I Am Tried Living Like This

i am 38 years old. my husband is a drug addict. i have been living a hell of a life for 2 years, or more. I really cannot say when this has all started. We have been married for 10 years. We have between the both of us 5 kids. He had 2 girls, i had 2 boys, and we have a son together. i love my family, i have raised his girls since they were 3 and 4. I wake up every morning and pray he will stop useing. He doesn't. cannot understand how he would be willing to give up his family to use drugs. I feel so stupid staying in a life i hate. i am scared to go out into this world alone with kids. I so tired of the lying and talking to someone who is not there, if you know what i mean. i am so very tired of it all and do not know what to do. Keep hoping and praying
Christine I am sorry but hoping and praying is not going to get you what you want. Have you told him that you are living in hell because of his addiction? have you told him that he is losing his family because he does not take responsibility for his recovery from addiction? Have you told him that he is hurting his children and their future by doing what he is doing and not getting the help he needs?

If you haven't, you should. If you have told him these things, it is probably time to act and cut him loose.

Either way I suggest that you try Al Anon and/or Nar Anon family groups for yourself and any teenage children and get the support you need.

Best wishes, I hope things get better for you soon.
Take my word for it, he won't stop until he wants to. There is nothing you can say or do to change him. Don't be afraid to leave because of the kids. They will be better off without him. He is teaching them to use. By staying, you are giving passive consent to what he is doing. I left with four kids, from 12 years to 17 mths., got a job and made it. That was 18 years ago. You can do it. All it takes is determination. And prayer. All things are possible through GOD.

Dragon Lady
Hi Chris,
I have not been on this site in a couple of days. I just read your comment on trying to stay silent. I am also glad that I am not alone. This is very hard. I am trying to focus on me at this moment. It is hard to look at someone that you love, and watch them thinking they are living a normal life. I feel like my problem is not as big as his if you understand what I mean. I have also read the diffinition on co-dependcy. I think that is me, (hard for me to see that). I do feel your pain I will be back to see if you respond. Maybe we can share stories. I find that talking about this wether it be on line or in person. I do feel like I a crying out and no one hears me. That takes this decision back to me.

Thanks
thanks for replying, you are right, it helps to know you are not alone, and there is nothing wrong with me. I am really glad i found this site.I am really glad. I think it will help me out alot. I would really like to share stories, questions and advice.
Christineperk,
Story for you.......
I had a friend. I loved her so. We met using. She was at a motel with her four kids and one on the way. She had left her abusive husband. Yes, he used, abused her and was just an assh*le. Anyway, she used too. that is how me met. Anyway, we were tight for what seemed like a lifetime. We did everything together however I can say that while we were in our addiction, she made sure her kids were at school, bathed, fed, and homework done every day! One of the children was his. Anyway, I loved her. After she began to show (pregnancy) she began to get her life together and so did I. She moved and so did I. We both got out lives together but did not see each other for about 2 years until one day I saw one of her daughters. I asked about her and I was told that my friend was in the hospital suffering from cancer. . Anyway by the time I got to her they had cut half of her tongue out and were starting chemotherapy/radiation treatments and doing other surgerys. I'm not sure which first. After she became well enough, I began to take her out and show her a good time. We spent much time together. What was sad was her husband was not around much cause he was using Anyway, she was taking care of her family and they were living nicely in a nice beautiful home but her husband (she went back to) continued to use and totally dismiss her sickness. She continued to be strong with her kids lives and so on so forth. Since he continued to use, they lost their house and had to move and yes, he put her through so much while she was sick. After treatment and being okay for a little while, she began to get so ill she had to have a nurse come to her home. Here she was wtih five kids and a jerk of a husband who was using drugs and not taking care of things at home with the children and she was at deaths bed. One day she died. Can you imagine how she must have felt? Knowing that her husband would not, could not take care of her babies when she died? He chose to use instead of give his wife comfort. I'm writing this to you because your children will eventually suffer if you don't take action now. Or...........something might happen to you and will he be there to take care of them? What will you do for your/his children.
Anyway I wrote this to you b/c when I read your posting, this was the first thing that came to my mind. What would happen if you suddenly left this earth or something happened? Who would take care of his/your children? He certainly is not helping you to teach them anything good.

I miss my friend. I am glad that she is not here to see what her husband has become and what he has done to his/her kids.
I hope this gave you something to think about. If not, it felt good to share.
I've never done this before... I'm at the end of my rope. Guess I need to just vent. I really don't want to be on the "pity pot"... just seem to not be able to help myself right now. I'm a grateful member of Al-Anon. Probable would have been sent away in a straight jacket by now without the support. I can't sleep. I'm so afraid and isolated.

I lost my job in September and now my partner and the father of my kids lost his this week. I am being nasty and angry, short tempered and rude.I know that it is about my own expectations. I feel so confused.... how do I hope without expectations. They seem to go hand and hand to me. Can anyone explain this to me?
TO Everyone Here - I am like you all except that I do not have children with my, "fiance'" He went from pain pills to snorting oxycontin to snorting heroin. I tried to stop him, lived in denial, ignored it, fought with him, tried to counsel him, drove him to the doctor, home detoxed him to see him go an use again immediately, I drove him to two detox's to watch him come home and use within 24 hours. In the last detox before Christimas he used the day he came home. That same day he gave me a beautiful engagement ring. I told him I would love to marry him but only if he was not using for an extended period. I am wearing the ring but it feels silly and I can't even be excited when I tell my friends. I feel shame. I told my family that I would not set a date until I was ready. They must find that odd because I am 32 and it has been 5 years, 3 living with him. His parents know since I told them before and he wound up in intensive care for 3 days incoherent because he was home detoxing through an outpatient doctor and he took a pill his friend told him was a sleeping pill. It was an anti psychotic and had a bad interaction with the antil depressants he was taking from the doctor. Bad withdrawal did not help. He didn't even know where he was for 3 days and checked himself out of the hospital once he could get out of bed and than he used the next day. He would have probably used the first day but he was in restraints the whole time because he was out of his mind. They sedated him so he was to tired to go out the first day. I told his parents not to drive him back to our apartment unless they were willing to stay here and be nurse maid to him and keep him home. This man is 39 and 6ft 2, 220 pounds, muscle and all. I can not be his security guard or nurse. They drove him home and left him here with me alone. I have stayed. I love the guy but hate the disease. He is home detoxing with street bought methadone today and I caught with cocaine in our kitchen Saturday. He was taking methadone and doing cocaine so that he could snort something because he is addicted to the snorting sensation now. He hates cocaine he says. THis is nuts! I have started alanon and have gone 3 times this last week. I need to go for myself and it does help a little so far anyway. My father was an alcholic and lately I have drank too much wine on a few occassions. The stress has been tremendous. I find alanon makes me feel more secure and also since attending I have not overdone it with the alcohol. He does not get my pain or his families. I fear the recovery almost as much as I want it because it is such a stressful miserable ride. He is mean and/or quick tempered. When nice it is only because he is trying because he knows he is snapping at me. He still doesnt see it. I fear if he quits for a while and I marry him he may relapse and ruin our family. I don't know which way to go either. Seems crazy is the only way. I plan to go to as many meetings as possible. You should too. Hope for a new year. Hope for all involved. It will either be leaving, recovery, or possiby his death. He says if he cant get better he will try to kill himself! I don't know what to say to him anymore - out of words, tired of trying. Please keep up your spirit and strength.

Love - Jennifer
Morning Jen,
I am so glad to hear that you joined Alanon. It is a good step in the right direction for you. It will help you to deal with all the pain/anger/frustration.....I would guess that things are still not well. Wish you would have e-mailed....You can do that anytime you want.
You take care....
Tina