I Came So Close Today...

Pain Pills
1
I had a dr. appt. this morning. I have to have surgery again in a month or so. I've been in pain, not unbearable, but consistent. Ibuprofen usually does the trick. My dr. knows about my addiction but also knows I have pain. I accepted a script for lortab and got it filled. I told him I needed it and could handle it. I promised him I would tell my husband I had the medicine. Like I said I got it filled. I went to the pharmacy by myself and couldn't wait to get home. I told myself I would only take two. I also decided I wasn't going to tell my husband, that I could "handle it". What a joke. When I got home I went in my bedroom and closed the door. My husband and daughter were watching a movie. I sat there for about 20 minutes. Then without even allowing myself to think twice about it I called for my husband. He came back to the bedroom and I didn't even say anything, I just handed it all to him. He hugged me and didn't say anything either. He took the bottle, emptied it in the toilet and flushed. Tomorrow I am going to call my therapist and try to make an emergency appt. I can't believe I came that close. It's been a year and a half that I've been off methadone and I thought I was so strong. I'm kind of freaked out.

Shelly
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Shelly...its called addiction...it is a disease...powerful..cunning and baffling! You did the right thing....good for you! Its not easy to tell on yourself! My gawd!!! that was very very very close. Please consider what led you up to those things...and it will be invaluable to you on continued journey of recovery.

I am sincerely very proud of you!

This post scares the bejeezus out of me....wow!

Perhaps time to hit a meeting?

Hugs...kee kee
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SHelly--You are strong--I am proud of you ! God Blessed you !
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Wow.... had me breathless for a bit. Having had to ct methadone myself (50 to 60 mg a day). You will like the post I just put up..."Allegory of Change", you took a different road Shelly! You are awesomw!! Brenda
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Shelly i sure hope your proud of yourself hun. thx for the post its a reminder that once an addict always an addict no matter how far we have come in our recovery. jaxxxxxx
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Shelley,

So glad for you. I'm sure your husband understood what you did also and is relieved that you didn't tip over. Unremitting pain is SO bad. I hope that you'll be able to find some relief soon. It's so WEARING. (((((Hugs))))))) You did GOOD!!
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user posted imageshelly
you need to be commended on your strength to give up those pills, i dont think i could of done that once they were in my possesion.
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Hi Shelley

There by the grace of God, I go

Well done

Wendy
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Shelly...that was great! You went and filled it and came so close...but your good sense kicked in...wow! Good for you....you really deserve praise on this....Love, Sharonn
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Thank you all for your responses. I don't really think I have a lot of strength right now though. I think I was more afraid of what would happen if my husband found out I had the pills then I was strong. But either way at least I was able to get rid of them. I hate being such a child. My husband and I were talking today and he asked what would I do if something happened to him? I need to be able to take care of myself. Sometimes I feel like I act more like his child then his wife. I really need to work on some things. It was way to close yesturday.

Shelly
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Congradulatons! You are so very strong! It is amazing how clear we are now.

Felicia
79 days