My husband is an addict.I found out 2 years ago when I was pregnant.Since then we tried everything rehap,N.A, some madications , He was doing good for a long time(for him self) 4 months .He wanted me to trust him and give the bank cards back.I wanted to trust him and I thought he is smart enough not to start again.I was controling the money because he wants me to anyways. Now he is out there somewhere using and I am not cring and panicing for the first time. Because I made a decision I'm gonna leave him.yes he is gonna come home and cry and ask for my help.First he will lie ofcourse about the money and not coming home or not calling. Then he is gonna talk ugly he will say I cant take my daughter with me..
I allways gave him and our family another chance.. but not this time. Its hard to explain my feelings I feel like I am doing something wrong I am guilty and dirty inside. Right now I hate my life and myself . I dont want to be his wife anymore I dont want a father like him to my child. I couldnt leave him before becouse I thought he will be lost and wont be successful without me.being with me didnt helped.Nothing will help. I dont want these problems waiting and worring about his life.I dont want to see him anymore . I want to start a new clean life with my beautiful daughter.I dont deserve this neighter my daughter.
Thank you for reading..
I hope you guys(the ones suffering from addiction) stop before you loose your loved ones..
Hi tired - i am an addict i was addicted to alcohol but quit and have been clean for 7 years - now i am having a problem with pain pills - i can relate to you entirely as i was married to an alcholic - i was young and didnt understand anything about addiction then - neither had my own addictions come to light - i can only tell you my story if it helps you - My husband drank but i was not aware to what extent - i controlled the houshold money at that time - but i was working and most of my wages took care of household bills etc - he had extra money in his pocket as he used to play in a group - well things got worse and worse until i realised he had a problem so did he - he went into rehab and promised me the earth - by this time i had two children - but when he got out of rehab after only 4 days no way was he clean - it wasnt long till the lying etc started - it got to the stage he was lying drunk on the floor one morning - two kids where in bed we had had a massive row the night before - i packed left clothes everhting behind and took the two kids and went to live with my mum - he stayed at the house which we had both purchased i didnt care - eventually he could not keep up the payments and it was repoed - he kept harrasingmetto take him backpromised me the earth etc . but i feared for the lives of me and my children and would not go back until he was clean - he never got clean - eventually he took siezures from the alcohol - and was found dead in his flat one morning after a siezure - he was 34 - i was devastated - i blamed myself for years - but i know it was not my fault now - i cannot advice you what to do i am not in your situation only you yourself will know what to do - the only thing i can suggest is you could try contacting councellors etc fo yourself i mean and they would advise you - i know that AA over here also have a section for family members of Alcoholics - so im sure NA would have the same type of thing where you are from.
Sorry i cannot be of more help - but i am sure someone else on this site will come along and give you more ideas of what to do.
lol outof - take care put you and your children first - he has to want to recover himself you cannot make him do it
Sorry i cannot be of more help - but i am sure someone else on this site will come along and give you more ideas of what to do.
lol outof - take care put you and your children first - he has to want to recover himself you cannot make him do it
Thank you for your answer outof. He wont survive too long without us like your husband.I know that.But i cant live like this. its 4 o'clock morning here right now (he's not back yet)If he wants he can call the counsler of the rehap place he went.I cant call instead of him.I dont want to hear about this anymore.I dont want to be part of it.I have 1 year old to take care. I called my parents and we are tring to decide how we will do this.They live in an other country I am foreigner here and it can be dangerous to take my daughter and leave. he can report that I kidnapped her. I have to go court and prove that he is a cocain addict it shouldnt be hard but takes time. I know he thinks he can change my mind in this time.But I dont wnt him to.
The hard part is I dont hate him I feel sorry for him.My parents are so upset and saying all kinds of words in the phone and it hurts me still.I know they are right but I regret right away that I shared with them what happened.
I have to leave him, I have to stop it.And i will..
The hard part is I dont hate him I feel sorry for him.My parents are so upset and saying all kinds of words in the phone and it hurts me still.I know they are right but I regret right away that I shared with them what happened.
I have to leave him, I have to stop it.And i will..
Hi Tired,
I can really sympathize with your story. I wish there were easy answers but there aren't any. I am an addict who has put my family and now girlfriend through hell and back only to take them on another ride through hell.
I can sit here and say I know what you are going through but I really don't. We as addicts become consumed with feeding our addiction and it is really as sad a life as you think own life is. I never wanted to do this (causing so much pain) but I just couldn't stop. I meant all the apologies when I came back, but I couldn't keep any promises to change. I felt so completely helpless at times and other times I felt alone. Like nobody understands what I was going through. Never truly thinking about what I was putting others through. Worrying about whether I was even alive, worrying about where's the car, when will he be home, WILL he be home, what do I tell my child ... this addict never considered all those things until after the fact. And that is when all the emotions hit me all at once and the apologies started along with the promises.
It is not you doing things wrong that causes him to go out. It is him, it is his disease. You can sometimes feel helpless and like a failure for not being able to help keep him clean. These are normal thoughts for a person in your situation. I don't want you to think that I can't feel for you or understand your decision to want him to leave and end the relationship. Just be careful not to make a decision based on emotions and anger while he is still out using. In some cases those are decisions we end up regretting. I don't know your whole situation obviously from one short post but your post did read of emotion and pain from what you are going through. And there are many stories like your own that can be resolved and have a better ending. But only YOU know when you have had enough or more than you can take.
Regardless of your decision I wish you well and I hope he finds it in himself to get help. There is tons of help out there from people who are going through the same things and who also have families and whos lives also seem hopeless.
Good Luck and keep us posted as to how you are doing.
Albert R.
I can really sympathize with your story. I wish there were easy answers but there aren't any. I am an addict who has put my family and now girlfriend through hell and back only to take them on another ride through hell.
I can sit here and say I know what you are going through but I really don't. We as addicts become consumed with feeding our addiction and it is really as sad a life as you think own life is. I never wanted to do this (causing so much pain) but I just couldn't stop. I meant all the apologies when I came back, but I couldn't keep any promises to change. I felt so completely helpless at times and other times I felt alone. Like nobody understands what I was going through. Never truly thinking about what I was putting others through. Worrying about whether I was even alive, worrying about where's the car, when will he be home, WILL he be home, what do I tell my child ... this addict never considered all those things until after the fact. And that is when all the emotions hit me all at once and the apologies started along with the promises.
It is not you doing things wrong that causes him to go out. It is him, it is his disease. You can sometimes feel helpless and like a failure for not being able to help keep him clean. These are normal thoughts for a person in your situation. I don't want you to think that I can't feel for you or understand your decision to want him to leave and end the relationship. Just be careful not to make a decision based on emotions and anger while he is still out using. In some cases those are decisions we end up regretting. I don't know your whole situation obviously from one short post but your post did read of emotion and pain from what you are going through. And there are many stories like your own that can be resolved and have a better ending. But only YOU know when you have had enough or more than you can take.
Regardless of your decision I wish you well and I hope he finds it in himself to get help. There is tons of help out there from people who are going through the same things and who also have families and whos lives also seem hopeless.
Good Luck and keep us posted as to how you are doing.
Albert R.
My husband is an addict and I feel the same way you do. Good luck. It seems like you have great strength. You daughter will be better off in the long run.