically I can get by on 25 mg. but mentally. I don't know. If I say I'm craving and I throw a little whine into it, Ted will get me some dope. That's always been the case and before you know it, we're both strung. I love him and I miss him like crazy though! We've been together for 16 or 17 years! That's a life-time of comittment to throw away. I'd feel like I wasted my whole life if I give up on my marriage now. I've always been wishy-washy when it comes to decisions. I usually procrastinate until circumstances force me to act. Then of course, I feel bitter because I think I've been forced into situations when really it's my own decisions that put me there! Ted's a good guy. He's been through alot and I think he really is getting his act together. He probably deserves better. I don't know what to think or do.Any suggestions?
hi terrapin
have you got anyone to talk to about it? like a therapist, counsellor or something? Ideally someone who is not emotionally involved in the decision - like family is?
Its so hard with relationships isn't it? I'm a recovering alkie, I've been married 15 years my H is also got addiction problems - I'm like a darn pendulum swinging back and forth between go or stay most of the time.
Do you think it'll compromise your recovery if you move? What's more important to you? Recovery or relationship?
Idgie
have you got anyone to talk to about it? like a therapist, counsellor or something? Ideally someone who is not emotionally involved in the decision - like family is?
Its so hard with relationships isn't it? I'm a recovering alkie, I've been married 15 years my H is also got addiction problems - I'm like a darn pendulum swinging back and forth between go or stay most of the time.
Do you think it'll compromise your recovery if you move? What's more important to you? Recovery or relationship?
Idgie
I have a counsellor at the methadone clinic but my husband was going there also for awhile. I don't think my counsellor likes him very much and it's har5d to talk to her about him. Right now my recovery is more important and I know I'll be putting in jepoardy by going back to him. (even though he's on methadoneat this time) He and I have a way of sabotaging each others recovery. Sooooooo, I guess I know what my decision should be. (for both our sakes) It's just so hard to be alone all the time. He's my best friend and my worst enemy. You know what I mean? PEACE, Shirley
Hey terrapin
I think you have answered your own question if you read your posts carefully :) now you just have to follow - thru.
all the best to you
Idg.
I think you have answered your own question if you read your posts carefully :) now you just have to follow - thru.
all the best to you
Idg.
Shirley,
Of course you know the right thing to do. The problem is doing it. Its very hard and a bit scary to leave someone you,ve been with even if drugsarent involved. For people like us ,because of our insecurities, and co-dependent behavoirs it is even harder.
When I left rehab (years ago) they told me that moving back in with my wife and kid wouldnt work. She was(and is)an active alcoholic ,and although she said she would work with me thru AA and counseling ,our plan was defeated before we knew it.
To give yourself the best chance you have to get selfish. Recovery in the beginning ,you have to think about yourself more than others. At least,thats what they told me.
In the end,our lives,relationship- everything-was damaged way to much. More than it had to be.
Its very hard for 2 addicts to try and stay clean together ,when all you,ve know for years is to get high together.
I can only tell you what I was told,and what happened to me when I didnt follow the advise that was given to me. Yes of course everyone is different and things could work,but you both have to have a conviction to this like nothing else.
all the best
love&respect
jack
Of course you know the right thing to do. The problem is doing it. Its very hard and a bit scary to leave someone you,ve been with even if drugsarent involved. For people like us ,because of our insecurities, and co-dependent behavoirs it is even harder.
When I left rehab (years ago) they told me that moving back in with my wife and kid wouldnt work. She was(and is)an active alcoholic ,and although she said she would work with me thru AA and counseling ,our plan was defeated before we knew it.
To give yourself the best chance you have to get selfish. Recovery in the beginning ,you have to think about yourself more than others. At least,thats what they told me.
In the end,our lives,relationship- everything-was damaged way to much. More than it had to be.
Its very hard for 2 addicts to try and stay clean together ,when all you,ve know for years is to get high together.
I can only tell you what I was told,and what happened to me when I didnt follow the advise that was given to me. Yes of course everyone is different and things could work,but you both have to have a conviction to this like nothing else.
all the best
love&respect
jack
Have you thought about breaking the cycle of sharing methadone using?
Suboxone would be perfect for your situation. If you can get under 30 mg and continue to wean off methadone I believe you can get on the Suboxone.
Just a suggestion after reading your situation.
Good luck--
Jeff
Suboxone would be perfect for your situation. If you can get under 30 mg and continue to wean off methadone I believe you can get on the Suboxone.
Just a suggestion after reading your situation.
Good luck--
Jeff
I've actually been thinking about suboxxone. I plan to ask my counsellor about it. I'm not sure but I think they might offer subs at my clinic now. Any kind of change is really scary for me. I was out there (on the streets) for a long time. My life changed 100% better after methadone and now I'm afraid to let go. If something were to go wrong and I relapsed, the first thing I would do is call my husband and there we'd both be.(up s$%# creek) AGAIN!!!! I'll have to study up on suboxxone. That's for sure. Thanks for the advice, guys. I need all the help I can get. It's nice to know that I have folks I can turn to. PEACE, Shirley
Hi shirley, listen now kiddo, when you're on heroin you have no choices. Except that heroin is a choice. For years when I was on the gear, i just didn't grasp that point, that every time I stuck a needle in my vein, that was my choice, and I was choosing the drug over my happiness, my dreams, my hopes, and I was flipping the bird to all who love me, and all I cared about. Oh, I was more than willing to bellyache a whinge about how s*** my life was, but didn't catch on to the idea that it was me and nobody else who made it that way. I figured one day some momentus event would happen that would just take away my problems. Doh! When I finally got round to thinking that I could do something about this myself, that I'd got myself into this mess and I was the only one who could get me out of it, it was like the scales fell from my eyes.
So let's make it simple for you. Go back to hubby, and do it with the full knowledge that you are sabotaging your own life, you are choosing to be weak and at the mercy of a Goddamned substance, you are choosing to be f***ed up and miserable. Or make the DECISION to not waste the life God gave you, to put yourself, not your addiction, first. You have the power. Use it. Once you stop dithering and make the choice, it get's easier. It's the choices that kill us, that torment us, but once it's made, live with it. Use your instincts, your intuition, your power. Be good to yourself. Know you deserve it. Know that you owe it to yourself. Give yourself a better life. Give yourself a chance. Believe in yourself. Don't think for one second that you can change him, help him. It's hard enough to help yourself girl, and impossible to do it for somebody else. All you can do is lead by example. He has choices too, and he can choose to follow your lead, or go his own path.
I don't mean to be harsh, but truth is nothing to be scared of. The truth will set you free.
Be strong
love
Diff x
So let's make it simple for you. Go back to hubby, and do it with the full knowledge that you are sabotaging your own life, you are choosing to be weak and at the mercy of a Goddamned substance, you are choosing to be f***ed up and miserable. Or make the DECISION to not waste the life God gave you, to put yourself, not your addiction, first. You have the power. Use it. Once you stop dithering and make the choice, it get's easier. It's the choices that kill us, that torment us, but once it's made, live with it. Use your instincts, your intuition, your power. Be good to yourself. Know you deserve it. Know that you owe it to yourself. Give yourself a better life. Give yourself a chance. Believe in yourself. Don't think for one second that you can change him, help him. It's hard enough to help yourself girl, and impossible to do it for somebody else. All you can do is lead by example. He has choices too, and he can choose to follow your lead, or go his own path.
I don't mean to be harsh, but truth is nothing to be scared of. The truth will set you free.
Be strong
love
Diff x
