Why why why did I think Z was ok??? I'm just sick at my stomach.
He's been clean I think for a month or so. He was stating with his
Girlfriend and had to leave a few days because her mom was coming
To visit a few days so...... my he staying when my mom and sister for
Couple days. I paid his uber to get there....almost 90$-2 stops.
I called mom and she's on cloud 9 seeeing her grandson. After I talked
To him...I know in my gut he is not clean.
After hanging up, I text him and said I didn't want to see him this weekend
As planned. I told him I need time to myself and not to call me. I would
Not be giving him any money so he needs to figure that out. I'm so upset!
Why is it soooo fuc****g hard??
Prayers please
Not a good day at all
Not a good night
Paula
P.....I know your upset...but...I don't get it. .what boundaries did he cross ?...besides being an addict and trying to stay clean...and maybe not being perfect in that yet....I understand if he broke a house rule....but...idk...you don't know for sure...so.why make it all about that...why start the drama...if he's using. ..that's on him....you know better. ..??..are you angry at him ...or yourself ??
Paula--
This isn't his first slip up and won't be his last. Don't let his mishap tear you down and that is what you are doing. You are "owning" his choices by letting it upset you physically and emotionally.
Let him find his way and work this out on his own!
You are not in control!
Praying for both of you!!
(((HUGS))) Lori
This isn't his first slip up and won't be his last. Don't let his mishap tear you down and that is what you are doing. You are "owning" his choices by letting it upset you physically and emotionally.
Let him find his way and work this out on his own!
You are not in control!
Praying for both of you!!
(((HUGS))) Lori
Good advice, Con and Duchess, and just what I needed to hear.
Paula, hope you're doing ok.
Hugs to all of you.
Paula, hope you're doing ok.
Hugs to all of you.
So here is the problem.
I'm 4 hours away and he is at my moms and sisters.
My sister found a crack phone this morning in the bathroom.
My mom has no idea that he is using. My sister is having a problem
With confronting him. He's asleep in her bed.
Any advice??
I'm 4 hours away and he is at my moms and sisters.
My sister found a crack phone this morning in the bathroom.
My mom has no idea that he is using. My sister is having a problem
With confronting him. He's asleep in her bed.
Any advice??
Not your circus. ..not your monkey...again....what boundaries has he crossed ? ...crack phone or pipe ?
Lol. Crack pipe
I get it that it's not my circus but my mom is almost 90
And my sister is leaving for a few days. I feel responsible
For looking after my mom but I can't take off and drive there
I get it that it's not my circus but my mom is almost 90
And my sister is leaving for a few days. I feel responsible
For looking after my mom but I can't take off and drive there
Ahhh...pipe...ya...I get it...well then...using in the house is probably a boundary...and pretty sure he knows it...it will have to be "you've got such and such hours minutes days...your call...to leave...or your calling the cops....
PLOPEZ....Im so sorry but you are NOT getting it ....yet. Your sister is going to have to put her big girl panties on and tell him to leave. You can NOT leave him there with your elderly mom. This is HIS choice...as Con stated....pretty sure he knows smoking crack in the bathroom was a no -no. If it were me? Id give him $5 or better yet $20...the cost of the smallest crack bag and tell him to run to the store for something. Lock the doors and don't look back.
Jen
Actually I do get it. He had to get out of the house for my mom.
No disrespect but no way in hell would I give him money for drugs.
Paula
Actually I do get it. He had to get out of the house for my mom.
No disrespect but no way in hell would I give him money for drugs.
Paula
Or that...good one jen...but he'd probably just bang on the door and whine...cause a ruckus. .but THEN she could call the cops...sorry...I've got a twisted sense of humor...and laughing at myself. ...no offense P...im just being obnoxious. ..but...well...you know...Jens right....sisters got to do it
Paula--
If your sister is living with your 90 y/o mom then she needs to protect her and herself and confront him since he crossed the boundaries! He knows what he did was not allowed in the home and I am sure her confronting him won't be a surprise. You can't do it 4 hours away and it really is her home and her deal now that they let him come there.
She needs to tell him what she found and she won't tolerate it and he has x amount of time to pack it up and call a Uber or cab!
So sad that he still can't figure it out but as Con said --not your deal and he needs to do this himself--not because you or the family wants him to!!
You all need to cut him loose and let him find his own way!
Hugs and prayers to you! Taint an easy thing to do but a must if you have any hopes of him changing!
Stay strong!!!!
Lori
If your sister is living with your 90 y/o mom then she needs to protect her and herself and confront him since he crossed the boundaries! He knows what he did was not allowed in the home and I am sure her confronting him won't be a surprise. You can't do it 4 hours away and it really is her home and her deal now that they let him come there.
She needs to tell him what she found and she won't tolerate it and he has x amount of time to pack it up and call a Uber or cab!
So sad that he still can't figure it out but as Con said --not your deal and he needs to do this himself--not because you or the family wants him to!!
You all need to cut him loose and let him find his own way!
Hugs and prayers to you! Taint an easy thing to do but a must if you have any hopes of him changing!
Stay strong!!!!
Lori
And P ? Word here. .don't answer his calls after he gets thrown out...leave it be awhile if you can...he's gonna be one pissed off junkie....cuz....ya know...I was
Thanks everyone
I appreciate it!
Today has not been a good day.
I've said the Serenity Prayer many times.
Helps me some.
I'm not going to answer his calls.
I can't. I know what to do... I do...it just hurts so bad.
I want my Son sober and happy and it just pissws me off
That I can't do anything.
I know right now he doesn't care...he's high and feeling
Good.
Just gotta let God handle it
Hugs
Paula
I appreciate it!
Today has not been a good day.
I've said the Serenity Prayer many times.
Helps me some.
I'm not going to answer his calls.
I can't. I know what to do... I do...it just hurts so bad.
I want my Son sober and happy and it just pissws me off
That I can't do anything.
I know right now he doesn't care...he's high and feeling
Good.
Just gotta let God handle it
Hugs
Paula
Z is on the street again begging me to save him.
I told him I love him but he needs to figure it out.
Turning off the phone and trying to sleep.
Please say a prayer that God keeps Z safe
Thank you
PAULA
I told him I love him but he needs to figure it out.
Turning off the phone and trying to sleep.
Please say a prayer that God keeps Z safe
Thank you
PAULA
Heres why I feel your NOT getting it yet..
First off your heading says it ALL...I AM JUST SICK!!!!
When he CHOSE to live with girlfriend INSTEAD of sober program...you sent him money for food. You felt there was something not right but did it anyway. I hate to break it to you but Im 99% sure that "food" was drugs. You say there is NO way in hell you would give him money for drugs...but my dear you are...these come under the heading of :food, rent, clothes, uber.
You are ADDICTED to your addict....Just like an addict you say one thing and then do another..you are in a constant battle with this obsession in your head...just like we are. You say you won't give him money...then you do..you cave...its just like us...we get SO UNCOMFORTABLE that we HAVE to do something with that feeling..something to FIX it...You say you won't answer his calls...then you do...you cave...just like we do.
When he stated he needed to leave the girlfriends for a few days...you jumped right in to SOLVE his dilemma...HE needed to figure this out himself. NOT YOUR PROBLEM...
You started one post with : So heres the problem.....see above post.
You FEEL responsible he was now at your sisters and moms because yeah you kinda are...you set it up that way and now there is a HUGE problem...and you are surprised.
You know WHAT he's doing, WHERE he's doing it, WHO he is with, VERIFYING everything he says...every movement he makes..
I know this will probably piss you off...just as we as addicts get REALLY pissed off when someone points out our INSANE behavior....BUT sometimes if we can just be a little OPENMINDED and WILLING we drop our defenses just long enough to SURRENDER and think...you are right..this is completely insane . Im making myself sick as well as everyone else around me (your partner). ONLY THEN can we change...only when we get SICK AND TIRED of being sick and tired can we BEGIN to heal...Im sorry ...I know you are in pain....help is here if you can just ACCEPT it.
First off your heading says it ALL...I AM JUST SICK!!!!
When he CHOSE to live with girlfriend INSTEAD of sober program...you sent him money for food. You felt there was something not right but did it anyway. I hate to break it to you but Im 99% sure that "food" was drugs. You say there is NO way in hell you would give him money for drugs...but my dear you are...these come under the heading of :food, rent, clothes, uber.
You are ADDICTED to your addict....Just like an addict you say one thing and then do another..you are in a constant battle with this obsession in your head...just like we are. You say you won't give him money...then you do..you cave...its just like us...we get SO UNCOMFORTABLE that we HAVE to do something with that feeling..something to FIX it...You say you won't answer his calls...then you do...you cave...just like we do.
When he stated he needed to leave the girlfriends for a few days...you jumped right in to SOLVE his dilemma...HE needed to figure this out himself. NOT YOUR PROBLEM...
You started one post with : So heres the problem.....see above post.
You FEEL responsible he was now at your sisters and moms because yeah you kinda are...you set it up that way and now there is a HUGE problem...and you are surprised.
You know WHAT he's doing, WHERE he's doing it, WHO he is with, VERIFYING everything he says...every movement he makes..
I know this will probably piss you off...just as we as addicts get REALLY pissed off when someone points out our INSANE behavior....BUT sometimes if we can just be a little OPENMINDED and WILLING we drop our defenses just long enough to SURRENDER and think...you are right..this is completely insane . Im making myself sick as well as everyone else around me (your partner). ONLY THEN can we change...only when we get SICK AND TIRED of being sick and tired can we BEGIN to heal...Im sorry ...I know you are in pain....help is here if you can just ACCEPT it.
Ouch...throwing in one of those hugs for ya P....hard medicine. ..
I'm sad for you Paula. I was hoping Zach being back with his girlfriend was happy and getting his life together again. So now its back to square one with him. It's time to stop and get "your" own life back. Leave your son to figure out what to do without you, your sister, your mom, step back and leave him to it. It's up to him as you have done more than enough to help him. If he calls tell him your all done now and then stop answering his calls for a while. Your sister should put him out before she leaves and hopefully he doesn't torment your old mom to get back in her house when she's gone. If he comes back tell her to frighten him with the police. Time to play hard ball. I know it's difficult and it's heartbreaking but sometimes you've got to push yourself to do the opposite from what you want to do. I'm thinking of you and hoping for the best! ((Hugs)) Mary
Paula,
When my son was a teen and went through several inpatient and outpatient programs, he came crying to me saying he needed help and wanted to return to one of the inpatient programs. I took him down for an evaluation and was declined. I remember sitting in the intake coordinator's office crying because they wouldn't let him in and he had even made a cocked gun to his head hand gesture like I would be responsible for anything happening to him. I was devastated. The intake coordinator said to me, "I hate to tell you this and I don't mean any offense, but he's treating you like a slutty girlfriend." Wow. That stopped me dead in my tracks. It hurt to hear it. It made me think. Maybe we are all telling you something you don't want to hear, but it's an uncomfortable truth.
It's a hard road to be on.
P.S. I still think of that slutty girlfriend comment when he would ask for $$.
When my son was a teen and went through several inpatient and outpatient programs, he came crying to me saying he needed help and wanted to return to one of the inpatient programs. I took him down for an evaluation and was declined. I remember sitting in the intake coordinator's office crying because they wouldn't let him in and he had even made a cocked gun to his head hand gesture like I would be responsible for anything happening to him. I was devastated. The intake coordinator said to me, "I hate to tell you this and I don't mean any offense, but he's treating you like a slutty girlfriend." Wow. That stopped me dead in my tracks. It hurt to hear it. It made me think. Maybe we are all telling you something you don't want to hear, but it's an uncomfortable truth.
It's a hard road to be on.
P.S. I still think of that slutty girlfriend comment when he would ask for $$.
Paula--
Thinking of you today and praying you are staying strong! That is the best thing you can do for Z and for you!!
Jen is right --you need to detach and not just talk about it and then rescind everything and do it all over again. Yes --they do use the money for food, etc. for their drugs and that is what you are buying with your "help"!!!
Big hugs to you and stay the course!! It is the only thing that will help Z!!
Lori
Thinking of you today and praying you are staying strong! That is the best thing you can do for Z and for you!!
Jen is right --you need to detach and not just talk about it and then rescind everything and do it all over again. Yes --they do use the money for food, etc. for their drugs and that is what you are buying with your "help"!!!
Big hugs to you and stay the course!! It is the only thing that will help Z!!
Lori
