Hi everyone, I'm kind of nervous about posting. My name is CJ and I'm new to the board. I guess I should say I'm new to actually posting on the board but I have been reading it on and off for probably 3 years.
I was horribly addicted to opiates for about 6 years when I went to rehab. I'm on suboxone right now and working on tapering off of it. I love how everyone here is so supportive and actually cares about one another.
I have a wonderful life now. After hitting rock bottom, the only way to climb was up and I'm greatful every day that I went to treatment. As everyone here knows addiction is a daily battle, so I'm just hoping to become part of your family here. I would love to get to know some of you better. Thanks for taking the time to read this and I look forward to hearing from you!
CJ
Hi CJ and welcome!
You've been lurking for three years? Wow, you should have posted sooner.
Looking forward to having you as part of the group.
xxxooo
You've been lurking for three years? Wow, you should have posted sooner.
Looking forward to having you as part of the group.
xxxooo
Hi CJ,
Welcome to the board. I was reading here for a long time before I posted too. I also liked the family sense of this board, and I am so glad I posted here last week, I feel like I have a new extended family that is just a click away. Their love and support makes you feel like you are part of the family right away here, I hope you feel the same way I do about posting. Best thing that has happened to me in a while.
Cheyenne
Welcome to the board. I was reading here for a long time before I posted too. I also liked the family sense of this board, and I am so glad I posted here last week, I feel like I have a new extended family that is just a click away. Their love and support makes you feel like you are part of the family right away here, I hope you feel the same way I do about posting. Best thing that has happened to me in a while.
Cheyenne
Hi CJ,
My name is Valarie. I normally post over on the booze board. I hop here from time to time. I just wanted to say hello and welcome. Everyone all over these boards have been great to me since I started posting about a year and half ago.
Have a great day or evening depending on where you are in the world.
:-)
I never lurked here in the beginning. It was the first site that popped up when I was searching for some support and I jumped in right away. Nervous as hell but everyone welcomed me with open arms.
My name is Valarie. I normally post over on the booze board. I hop here from time to time. I just wanted to say hello and welcome. Everyone all over these boards have been great to me since I started posting about a year and half ago.
Have a great day or evening depending on where you are in the world.
:-)
I never lurked here in the beginning. It was the first site that popped up when I was searching for some support and I jumped in right away. Nervous as hell but everyone welcomed me with open arms.
Thank you for the warm welcome :)
I thought I'd share a little bit about myself..... I started out being prescribed vicodin as so many of us have...that of course wasn't enough, so for about a year I was dabbling in different medications but as time went on, of course I built a tolerance and began wanting more/stronger medication. During the next 5 years I was taking deadly doses of oxycodone, hydrocodone and morphine. I slowly began to destroy everything that mattered in my life........money, friendships, family, trust...everything. By the 5th and 6th years I could go through 100's of dollars worth of pills in just one day. I of course was lieing, cheating and stealing every chance I got. I really have alot of guilt issues now, I feel sick to my stomache about how I used to behaive. I remember just as clearly as if it were yesterday, counting pills, how it would feel to run out, calling all my dealers, just waiting and waiting and waiting for the call back, trying to figure out how to get money.... Oh how my life revolved around that for all those years. I certainly don't miss that. I wonder sometimes if those feelings ever go away. The awful feeling in the pit of my stomache when I think of all the horrible things I did.
Then the best thing in my entire life happened and I went to inpatient rehab. It was the best experience I've ever had in my life. At the time I didn't have insurane and I'm still paying my medical bills from the rehab facility (and I will be for a long time), but I am so thankful every single day that I checked myself in. I'd be dead by now if I hadn't. I was put on a pretty high dose of suboxone, 24 mg daily and now I'm down to about 6 mg. I've been on suboxone for 14 months now and I'm very excited to be tapering off of it. My doctor has warned me that last 4-6mgs are the hardest.
I would really like to hear some of your stories. How you found addiction/how it found you....the journey that addiciton took you on and how you ended up at this wonderful site. I look forward to hearing your stories!
CJ
PS: I'm a girl....I know CJ could go either way :)
I thought I'd share a little bit about myself..... I started out being prescribed vicodin as so many of us have...that of course wasn't enough, so for about a year I was dabbling in different medications but as time went on, of course I built a tolerance and began wanting more/stronger medication. During the next 5 years I was taking deadly doses of oxycodone, hydrocodone and morphine. I slowly began to destroy everything that mattered in my life........money, friendships, family, trust...everything. By the 5th and 6th years I could go through 100's of dollars worth of pills in just one day. I of course was lieing, cheating and stealing every chance I got. I really have alot of guilt issues now, I feel sick to my stomache about how I used to behaive. I remember just as clearly as if it were yesterday, counting pills, how it would feel to run out, calling all my dealers, just waiting and waiting and waiting for the call back, trying to figure out how to get money.... Oh how my life revolved around that for all those years. I certainly don't miss that. I wonder sometimes if those feelings ever go away. The awful feeling in the pit of my stomache when I think of all the horrible things I did.
Then the best thing in my entire life happened and I went to inpatient rehab. It was the best experience I've ever had in my life. At the time I didn't have insurane and I'm still paying my medical bills from the rehab facility (and I will be for a long time), but I am so thankful every single day that I checked myself in. I'd be dead by now if I hadn't. I was put on a pretty high dose of suboxone, 24 mg daily and now I'm down to about 6 mg. I've been on suboxone for 14 months now and I'm very excited to be tapering off of it. My doctor has warned me that last 4-6mgs are the hardest.
I would really like to hear some of your stories. How you found addiction/how it found you....the journey that addiciton took you on and how you ended up at this wonderful site. I look forward to hearing your stories!
CJ
PS: I'm a girl....I know CJ could go either way :)
Hi CJ,
It's a bit slow tonight so I wanted to post to you so you would know you were welcome and keep coming back. Many of the nice people here on the PP boards will have the great advice and stories for you.
I myself never really abused pills. If I would have had the chance I am sure I would. I took alot of Zanax to come off the speed and coke but usually that was it. A while back I had some surgery and I posted that I was afraid of the pain meds. I know my addictive personality and I could see it was an invitation for danger. I got great support from alot of different people about that.
As for the shame...for me it has gone away. Just like you, me and most addicts the lying and stealing is part of the gig. I dont' follow AA persay but I did a variation of whatever step they do when they say they are sorry to everyone they hurt. I did that only after I got sober from alcohol. I never really thought about the bad things I did when I was using other drugs because I was still numbing out with booze.
After all the rambling (sorry about that) my point is yes the shame will go away if you have made your apologies and amends to people. If they don't accept your apology then it is on them now and not you. You have to forgive yourself to move on and be healthy.
Well CJ it was nice to chat with you. I hope you keep coming back. This board is usually hopping so I know you will no doubt have many responses soon.
Have a great sober day/night!
Valarie from the Booze board.
It's a bit slow tonight so I wanted to post to you so you would know you were welcome and keep coming back. Many of the nice people here on the PP boards will have the great advice and stories for you.
I myself never really abused pills. If I would have had the chance I am sure I would. I took alot of Zanax to come off the speed and coke but usually that was it. A while back I had some surgery and I posted that I was afraid of the pain meds. I know my addictive personality and I could see it was an invitation for danger. I got great support from alot of different people about that.
As for the shame...for me it has gone away. Just like you, me and most addicts the lying and stealing is part of the gig. I dont' follow AA persay but I did a variation of whatever step they do when they say they are sorry to everyone they hurt. I did that only after I got sober from alcohol. I never really thought about the bad things I did when I was using other drugs because I was still numbing out with booze.
After all the rambling (sorry about that) my point is yes the shame will go away if you have made your apologies and amends to people. If they don't accept your apology then it is on them now and not you. You have to forgive yourself to move on and be healthy.
Well CJ it was nice to chat with you. I hope you keep coming back. This board is usually hopping so I know you will no doubt have many responses soon.
Have a great sober day/night!
Valarie from the Booze board.
Good Morning CJ and Welcome!
I am glad you finally posted!
I started much like you, prescribed medication for real pain. I was able to use the pills as prescribed for several years. And then one day, a friend suggested taking them for "fun", which I did, and I was off and running.
I lived the same kind of life you are describing for about 5 years. I NEVER let myself run out of pills. It was awful, and so stressful to make sure I didn't ever run out.
I quit cold turkey on June 10th, 2006. I posted here 3 days later because I was FLOORED by withdrawals and had no idea what to expect, just knew that I was sick and tired of living like I had been. The rest, as they say, has been one day at a time. I don't really suffer from shame anymore because, for me, shame and humility don't mix. I search daily for way's to feel God's grace, because I believe that grace is the antidote for all that is dark. Shame won't serve you, or help you serve others.
I am grateful everyday that I can wake up, and just have the morning coffee and not wait for the "buzz" to kick in. My cup of coffee has the sweetest taste since I stopped using! And even when I did use, I could remember the days when my coffee wasn't what was necessary to wash down the pills....I just didn't know how to get back to that. I am so glad that I made it back to sanity!
For me, I know, there is no way that I could have made it without the support of the members here. I keep coming back, because I remember how scared I was, and how much those that reached for my shaking hand made me feel like I could do this.
Glad you decided to join us!
Sarah
I am glad you finally posted!
I started much like you, prescribed medication for real pain. I was able to use the pills as prescribed for several years. And then one day, a friend suggested taking them for "fun", which I did, and I was off and running.
I lived the same kind of life you are describing for about 5 years. I NEVER let myself run out of pills. It was awful, and so stressful to make sure I didn't ever run out.
I quit cold turkey on June 10th, 2006. I posted here 3 days later because I was FLOORED by withdrawals and had no idea what to expect, just knew that I was sick and tired of living like I had been. The rest, as they say, has been one day at a time. I don't really suffer from shame anymore because, for me, shame and humility don't mix. I search daily for way's to feel God's grace, because I believe that grace is the antidote for all that is dark. Shame won't serve you, or help you serve others.
I am grateful everyday that I can wake up, and just have the morning coffee and not wait for the "buzz" to kick in. My cup of coffee has the sweetest taste since I stopped using! And even when I did use, I could remember the days when my coffee wasn't what was necessary to wash down the pills....I just didn't know how to get back to that. I am so glad that I made it back to sanity!
For me, I know, there is no way that I could have made it without the support of the members here. I keep coming back, because I remember how scared I was, and how much those that reached for my shaking hand made me feel like I could do this.
Glad you decided to join us!
Sarah
Hi again, thank you all for replying to my post, it makes me feel welcome. Sarah--I think that w/d's are the worst thing I have gone through, well, at least it seemed like it at the time. I was detoxed and then 3 weeks into treatment I was put on the suboxone. I was put on it for cravings instead of combatting w/d's at the time.
It's funny, in some ways I miss rehab. I remember I was scared out of my mind to go, but at the end of my time there, I cried so hard the day I left because it was such a wonderful place, such a safe place. It was the best thing I ever have done for myself. I have incredibly fond memories of rehab....is that wierd?
Its quite chilly here today, I'm from the midwest area, what states are you all from? Again thanks for making me feel welcome!
CJ
It's funny, in some ways I miss rehab. I remember I was scared out of my mind to go, but at the end of my time there, I cried so hard the day I left because it was such a wonderful place, such a safe place. It was the best thing I ever have done for myself. I have incredibly fond memories of rehab....is that wierd?
Its quite chilly here today, I'm from the midwest area, what states are you all from? Again thanks for making me feel welcome!
CJ
Hi CJ,
Welcome! I am glad you are here and look forward to hearing you share your recovery with us. I am from Los Angeles and the weather has been absolutely glorious. Definitely beach days. Blue skies and 80 degrees...
~Rachel
Welcome! I am glad you are here and look forward to hearing you share your recovery with us. I am from Los Angeles and the weather has been absolutely glorious. Definitely beach days. Blue skies and 80 degrees...
~Rachel
Hello Cj, welcome to the board!
I'm in northern New Mexico, a recent transplant from Louisiana.
I am a bayou delta girl trying to adjust to the high desert! That's like learning to speak chinese in under 30 days! hahaha.
Lisa (Cowgirl) talks about how safe Rehab was for her too.
I had intense cravings when I was through with the physical withdrawals too. I started taking Wellbutrin and it worked, thank God, cause I don't think I could have stood up to that kind of intense obsessive thinking. I was blown away that my mind worked that way, because prior to this pain pill thing, it never did.
I think it takes us a while to get our stuff back into our heads correctly.
I think you will move from 6 to 4 with no problems. Stacey (Jiminy Jingles) is doing it, Kee Kee is doing it and RKT (Rhonda) is doing it right now too...so you will have some support for how this goes!
I am glad you are here to share your recovery with us too! It counts.
Sarah
I am a bayou delta girl trying to adjust to the high desert! That's like learning to speak chinese in under 30 days! hahaha.
Lisa (Cowgirl) talks about how safe Rehab was for her too.
I had intense cravings when I was through with the physical withdrawals too. I started taking Wellbutrin and it worked, thank God, cause I don't think I could have stood up to that kind of intense obsessive thinking. I was blown away that my mind worked that way, because prior to this pain pill thing, it never did.
I think it takes us a while to get our stuff back into our heads correctly.
I think you will move from 6 to 4 with no problems. Stacey (Jiminy Jingles) is doing it, Kee Kee is doing it and RKT (Rhonda) is doing it right now too...so you will have some support for how this goes!
I am glad you are here to share your recovery with us too! It counts.
Sarah
Welcome to the board CJ..so glad you decided to take the plunge and post!
It never ceases to amaze me just how similar our stories are. My addiction lasted almost 26 years before I got help but I was in the same spiral you were...just took me a little longer to reach out before I got dead.
Looking forward to hearing more from you!
Lisa
It never ceases to amaze me just how similar our stories are. My addiction lasted almost 26 years before I got help but I was in the same spiral you were...just took me a little longer to reach out before I got dead.
Looking forward to hearing more from you!
Lisa
Welcome CJ! Glad you posted, looking forward to more.
Hi Cj
Welcome, I am glad to see so many new people, its so nice to see new avatars(faces). I am glad you took the plunge and started posting....We arent so bad, right? You will get great advice here, as I am sure you have already, and I look forward to learning more about you !
Lucky
Just read a little about you, good for getting the help you needed..a lot of the same as what I did, but, I am on sub, tapering also, there are some here doing the same ...you will find many who are going thru the same type of stuff...
Ill post to you later.
Take care, lucky
Welcome, I am glad to see so many new people, its so nice to see new avatars(faces). I am glad you took the plunge and started posting....We arent so bad, right? You will get great advice here, as I am sure you have already, and I look forward to learning more about you !
Lucky
Just read a little about you, good for getting the help you needed..a lot of the same as what I did, but, I am on sub, tapering also, there are some here doing the same ...you will find many who are going thru the same type of stuff...
Ill post to you later.
Take care, lucky
Welcome CJ,
I'd write more but i'm running out the door now.
I'm glad you're here. Don't be nervous. There are a lot of awesome people here.
xoxo
Stac
I'd write more but i'm running out the door now.
I'm glad you're here. Don't be nervous. There are a lot of awesome people here.
xoxo
Stac
I could have sworn I posted this morning, but guess I didn't.
Welcome to the board CJ and best wishes in your recovery journey!
Welcome to the board CJ and best wishes in your recovery journey!
Welcome CJ!
I am in early recovery and I am taking 8mg sub/day. I find this board to be an incredible oasis of focus for my recovery. I have found it extremely helpful to help me look at my own thoughts and feelings. It helps me during those tough times that come between the meetings and my counseling. Keep posting here!
Jer
I am in early recovery and I am taking 8mg sub/day. I find this board to be an incredible oasis of focus for my recovery. I have found it extremely helpful to help me look at my own thoughts and feelings. It helps me during those tough times that come between the meetings and my counseling. Keep posting here!
Jer
