My boyfriend of two years has been in rehabilitation for three days. Before he sought help, he would drink everyday and his behavior became very abusive. I decided to leave and he stalked me. I found him passed out in his throw up and blood on my bed. I couldn't leave my house. He drove by all hours of the night followed me to work, and called and texted constantly.
I mentioned he is in rehab, a choice he made three days ago. He called me today and apologized for his behavior. He insists that his family is not supportive (they are and are trying their best) He also says after going to meetings, the counselors suggest having a network of supporters. He insists that I am his only supporter. I want the help for him and I need peace for myself. I don't feel safe around him and I am also moving to a new state in August.
With his recovery being so new and fragile, I don't know how or what to say to him. I don't think I can commit or ever be okay with his behavior and my family and friends do not approve of our relationship anymore. I don't know how to tell him that although i care, my desicion to walk away still stands. He is still blaming others and relying solely on me, and I also can not find it in my heart to forgive him, or put myself in that abusive situation again.
Can someone suggest how I talk to him?
Do I even talk to him?
What is the best way to address this while he's still in the rehabilitation facility. (they release him monday.)
If he is serious about recovery, he should want to get better with or without you. If you're the only reason he's in there, he's going to relapse the minute you mess up, and you will mess up because he's counting on it, and it'll be your fault (in his head) that he 'had to' get wrecked.
If you must talk to him, ask him exactly WHAT he brings to the relationship as a drunk, addicted, selfish and self-centered, obsessive stalker. He doesn't know ANYTHING after only three days of rehab, so tell him to stay sober for a year and work on himself, and then you can arrange a meeting.
Yes. I'm being harsh. Alcoholics don't hear anything except how it affects themselves. Ask me how I know...
Do yourself a favor. Step away from the timebomb and search your soul for how you want to live your life.
Or you can continue to do what you're doing and keep getting the same results. The men may change, but until you change yourself, you're gonna see a trend developing. My daughter used to say, "Her picker was broke."
Good luck.
If you must talk to him, ask him exactly WHAT he brings to the relationship as a drunk, addicted, selfish and self-centered, obsessive stalker. He doesn't know ANYTHING after only three days of rehab, so tell him to stay sober for a year and work on himself, and then you can arrange a meeting.
Yes. I'm being harsh. Alcoholics don't hear anything except how it affects themselves. Ask me how I know...
Do yourself a favor. Step away from the timebomb and search your soul for how you want to live your life.
Or you can continue to do what you're doing and keep getting the same results. The men may change, but until you change yourself, you're gonna see a trend developing. My daughter used to say, "Her picker was broke."
Good luck.
SKG, is right, do you want to be tied to an alcoholic ? do you want to wonder every time he leaves the house is he going to come back sober, do you want to live your life like this ? run like hell- get outta there before you are trapped- he is using the oldest trick, you are his only support- therefore you are responsible for his recovery- do not fall for that C..p he is responsible for his own recovery- it is down to him- you have no need to contact him- walk, no run outta this relationship- you do not want to live in the world of addiction, trust us, we know what is ahead of you if you stay-
