I've been with a wonderful man for 1 1/2 years, and I love him dearly. I knew he smoked pot when I met him, but a lot of my friends do too, so I didn't worry about it. About a year ago, my mother died, and I got hooked on Vicodin, supplied by my boyfriend. It started small, but two months ago I lost my job to a merger and jumped in dosage. 10 days ago I went cold turkey, and I'm feeling strong... or was, until he dumped me earlier tonight.
Let me tell you that a while ago he said he wanted to quit smoking. I was with it, and for 21 days in a row I bought him a small gift every day, and on the last 3 days a really nice gift. I went through it all with him, supporting him mentally, financially, at times even physically. We were really close. Unfortunately he started up again six months later, but I couldn't really do anything to stop it. His mind was made up.
Anyway, I came off pills 10 days ago, like I said, and hit some pretty heavy withdrawls. I was honest with him after I was sure I was serious - this is the first time I've tried quitting - and he told me that he'd been through every kind of withdrawl known. So I felt safe. I would seek his help, but for 4 days in a row we would get on the phone and I would be talking about the pains of coming down, and he got really annoyed and would end up yelling at me that I was being too stressed and cynical, and that if he were in my position he'd just listen to advice and calm the F down. I was really sensitive, going through withdrawls, and would just cry, and he would hang up on me.
So on day 6 I stopped taking his calls so that I could focus on my sobriety. Talking to him, him yelling at me - it just made me want to use pills so bad. Then today, day 10 for me (thanks, Jesus) I finally call him back, and he stated that all of the arguments we've had in the past week have been my fault. I was a bit shocked and reminded him of how patient I was while he was detoxing, with the dispair, the worrying, and the insults that still haunt me to this day. Then he shouted that every problem in our relationship was my fault. I asked him if he really meant that, and he said yes.
He dumped me. I've been dumped for quitting drugs. He still uses, and I'm the one who gets dumped.
My problem is that I feel like he's only with me 5% of the time, because he's always stoned from sun-up to sun-down, and if he's not then he's consumed with getting more pot.
Does he not want me anymore because I'm killing his buzz? Am I crashing his party, and he doesn't want me around if he can't have fun? I'm serious about leaving drugs, but he has no intention of quitting again. I'm not even asking for him to quit. I feel like I just need him for a minute and he's too occupied to see that I'm trying to be positive.
Is there any reason to this? Is there anything I can do?
I'm usually on the pills board, but I was reading some of the threads here and you folks seem really amazing. Sorry to blabber on. I wanted to talk to someone with experience, see, I've never tried pot. I'm a pill-head, admitted and clean for 10 days now and proud of it, but this break-up may turn me back.
Thanks for reading.
Westwind,
What are your instincts telling you?
Do you really want this man?
You have some "assessing" to do.
Now let me ask you this, and please take in in the spirit it was asked:
Are you going to use his not seeing you anymore as an EXCUSE to start using again?
As Ann Landers once said "Forget the bum!" and continue your own quest for happiness.
What are your instincts telling you?
Do you really want this man?
You have some "assessing" to do.
Now let me ask you this, and please take in in the spirit it was asked:
Are you going to use his not seeing you anymore as an EXCUSE to start using again?
As Ann Landers once said "Forget the bum!" and continue your own quest for happiness.
You may want to post on the families board too, many of their loved ones are going through the same thing you abf is. Great advice and support given.
He doesn't want to stop, he feels threatened by your going off drugs. You'll be clean and he won't be, it will change the dynamics of the relationship. As time goes by you will become less accepting of his drug use. Anger is all a part of the disease, I go through it everyday w/abf.
Think about what you want from life and make your decisions accordingly.
Take care,
Dolly
He doesn't want to stop, he feels threatened by your going off drugs. You'll be clean and he won't be, it will change the dynamics of the relationship. As time goes by you will become less accepting of his drug use. Anger is all a part of the disease, I go through it everyday w/abf.
Think about what you want from life and make your decisions accordingly.
Take care,
Dolly
West Wind
Earnie is right,a little harsh but right.You have some serious self realization to do,and if the person your with cannot accept that then hes not for you.You've hit a rough patch in life and what you need is support not mental abuse.Sounds like your on the verge of going back to the pills and more then likely it would be worse then before.Get out there and do something,anything but sitting at home thinking evil thoughts.
I hate telling people to leave someone they love,but if that person is absolutly no good for you (and its sounds like he is unfourtunitly) then you should.Theres all kinds of help and support out there for us addicts,we just have to be strong enough to accept their help
The wind gales the rains fall in buckets and lightning strikes,but theres always a chance the sun will shine brightly tomorrow
Peace
Joshua
Earnie is right,a little harsh but right.You have some serious self realization to do,and if the person your with cannot accept that then hes not for you.You've hit a rough patch in life and what you need is support not mental abuse.Sounds like your on the verge of going back to the pills and more then likely it would be worse then before.Get out there and do something,anything but sitting at home thinking evil thoughts.
I hate telling people to leave someone they love,but if that person is absolutly no good for you (and its sounds like he is unfourtunitly) then you should.Theres all kinds of help and support out there for us addicts,we just have to be strong enough to accept their help
The wind gales the rains fall in buckets and lightning strikes,but theres always a chance the sun will shine brightly tomorrow
Peace
Joshua
No I don't think it's harsh. I find a lot of reason in your posts, and I've always known that the day would come when I decide whether or not his addiction would finally make me leave him. I'm not helping him by tolerating his actions...
I'm not going to go back to pills. I've eleven days under my belt and I feel like this is a test. I just don't understand what's so great about pot vs. ME. I really appreciate you guys taking the time to read my post and give me feedback, I think i will go to the families board and get some support. It's going to be a long weekend. Thanks again, and best of luck.
I'm not going to go back to pills. I've eleven days under my belt and I feel like this is a test. I just don't understand what's so great about pot vs. ME. I really appreciate you guys taking the time to read my post and give me feedback, I think i will go to the families board and get some support. It's going to be a long weekend. Thanks again, and best of luck.
