I need to talk to somebody,please!!! My boyfriend started using crackcocaine mid July.Every weekend he disapeares for 2-3 days,then comes home like nothing happened.He promises me every time that he won't do it again,but this is not true.I don't think he can stop it.I don't know what to do,his family doesn't know about it and I am scared to tell them.I am pregnant 4.5 months now and I think I' am about to go crazy.He changed so much,seems like nothing matters to him anymore.I really wanted him to leave me alone but at the same time I feel so sorry for him because I love him.Please help me!
Lena, I know exactly how you feel. You are not alone in this. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and he just came clean to me two days ago that he has a crack addiction. I have none about his use of cocaine since we meet and I was o.k with it, but I never new it would get to this point. Over the last few months since we started living together he goes out all night and doesn't come home till morning, or comes home from work at 2 or 3 int he morning and says it was just a closing shift. He's promised me that things would change but they've just gotten worse. It wasn't untill I told him to leave that he finally came clean and told me about how heavy he was using and that he needs help.
I really struggled with what to do. Do I stay and help him fight this battle or leave and go on with my life. I did alot of research and talked to lots of friends some who are recovering themselves, and the most important thing I learned is they have to want to help themselves first.
I've decided to stay and accept the battle that will come, I know that it is going to be a tough road ahead. But if there is ever a time that he needs love and alot of it it's now.
I beg you to tell his family and his friends, the more support you have the better for him. He'll need alot of help taking his focus off the cravings.
And don't think for a minute he doesn't care for you, he's just in a bad place right now where the drugs are controlling him. He can get through this, and deep down he wants to and probably hates himself for what he's doing, he just needs help to find the way
I really struggled with what to do. Do I stay and help him fight this battle or leave and go on with my life. I did alot of research and talked to lots of friends some who are recovering themselves, and the most important thing I learned is they have to want to help themselves first.
I've decided to stay and accept the battle that will come, I know that it is going to be a tough road ahead. But if there is ever a time that he needs love and alot of it it's now.
I beg you to tell his family and his friends, the more support you have the better for him. He'll need alot of help taking his focus off the cravings.
And don't think for a minute he doesn't care for you, he's just in a bad place right now where the drugs are controlling him. He can get through this, and deep down he wants to and probably hates himself for what he's doing, he just needs help to find the way
Let me tell from experience that staying with these guys is going to be a difficult road. My b/f and I have been together for two years, I found out a year ago that he was a crack addict. But I loved him and chose to stay with him. Looking back, I wish I didn't. It has been a HORRIBLE year and a half since I've found out. All the heartache, disappointments, lies..theres absolutely no end to it, in fact it has just gotten worse. Lucky for me, he's going away next month or two to a one year long rehab program, he's already been accepted. Otherwise I'd be packing his things and leaving him. Its been exhausting and I deserve better than this. He's spent ALL his money on crack..in the meantime, he pays his half of rent but not groceries or bills. Its been one of the worst years of my life and I'm glad its almost over. To be realistic, theres not that great of a chance they will just quit. They have to want to quit really badly..nothing you do will help them trust me I've tried. Even though mine has wanted to quit really bad, he still turns to it. Remember one thing though, if they ever do crack and blame you because you had a fight or something, don't listen to this...mine tries to shift the blame on me and I used to think it was my fault but it is not! They will find any excuse to do it. You're just going to watch them get worse and worse most likely...and they will bring you down with them. Unless they get the help they need.
Good luck..
Good luck..
Hi! My name is Angela and I recently found out my boyfriend has been using crack for the past 8 years. He has disappeared and I have no idea what to do!!!!He has been gone for five days and no one has heard from him. He has done this sorta thing several times before and once he was gone for three months before anyone heard from him. When they did finaly hear from him thats when he went into rehab and three months later I met him, with having no idea of the extent of his addiction. He had briefly mentioned his addicition, but he had assured me he was well and had not been using. I was so in love with him and still am that I never questioned or assumed he was using or fixin to disappear. I am so hurt and no one seems to care that he's gone. They say he's done this before and there is nothing you can do. I do dont understand how you can do nothinng when he's been missing for five days with no contact.. Please can someone help me with where to start????
Hi there, my husband is an addict. He just started using about a month ago (to my knowledge anyway) and he can't stop. I don't know what to do. He leaves me and my 12 year old son for days. Usually he'll leave on a Wednesday or Thursday night and not come home till Sunday or Monday. Until recently when I found he was doing it, I use to call the cops and put out a missing report on him (done on at least 2 seperate occasions-almost a year apart) but now I don't even bother. I feel sick inside that he doesn't want to stop and be with his family. Sick and Angry to the point that I want to hurt him or break his nose so he can't use it. Sunday night he said he was on his way, well that long ride home took him till Tuesday morning at 2:30am. Then he went to work, only to get his pay check, brought me home some money had dinner with us, and dug out yet again. Now it's Wednesday morning and I'm sure he's not going to work-again, and it will probably be a few more days till I see him again.
I just don't know what to do, I just needed to vent-thank you for letting me. Heaven knows I can't talk to co-workers about it, or family members or close friends, they would all tell me to leave him. Well after 16 years of marriage, I don't know if I'm willing to do that just yet. After all "if" he can beat this thing, he's really a great guy. I just have to have him home long enough to get to a meeting. Thanks again for letting me post...I just needed to get out!
I just don't know what to do, I just needed to vent-thank you for letting me. Heaven knows I can't talk to co-workers about it, or family members or close friends, they would all tell me to leave him. Well after 16 years of marriage, I don't know if I'm willing to do that just yet. After all "if" he can beat this thing, he's really a great guy. I just have to have him home long enough to get to a meeting. Thanks again for letting me post...I just needed to get out!
To: Lena, Deb, Kitty, Angela, and Lyndia
I can tell you all a kind of story-book fable that things will be ok tomorrow
But that's not the way of addiction.
Addiction will tell a person to drop everything and everyone, NOW.
In the days after the euphoria is gone guilt and shame enters.
The addict does not even want to admit that they are addicted, and certainly won't admit it to anyone close to them.
Because it means that they are not in control, and even more so for the socalled bread-winner.
All of you know what to do but, are you willing to do it?
Sometime you have to let go...and believe and know that everything will turn out
alright for both of you.
To the young mothers and future moms: You know you have to take care of the little ones always, be kind to them and show love to them. The children don't need this in their world not now not ever. Let the b/f's and husbands know that drugs will destroy the family FIRST and you can't be a part of that.
take care ladies, may GOD be with you.
MACK
I can tell you all a kind of story-book fable that things will be ok tomorrow
But that's not the way of addiction.
Addiction will tell a person to drop everything and everyone, NOW.
In the days after the euphoria is gone guilt and shame enters.
The addict does not even want to admit that they are addicted, and certainly won't admit it to anyone close to them.
Because it means that they are not in control, and even more so for the socalled bread-winner.
All of you know what to do but, are you willing to do it?
Sometime you have to let go...and believe and know that everything will turn out
alright for both of you.
To the young mothers and future moms: You know you have to take care of the little ones always, be kind to them and show love to them. The children don't need this in their world not now not ever. Let the b/f's and husbands know that drugs will destroy the family FIRST and you can't be a part of that.
take care ladies, may GOD be with you.
MACK
Hello my name is Kim and I am in recovery of crack addiction and it is a very hard road but I am managing one day at a time, however my husband is still using not around me thankfully but is still using and it is tearing up our marriage. We met online and once we met it was one big party, I mean even our wedding night was spent getting high but once we moved from his home state to mine it was better because we was both clean, and only occasionally would we get high. and when I would say 'ok" we are threw it was stopped for up to 6 months with no getting high. and when he would come home with some crack I would give in and do it anyway, but later would feel awful. well this happened again several weeks ago with one exception I didn't give in, he had brought home 100$ worth and I flushed it, and told him I won;t allow it, so what does he do.... he does it while he is supposed to be working, he is even buying it in his work truck, putting his job on the line, he has told me if i find him help he would go, but I feel if he truely wanted help he would himself try, so tonight I was looking for treatment centers and what in the world can a struggling family do to pay for these treatments.?? can anyone lead me to a place for affordable help in my search for my husband some help????
I've never posted on a board before but, when I read your post I had to respond. I was in your situation, divorced my husband and still allowed him to come back because he told me it would be different this time.
The truth of the matter is addiction ( I have learned) is not rational, we want to believe in our spouses or boyfriends because we love them but the reality of it is, is the person we've loved can't be rational while using.
Loving a person is one thing but to put yourself through an emotionally draining situation over and over again is not a healthy decision.
It has taken sometime for me to realize that not only was my ex-husband an addict but I had become one as well, only my drug was him.
It has been over a year since I have been divorced and the reality of it is I'm still trying to pick up the peices. I will pray that you find your way, and if you ever need to chat...
Take care of you
IshaunT
The truth of the matter is addiction ( I have learned) is not rational, we want to believe in our spouses or boyfriends because we love them but the reality of it is, is the person we've loved can't be rational while using.
Loving a person is one thing but to put yourself through an emotionally draining situation over and over again is not a healthy decision.
It has taken sometime for me to realize that not only was my ex-husband an addict but I had become one as well, only my drug was him.
It has been over a year since I have been divorced and the reality of it is I'm still trying to pick up the peices. I will pray that you find your way, and if you ever need to chat...
Take care of you
IshaunT
Well things with my addict boyfriend have gotten worse and anyone who stays with an addict most likely will tell you IT GETS WORSE! Mine has done the dissappearing acts, the lying..etc..he wants to quit really bad and I've learned by now that you can't really get mad at them for doing this drug because they can't control it, the drug controls them. Lately my boyfriend has been crying alot and feeling guilty about his addiction, he says he can't believe he's a junkie himself and that he would rather die than to continue living like this but he can't stop. I have watched him go from bad to worse and its like that with every addict except the ones who truly want to quit and get help. He's soon going to a one year in patient rehab program and I'm hoping it will work for him, but I'm worried he won't even make it. He tried to commit suicide today, whenever he does crack he gets to that point, he thinks about it and talks about it, but today he tried. Its all a part of his coming down and I found out for some addicts, quite normal to feel this way but I'm tired of worrying about him all the time.
Just be prepared that if you wish to stick it out with your partner, it may get worse as it usually does..and eventually even if you don't leave them, they will leave you (jail or death).
Take care
Just be prepared that if you wish to stick it out with your partner, it may get worse as it usually does..and eventually even if you don't leave them, they will leave you (jail or death).
Take care
I feel the same way for everyone else that is trying to save there loved ones from the crack/cocaine demon.
I had a rude awakeing over the weekend. My wife confessed to me she uses crack and has even tried selling it for dealers in Las Vegas. We have had our little problems in the past but, I never thought it would lead to this. She even said she would rather live like this and die.
She was in the bathroom getting ready to leave me to use again and I can hear her talking to herself! It sounded like a demon seriously! I go running in the bathroom and she was crying and saying she wants to die and she dosn't want to be here (home) with me. I tried to tell her she needs help but, she kept on saying she dosn't want the help!
I am so confused because I am not a bad person. I never cheated on her and the only addiction I have had in our 5 year marriage was to computers and music. I even stopped that to work on our marriage but, she thinks I still dont care.
I don't know what to do. She would stay up all night and lie to me why she was up and now since she confessed to me she is using, She stays gone for days at a time. My family and friends tell me I should kick her out of the house because she showsup to change her clothes and take a shower and leaves without me around.
I think I will have to change the locks so she dosn't get desperate and rob me because of her addiction. I just don't know what to do. I love her and I want to help but, she tells me she wants to live like this.
I just needed to vent and thanks for reading. I could go on with more but this would be a book....
I want to print one of the messages here for her to see because I truly don't think she undertands what she is getting into.
Thanks for reading and I am praying for all of you that are going thru this crisis and please pray for me..
God Bless.
Sean
I had a rude awakeing over the weekend. My wife confessed to me she uses crack and has even tried selling it for dealers in Las Vegas. We have had our little problems in the past but, I never thought it would lead to this. She even said she would rather live like this and die.
She was in the bathroom getting ready to leave me to use again and I can hear her talking to herself! It sounded like a demon seriously! I go running in the bathroom and she was crying and saying she wants to die and she dosn't want to be here (home) with me. I tried to tell her she needs help but, she kept on saying she dosn't want the help!
I am so confused because I am not a bad person. I never cheated on her and the only addiction I have had in our 5 year marriage was to computers and music. I even stopped that to work on our marriage but, she thinks I still dont care.
I don't know what to do. She would stay up all night and lie to me why she was up and now since she confessed to me she is using, She stays gone for days at a time. My family and friends tell me I should kick her out of the house because she showsup to change her clothes and take a shower and leaves without me around.
I think I will have to change the locks so she dosn't get desperate and rob me because of her addiction. I just don't know what to do. I love her and I want to help but, she tells me she wants to live like this.
I just needed to vent and thanks for reading. I could go on with more but this would be a book....
I want to print one of the messages here for her to see because I truly don't think she undertands what she is getting into.
Thanks for reading and I am praying for all of you that are going thru this crisis and please pray for me..
God Bless.
Sean
I am in the same boat, I have an alcoholic/coke boyfriend who is also dealing.. I'm not really sure what to do, I talked to him about it and he doesnt think there is a problem, even though he hasnt slept in 3 days, cant look me in the eyes and is destroying himself without care. I know everyone says to leave them, but we used to share such a deep love.. *How am I supposed to leave the one I love when he is in such a dark place?* I guess that is my main question... Is there anything I can do to make him realize what is happening? All of his relationships are being ruined except by those that participate and support this. I just want to make sure he will be ok... what can I do? Anything? His family knows what is going on and they are trying to figure out a solution too... He does the same dissappearing act, but has been brutally honest about everything that is going on... its heartbreaking, and I must say that I feel like this forum sheds a little light and makes me not feel so alone during this dark time...
I am losing my boyfriend, too. I don't know what to do. He started using drugs sometime in Aug. of this year. I thought he would be able to stop. He has disappeared again. Stupid! He just got a new job after neing fired from a great job. I know he wants to stop, but the sad thing is he can't. And I am scared he will die.
I guess it's true. It can happen in any family. I have never been around it, and I don't know what to do.
HELP!!!!happygirl526@hotmail.com
I guess it's true. It can happen in any family. I have never been around it, and I don't know what to do.
HELP!!!!happygirl526@hotmail.com
I cant believe the amount of women who seem to be in very similar situations. Although its shocking, it is comforting to know i'm not the only one and that i'm not making a big deal of the situation there is problem.
I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years now, he has always been a drug user but it started as cannabis only, he is now heavily into cocaine and has become a totally different person. It started as a weekend thing but now its much more regular.I cant say that he disappears as we dont live together but he has extreme mood changes.He is also suffering with cold sweats and restlessness especially at night.I now know these are long terms side effects of cocaine abuse. I am stuck in how or if I should help him, he has had 4 different jobs in the last 3 months as he is so unreliable! I do love him but should this be my responsibility? He admitted to me a month ago that he thought he had a problem to which I said he could get some help but he must make the first move. Nothing has happened since. Should I question him? I'm at a loss...
I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years now, he has always been a drug user but it started as cannabis only, he is now heavily into cocaine and has become a totally different person. It started as a weekend thing but now its much more regular.I cant say that he disappears as we dont live together but he has extreme mood changes.He is also suffering with cold sweats and restlessness especially at night.I now know these are long terms side effects of cocaine abuse. I am stuck in how or if I should help him, he has had 4 different jobs in the last 3 months as he is so unreliable! I do love him but should this be my responsibility? He admitted to me a month ago that he thought he had a problem to which I said he could get some help but he must make the first move. Nothing has happened since. Should I question him? I'm at a loss...
