I had a slip on the long weekend :-( found a roach, then got paranoid and hid in my bathroom pathetically.....then proceeded to clean my bathroom. Oh and then I found the kitchen and pigged out. You can imagine the insanity of all the feelings surrounding this whole incident. Just typing this out is horribly embarassing. AND it tasted like s***. Not that I actually know what s*** tastes like but you catch my drift.....
AND I don't like feeling like this....all fuzzy still and burned out and thinking about it again. I HATE THINKING ABOUT IT. I went DAYS without thinking about it. Hell, I went YEARS without thinking about it.
Being completely present and LIVING life feels much better. I have walked, yoga'd :-) and after this I am going to meditate with cloud watching.
Mistake one: I didn't insist that my husband drive me to my meeting before he took the car to his dealer. I didn't put my needs first.
Mistake two: I didn't insist that my husband remove/hide EVERYTHING in the garage. I didn't put my needs first.
Mistake three: Blaming my husband for my own stupidity and not putting my needs first.
We must never speak of this again.
That was then and this is now.
Love and Light,
Diana
Diana....hit that meeting sweetheart. You F-ed up, big deal. You know the drill....you really need to dig deep inside and find out why you were unable to stop the madness.
Go to a meeting and talk it out....learn from it. You are loved...you are an addict and you need to beef up your arsenal.....whats going on?
Time to do an inventory of your house and work hard to keep your sanity. You came here and told on yourself! See that is huge!
Big hugs honey....we are here.
Go to a meeting and talk it out....learn from it. You are loved...you are an addict and you need to beef up your arsenal.....whats going on?
Time to do an inventory of your house and work hard to keep your sanity. You came here and told on yourself! See that is huge!
Big hugs honey....we are here.
I will continue to stay clean today as I have group meditation tonight and my teacher is introducing "The Devine Feminine" and pendulums also, as part of the course. It is very important to me.
I found a meeting for thursday night. I'll be back here for accountability.
Thanks KeeKee.
D
I found a meeting for thursday night. I'll be back here for accountability.
Thanks KeeKee.
D
Diana-Kudos to you for making that list.That takes some courage and honesty.Now you know what you need to change.
Growth is recognizing that there is always room for improvement.People that have relapses I try to encourage only to look at some things they can do differently.There is no need for getting out the whips.
If you relapse and only succumb to self pity and never get past the remorse,you will only set yourself up to relapse again.It's a vicious circle.
I suggest you go to your home group and pick up a keytag and move forward.
I know......I'll give you one of the 100 I have.
Welcome back Diana
Growth is recognizing that there is always room for improvement.People that have relapses I try to encourage only to look at some things they can do differently.There is no need for getting out the whips.
If you relapse and only succumb to self pity and never get past the remorse,you will only set yourself up to relapse again.It's a vicious circle.
I suggest you go to your home group and pick up a keytag and move forward.
I know......I'll give you one of the 100 I have.
Welcome back Diana

Hi Diana...
Thank you for sharing and your honesty speaks volumes about your recovery...I can relate so much to what you shared...I used to gather clean time just to relapse time and time again and the last time, someone asked what are you going to do differently? That question may have saved my life....so, Diana, what are you going to do different this time? Can you go back over the last few days, weeks before the slip and see where it was coming? For me, my relapses happened way before I put the substance in my body....Today, I have set up some "safety nets" and people around me that can help me see when my thinking is shifting and the relapse is coming...I had to surrender completely to the fact I couldn't do this alone, I couldn't do it my way (and I tried for many, many years) and I couldn't do it the easier, softer way...Complete honesty, being open and totally willing to do anything for my sobriety was the only answer in my life...
When they told me my disease was cunning, baffling and powerful, it took awhile for me to understand and I heard an oldtimer share one time that it was patient too....I am an addict/alcoholic and I know today, the first drink/drug will lead me right to where I left off and all that crazy thinking, the obsession/compulsion will be back full force...
Go to your meetings, open yourself up and reach out for help...let others lead the way for awhile and pray to your HP to help you see the lesson in all of this...
You are and will always be such a huge inspiration to me....I love you, girl and I'm glad your back on the horse....
(((big hugs)))
Stacey
Thank you for sharing and your honesty speaks volumes about your recovery...I can relate so much to what you shared...I used to gather clean time just to relapse time and time again and the last time, someone asked what are you going to do differently? That question may have saved my life....so, Diana, what are you going to do different this time? Can you go back over the last few days, weeks before the slip and see where it was coming? For me, my relapses happened way before I put the substance in my body....Today, I have set up some "safety nets" and people around me that can help me see when my thinking is shifting and the relapse is coming...I had to surrender completely to the fact I couldn't do this alone, I couldn't do it my way (and I tried for many, many years) and I couldn't do it the easier, softer way...Complete honesty, being open and totally willing to do anything for my sobriety was the only answer in my life...
QUOTE |
AND I don't like feeling like this....all fuzzy still and burned out and thinking about it again. I HATE THINKING ABOUT IT. I went DAYS without thinking about it. Hell, I went YEARS without thinking about it. |
When they told me my disease was cunning, baffling and powerful, it took awhile for me to understand and I heard an oldtimer share one time that it was patient too....I am an addict/alcoholic and I know today, the first drink/drug will lead me right to where I left off and all that crazy thinking, the obsession/compulsion will be back full force...
Go to your meetings, open yourself up and reach out for help...let others lead the way for awhile and pray to your HP to help you see the lesson in all of this...
You are and will always be such a huge inspiration to me....I love you, girl and I'm glad your back on the horse....
(((big hugs)))
Stacey
Diana,
I admire your ability to see where you went wrong. In fact, if it makes you feel any better about what happened, your post really helped me. I think I will work on making a list of things to keep myself healthy and not fall back into old habits. Best wishes.
Shelly
I admire your ability to see where you went wrong. In fact, if it makes you feel any better about what happened, your post really helped me. I think I will work on making a list of things to keep myself healthy and not fall back into old habits. Best wishes.
Shelly
Shelly that is great insight. Look at you...you are a work in progress.
It is true...relapse happens long before we actually put that first drug into our bodies.
It is true...relapse happens long before we actually put that first drug into our bodies.
I see my physician @ 8:30 am tomorrow. That's #1. I'm tired even after 8 or 9 hours sleep. My meds need adjusting ? not exercising enough ? iron low ? paws ?
It comes down to what Diana needs...
I've had two sessions with the assault center so far....I talked about everything but the assaults.
I've been to two NA meetings and never said a word.
Oh poop. Ya got me. You guys are good. :-P
It comes down to what Diana needs...
I've had two sessions with the assault center so far....I talked about everything but the assaults.
I've been to two NA meetings and never said a word.
Oh poop. Ya got me. You guys are good. :-P
Diana,
You are a smart lady. You have received some good advice here. Keep moving forward Diana. We all have relapsed at one time or another, the important thing is that you learn from it. Keep your chin up girl!!!
Best Regards,
Jan
You are a smart lady. You have received some good advice here. Keep moving forward Diana. We all have relapsed at one time or another, the important thing is that you learn from it. Keep your chin up girl!!!
Best Regards,
Jan
Ready, willing and able to learn. That's me.
D
D
Ahhh, Diana ~smiling~
It was when I became teachable that the teacher appeared...
I still struggle somedays with being open, willing & teachable...for me complacency and negativity are huge red marks that relapse is brewing and when I start heading there....I stop & pray, and pray more and I always try to remain open and teachable...
Smooches....you are a beautiful spirit and that spirit needs to be shared with others besides this message board...Reach your hand out, raise your hand up and don't be afraid to share...xoxo
It was when I became teachable that the teacher appeared...
I still struggle somedays with being open, willing & teachable...for me complacency and negativity are huge red marks that relapse is brewing and when I start heading there....I stop & pray, and pray more and I always try to remain open and teachable...
Smooches....you are a beautiful spirit and that spirit needs to be shared with others besides this message board...Reach your hand out, raise your hand up and don't be afraid to share...xoxo
Oh but Staceeeeeeeey............ the floor might open up and swallow me.....I'm "skeered" as Tim's signature used to say.
But I will confidently go.
During meditation earlier, Elohim ??? showed up and gave me the gift of forgiveness....so I forgave my indiscretion and have come to the confident conclusion this is not a relapse just a slip in the mud....
I am safe on first base.
Love you,
Diana
But I will confidently go.
During meditation earlier, Elohim ??? showed up and gave me the gift of forgiveness....so I forgave my indiscretion and have come to the confident conclusion this is not a relapse just a slip in the mud....
I am safe on first base.
Love you,
Diana
Diana:
Even our setbacks can be our teacher. (Actually, that should probably be, ESPECIALLY our setbacks can be our teacher).
I don't feel so much like you blew it, but more like you made a single bad choice, and were able to stop yourself before you blew it.
The wisdom in any situation is there, just waiting to be discovered. I am sure there is wisdom in yours as well. I know for sure that I applaud your honesty and willingness to share.
Peace.
Sarah
Even our setbacks can be our teacher. (Actually, that should probably be, ESPECIALLY our setbacks can be our teacher).
I don't feel so much like you blew it, but more like you made a single bad choice, and were able to stop yourself before you blew it.
The wisdom in any situation is there, just waiting to be discovered. I am sure there is wisdom in yours as well. I know for sure that I applaud your honesty and willingness to share.
Peace.
Sarah
I like that Sarah.Thanks
QUOTE |
Oh and then I found the kitchen and pigged out. |
Another thing about pot I don't miss.
Diana, Don't be embarrassed. This sort of honesty is what will save you in the end. It's the slips we don't admit and that we make endless excuses for that will kill us.
ke_gina@hotmail.com
Email me if I can ever be of assistance.
Love,
Gina