The topic title says it all. I feel worse than I ever have. I cant believe what I have done. I have now gave my partner money on 3 occasions for bags and now he keeps asking. I am getting jyself deeper into a hole moneywise which he pormises to pay me back, but he pays it all back hoas nothing left then borrows it back again. What have I started.
I still want to be with him and I still love him but he just doesnt show any commitment to getting himself clean. He swears he does and has even cried cos he is so sick of smoking it. I understand its hard and because it costs so much he continues to go to work and to go to work he has to have gear hence the delay in using his subbies. Then he starts on them, pannicks about work and money then takes some gear and works....does that make sense. Its a nasty circle. He is however getting paid today but you know what I am past caring if he gives it up I just need to seclude myself and stop allowing him to make this my problem.
Moan over. I know I have done the wrong thing :o(
Lynds xx
Sweetie, don't be so hard on yourself..........that's the cycle alright........and as long as you're giving him the loot...........well WHY WOULDN'T he keep asking ya and testing ya.........you're financing his habit.
Yeah that's how it works.........like if ya ain't give me the money I can't get to work, and then POOF we're screwed..........so don't be mad at YOU........you love him, and pray he'll knock it off........I'm sorry Bunny, but why would he knock it off with the dope...........after all he knows he can be supplied with cash from YOU.
Bunny I am not saying in the least he's sick of who he has become......he very well may be sorry and want out...........thus the crying........I'm thinking those tears are exactly that BUT then again.......I think all of us here.........we did that.
We cried or threw hissy fits..............when the fear of being cut off came up......no question either but deep down he cares...........in there somewhere is the man ya fell in love with..........he's worth all this.........BUT BUT BUT no amount of money or love or loyalty is going to change him..........he has to want this..........more than life iself............it is ALL on him....you are allowing this.......by giving in and giving him money you're in the game.
I have a suggestion I have seen work............see he has no repercussions as far as your relationship...........he knows you'll come around sooner or later.
PLUS while you cry, get anxiety, lose sleep..........he ain't worrying about it.
He's getting high..........back to plan...............that I've seen work........tell him nonchalantly ya spent all your money..........worrying about what you'll feed your child.........how you'll ay bills...........all of that.........I'd just say next time............oh I am so sory but I'm broke................no fighting, and no name calling..............just calmly "Oh man I am short this week, and spent it already".......see what happens the next few times..........I bet he'll quit asking and if he can't make it to work it's on him.
My sweet Bunny Rocker...........it's not easy.
Yeah that's how it works.........like if ya ain't give me the money I can't get to work, and then POOF we're screwed..........so don't be mad at YOU........you love him, and pray he'll knock it off........I'm sorry Bunny, but why would he knock it off with the dope...........after all he knows he can be supplied with cash from YOU.
Bunny I am not saying in the least he's sick of who he has become......he very well may be sorry and want out...........thus the crying........I'm thinking those tears are exactly that BUT then again.......I think all of us here.........we did that.
We cried or threw hissy fits..............when the fear of being cut off came up......no question either but deep down he cares...........in there somewhere is the man ya fell in love with..........he's worth all this.........BUT BUT BUT no amount of money or love or loyalty is going to change him..........he has to want this..........more than life iself............it is ALL on him....you are allowing this.......by giving in and giving him money you're in the game.
I have a suggestion I have seen work............see he has no repercussions as far as your relationship...........he knows you'll come around sooner or later.
PLUS while you cry, get anxiety, lose sleep..........he ain't worrying about it.
He's getting high..........back to plan...............that I've seen work........tell him nonchalantly ya spent all your money..........worrying about what you'll feed your child.........how you'll ay bills...........all of that.........I'd just say next time............oh I am so sory but I'm broke................no fighting, and no name calling..............just calmly "Oh man I am short this week, and spent it already".......see what happens the next few times..........I bet he'll quit asking and if he can't make it to work it's on him.
My sweet Bunny Rocker...........it's not easy.
Dear Bunny,
From Bryn's post...."I'd just say next time............oh I am so sory but I'm broke................no fighting, and no name calling..............just calmly "Oh man I am short this week, and spent it already".......see what happens the next few times..........I bet he'll quit asking and if he can't make it to work it's on him."
This is great advice. I just wanted to add that you should brace yourself because as he's starting to feel bad if he can't get his drug he will most likely get pretty upset and mean about it. Remember, YOU didn't cause this, YOU can't cure this, YOU can't control this, and YOU can't love him enough to make him get well. YOU CAN CONTROL YOU.
As far as enabling is concerned for me I asked myself, "How will you feel if you lend him money and he uses it to get dope and gets a bad batch and dies?" That thought was enough to keep me from giving my son any money even if he was looking pretty sick. I new the "sick" was a step in the right direction....a necessary step for him to get his life back. They can become brutal and relentless when they need their drug. Put some space between you and him if that happens. Go to the mall or better yet go to a meeting for yourself.
Love,
Susan
From Bryn's post...."I'd just say next time............oh I am so sory but I'm broke................no fighting, and no name calling..............just calmly "Oh man I am short this week, and spent it already".......see what happens the next few times..........I bet he'll quit asking and if he can't make it to work it's on him."
This is great advice. I just wanted to add that you should brace yourself because as he's starting to feel bad if he can't get his drug he will most likely get pretty upset and mean about it. Remember, YOU didn't cause this, YOU can't cure this, YOU can't control this, and YOU can't love him enough to make him get well. YOU CAN CONTROL YOU.
As far as enabling is concerned for me I asked myself, "How will you feel if you lend him money and he uses it to get dope and gets a bad batch and dies?" That thought was enough to keep me from giving my son any money even if he was looking pretty sick. I new the "sick" was a step in the right direction....a necessary step for him to get his life back. They can become brutal and relentless when they need their drug. Put some space between you and him if that happens. Go to the mall or better yet go to a meeting for yourself.
Love,
Susan
Thanks you two....I know I got to say no next time. The first time I gave him money was because he was starting to get very snappy and nasty and I just thought for god sake get a bloody bag and sort yourself out. The other 2 times were today. He cant get paid till this job gets finished. I have even been in to work with him today and yesterday to try and help him to get it finished.
He said no matter what he wont let this drug make him loose me and his daughter. The truth is I told him it probably will. I try to remember the man I fell in love with but as every day goes by I forget the old Kevin and am getting used to the new s*** bag Kevin. Awww he aint a s*** bag really just a pain in the a**...lol.
I do still love him but no where near as much as I used to...but then I think I must still love him greatly because I am still with him...or am I just a coward???
You see he has got this far and I am still with him and I do truly want to believe he can beat this and I do believe him when he tells me how much he loves me and how much he wants to get clean. He lasted 3 days last time on the subbies then it was same exuse...work..money. He said he is having a few weeks off work after today, and after he gets paid, and is going to take his pills in front of me and give it every bit of strength he has.
I wont build my hopes up but I truly wish I could help him. I know that there is nothing that I can do, nothing I can make him do and I certainly cant change his mind and make this drug go away. As much as I want it to end I know he needs to really want to kick it in.
You have been sweety's to me, giving me advise and sometimes a little kick up the a** when needed...lol. I respect you so much and hope one day Kevin can give advise and say he has been clean for blah blah blah months or even years.
Take care....Lots of love...Lynds xxxx
He said no matter what he wont let this drug make him loose me and his daughter. The truth is I told him it probably will. I try to remember the man I fell in love with but as every day goes by I forget the old Kevin and am getting used to the new s*** bag Kevin. Awww he aint a s*** bag really just a pain in the a**...lol.
I do still love him but no where near as much as I used to...but then I think I must still love him greatly because I am still with him...or am I just a coward???
You see he has got this far and I am still with him and I do truly want to believe he can beat this and I do believe him when he tells me how much he loves me and how much he wants to get clean. He lasted 3 days last time on the subbies then it was same exuse...work..money. He said he is having a few weeks off work after today, and after he gets paid, and is going to take his pills in front of me and give it every bit of strength he has.
I wont build my hopes up but I truly wish I could help him. I know that there is nothing that I can do, nothing I can make him do and I certainly cant change his mind and make this drug go away. As much as I want it to end I know he needs to really want to kick it in.
You have been sweety's to me, giving me advise and sometimes a little kick up the a** when needed...lol. I respect you so much and hope one day Kevin can give advise and say he has been clean for blah blah blah months or even years.
Take care....Lots of love...Lynds xxxx
We adore ya doll.............we got your back.
Hang tight.
Hang tight.
