How much does one person have to indure before they crack and give in i am trying so hard but life realy sucks sometimes i have lost so much this past year when does it end i want to be so num right now but i look at my sons and hubby and i keep fighting but each day gets harder and harder i don't think i have any more strength left" is this my punishment for my addiction in may i will be clean 8 months do i have a right to be proud of that i am begining to wonder if i do or if i care any more" i went to my 20 year old cousin funeral last week that is only about the 5 one this past year he was not an addict he had diebeties and i have had nightmares ever since the guilt i am feeling is just so hard he was just a baby" forgive me i am sorry guys i don't mean to bring any one down i just needed to let out some steam feeling pretty depresed today just so hard getting passed this one the members here that know me and my struggle this past year know what i am talking about but thanks to all you dear sweet members for letting me vent
LOVE + HUGS
LITTLE H.
H whats up hun i just emailed you? and you give up over my dead body your far too special for that you have come so far in such a short space of time, you have worked so hard and been dispointed so many times life is worth being pill free hun dispite our bad days. H im so dam proud of you and love you like a true sister jackie xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Oh Hanno..I'm so sorry for your pain. Please think about this:
Life doesn't get easier just because we decide to stop using. Yes, in some respects, it's easier because we can know deal with life on life's terms but life just keeps going and things will happen whether we're using or not.
At about 7 months is when the mental crap started really getting to me. Do you have anyone to talk too? Face to face? You need that support to help you deal with your feelings and emotions because now that you're not numb they can be really overwhelming. That's a huge trigger for me.
Take a deep breath. This too shall pass.
Love
Cowgirl
Life doesn't get easier just because we decide to stop using. Yes, in some respects, it's easier because we can know deal with life on life's terms but life just keeps going and things will happen whether we're using or not.
At about 7 months is when the mental crap started really getting to me. Do you have anyone to talk too? Face to face? You need that support to help you deal with your feelings and emotions because now that you're not numb they can be really overwhelming. That's a huge trigger for me.
Take a deep breath. This too shall pass.
Love
Cowgirl
Hun, I feel your pain through your words. I am so sorry you have so much morbid stuff going on in the middle of trying to stay clean. PLEASE dont give up. The road back to where you are now will be harder to travel next time.
My thing is Xanax so I can not say honestly that I know what you are going through but I can tell you that if you just hold on a lil longer, everyday gets easier. Everyone here confirms that, although I have no experience with pain meds.
Stick around the board.... ALOT. We will talk you out of using when withdrawal is more than you can handle alone, we will forgive you for relapse and most importantly, we will not judge you for either. This board helps me realize that things could be alot worse for me. Not that I get pleasure from others pain, thats sick... but it makes me realize that alot of people are in my boat. With that, there is comfort in knowing someone hears and understands you.
Just hold on a lil longer.....
My thing is Xanax so I can not say honestly that I know what you are going through but I can tell you that if you just hold on a lil longer, everyday gets easier. Everyone here confirms that, although I have no experience with pain meds.
Stick around the board.... ALOT. We will talk you out of using when withdrawal is more than you can handle alone, we will forgive you for relapse and most importantly, we will not judge you for either. This board helps me realize that things could be alot worse for me. Not that I get pleasure from others pain, thats sick... but it makes me realize that alot of people are in my boat. With that, there is comfort in knowing someone hears and understands you.
Just hold on a lil longer.....
JACKY
I sent you a email.
Cowgirl
Thank you so much for your words of wisdom you and jacky both are angels just reading your post's has givin me a bost to fight back" i have been thinking of going to talk to a conselour do you think that would be a good idea i hope that does not make me a weak person if i see a conslour my hubby is there for me but he worries so much about me lately he can't consintrate at work when i talk to him about what i am going through he took a week off work to stay home with me" but maybe talking to a professional is the way to go what do you guys think like i said i hope that does not make me a weak person , anyway thank you so much all of you for supporting me i am blessed to have found you dear people please don't worry it helps just knowing i am not alone.
LOVE + HUGS
LITTLE H.
I sent you a email.
Cowgirl
Thank you so much for your words of wisdom you and jacky both are angels just reading your post's has givin me a bost to fight back" i have been thinking of going to talk to a conselour do you think that would be a good idea i hope that does not make me a weak person if i see a conslour my hubby is there for me but he worries so much about me lately he can't consintrate at work when i talk to him about what i am going through he took a week off work to stay home with me" but maybe talking to a professional is the way to go what do you guys think like i said i hope that does not make me a weak person , anyway thank you so much all of you for supporting me i am blessed to have found you dear people please don't worry it helps just knowing i am not alone.
LOVE + HUGS
LITTLE H.
Hanno... it does not make you weak. It makes you strong.
Take care darlin...
Love you
Cowgirl
Take care darlin...
Love you
Cowgirl
Mrsunderstood
thank you for your kind words they mean so much you are a dear i am so glad there are people like you in the world your support is a god send.
LOVE + HUGS LITTLE H.
thank you for your kind words they mean so much you are a dear i am so glad there are people like you in the world your support is a god send.
LOVE + HUGS LITTLE H.
Stick around here hun... it will make you feel so much better. ESPECIALLY during weak moments. We are very happy to have and help you, as you will us one day.
Today is bad for you, tomorrow may be bad for me. But, we are all here together in the end and we try to even everyone out. hehe NOT always easy but we make do.
Are you having any physical troubles? I know there are tons of OTC's to get you through the pain of withdrawal. I will find out what those are for you if you need me to. Let me know.
Today is bad for you, tomorrow may be bad for me. But, we are all here together in the end and we try to even everyone out. hehe NOT always easy but we make do.
Are you having any physical troubles? I know there are tons of OTC's to get you through the pain of withdrawal. I will find out what those are for you if you need me to. Let me know.
Little H - We haven't met, I'm new here. I'm only 6 days in but please know that it is people like you that give me the strength to know that I can do this! Please don't quit now, in alot of ways, you are a miracle hero! Stay strong!
Struggler.
Struggler.
Little H,
I'm keeping you in my prayers as well, I love ya', hang in there.
Take care......................................God bless........................................Bob
I'm keeping you in my prayers as well, I love ya', hang in there.
Take care......................................God bless........................................Bob
little h,
i'm sorry your feeling blue, everyone is aloud to. we are all human. i am so glad you feel safe enough to post your thoughts and feelings here to us. your a very special person with such awesome strength!! you are almost 8 months thats a miracle in itself!! i know its hard some days and even weeks. but thats what we are here for to listen and cyber hug you and wipe your tears when needed. i am proud to be able to do that for somone as special as you. don't you dare give up on yourself this is just life on life's terms. the good bad and the ugly. one of my freinds told me once. "feelings are good they let you know you are alive" be sure and let those emotions out in a healthy way. you have come sooooooooo far. my prayers are with you i am sending you , peace/strength/comfort/security. this too shall pass. be grateful you are alive to feel and live life on its terms in all its glory, what dont kill us makes us stronger. you deserve to celebrate every minutes of those 8 months of sobriety and then some. you have made it alot farther then it feels i know. none the less dont sell yourself short!! you have done an amazing job. dont stop now. keep your chin up its easier to see heaven that way : )
terrianne
i'm sorry your feeling blue, everyone is aloud to. we are all human. i am so glad you feel safe enough to post your thoughts and feelings here to us. your a very special person with such awesome strength!! you are almost 8 months thats a miracle in itself!! i know its hard some days and even weeks. but thats what we are here for to listen and cyber hug you and wipe your tears when needed. i am proud to be able to do that for somone as special as you. don't you dare give up on yourself this is just life on life's terms. the good bad and the ugly. one of my freinds told me once. "feelings are good they let you know you are alive" be sure and let those emotions out in a healthy way. you have come sooooooooo far. my prayers are with you i am sending you , peace/strength/comfort/security. this too shall pass. be grateful you are alive to feel and live life on its terms in all its glory, what dont kill us makes us stronger. you deserve to celebrate every minutes of those 8 months of sobriety and then some. you have made it alot farther then it feels i know. none the less dont sell yourself short!! you have done an amazing job. dont stop now. keep your chin up its easier to see heaven that way : )
terrianne
Little H hello there I'm new to this forum but so far have met some remarkable people and by reading your post you are one of them. Look how far you have come 7 mo is awesome. I'm very proud of you! It sounds like you have gone through some really hard times and I look up to you for making it through those and also you have made it through clean Great Job Sweetie.
I know in the past when I have been cleanit seemed like everthing in the world happened my hubby and I would fight, grandfather died then my father after 11 years wanted to reunite. I though to myself exspecially then how am I goin gto deal with this without being high especially meeting my father becasue I though hey even if things go wrong I'll be high so it's a win win situation. But what happened was I did relapse met my father thigns went great then I used because inmy own mind if things did go wrong it wouldn't matter you know if we had a falling out in the future then it was well I'll just use till this script is gone and so on and so on. I met my father four months ago and haven't gone a day without since. Sweetie I know what your going through to a extent. I'm so proud of you that you even had the honesty to post your true feelings. Youseem like you have a heart of gold. I guess what I"m tring to say is things will get better. You have come so far and now I"m back in the same boat again with everything going on in life and tring to get off these darn things. So think of it as being clean and tring to stay strong is a way for you to reward yourself for not having to go through a realpse in the future if that makes sense. I'm here for you anytime. So please keep all of us updated. I also think going to talk to a counsler is a WONDERFUL and courageous move on your part that will definately help from what it sounds l admire you and please keep in touch
I know in the past when I have been cleanit seemed like everthing in the world happened my hubby and I would fight, grandfather died then my father after 11 years wanted to reunite. I though to myself exspecially then how am I goin gto deal with this without being high especially meeting my father becasue I though hey even if things go wrong I'll be high so it's a win win situation. But what happened was I did relapse met my father thigns went great then I used because inmy own mind if things did go wrong it wouldn't matter you know if we had a falling out in the future then it was well I'll just use till this script is gone and so on and so on. I met my father four months ago and haven't gone a day without since. Sweetie I know what your going through to a extent. I'm so proud of you that you even had the honesty to post your true feelings. Youseem like you have a heart of gold. I guess what I"m tring to say is things will get better. You have come so far and now I"m back in the same boat again with everything going on in life and tring to get off these darn things. So think of it as being clean and tring to stay strong is a way for you to reward yourself for not having to go through a realpse in the future if that makes sense. I'm here for you anytime. So please keep all of us updated. I also think going to talk to a counsler is a WONDERFUL and courageous move on your part that will definately help from what it sounds l admire you and please keep in touch
Hi little H, sorry life is hitting you so hard. I'll be keeping you in my prayers. I know sometimes it feels like .....why me? I try so hard and still all this happens! It really doesn't feel fair, does it? Well whoever said life wasn't fair sure was telling the truth. Email me sometime and we'll talk. Take care and know I'm thinking of you. Love, Kat
Hi Little H,
I'm so sorry that you have been having such a rough time these past few months. We all know (well, those of us who know you) that you have been through so much and alot of heartache. I am so very proud of you for being so strong and not giving up or "giving in".
I hope that things start looking up soon. We are all here for you to "vent" anytime sweetie, so keep on posting - whatever helps. Your so lucky to have such a wonderful husband, but its still probably hard for him to "completely" udnerstand what you are going through regarding your recovery and all the pain you have suffered recently. Counseling may be just what the dr. ordered for now until youre feeling better. I wish you all the best, sweetie. You take care and be kind to yourself - you sure do deserve it.
Love,
Marie
I'm so sorry that you have been having such a rough time these past few months. We all know (well, those of us who know you) that you have been through so much and alot of heartache. I am so very proud of you for being so strong and not giving up or "giving in".
I hope that things start looking up soon. We are all here for you to "vent" anytime sweetie, so keep on posting - whatever helps. Your so lucky to have such a wonderful husband, but its still probably hard for him to "completely" udnerstand what you are going through regarding your recovery and all the pain you have suffered recently. Counseling may be just what the dr. ordered for now until youre feeling better. I wish you all the best, sweetie. You take care and be kind to yourself - you sure do deserve it.
Love,
Marie
HI"
Good morning to all you dear angels starting from the old timers to the new members you all came to my rescue yesterday and if i could ))))))))HUG((((((( you all personaly i would" i finely was able to sleep last night i think by venting and getting it all out has sure made a big difference thanks to you dear friends i re read your posts over and over yesterday and just by that it helped me to pick my self up and NOT GIVE UP i feel alot better this morning i know i have alot of emotions to relase now so i will go to a conselour but i am just so glad you guys were there for me i think it opened my eyes i think i am going to be ok now like my hubby said its time i think of me for a change i don't know old habits are hard to break lol.. he also said he thinks that was ecactly what i needed to get the kind of support that only i can get from others who have been there and understand the strugels of not giving in when life throws all it can at you he said to tell you all bless you for being there and haveing such big hearts he said i was right you are angels reading your support post even helped him feel better about life, i guess its just been along time comming like my dad said to me you were so busy being there to help us get through our grief you forgot about yours you put it on the back burner to simmer and it finely boiled over i guess that make sense i am going to a conselour monday so again THANK YOU dear friends you are all in my prayers.
LOVE AND HUGS
LITTLE H.
Good morning to all you dear angels starting from the old timers to the new members you all came to my rescue yesterday and if i could ))))))))HUG((((((( you all personaly i would" i finely was able to sleep last night i think by venting and getting it all out has sure made a big difference thanks to you dear friends i re read your posts over and over yesterday and just by that it helped me to pick my self up and NOT GIVE UP i feel alot better this morning i know i have alot of emotions to relase now so i will go to a conselour but i am just so glad you guys were there for me i think it opened my eyes i think i am going to be ok now like my hubby said its time i think of me for a change i don't know old habits are hard to break lol.. he also said he thinks that was ecactly what i needed to get the kind of support that only i can get from others who have been there and understand the strugels of not giving in when life throws all it can at you he said to tell you all bless you for being there and haveing such big hearts he said i was right you are angels reading your support post even helped him feel better about life, i guess its just been along time comming like my dad said to me you were so busy being there to help us get through our grief you forgot about yours you put it on the back burner to simmer and it finely boiled over i guess that make sense i am going to a conselour monday so again THANK YOU dear friends you are all in my prayers.
LOVE AND HUGS
LITTLE H.
Isn't it amazing how one day is hell and you wake up the next morning and realize that, hey, I can do this.....
So glad you're feeling better today, dollface.
Have a great weekend too.
Love
Cowgirl
So glad you're feeling better today, dollface.
Have a great weekend too.
Love
Cowgirl
THANK YOU.
Cowgirl i owe you all so much any time you need me i am here for you dear friend as you have been there for me
LOVE + HUGS
LITTLE H.
Cowgirl i owe you all so much any time you need me i am here for you dear friend as you have been there for me
LOVE + HUGS
LITTLE H.
HI Little H,
Sorry i missed your original post the other day..been busy lately..but anyway glad today is better for you...take care of yourself ..you are soo worth it...
love ya,
gina :)
Sorry i missed your original post the other day..been busy lately..but anyway glad today is better for you...take care of yourself ..you are soo worth it...
love ya,
gina :)
Hi There H,
What I try to think about when lifes struggles get me down now is that fact that I am sober and my brain is coping with all these issues the way it is suppose to, not by self medicating and prolonging all the hurt and anxiety to a future date. I am a firm believer of "what doesnt kill us, makes us stronger." and I think you will come out of all this just plain stronger. If I can, I'll throw in another cliche, time heals all, cliche? Yes. But True? Yes, very much so.
Best Regards,
Tom
What I try to think about when lifes struggles get me down now is that fact that I am sober and my brain is coping with all these issues the way it is suppose to, not by self medicating and prolonging all the hurt and anxiety to a future date. I am a firm believer of "what doesnt kill us, makes us stronger." and I think you will come out of all this just plain stronger. If I can, I'll throw in another cliche, time heals all, cliche? Yes. But True? Yes, very much so.
Best Regards,
Tom
Isn't time an amazing thing, Tom? It does help heal. What we feel today is nothing to what we could feel tomorrow, given the right attitude, support and love.
Cg
Cg
