I am an addict, and I have relapsed.....
It has been a long time since I have posted. I am sitting here right now, wondering what I should call this topic, other than I have relapsed. Just over a month ago, life was clipping along, everything was falling into place. I was over the w/d's that I thought would last forever, I found this wonderful site, and have truly met some amazing people, that I now call friends. I went to my purse to get a tums, and saw 2 little percocets looking at me. I had a choice to flush them, or to let them sit there and think about what I had already decided... to take them. This started to ball rolling. I never burned all my bridges. I had 2 scripts left of Vicodin, but even before I had them filled, I found in the back of my medicine box, Vicodin dated back from 1998. I took them with a vengence. Not only did I have the scripts filled, because the 1st one that I had filled only lasted me less than a week, I went to my primary doc, and had ANOTHER script filled with 3 refills. Only this time they put on the script... MUST LAST A MONTH. I know that I am at then end of the run....
I started going to an NA meeting 3 weeks ago, and found that I just needed the desire to quit using. I have now found a sponsor, and met with her last Friday and came clean with her about my relapse. (she is the only f2f person that I have told) Yesterday, at the meeting it was my turn to read, and I passed. I have yet to say a word, but I know that it is working, and one day I will start to share. One day at a time....
I also know that this site has been wonderful and it has truly been a god-send to me. I have made some amazing connections, and this is just 1 of my saftey nets. I know that I need more saftey nets...
I would like to thank all of you who have reached out to me, and I know that are still here for me, and will see me through this relapse. I appreciate all that you have done for me, and loving and accepting me right were I am. This is what this message board is all about... a willingness to be honest to yourself and others. If I am not honest with all of you, how can you truly help me in my recovery????
I will keep you posted on my recovery.......Bee
bee ~
Thank you for your honesty. That right there is something to be proud of.
You also told you sponsor and that was a step in the right direction.
As well as you admitted it here too. You are a good person ! This disease
is a battle and it is not easy, but you may not see it now you are still
fighting, for that I am proud of you :-)
Thank you for your honesty. That right there is something to be proud of.
You also told you sponsor and that was a step in the right direction.
As well as you admitted it here too. You are a good person ! This disease
is a battle and it is not easy, but you may not see it now you are still
fighting, for that I am proud of you :-)
hi shabee (((hugs to you))) . i am so glad that you shared with your sponser, that is huge. as far as not reading at na meetings no worries alot of folks who go to meetings dont feel comfortable with sharing, your back here and that is what counts. we are here for you
take care
carol
take care
carol
I'm sorry that you relapsed. We've all been there, so thanks for your honesty.
Go to meetings, call your doctor, call your pharmacist (I did both of those to make sure that even if I felt weak, they would make it very hard for me to get a script)..... get rid of your "friends' " phone numbers, burn your bridges.....
You slipped, it happens; Now, pick yourself up and move forward (not backwards).
You can do this!
Danielle
Go to meetings, call your doctor, call your pharmacist (I did both of those to make sure that even if I felt weak, they would make it very hard for me to get a script)..... get rid of your "friends' " phone numbers, burn your bridges.....
You slipped, it happens; Now, pick yourself up and move forward (not backwards).
You can do this!
Danielle
Sharon......my friend, I am so proud of you for your honesty and your strong desire to do the right thing. I know you are going to make it work this time.
I will be here for you every step of the way, as you have been for me. We're all in this together, and that's what makes this board such a great place, for all of us!
I'll talk to you soon.
PS....Just wanted to tell you all that Shabee is a very loving and amazing person. We have become close and talk daily. She is very strong and determined and is working on building herself a support network in her attempt to do it right this time.......going to meetings, found a sponsor, etc.
She and I will be meeting in person at the end of this month and I can't wait to give her a big ole southern hug ((((((((((((((((wink))))))))))))))))!
I will be here for you every step of the way, as you have been for me. We're all in this together, and that's what makes this board such a great place, for all of us!
I'll talk to you soon.
PS....Just wanted to tell you all that Shabee is a very loving and amazing person. We have become close and talk daily. She is very strong and determined and is working on building herself a support network in her attempt to do it right this time.......going to meetings, found a sponsor, etc.
She and I will be meeting in person at the end of this month and I can't wait to give her a big ole southern hug ((((((((((((((((wink))))))))))))))))!
Bee,
Your honesty is appreciated, It looks like you have started in the right (righter, is that a word) direction this time... Please burn baby burn those bridges to pills, that is the first step I think.
Best Regards,
Tom
Your honesty is appreciated, It looks like you have started in the right (righter, is that a word) direction this time... Please burn baby burn those bridges to pills, that is the first step I think.
Best Regards,
Tom
Owning your relapse is the most important thing and you have done that and you are wonderful for it. Just a bump in the road. As long as you aren't using anymore, don't beat yourself up over it. Sounds to me as if you remember the hell you went through getting off of the pills and it also sounds like you aren't willing to go there again. Hold onto that.
I can't say I know what you are going through as my doc is xanax but I know that cheating on my taper would make me feel really badly and defeated. I am sure you might feel that way, don't... bad feelings can often keep us in relapse. Just brush yourself off and look forward to a new beginning to an awful end. :)
I can't say I know what you are going through as my doc is xanax but I know that cheating on my taper would make me feel really badly and defeated. I am sure you might feel that way, don't... bad feelings can often keep us in relapse. Just brush yourself off and look forward to a new beginning to an awful end. :)
