I Can't Take Anymore

Families / Partners of Addicts
1
I am so confused, disappointed and just sad. My son is soon to be 21. He's used drugs since he was around 13 yrs old. Started with synthetic pot when he and his buddies could buy it at the convenience store. I think he's probably used everything out there at this point. He has legal issues and was court ordered to 30 days of inpatient rehab. Which I now know the court order doesn't mean much. I've tried to get him in a rehab since the court ordered it over 2 years ago. His deferred sentence will be up in 3 months. He finally agreed to go to rehab and was there for a week and walked out. He's facing serious jail time if he doesnt complete the rehab. This is a kid that at one time was loving and sweet and kind. He has now turned into a young man who lies constantly...steals...cheats and manipulates those who love him. He's destroyed my house in his fits of rage...has yelled and called me every obscene word known...I don't like the person he has become. He left rehab this morning after telling me lies about why he left. Told the rehab staff another lie about why he was leaving. He has no car and I'm refusing to go pick him up. I don't want him living with me again. I don't feel like I have enough strength in me to do this again. I have cried uncontrollably all day. I thought I was a strong person but him leaving rehab has just crushed what emotional reserve I had left. I feel like I'm not being a good mother by turning my back on him. But I feel like I just can't take one more thing. One more disappointment. One more lie. It's just not in me to do it again
2
Thank you for your post. You are doing the right thing by not picking him up no matter how hard it is. My son is 27and I too feel like I can't take anymore. It helps to know we are not alone. My son was taken to the hospital last night after a drug induced episode and I am trying to figure out if I should go see him. It is so hard.
3
Look up your local Al-Anon and Nar-Anon meetings and attend them.

In those rooms you will find the direction to get your life back and lots of folks to help.

http://www.al-anon.org/ click on "Find a meeting"
http://www.nar-anon.org/ click on "Find a meeting"

All the best.

Bob R
4
Thank you for the information and the encouraging words. There is a meeting tomorrow that I'm going to go too. I've never done the meetings before and I'm scared I'll cry like a baby through it. But I am realizing this has taken its toll on me and it's time to take care of me. I'd like to be happy and healthy for my other child and my grandchild.
5
You will be fine. Let me know how you made out.

Bob
6
Sombra I'm so sorry It does help to know we are not alone. I've read a lot about addiction and tried to understand it. I just can't make it make sense. I've always had a fear of groups and reaching out to others who have been through it. I thought I could figure it out. Arrogance or stupidity? I'm not sure....but I'm going to stop treating it like our families dirty little secret and reach out for help before the stress of it kills me. I hope and pray you will find comfort and peace. This is my prayer for myself also
7
You cannot begin to understand "cunning, baffling and powerful".
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10..._howitworks.pdf

I have the disease of addiction/alcoholism and I can't understand/explain it.

I'm glad today I don't have to.

I know what the treatment is and that is what is important.

AA & NA will treat the true addict/alcoholic.

Al-Anon and Nar-Anon will treat the friends/family of addicts/alcoholics.

And they are the same 12 Steps !!

All the best.
Bob R
8
I am the fianc of a 21 year old addict. And I pray his mother cared as much as you do. You are doing the right thing. There is nothing else you can do and enabling him will only make it worse. I don't know how you go through it. I think all the time about what if this was my son rather than my fianc. But it is nothing you did wrong and you don't deserve this. You are a wonderful mother who clearly cares very much and has tried to do everything in her power to help him. Here is a link about enabling that helps me when I feel bad about saying no to helping too. God bless.